Turning 50 and making peace with how I've changed since I was 40

[hippospot]

I'm having a sort-out of my wardrobe and there are many many things that I've had for 10+ years but no longer wear.

Although I'm still slim (BMI 22) I need to accept (do I?) that I'm 2-3kg heavier than 10 years ago and that's ok. I'm not sure I could maintain that lower weight without being utterly miserable and hungry. It's as if my body's "set point" has shifted. Anyone else? It just seems harder and harder to stay the same weight and quite frankly I think I'd be better off accepting it than fighting it!

So there are clothes that are just a bit tight and no longer comfortable / flattering. But it seems such a shame to accept I'm a size bigger and have to replace things in a bigger size that are still in great condition.

Then there are my legs: covered in spider veins and psoriasis (which appeared 4 years ago), and so my summer wardrobe of knee-length dresses is gathering dust and I wonder if I should just charity shop the whole lot. Seeing them hanging there makes me sad! I bought loose trousers and maxi skirts and dresses last year and tried to reconcile myself to not showing my legs again in summer (except for sport / beach).

Anyone else had to rethink their wardrobe? Any tips?

You’re talking to me! I’ll be 50 soon as well.

I have so many gorgeous clothes in my wardrobe that I just have to let go of… Same problems, I lost weight after my mid-forties baby but yeah, I was starving, I’m back up a size now.

However, even when they fit again I just didn’t wear those clothes anymore, now I’m a mum. Lovely dresses just aren’t a big part of my life now (especially size 8-10 ones!). I have loads of them!

Ditto nice shoes, handbags etc… I prefer a more pared back aesthetic now. I used to love bright colours & pattern but it all looks a bit tragic on me now. I think I need to charity shop at least 50%

I’d also like the change up my hair & make-up. Everything must go!

Whether or not you accept your body as it is now, that's not the 1st step. Your sort out is a great start. If you set aside anything that doesn't fit, isn't in good condition, isn't comfortable, that you don't like the look of on you, that you don't feel great wearing, etc., then you'll be able to see much more clearly what you want to be wearing now. I did a wardrobe rethink early pandemic, at a similar age to you, and honestly I think I'm much better turned out now, and I'm certainly happier!

I'm always rethinking mine. I think if you get into the habit of questioning whether something still fits, or suits, or reflects you, then its natural to want to replace bits as you go.
It's OK to be a different person than you were 10 years ago. In fact, it's natural.

I'd start woth getting rid of things that no longer fit, and that no longer make you feel amazing. Then start with a capsule wardrobe that you can add to as you can.

See it as a positive x

I think I've given up on getting down to my previous weight too, also lost my waist somewhere over the years!😁
Having said that make sure you are doing the usual things (healthy diet, enough sleep, regular exercise, low alcohol) and if you still can't lose weight then maybe it's not meant to be!

My legs are horrible too but TBH it's less of an issue then I thought it might be. I can wear loads of my dresses with tights (for really cold weather I layer with thermals and long sleeved tops too).
I wear maxi dresses and skirts when it's really hot but I live in the UK so realistically it's maybe 4mths of the year maximum so short dresses and tights work for most of the year.

dudsville, yes I think I’d be a lot better dressed if I could just get to the stuff that works in my wardrobe & discard the rest.

I used to look good in certain clothes, but that’s changed now.

Seems a shame not to feel the sun on your legs for the sake of some spider veins.

Same here OP, today I bit the bullet and bagged the lot up and gave it to the charity shop, it’s been a long time coming but unless I literally starve myself I won’t fit in to them and to be honest looking at them just made me feel a failure, I’m 57 I just can’t maintain a size 8 anymore I’m a size bigger now and just have to accept it, the clear out felt quite cathartic.

I'm 47 and definitely getting 'stouter' and yes, my 'natural' weight has changed. I've resisted diets historically but the last 2 or 3 years (and starting again soon) I do a bit of 5:2 dieting to try to lose a stone to half as stone so it doesn't go up as much and put strain on a leg joint I have an issue with. (And also so I don't have to buy too many new clothes). I don't feel capable of feeling as 'cute' as I could before sometimes, but I accept it is what it is. There's no reason for me to look young, or 'hot' and my DH still seems to find me very attractive.

I'm fairly ruthless and honest about giving away stuff that just isn't going to fit me anymore.

Have started looking more my age as well in last few years after always looking significantly younger, but as I said, I'm not sure why any woman needs to look young unless she's a model or actress or something.

Echobelly, exactly what you said. I could look “cute” when I lost weight before, but now I’m perimenopausal… It’s not a just a question of my body but my whole vibe has changed.

I think if you haven't touched an item for 2 years (even one year) then unless it's a very warm coat or an evening gown or something which would understandably only come out once in a blue moon - bag it up and let someone else have it.

A couple of years ago i went through my wardrobe and put everything in one of four piles :
1 wear it all the time and it is ok
2 wear it all the time but it's looking knackered/frankly boring
3 like it but forget its there
4 not touched it for 2 years (because too small/too big/just not me)

i put all of no.4 in a black sack, did it up and took it straight downstairs out of eye shot. (After a couple of days it was a struggle to remember what was even in there!)

no.2 was painful to do but i bagged most of that up as well. In my case nearly the whole pile was black stuff. Leggings and cardis and old black vests ect. The dreaded bobbly but comfy.

My wardrobe was now half empty already and i could see the repetitive boringness of my buying habits!

The next day i went through no1 again and got rid of duplicates and things which really were looking old but i hadn't admitted it the day before.

The remainder of 1 went back in and when mixed with no3 pile it was as if i suddenly had a new wardrobe! Also i could clearly see what i was in the habit of buying over and over and made a mental note to stop it!

