Les Parisiennes des Mamansnet: It's French charm, you know, beheaded people, red wine and blood all over the place - it's romantic, it's normal.

[botemp]

Lovers of Parisian style and fashion with a conscious mindset and lots of chatter in between.

Previous Thread

@Styleislost I don’t think I can add anything else as* the wise words of Bo and Flo* cover it all.
The Fold has excellent clothes, I only own a couple that I got from a sample sale but they are trusted blazer that I wear all the time for work and a special blouse when I want to feel secure at a meeting. So going to them is excellent advice.

Of course John Lewis also has that stylist service and might be good for more basic items, less spendy. Not the most groundbreaking advice but I heard good things about them.

Congratulations on your job. And you taking the time to reflect how you want to present yourself and feel comfortable is a massive step.

oh! I had forgotten about that french dressing rules video , I will look at it this weekend.

In the days when I was in a corporate environment, I never found it that hard to get work clothes, as there is a sort of uniform, as exemplified by the Fold: it was non-work, non-jeans that was tricky.

I remember a colleague saying about going on a course that she had no idea what to take as out of work she wore only jeans or cocktail dresses. Not my lifestyle but I knew what she meant.

Yes, I think in a more traditional corporate environment it's easier in a way as you're working within a somewhat narrow parameter of known archetypes that allows you take the emotional aspect out of it to a point. Obviously you need to be comfortable with what you're wearing but the baseline is more that it makes you feel competent and less the need to be your 'best authentic self'.

True.
That is probably why my pet hate is dress down Fridays. Hate them.
I don’t truly dress like my most authentic self nor truly dress down.
nowadays less of an issue as rarely go to the office of Fridays though.

Thank you all so much. I have had a look at the fold. Their clothes look amazing.

I think you are right. I need to come up with a work uniform as such. Find the style I like and feel comfortable in and then do variations on the theme.

I do struggle outside work. But to be honest I am not a point where I go out much. Have never found a pair of jeans I like. But am fed up wearing just joggers and a jumper when I wfh and jeggings with a jumper when I do go somewhere. I am taking the kids out to lunch today and it will be those jeggings and a jumper then back into joggers when I get home. I felt like I could tackle work wear and that would help me find what works outside work.

Maybe jeans just aren't for you @Styleislost ?

Why not start with your default day-to-day outfit? If it's joggers and jumper you could upgrade the joggers so you'd feel happy wearing them out to lunch? I don't wear them much so can't advise too well on brands but I'm I'm thinking of somewhere like Me and Em, maybe Hush (quality can be really poor but they look nice).And then try them with other kinds of tops.

I dunno Flo, obviously can't speak for someone else but if joggers are the thing associated with feeling blah I'm not sure a nicer version is going to be much of a game changer. I think it might be worth looking at something else instead that offers that easy dressing that doesn't depend on how bloated or not you feel that day and can just slip on without much thought and can be worn to most places.

For me that's a knitted dress, just add some boots (which can direct you to dressing up or down) and you're dressed. Add in a nice tailored coat that coordinates with it and then you're on to a real winner. They're great for working from home too. You just need to avoid the knit dress pitfalls of flappy splits and heavy cuffs for hems. That Jigsaw one Papyro found a while back was a good one.

Have to agree with bo. A knitted dress with boots and a coat is a very easy one and done solution for comfort. Putting a good slip underneath will save you washing it all the time, and helps avoid bagging and sagging. Jigsaw had another one in an olive colour but similar style, and my emails this morning tell me there's a 25% sale.

This "typewriter" cotton dress is a really easy wear. It's quite a heavy poplin, hangs well. Can be dressed up with a waistcoat or a short boxy jacket.

Colenimo dress
Colenimo dress 2

I see what you're all saying. I don't think of dresses as easy because I prefer pieces you can mix up more, plus spill a drink (which I do all the time) down your dress and that's your whole outfit gone. But it's a fair point about making a complete break from old habits. That pink Colenimo dress is a lovely colour.

Yeah, but I'm working on the assumption that the whole appeal of the capsule wardrobe type content is not because people want endless choices to play with, it's the opposite, that choice overwhelms and paralyses.

It's also where the whole thing falls a bit flat for me, if your interest/end goal is style then no matter how much creativity flourishes under constraint, a minimal streamlined wardrobe just isn't likely to deliver anything like that. It'll deliver a look, and it'll likely sit in that passive aggressive space of 'perfectly nice'.

