Style Handbook for the Recently Slim

[MountKilimounjaro]

As a woman in her forties that has recently lost a significant amount of weight I've realised that I suddenly have the choice of where to shop and what to wear. And it's actually quite daunting!

I've spent most of my adult life choosing clothes purely because they're in my size and hide what needs to be hidden. And now that I suddenly have the freedom of choice I realise I don't know what my style is!

I thought it might be nice to start a thread for people in a similar situation and if any of the super stylish people that frequent the Style & Beauty threads want to share their wisdom I'd be eternally grateful.

Does anyone have any good tips on how to find your style? And what does that even mean?? After years of hiding it's all a bit daunting.

I vaguely recall reading an article on choosing three words that sum up your look/how you want to be perceived. Once you have these words the vast majority of the clothes you buy need to fit that brief.

Some things I've discovered so far:

It's still ok to wear black! It can be a choice rather than a way to hide. I find mixing up textures, adding a belt and wearing gold jewellery elevates it into a more considered outfit.

Monochrome looks stylish. You don't have to be matchy matchy but similar tones of the same colour can make an outfit look put together.

Quality matters. But understanding what constitutes good quality seems to be hugely confusing.

Please feel free to share your thoughts, ideas or experiences.

Oh and one final small plea, you'll guess from my user name how I lost weight. It's been a long tough journey, it's not a quick fix. I did contemplate changing my name but I'm hoping others that have been on a similar journey find this thread. Hopefully this can be a safe non judgemental place.

I'm so glad this is a useful thread for others too, it's nice to know I'm not alone in my confusion.

I honestly thought that when I lost weight everything would be easy and I could wear whatever I wanted....I didn't realise I didn't know what I wanted!

@henlake7 like you I definitely had a 'fat uniform' which meant I never had to think about what my style was.

A big thank you to the Style & Beauty regulars for your kindness and brilliant insights.

@winnieanddaisy good luck on your journey and thank you for your words of support.

I'm off to re-read this thread a few times, digest everything and see what rabbit holes I can go down on Insta/Pintrest/Youtube. I'll report back if I get any bright ideas!

I'm surprised at how much fun this all is.

Personal Styling Service at John Lewis.

Not really style advice but since a PP mentioned winter and with news of incoming colder weather, it triggered memories for me of my first winter post weight loss that was a shock to my system. I really struggled with the cold in a way I never had before (it's since improved, thankfully, apparently it is just a thing with recent weight loss). I basically lived in a very heavy duvet coat and thermals, knee high wool socks are great to have too.

What a brilliant thread! I am only at the start of my Mounjaro journey - but 22lbs down and my jeans are already getting to the unwearable stage.
I’m mid-50s now and the last time I lost weight was just before I turned 40 when I lost 4 stone. A lot of things were different then - fashion, my budget, my lifestyle etc. The most exciting thing was buying my work Christmas night out outfit from Top Shop!
I am so excited to be able to go shopping wherever I like and find things that fit. However I do want to be more considered about what I buy and invest in quality rather than quantity. That does mean being patient and not rushing to buy anything until I get to goal.
I’m spending time window shopping online and developing an idea of the look I’d like to develop. I quite often just go into the search option on Instagram and find new accounts to follow from the suggestions it brings up.
I’m also investing in other things whilst I wait to buy clothes. I’ve bought some good skincare, new (expensive) straighteners, even new bedding - this change is going to be about taking care of my whole self, not just my weight.

I'd second The Curated Closet and not just for those who have lost weight. I find it really useful in focusing my needs.

I’ve lost two stone by daily yoga (hours of it lol), still have a couple more to go but am starting to enjoy clothes again…this is a lovely thread thanks @MountKilimounjaro
My tuppence worth - any sagging skin is supported by good underwear even after weight loss…I found a girdle-type of knickers actually helps a lot re my back as supports overhang and makes a huge difference when wearing more fitted/tucked in tops. Also - have a think about what area of your body you individually actually like, it may not be the typical areas - I love being able to show my back more now I’m slimmer for example.

My style now I’m reaching 50 is very much natural fabrics and softness, I also never thought you’d get me out of jeans but I love soft, deep cuffed yoga pants.
I’m liking Hush for thoughtfully designed clothes.

Belts! As well as tucking in you need belts. I use the plural as I started off with one but quickly realised I needed more for different outfits.
Start people watching. What are other people wearing? How are they putting it together? Which bits of their outfits do you like?
Spend a bit of time on different websites browsing the "new in" section. I have found that more helpful than just looking at dresses or trousers as you get to see all sorts.
Try different styles of jeans. It might surprise you what is flattering. I thought barrel leg jeans would look ridiculous but they don't well, they probably do but other people are wearing them too
Think back to the days when you were thinner before. What did you like wear in then? Would that still suit your lifestyle now? (The answer for me was not really as it was pre-children when I worked in an office rather than from home and lived in a city rather than semi-rurally).
Experiment! But realise that sometimes what you thought you'd look like in an outfit and what you do look like could be very different. Being thinner doesn't solve everything! That was me yesterday. I had to change quickly before we went out (whilst muttering about not being 2 inches taller which I think would have made all of the difference).
Update your shoes. I was amazed at how wearing some adidas, veja and cowboy boots makes me feel like one of the crowd in a good way rather than a sheep like way. My feet were too wide fat for many of them to be an option until recently.

