Issue at my hairdressers

[Bexx24]

sorry this is long’ I’m hoping that there are some hair dressers or similar who can offer me advice on next steps.

im a woman that has autism and ocd. I struggled to go to any hairdresser as a kid/teenager and found one in my 20s that was so lovely, patient and communicative. They left a salon about 3 years ago and their replacement damaged my hair and I lost confidence.

i spent some time visiting salons’ communicating my disability and saying that ultimately I request the same technique each time I have my colour done so I’ll be fairly easy as I wouldn’t have to communicate it each time.

over a year ago my usual hair stylist was doing my hair and dropped a brush on the floor when drying my hair and continued to use it on my hair and this was an ocd trigger. I politely asked if there was another brush as I felt uncomfortable and she was quite blunt and said ‘let me do my job’. I felt this wasn’t usual and she then was very rough with me and wouldn’t talk to me. I got a little teary and then she said that I was the reason why she was late going home that day. I didn’t cause a hold up and it was their booking system booking me in too late in the day for half highlights and root tint.

next time I tried to book with her 5 months later I was told she was on holiday’ so I didn’t book anything. The other day I tried booking again and again was told she was on holiday so I had to book with her manager which I didn’t mind.

the other day I spent £180 on half head highlights and root tint and I always say that I’ll have the usual service so I don’t have to explain what I want. The hair stylist did my hair but I left the salon unhappy as instead of highlights I had mostly lowlights and I had a weird money piece down one side of my hair which looked like a random streak.

I thought after a few washes it would lighten but it didn’t. I called and asked to speak with the manager who did my hair and politely explained the situation. The first thing he said was that he had already let me off the ‘long hair fee’ as the receptionist had not added it to my bill’ this is something I wasn’t aware off and it felt like I was being made to feel guilty. I felt like he didn’t want to discuss the actual issue. I explained that i‘m used to a lift and now my hair is a solid block colour. He wasn’t happy and kept saying that I got what I asked for’ but did say come back and he will look.

i went there today and was super nervous’ what made it worse is that my usual hair stylist who I was told was on holiday was actually there and I felt lied to and embarrassed’ so basically after the last time I was there she had obviously blacklisted me,

When I’m nervous I can stim by picking at my nail. I realise this makes me seem more nervous but I was trying to be confident. Whilst in the chair he just kept repeating that he gave me foils like I asked and I said a few times that I had never asked for low lights but then he kept contradicting himself by saying I didn’t have low lights even though he admitted that this is what the foils were. His argumentative tone plus him rolling his eyes at me picking my nail was really upsetting and I started to well up uncontrollably (however I didn’t burst into tears) despite this he saw my eyes well up and he was like ‘no! Stop that’ I will not continue with you like that’. It was humiliating.

i did end up getting some highlights like i originally wanted and was on my way out of the salon when he stopped me and said to me ‘I won’t be doing your hair anymore’ you’ll have to find a new salon’. I felt this was extreme and blunt and if necessary could have been communicated in a letter or email’

I left the salon completely overwhelmed and was crying walking down the street with wet hair as they only rough dried it.

I feel like this is discrimination with no reasonable adjustments for a client like me’ only judgements and dismissive behaviour. What can I do? I don’t feel this is appropriate.

They are trying to run their salon at what is a very difficult time for businesses and it doesn’t sound as though they did anything wrong. I am sure we have had occasions when our hair styling has not gone as we thought it would. Maybe find a hairdresser who comes to your home or do it yourself.

it sounds like a horrible experience so please complain, but I doubt you will get anywhere

They don’t have to give you a reason not to provide a service to you, and they don’t have to make reasonable adjustments, they are not your employer

Honestly, complain and move on and find someone who is more friendly and accommodating

It sounds like they are exasperated with you OP, maybe it's too much effort for them to accommodate your original requirements plus the emotional reactions from the last visit. Basically it's not worth their time to pussyfoot around you when the expectation is that you would never be fully happy with their service.
Clearly the usual hairdresser wants nothing to do with you, hence the repeated away on holiday response and the other person wasn't capable of handling and dealing with your emotive display.
Having a bad hair cut or colour does happen to a lot of people, this is not the issue here. It happens and sometimes salons do make the necessary corrections.
This salon is not for you, don't give your money to them and don't put yourself through further stress unnecessarily.
The good news is that you are fully aware of what you want and what need from a visit to a hair salon. I'd suggest you try a few others until you find one that can accommodate your requirements. You may even find a hairdresser with a similar personality which would be the absolute ideal situation!
This has been a very bad experience for you OP and they haven't shown much sensitivity or care. I wouldn't bother complaining because nothing will come of it other than wasting your time and energy. And do you really want to keep them in your world whilst going through a complaint process? Forget them.

I'm sorry but I'm with the salon on this one.

The previous stylist doesn't have to have you back if she doesn't want to. She tried to save your feelings, as you're clearly an emotional person, by being unavailable but you kept persisting and booked with someone else.

