Issue at my hairdressers

[Bexx24]

sorry this is long’ I’m hoping that there are some hair dressers or similar who can offer me advice on next steps.

im a woman that has autism and ocd. I struggled to go to any hairdresser as a kid/teenager and found one in my 20s that was so lovely, patient and communicative. They left a salon about 3 years ago and their replacement damaged my hair and I lost confidence.

i spent some time visiting salons’ communicating my disability and saying that ultimately I request the same technique each time I have my colour done so I’ll be fairly easy as I wouldn’t have to communicate it each time.

over a year ago my usual hair stylist was doing my hair and dropped a brush on the floor when drying my hair and continued to use it on my hair and this was an ocd trigger. I politely asked if there was another brush as I felt uncomfortable and she was quite blunt and said ‘let me do my job’. I felt this wasn’t usual and she then was very rough with me and wouldn’t talk to me. I got a little teary and then she said that I was the reason why she was late going home that day. I didn’t cause a hold up and it was their booking system booking me in too late in the day for half highlights and root tint.

next time I tried to book with her 5 months later I was told she was on holiday’ so I didn’t book anything. The other day I tried booking again and again was told she was on holiday so I had to book with her manager which I didn’t mind.

the other day I spent £180 on half head highlights and root tint and I always say that I’ll have the usual service so I don’t have to explain what I want. The hair stylist did my hair but I left the salon unhappy as instead of highlights I had mostly lowlights and I had a weird money piece down one side of my hair which looked like a random streak.

I thought after a few washes it would lighten but it didn’t. I called and asked to speak with the manager who did my hair and politely explained the situation. The first thing he said was that he had already let me off the ‘long hair fee’ as the receptionist had not added it to my bill’ this is something I wasn’t aware off and it felt like I was being made to feel guilty. I felt like he didn’t want to discuss the actual issue. I explained that i‘m used to a lift and now my hair is a solid block colour. He wasn’t happy and kept saying that I got what I asked for’ but did say come back and he will look.

i went there today and was super nervous’ what made it worse is that my usual hair stylist who I was told was on holiday was actually there and I felt lied to and embarrassed’ so basically after the last time I was there she had obviously blacklisted me,

When I’m nervous I can stim by picking at my nail. I realise this makes me seem more nervous but I was trying to be confident. Whilst in the chair he just kept repeating that he gave me foils like I asked and I said a few times that I had never asked for low lights but then he kept contradicting himself by saying I didn’t have low lights even though he admitted that this is what the foils were. His argumentative tone plus him rolling his eyes at me picking my nail was really upsetting and I started to well up uncontrollably (however I didn’t burst into tears) despite this he saw my eyes well up and he was like ‘no! Stop that’ I will not continue with you like that’. It was humiliating.

i did end up getting some highlights like i originally wanted and was on my way out of the salon when he stopped me and said to me ‘I won’t be doing your hair anymore’ you’ll have to find a new salon’. I felt this was extreme and blunt and if necessary could have been communicated in a letter or email’

I left the salon completely overwhelmed and was crying walking down the street with wet hair as they only rough dried it.

I feel like this is discrimination with no reasonable adjustments for a client like me’ only judgements and dismissive behaviour. What can I do? I don’t feel this is appropriate.

Nothing. It's shit but find somewhere else. Hugs

Do you have someone who can advocate for you with this salon to get this visit remedied?

I dont think there is anything you can do - they dont have to accept you as a customer if they dont want to.

Time to look for another hairdresser.

I'm sorry you had to deal with this, I stopped using hairdressers along time ago as I was also humiliated in front of a salon full of people. I suggest maybe looking for a salon that can do 'silent appointments' not saying you necessarily need to do that specific appointment but it shows their staff have compassion and understanding, as well as able to make adjustments

This is awful. I am so sorry. I have autism (newly diagnosed aged 57) and I can totally understand everything you have written.
What an ignorant pair of hairdressers!
I think you need to decide what will help you best. Do you need to have a proper right of reply both from a financial but more importantly from a sense of justice perspective?
Or would you feel better getting this into a shape in your head which you can live with, ie they are just dickheads, and taking your custom elsewhere?
It is a hard choice and if you are like me it is something which you will ruminate on for much longer than you want to.
I am happy that I now use a mobile hairdresser and after a few duds have found a really nice one. It is less intimidating than sitting in a salon with shiny surfaces, noise and overhead lights and the hairdresser is focused on just you so it is all over quicker too.