Well done to all the losers on this thread😂 I lost over 14 stone a couple of years ago via surgery and like you have found the clothes aspect quite difficult, although I’m pretty much there now.

I have some “rules” for myself, which are very arbitrary but work for me…despite leopard print being everywhere this season I won’t wear it because of a size 28/30 leopard print dress I used to live in because it “fitted”…I very rarely wear prints because they just remind me of what I used to be stuck with…I only wear leggings to walk the dog, and only own 1 pair.
I love more fitted and “smart” clothes, and for the first time in 30 years actually enjoy shopping!!

My style has been in transition even before the weight loss. I’ve been slightly bored of my neutrals and have been seeking out more colour. I’d like to be one of those people that pattern clashes and looks a bit quirky but I’m not a natural at it. I went to the theatre last night and I wore a dark red dress with a clashing scarlet coat and my friends were very complimentary. I’ve always gravitated towards the Scandi brands like Cos & Arket but I want to find other brands. A lot of offerings on the High street don’t grab me so we’ll see. I think at the core I like mannish tailoring so I will continue with that with some quirky accessories maybe in the first instance.

NB - a couple of years ago I was on a plus size thread here which was a really fun, supportive group. Every Saturday we took one item of clothing and styled it 3 ways ( in an attempt to find more ways to wear what we already owned). I think it’s a useful thought when looking at new purchases or trying to work with a modest wardrobe.

Hello! Another loser here. I’m four stone down. At first I was just paralysed by choice. I’ve gradually started to explore through charity shops and Vinted after first making the mistake of going to shops and spending a fortune on the wrong things simply because they fit.

I’ve struggled with knowing what to wear as last time I was even vaguely this size was 30 years ago and I’m now a lot older. I have (I think this is a thread to say this!) cracking legs but am I now too old to wear a short skirt and boots? I’ve decided not because it’s fun. I want to wear the sort of interesting colourful clothes I’ve been scared to wear for so many years but do have that fear of people thinking I’m mutton dressed as lamb buzzing away at the back of my head. And I also enjoy finally being able to pull off an element of elegant minimalist lines too, just to confuse things.

I’d also say I’m having lots of fun with nice make up and am planning to get my hair cut shorter. I feel liberated to express myself so much more now.

Well it seems like I am getting married at short notice so I need a dress. Casual 2nd wedding for both of us so not a full on gown.
I have lost 9 stone in total but that was over the last 10 years. I regained some which I have now lost with MJ.
I may go for a figure hugging dress for the first time in my life.

Congratulations @MrsNessaSmithy !! How wonderful.

@Wonkypictureframe there is no such thing as 'too old to wear'.

I think the big thing I'm learning right now is that as long as you put an outfit together in a considered way then you can do pretty much anything. Time to show off those cracking legs!

@AlwaysReadyForABlether your approach of looking after your whole self not just your weight is perfect.

The topic of good underwear is coming up a lot. I can highly recommend this slip from M&S. It gives you a really good silhouette and smooth lines under clothes without squeezing you like shapewear does. Weirdly despite being a slip it works really well under trousers.

https://www.marksandspencer.com/secret-slimming-medium-control-full-slip/p/clp60100013?intid=mobileappppdpshare

What a great idea for a thread. I am 20kg lighter than I was in March & have managed to replace my wardrobe quite easily.

First, I really liked all my clothes. I was a 16-18. I put them on vinted and literally purchased the same dresses but in a 12 not an 18. I did similar with jeans. I’ve found with vinted that if I know exactly what I want (mint velvet jeans black 12) it’s a few mins of a job to buy them.

I have been really determined not to spend £££ on clothes as the MJ was costly. Looking at my account online, I spent £300ish on vinted but sold £800ish of clothes. I also shop a lot in charity shops.

Underwear is a must - I invested in one black bra and one skin tone one. A new pack of knickers (Boux Avenue high waist giant seamless, slim over wrinkly skin better than marks), and a slip. It helps even out the lumps and bumps.

I have always read the blog ‘midlife chic’ and although she is a few yrs older than me her eye is great and I find her (Nicky’s) tips so useful. Layer texture. Balance out a ‘rough’ bottom - jeans, boots, with a softer top - silk blouse, fine chain necklace etc. She has dozens of useful posts.

Good luck everyone!

A quick summary of some of the basics:

Make sure your underwear fits and is supportive, you need a good base and a clean silhouette.

Tuck tuck tuck!!! Tucking tops in is not to be feared.

Belts are your friends.

Adding a bit of volume or structure can elevate an outfit. As can mixing textures.

Switching out shoes can be used to change the whole mood of an outfit

@AgathaMystery great to see another fan of the slip. They're the forgotten heroes of the underwear drawer.

I've yet to venture into the world of Vinted but I think now is the time. Mainly to sell some of the beautiful unworn outfits that I've been religiously holding onto in case I ever lost weight...and now that they fit I realise they are not my style at all.