You saw this new stylist and didn't communicate what you wanted and just asked for "the usual". Then you left them to do what they were doing, knowing it wasn't what you wanted and paid and left, again without communicating anything. They are not mind readers.

Days later you complain about it. They have you back to fix it and you are clearly upset and uncomfortable.

I don't understand why you think it's discrimination for them to decide that you aren't a good fit for that salon and should go elsewhere in the future? It's pretty obvious that's what needs to happen in a situation like this and it has absolutely nothing to do with your disabilities.

When you find someone you like, you need to ask them to write exactly what they did, then being that note back with you each time if you can’t bear to say it out loud at each appointment.

However, you need to bear in mind your scalp is a living thing that changes and that impacts your hair. You aren’t guaranteed an identical result each and every time.

Can you find out where your original stylist went? Often salons don't like to tell you but they might in this case as clearly you need someone accommodating. Or she might be on social media if you know her name.

Agree with the poster above - could you ask on local Facebook groups to see where your old stylist is now based, if you can’t find her by googling? Might be a good solution ☺️

@Bexx24

...also that my reasonable adjustment was having the same thing every time which is in my notes and when they did something different they didn’t like me saying something about it

Wanting the same thing every time is just part of being a customer and most people would be upset if they asked for one thing and got another. It sounds like they treated you appallingly and if they're that type of person, your complaint won't change them. (Well it sounds like a couple of members of staff were horrible). Just put it down to a bad experience and don't go back. Some people are dicks.

I'm sorry you had such bad experiences. Hair salons are difficult places - so many mirrors. I go twice a year at most and don't colour because I find the whole thing too much.

However, I think the key to making things work in future is communication....When I really read your post and tried to imagine what it was like for your hairdresser, I think you're maybe expecting or assuming too much from them. For instance, if you say "the usual" you're assuming they have reading ability, attention span etc. to go through the notes on file. Human reality - they might be dyslexic, tired etc. etc Also, what your previous hairdresser recorded might be interpreted a bit differently by the hairdresser you're actually seeing on the day.

"Long hair fee" as a bargaining point after the fact is complete bull s**t. There, I totally agree with you.

You're asking for communication by letter/email from the hair salon, and it also sounds as though your future hairdresser might benefit from having clear instructions in writing and images from you, if spoken communication is too much to deal with.

I hope this helps you go a little easier and find some workarounds

you sound bloody hard work

I agree although I’m sad that I’ve been valid in my responses. Getting low lights instead of highlights is a pretty big error in my opinion and as I’ve been going for years and never had an issue with the way my hair was done it just feels like a weird thing.

Sounds like pretty poor customer service from them - don’t give them any more of your money! Hairdressers should be happy to make sure you understand what you’re asking for/getting. I also find that some salons near me can be quite patronising to women who aren’t visibly really well-groomed or groomed in the way they expect clients to be. I’ve stuck with a salon near my family (nearly 3 hours from me), as the staff are lovely and down to earth, and happy to talk me through anything - “can you talk me through colour slowly, as if I know nothing, please?” Etc.

Do you know anyone in your area who could recommend a hairdresser? If not, I would ask on local Facebook if anyone can recommend a salon which is accommodating to people who struggle with the hairdressers, and try somewhere new, or try a mobile hairdresser if you can get a recommendation.

Don’t let these people make you feel bad - you’re worth more than that. And you’re not the only person who struggles with the hairdressers!

I have never just called and said ‘the usual’. I’ve never done that. I’ve always had a consultation each time which was no different this time.

all salons I’ve known keep a record on their system, this has been useful for me when booking so they can block out the appropriate length of time. I’ve always gone in beforehand anyway to either have a patch test or consultation.

I had pictures from last time. I had agreed when I was asked ‘are you happy with the colour/highlights from last time’

i think I communicated well and I’m a fairly easy customer and never ask for anything different or drastic.

Honestly, it sounds like they don't want you as a customer. They don't understand your needs and aren't willing to make adjustments. You've advocated well for yourself, but they are ignorant and don't take criticism well. I know it's hard but look for a new salon, find recommendations online and start with a simple cut. You may need to try a few, all you need is to find the right person who is kind. I've tried a few places for my daughter and eventually found the right person for her. Sadly with live in a world we're inclusivity is often sacrificed for an easy life.

I’ve no advice apart from to echo all the rest and say maybe try and find someone who can maybe come to your house.

As for the people saying they didn’t do anything wrong; I’m not sure I agree. It seems like they’re refusing to work with you because of the accommodations you need due to your disabilities, which are a protected characteristic. Imagine them saying they wouldn’t work with you because you were gay, for example.

They don't have to give you a reason. Any business can decline a customer for any reason. I think you need to stop thinking about this and move on. Find a nice new hairdresser and don't give the shit one a moment's thought more.

It sounds like mis communication to me. Just move on.