Your first port of call is to raise a complaint with the salon.

Try and find out who the owner is and write a complaint letter or email to them. In normal circumstances, the Manager would deal with complaints, but your complaint is about them! It may be that the Manager also actually owns the salon, so if you still want to complain, it'll have to be to him.

Your post doesn't explain what you'd actually LIKE to do. Do you want an apology, or to keep using them (If so, why would you want to go back to such horrible people?!), or are you still not happy with your hair and would like a refund?

If you can't come to a resolution with the salon, you can refer the issue to an Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR).

https://www.nhbf.co.uk/advice-and-resources/complaints/making-a-complaint/#:~:text=The%20best%20option%20is%20to,as%20possible%20after%20your%20appointment.

If you're considering taking the issue through ADR, have a good think about whether it's worth the hassle. They already attempted to put things right, and your issue appears to mainly be about the rude staff. Mediation, if to rule in your favour, is most likely going to rule that the salon apologise to you. Is all the hassle worth it, just for an apology?!

If it were me, I would leave a scathing review on Google Reviews for the salon, and tell everyone you know how rude they were. And then find another hairdresser.

I trained to be a hairdresser in my teens and worked at several salons. In that time, I never, ever witnessed any hairdresser or Manager treat a customer in the way you're describing. Usually, when a customer complains about their hair, the salon is very keen to put it right and leave on good terms. At the end of the day, they're a business and want people to come back and recommended them to others.

thank you I wish I did, I’m fairly capable most of the time’ so I don’t have anyone that can help me; however I think I might speak to a disability charity to see if there’s something that should be said to the salon as they can’t just exclude clients with disabilities for random reasons

Thank you so much. This is all so helpful. Yes I’ve never been so humiliated like that and ultimately want their treatment of disabled clients to be looked into.

you make some really good points about potentially just receiving an apology and it probably isn’t worth it.

I probably should write a review but worry that they will write a public reply on there that shames me even more.

I’ve only ever experienced this behaviour in this salon. Nowhere else. It’s a pretty high end independent salon too and in a very nice area. It makes me feel sad to be excluded from that for just speaking up about the service I received. I feel I am a polite consciousness person and it’s really knocked my confidence

They do sound very rude and that would stop me from going back but I don't see how they discriminated against you? What reasonable adjustments could be made?

They didn’t give a reason for their decision not to see me again. I can only put it down to me getting tearful which is a response from my anxiety in the environment which wasn’t patient or professional. I feel like they judged me a bit when I said my autism makes it difficult to accept drastic unexpected change and also that my reasonable adjustment was having the same thing every time which is in my notes and when they did something different they didn’t like me saying something about it

I'm sorry that you were humiliated and treated badly. From the way you've described the situation, it really wasn't called for. They sound like horrible people who think they're better than their customers. It's so unprofessional and there's no excuse.

I understand you wanting their treatment of disabled clients looked into. However, if the manager is also the owner, nothing is going to change unfortunately. The only thing you can do is write a review to warn other potential customers.

Set your Google account with a username so that people can't identity you, and leave the review. If they come back with a public reply that shames you, no one will know it's you, so no need to feel ashamed (Not that you've anything to be ashamed about anyway!), and others will see the shaming and be put off using the salon. If they've got any brains, they'll be careful about their public response to you.

There are lots of high end, independent salons around. Don't worry, you'll find another that treats their customers with the care and attention they deserve.

If you know the full name of the hairdresser you loved, maybe try Googling it and track her down to her new salon.

Sorry but they didn’t do anything wrong. A hairdresser or anyone can refuse you service at any time. Maybe you made the first hairdresser uncomfortable by asking about the brush. Then you went a second time and weren’t happy which is your right but maybe as a salon they don’t want the drama and that’s their right too. Go round salons again or maybe ask on social media for recommendations.

@Deebee90 I wouldn’t expect to have my hair styled with a brush that’s been on a floor where people have walked on in outside shoes. If that’s drama god help you.

OP there is absolutely no excuse for their behaviour. You did absolutely nothing wrong, indeed in my eyes you did every you could to mitigate causing them any issues.

Leave a short factual but scathing review as previously advised. In fact, name and shame and we can all leave reviews. They’re not worthy of your business.