Vinted is really easy I find. My tips would be to take very clear pictures and to be very honest about the condition. I only sell my best stuff because I can’t be bothered listing something for £5. I’m quite old school and provide measurements which a lot of people don’t. I also price for a quick sale so most of my items don’t sit around. ( some do I have “occasion” dresses for sale which haven’t sold). I’ve made £500 selling and I’ve never had a dispute with anyone thankfully.

oh yes belts!! Belts are the heroes of weight loss. I don’t know how I survived for so long with just one.

I realise as well that my pp reads like I’d never worn a bra before! That’s not what I meant - I just meant I have only purchased 2 smaller bras whilst I wait for my weight. If that makes sense.

Thank you for starting this thread, OP, and to everyone else who has contributed - it is just what I need. I am at the start of my Mounjaro journey and have lost just one stone, but it is really noticeable and I am now fitting into tops I haven't worn for years. I have a long way to go though, and I don't want to be spending too much money on things I know will be too large for me by springtime.

For me, finding my new style is largely going to be about valuing myself, which I know I haven't done for several years now. I have worked hard, I am a fairly high earner, but I haven't treated myself with sufficient respect - and that is largely due to being overweight. I went shopping with my daughter last week and bought her a £90 pair of jeans because she took a fancy to them. Have I ever spent £90 on a pair of jeans for myself? No......no I haven't. Ditto nice handbags, jewellery etc etc. That is going to be changing.

At the moment, I am buying second hand clothes in smaller sizes, but another stone or so lighter, I shall be buying new, good quality clothes and I am so, so excited at the prospect. I know what I like and I think I have an idea about what might suit me, as was slim when I was younger. But I am in my 60s now - so who knows. But I am at a now or never point of my life, and I'm going to be spending some of the kids' inheritance.

What I am doing now is buying good quality skin care products on the basis that I need to feel good in my own skin before I put any clothes on - and I stick to a morning and evening routine. It does make a difference.

For body shaping, I have this in white, black and beige - Joyshaper Women Control Vest Shaping Tank Tops Shapewear Slimming Camisole Body Shaper Tummy Control Cami with Built-in Bra : Amazon.co.uk: Fashion. It is quite long and I feel it works very well.

Coming back to say that I second the JL personal stylist recommendation. I had one back in Feb before I started losing weight. The woman was at least 20 years younger than me, no more than a size 6 - 8 with quite a quirky outfit on. I confess that my heart sank as I presumed things must be so easy for her that she wouldn't understand what I was looking for. She was so good at her job! She was the one who convinced me to start tucking in even though I was obese. She also taught me various tricks about sleeve length and how to fold or tweak them to get that look (there's more to it than just pushing them up from the wrist!). She made me try things which were outside my comfort zone but still met the "disguise" brief. The experience emphasised how messed up sizing is - I started off in a 16 of most things but ended up with two dresses from the same brand which on first try on didn't fit but bought the 18 in one of them as she showed me how to do things with a belt and a 12 in the other. Finally, the brilliant thing is that it is John Lewis. There is no minimum spend. I bought quite a lot at the time but ended up taking some of it back a fortnight later having realised I was never going to wear them and then went back and bought something I'd dismissed a month or so later.

Lots of votes for belts and tucking it seems!
Im trying to develop a love of belts/tuck but I started with a big tummy and so have been left with kinda a double apron of loose skin. So do I flop my skin fold over the belt or under it!?😂

The loose skin is one of those things that I think is probably more noticeable to me then others. Im now a size 8/10 and at 5'5 I know logically thats brilliant (fat me would refer to it as child sized!!LOL) but there is still that little voice that says you look chubby.🙄
Sometimes I put together an outfit and think 'what would I think of a stranger in this?'. If Id love it on a stranger then I know to ignore my brain!

What I don't recommend is shopping with a friend, unless the friend can be trusted.

A friend will day a dress is pretty even if it doesn't suit you or isn't a good fit.

I have a reliable friend, who will get the colours right and a sibling who'll get the 'does it suit my body shape' bit, but otherwise I avoid shopping with others. I'd end up with expensive mistakes.

The personal stylist will do the get the colours right and 'does it suit my body shape' bit, they'll know what's in stock, and they'll pick things you wouldn't have thought of.

Well done.

I've just hit my 100lb loss and am now 10st and don't know what to do with myself so reading with interest

@Kitchenwoe that's an amazing success, well done. Hope you enjoy rediscovering your style.

I spent today sorting clothes into piles for recycling and selling. I pretty much have nothing left, I want to keep so little of my old ways.

I've also ordered the Allison Bornstein book Wear it Well from Amazon. Her three word method has really resonated with me so thought I'd give it a go.

amzn.eu/d/cFXri4j

I'm following with interest as, although I am still on my weight loss way with further to go, I've now lost 3st and am starting to find some of my stuff too big. Problem for me is that I gained weight after having my DCs (now all in their 30s) so have never been slim as a proper grown-up and now I am post-menopausal my shape is different. It's disappointing that my waist appears to have got up and gone along with much of my get up and go so I still feel barrel shaped if I try to belt or tuck anything
I think I may think about the John Lewis Personal Shopper after Christmas...