Guilt over upgrading engagement ring

[TheDotMatriX]

Im thinking about adjusting my original engagement ring to add more diamonds but im feeling quite guilty about it. Currently I have a small round solitaire diamond, it’s pretty and I love it but it’s always felt quite small. We were young and money was scarce at when we bought it. It’s been 15 years now, and I have some inheritance and I’d like to spend a bit on boosting the ring.
i really want to keep the original stone, so am thinking of a marquise diamond centrally, the original round stone on one side and matching this on the other side… so two new stones to make a triplet.
I know that people (family, particularly mil) will notice and I worry about how I will explain this to her without coming across… I’m not even sure of the word.. but I guess ungrateful for the ring that DH chose, like it wasn’t good enough. Am I wrong to want to upgrade it?

To be fair, most people do give the ring back when breaking off an engagement, but I think the reaction of your family is what OP was trying to gauge

I’d choose or have another ring made rather than permanently alter an engagement ring. I think it’s lovely that it represents who you were and what you had as a couple all those years ago. A colleague had her engagement ring reworked and honestly, I did (silently) think it was a bit tasteless and focussed on “look how big and expensive my diamonds are.”

My ring isn’t something I would necessarily have chosen for myself (it was DH’s grandmother’s) but it’s perfect because it’s the best and most precious thing DH thought he could give to me and it also shows the level of love and trust his family have for me in wanting me to have it. When I get around to it, I’ll possibly buy something more like what I would have chosen and wear it on my other hand, but I’d never change this one.

I would get a different ring but that’s because I have sentiment attached to my engagement ring.

I have never changed or upgraded my 35 year old ring. It would feel wrong, as it's the ring I actually got engaged with. (And I still like it!). If you want to treat yourself, OP, just buy a nice ring to wear on your other hand.

I’ve got a small solitaire engagement ring. It was what DH could afford at the time. I am a very high earner and all of my colleagues have massive sparklers - some have even commented on how small my ring is - which I think is incredibly tasteless and rude.

I would never change my ring. I would like an eternity ring some day, probably for a significant anniversary (we’ve been married for 8 years so maybe 10?), and if we can afford then I’d probably get something bigger. It’s only jewellery though - there’s every chance I’ll decide to get some new windows or go on holiday with the money instead!

They didn't break off an engagement though - they were married.

It's not the usual practice to give back rings at the end of a marriage (although it does happen).

She clearly was dismissive and unappreciative of it right from the beginning and that carried on throughout.

It's fine. Just tell your MIL etc that your taste has changed in 15 years. Quite normal

My most treasured piece of jewellery is what was much less than half a week in 1977 take home pay's worth of Argos 9ct gold necklace with a heart, bought for me by my then boyfriend, now DH. Wear it lots, sadly the chain fell to pieces and I didn't notice till after the heart had fallen to the ground and been trampled - luckily found it albeit very scratched and the bits the chain fastened to totally flattened. Spent over £200 on a new chain and repairs recently, but it is still essentially the same necklace, looks exactly the same now as then. Yes it's cheap, and you could buy the same sort of thing for perhaps £100-150, but to me I wanted it to be the same one, not a replacement. I wouldn't want to alter its shape or add gems or anything, as to me it just wouldn't be the same.
I would suggest buy a ring you would like to wear with all the big diamonds you want, but don't ever change your engagement ring as it won't be the same. Once you've changed it, you won't get your familiar ring back.

@TheDotMatriX why not just buy another ring, given that the purchases, ie your dh might ask for it back if you ever split up!

My mother remodelled her engagement ring after their 15th anniversary, she added a diamond to a stoneless ring. I.dont wear my engagement ring any more (fat fingers) and I have my mothers remade ring after my parents divorce. I occasionally think about having them made into a new ring, but for now they both sit in my jewellery box looking at me.

We did exactly this for our fifteenth anniversary, OP. For some reason when I had DC my hands swelled up two ring sizes, so I had my rings resized. The white gold engagement ring had worn quite thin at the back as a result so we had the diamond reset in platinum and added two more diamonds to the original solitaire to make a trilogy.

It's metal and carbon. DH and I know exactly what our marriage means to us, and if we were apt to be sentimental (we're not) we both have our wedding rings.

It's YOUR ring, that you wear every day, and you can do precisely as you like! Nothing to do with MiL, Mumsnet or anyone else.

I’ve been pondering this too - my rings are lovely, but are in platinum when I now only really wear gold and rose gold. I’ve been thinking about having the stone reset in gold or having an alternative ring made. I am very sentimental in nature though, so I don’t think I will go through with it.

My engagement ring has been upgraded twice. Each time as our financial situation improved and both times my husband's decision, obviously in discussion with me!😀

Ex sister in law sounds well shot of you.

Absolutely this

My engagement ring is lovely but DH caught me eyeing up some really lovely ones in London, so he suggested an upgrade (it’s been 20 years) 🥰 I’m all for it, I’m having my original made into a pendant which I will wear everyday. Couldn’t give two shits what anyone else thinks, it’s your ring, do what you want.

Isn’t part of the charm of a piece of jewellery like an engagement ring its history? I remember looking at my Mums and Grandmother’s rings. They were not in the current fashion and that marked them out as having age, of being a piece of jewellery that had been worn for a long time and that was what special about them.

A newly purchased piece of jewellery just won’t have the same meaning.

I know several people who have upgraded their engagement rings by adding stones or upsizing stones. The rings retain the same style but are bigger, obviously. A close friend replaced her engagement ring with a completely different, and much nicer style. Nobody gives a damn....you do you!!!

I'd buy a new ring and wear it as an 'engagement' ring but keep the original.