Whilst I’m understanding of this’ the hairdresser didn’t have to be so curt with me as they are still in customer service. I’m a really quiet person who finds it difficult to assert myself but was polite and articulated myself well and wasn’t unkind or anything. I think it’s sad that they made someone feel so uncomfortable that they nearly cried and then berating them for nearly crying (I did stop myself) is really unkind.

paying £180 for barely any difference to my hair’ plus not following what I requested and paid for is like buying a faulty product in a way and businesses shouldn’t penalise the customer really (that’s my opinion)

I think you should take your custom elsewhere . That all sounds very upsetting and getting your hair done has meant to be a nice pampering experience not stressful. Put this whole thing behind you and find another hairdresser. Maybe go in or phone to explain your situation and build a bit of a connection before the appointment itself. And I think tomorrow do something nice for yourself to put this all out of your mind. Take care. I'm sure your hair is beautiful ❤️

Have you thought about using a mobile hairdresser who visits you at home? Would that be easier for you? It would normally much cheaper too!

Unfortunately hairdressers seem to be the bitchiest places to work and every time I go in to mine it seems like there’s a huge atmosphere and a fight has just broken out despite there only being three employees 😂 leave a scathing review and look for a mobile hairdresser. I think you’ll be much more comfortable in your own home.

I think the relationship with your hairdresser, beautician etc is such a personal one and you really do need to have a rapport and mutual understanding and trust.

I would say this relationship between you and the stylist/salon itself is now irretrievably damaged- how can you ever trust they will give you the services you want to the standard they should, how can you ever relax and enjoy what should be a pampering self care experience without worrying they are rolling their eyes behind your back, complaining about you when mixing your colour etc? Why would you want to continue giving them your hardearned money when they have now said clearly they don’t want you as a customer and can obviously not (or can’t be bothered to attempt to) provide an inclusive, supportive, respectful environment to make you feel more at ease as their customer.

If there are any Facebook local groups you could join, try posting for recommendations- I would second considering a mobile hairdresser as at least you’re in your home, a familiar and comfortable place where you should feel more confident to express exactly what you want without becoming anxious or emotional.

Personally, I wouldn’t take any further action re the salon other than to make it known to all your friends, any coworkers etc the awful experience you had and how you would never recommend anyone frequent that business.

To be completely honest I do see both sides to this.

You are a difficult client with your requests, for example desiring the same thing every time but refusing to say what that thing is and asking them to read notes. You can naturally get variation between colour applications particularly as it involves highlights. Ultimately between your appointments, hair dressers see numerous clients so they realistically aren’t going to remember your first ever consultation to mind-read exactly what you want. It’s human nature unfortunately, just the same way you can’t help how you respond.

I think the kindest thing for both sides is a consultation before each colour appointment just to ensure you both have clarity and understanding. Unless your colour is something straightforward like black dye everywhere, there can be variations between appointments. Giving them a refresher would only help them achieve what you want more consistently.

Thank you I should have been clearer. When I first went to the salon I had memorised what I had been having done with my previous stylist for over 6 years. My new stylist was really nice and said that she would put this on my notes and whenever I called to make an appointment I could just ask the receptionist to book the same thing as last time via my notes. This is really helpful to me as I have a stammer sometimes and I explained I didn’t want to book the wrong thing. So this is the explanation there.

it was really a tool for the receptionist so that they were booking the correct thing each time without me stumbling and getting anything wrong.

I swear to god, going to a new hairdressers is worse than going to the dentist. I really need a good solid lop off but I can't bring myself to book anything.

If you can, find a mobile hair dresser. So much better and usually cheaper.

I don't think any good will come from trying to stick with this salon. Maybe speak to a social worker who may know of salons that may be more welcoming and patient.

You've had bad experiences so its definitely not you it's them

It's quite hard to find a decent hairdresser especially if you want hilights

I stopped having hi lights a few years ago and I use a box dye which fortunately suits me so I just stick to doing my own roots. My hair looks very natural so I'm told

I have straight hair so it's easy to get DD to cut it at home. She's been trimming it since she was 12 and I trim her hair too

I think the last time she went to a hairdresser she hated it so here we are

When you go to a new hairdresser write down what it is you want done to show them if you can't verbalise it

Also show a photo if you can from when you liked the cut a few years ago

These people really aren't very nice

Don't go back there

My DM has a mobile hairdresser who visits her at home. I used to have one too and got upset when she had to stop due to a new baby because he was too distracting when she came so she had to stop.