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Original poster

Guilt over upgrading engagement ring

44 replies

TheDotMatriX · 08/12/2024 09:41

Im thinking about adjusting my original engagement ring to add more diamonds but im feeling quite guilty about it. Currently I have a small round solitaire diamond, it’s pretty and I love it but it’s always felt quite small. We were young and money was scarce at when we bought it. It’s been 15 years now, and I have some inheritance and I’d like to spend a bit on boosting the ring.
i really want to keep the original stone, so am thinking of a marquise diamond centrally, the original round stone on one side and matching this on the other side… so two new stones to make a triplet.
I know that people (family, particularly mil) will notice and I worry about how I will explain this to her without coming across… I’m not even sure of the word.. but I guess ungrateful for the ring that DH chose, like it wasn’t good enough. Am I wrong to want to upgrade it?

Guilt over upgrading engagement ring
OP posts:
Makelikeatreeandleaf · 08/12/2024 09:44

I am a sentimental sort, so for me it's a no, it would take the meaning from the original ring.

WalterdelaMare · 08/12/2024 09:46

I know a few who have either replaced or upgraded their original engagement rings. I don’t think it’s an unusual thing to do.

TheFlis · 08/12/2024 09:47

I agre with the previous poster, I would never change my engagement ring. If you want a different more blingy ring, buy that and wear it on the other hand.

Garcws · 08/12/2024 09:49

Not a chance. Making another stone the centrepiece is even worse. Sorry Op but ask for an eternity ring instead maybe but having cheap and cheerful engagement rings is part of the journey of life.

Pinkissmart · 08/12/2024 09:49

I’ve never been able to understand that whole ‘bigger is better’ thing, so may be the wrong person to comment but…
Is this something your husband is on board with?
Would an anniversary ring with more diamonds tick that box for you?

GetItInYerBag · 08/12/2024 09:50

I'd just buy a second ring. If I'd spent time saving for a sentimental piece of jewellery for DP and he upgraded it I'd be hurt.

Spagettifunctional · 08/12/2024 09:51

I have a really big eternity ring but I wouldn’t alter the engagement ring op

Cyclingmummy1 · 08/12/2024 09:53

Just do it. You're probably over thinking it. My eternity ring has worn quite thin so I've swapped it for another ring until I can get it remade. No one has noticed. Or at least, no one has commented.

If you do think changing the original ring will be an issue for people, could you have an additional ring made to complement it? Like a stacking set? The ring I've swapped to is another solitaire, different gemstone, it doesn't fit perfectly together but I like the look of it.

Marblesbackagain · 08/12/2024 09:53

Why not design a ring or rings that sit either side, giving the effect but leave the authentic ring?

There is nothing wrong with your idea but, You are asking the question so you must have concerns.

DarkAndTwisties · 08/12/2024 09:55

I know this isn't totally logical, but for me, changing the main stone is a more significant change. I would either keep the main stone and just add two identical ones either side (or add two coloured gemstones like sapphires). Or get another ring to wear as well.

As I said - there's no real logic behind me thinking that's a better change to make.

Bachboo · 08/12/2024 09:56

Why not spend the money on something that really matters whatever that may be. . Will a bigger diamond change your life? Are you wanting people to notice some bling on your finger?

YaWeeFurryBastard · 08/12/2024 09:57

Hmmm it’s a tricky one. I’m lucky enough to have an amazing 2ct engagement ring so I totally get the want for a large sparkler! Have you spoke to your DH about it? Seems a bit odd to me to spend your inheritance on it as part of the reason I love my ring is it was a gift chosen and paid for by my husband.

Hohofortherobbers · 08/12/2024 09:57

Changing the original seems more hassle. Just buy the new ring and have both

Londontown12 · 08/12/2024 10:19

I upgraded mine !
tastes change we got engaged young and not much money !
so for 25th wedding anniversary I got a beautiful trilogy emerald and diamonds 💎
And my daughter now wears my original ring she loves it !
Don’t overthink it do what YOU want ❤️ xx

AllTangledUpInTinselAndTiaras · 08/12/2024 10:21

I have a great excuse for upgrading mine - my engagement ring no longer fits!

I wouldn't change the original - it's a sentimental piece and IMO it should remain unchanged. I'd buy another.

kiraric · 08/12/2024 10:26

There is no rule that says you have to wear only one ring with a stone or that you always have to wear the same rings.

I always wear my wedding ring. I like my engagement ring but I don't wear it all the time, I also bought myself a couple of other rings that I wear instead or as well as my engagement ring, on the other hand.

So in short - if I were you, I would keep your original engagement ring, but also buy yourself another ring if you want one. Wear it on the other hand or sometimes wear one and sometimes wear the other

HellonHeels · 08/12/2024 10:27

My mum remodelled her engagement ring, but only after divorce.

I'd spend that money on a different ring. You can find lovely vintage or antique sparkly rings, I'd look for something like that.

HoppityBun · 08/12/2024 10:28

Get - ask for- an eternity ring. That will represent how you both (this is about you both? - your marriage?) are now

Original poster
TheDotMatriX · 08/12/2024 10:31

Yes I think you’re all right, it doesn’t feel right to change it. I’ll think of another way and leave it as it. Thank you

OP posts:
User820825 · 08/12/2024 10:31

I also have a small solitaire diamond engagement ring. I love it because that's what dh could afford twenty five years ago. It reminds me of that time.

I also like it because the smallness means I can wear it all of the time. I've never taken it off in fact.

I think using an inheritance is almost making the ring not your engagement ring. Someone else's money is upgrading or rather than your dh's. In reality you are saying it's not good enough.

It's your ring though. You should do whatever you want. I definitely wouldn't worry about your MIL or anything like that because it's not hers.

pictoosh · 08/12/2024 10:33

We're all different...we have different taste, priorities and motivation. It's not for me, or indeed any of us, to tell you where to put your money or what your heart desires.
Personally I'm not arsed for bling. To me this would be a waste of good money that could be put to use for something far more interesting or rewarding. Diamonds? Meh.

A previous poster has pointed out that for many a cheap and cheerful engagement ring is par for the course and part of a couple's history.
I think I agree with that. How you feel is entirely up to you.

Polyethyl · 08/12/2024 10:34

My ex-sil did this. The modest ring my brother gave her wasn't good enough. So she got herself a bling ring. We, the in-laws, did notice and silently disapprove. Which was symptomatic of the marriage. When she left my brother she also left his ring behind.

Peridot1 · 08/12/2024 10:35

I’ve redone mine twice!

First change went for same style and had a new ring made with new diamonds - we were living in Asia where it was very reasonable to do. So I bought three new diamonds - one slightly bigger to go in the middle. Each new diamond was for something specific. So it still felt sentimental. More so than the original to be honest which was bought in a hurry from Ratners!

Second change was for our 25th wedding anniversary and I had the ring reset into platinum rather than the gold it was and added small diamonds either side from some earrings I had. I also got a platinum and diamond eternity ring made from small diamonds from another ring. I love my rings now finally. And quite like that they were recycled. The original three diamonds I had set into a necklace but I’m planning on changing that soon as it’s gold and I don’t wear gold anymore.

Differentstarts · 08/12/2024 10:46

I know people who have done it but I personally couldn't you would be better getting an eternity ring or something to wear with it

mitogoshigg · 08/12/2024 10:51

I would buy a separate eternity rings rather than change it