I really recommend doing this.

Me as well. I'm heading into retirement soon, but am still drawn to clothing that is more going-out casual rather than every day casual.

I have a lot of sharp jackets, boots with heels, and a few dresses that see the light only on vacation. My everyday wardrobe is more jeans, flat boots or trainers, light cotton or merino cardigan with a t-shirt.

The closet has a lot of things that could go to charity, but I hang on to them because they still fit and look good, even though they hardly are worn.

It's actually the psoriosis which is really unsightly - large dark red blotches covering about 25% of my skin.

I used to be a 6 only 10 years ago. Now I am a 12. Sigh.

@Laiste I hang everything i wear at the front of my wardrobe, then periodically go through it. If I've not worn the stuff at the 'end' I work out why. Sometimes it doesn't fit, or I've forgotten about it. If I've forgotten it but still like it, it goes to the front and I make myself wear it. Of its at the back and I no longer like it, or it doesn't fit, it goes. I don't have many clothes, but I nearly always have a charity pile on the go.

I've always had ugly legs. I mainly wear longer dresses in summer, but I don't see why you can't wear the shorter ones with thin flesh-coloured tights if you don't want to? They may not be very fashionable, but can look OK.

As for weight, 2-3kg isn't that much to lose. I would think it depends where you are with menopause on whether you'll be able to lose them again.

I'm a couple of years younger and peri-menopausal, but haven't given up on getting back down to a size I like.

If we are completely honest though, the "meaning" of being very slim changes anyway as we age. There is an age where slim can start to look frail and brittle, and a few extra pounds prevents that. Not as many pounds as I have gained alas .

Yes totally with you. I'm 41, I'm still a healthy BMI but definitely a size bigger than my 20s and 30s. I started going through my wardrobe last week. It feels liberating. I like comfort now as I also suffer with IBS. So loose floaty fabrics are my best friend 🙂 love maxi skirts, or skirts to the knee, MOM jeans, leggings. Fashion was the main thing growing up whether you felt comfortable or not. Now comfortable us my thing as I feel happier ☺️

Psoriasis is new to me as well, only started a couple of years ago… I’m blaming peri! I already have pale, blotchy, patchy skin. Also, I can’t be arsed fake tanning unless I have too…

I had great legs up until my mid-forties & often wore mini skirts, mini dresses. I can still do them with tights in winter. But a lot of them look too “young”. Clear-out happening today!

A very timely post OP. I briefly looked inside my wardrobe first thing this morning and had an overwhelming urge to chuck about 75% of it away and focus on what’s still ok for me at 58 (and buy some carefully-chosen new stuff too). That was before I’d even read this thread!

Totally with you all on the weight gain. I’m about 4-5 lbs heavier than I feel I should be. It’s not shifting but I lack the will power to take proper action. Probably still look slim to the outside observer but I feel “lumpy” for want of a better word. Plus “I can still get into this but it’s not particularly comfortable” is a rather depressing feeling!

Hang on!
Before you put everything on Vinted or take to the charity shop, are you just giving in to weight gain and skin conditions?
I'm 59 , well 60 soon. I honestly feel sick at that but I digress.
I put loads of weight on around 50, my waist and tummy expanded. I still love food.
However I went back to weight training, which I loved in my 20s and 30s. My whole body composition has changed. I can get into my favourite dresses which were taunting me in my wardrobe.
I am wearing a dress from when I was 45 and adored but had grown too fat for. Last night I wore an old favourite jumpsuit that I got for my sons 18th, he is 28 this year.
I have tackled all my skin problems head on by seeing specialist and feel better for it.
I now do strength training 4 times a week plus 2 or 3 reformer pilates. I absolutely do not starve myself anymore ( i know its a buzz word at the mo, but protein is key) I'm not looking fantastic yet, but I'm not so bad!!
So yes,I did have a re think of my wardrobe and decided it was worth keeping.

notacooldad, that’s amazing! I had sort of given up but went on a health kick, and I feel much better. More of the same this year! You’ve encouraged me now, I’m gonna keep the things that I think will look good once I’m fitter. Not younger…

Gowlett
I had low mood for a few years, and did nothing. I looked a wreck.

The last 12 months I have turned it around and have spent quite a bit on myself. I do look different and it's helped me to do more activities, socialise again etc.
The biggest change is through the exercise and because I see a change there I want to eat well to carry on.

I hope you stay motivated and enjoy the process.

I’m at least a stone heavier at 52 than I was at 40. I can’t get my head around how slim I used to be. I’m slim still but my body simply won’t let me weigh 8 stone something anymore.

Overall, I think I’m ageing pretty well. Some of that’s down to Botox and having my teeth whitened. Nothings fallen off a cliff yet and I can still pass the boob pencil test 😂

I’m still slim in my early sixties, I am very active, lots of yoga and I’m a dog walker, so that all helps. I don’t eat any more than I did a decade ago, but I’m about a stone heavier, blame it on the menopause!
I’ve just done a wardrobe sort out, and have bags of stuff ready for the charity shop.
couldn’t see the wood for the trees before! I’d say 20% what’s left is practical warm wear for walking dogs this time of year, 20% is smart casual for going out, 5% formal and the rest is day wear. I like boho style and prefer long skirts and dresses to trousers. Natural fibres, wool for the winter and cotton for summer. I have lots of scarves and shawls too. I’d estimate that I’ve bagged up half of what I originally had. I feel much better for having a good sort out.

@hippospot oh that’s hard. I have really awful fat rugby player legs the kind that people you walk past stare at. One year after sweating in leggings my whole life I just thought fuck it. It was kind of liberating 😂