If you just want efficiency from your wardrobe and not to stand out for the wrong reasons it's quite a good formula but if you're aiming for more than that it feels like a bit of an expensive detour in getting there. And at this point the high quality aspect puzzles me, legitimate high quality usually translates to pain in the ass to look after, so unless you're happy to outsource that to dry cleaners on the weekly, it makes more sense to go for hard wearing items that can take the high wear and frequent washings which tends to translate to <shock horror> some amount of synthetics.

Everyone raises good points. If I am honest when I say higher quality. I mean higher quality than the stuff I currently buy. Which is often off TikTok shop and doesn’t last more than a season. I don’t want to approach each season with a mad rush of ordering bits and then just wearing them because I don’t have anything else.

Right now, I am happy to start at basic and perfectly nice then add a a few bits in per season. One of my issues is I don’t want to go higher end, then it turns out it just expensive. Not good quality.

I have looked at my wardrobe today. I realised that the trousers I like most are tapered ankle grazers. And the tops that I like are shirts/blouses. So I will start with those and see ways I can make the outfits looked more finished or a bit higher end. The trousers aren’t ideal at this time of year tbh. So I need to find and alternative. I have ordered a knitted dress from next and am going to wear that when I wfh next week and try it with belts, jewellery etc. See what I can get to.

I did used to have style. I was always complimented on how I dress. But after my husband having a mental health crisis which ended with him disappearing and living off grid and not allowed near me or the kids (after previously being entirely normal and lovely), the pandemic, my mum dying and putting on loads of weight and losing it, and being a decade older. I just don’t feel like those clothes don’t suit me.

But I don’t want to dominate the thread. Thank you everyone. It’s really helped. I will keep popping back in lurking on all your lovely finds. Thank you again.

Styleislost, personally I think the way to find the thread is to start with the item you reach for every day, and buy a better version of it, until you have whatever IT is in black, white, navy and grey. That's my colour palette. You might be rust, olive, cream. Then if you started with tops (easy and cheap, Uniqlo for my money) you begin to build a top to toe monochrome look, and then, you play with colour accents. Everyone here knows I'm nearly 70 and live in the rural SW, and I have a large dog, so I have waterproofs and wellies, but quite carefully chosen waterproofs and wellies. I would be the very last person claiming to be stylish, but I stay warm and dry. I don't go to many fancy parties or weddings now so I've handed over the clothes that fill that niche to my DS, but I can borrow them back, although he's taller and slimmer and looks better in them than me.

And every now and again. there will be something that shifts the cogs. Those are the items that I splurge on, but they don't always pay off as hoped. I bought the most beautiful black coat knowing there would be funerals, and now everyone wants you to wear colour! It's been out of the wardrobe a handful of times in five years.

I came to say that tailored trousers sometimes can be a good option as you can wear them with a blouse, loose shirt or a t-shirt if you want it dress down or a fitted top.
And you style mentioned ankle grazers tapered at the ankle. I have to admit I think in the right material they work well with boots, and I like too when a bit of sock shows.

@Styleislost

Bloody hell, it sounds like you have had a rough ride.

I used to love style and fashion, and had enormous fun with it over the years.

A few children in a short period of time, a few moves, school fees, death, and some very expensive cellulite have all combined to banish my mojo.

But I LOVE this thread. I hoard up pages and then pop in. I am so inspired by Botemp, Floisme, RedandBlue, everyone.

In a short ish period of time (18 - 24 months) I will be in a place where mojo is required, and I am stupidly excited for it.
😁

All of that to say, you are where I hope to be. Good luck with finding your next phase of style. I will looking out for you!

@Styleislost that sounds really tough, I think losing your sense of self and style in all that is perfectly understandable.@andIsaid I really lost my style mojo with young dcs too. That casual but practical/functional was hard at first. Now I'm no longer a carer to dd2 I'm now the opposite and can start to wear some less functional clothes more often.

@Styleislost it sounds like you've lived several lifetimes worth of difficult times. Don't worry about dominating the thread, we are really just like a bunch of wine wankers who can riff endlessly on things that may seem trivial to others but we enjoy discussing.

I think why I picked a bit at the scab of the concept of 'quality' is because it's very open to subjective interpretation (and the one I hold personally wouldn't be of use to most people) but when it's coupled with the question you posed initially, I often think it's just a way of saying you wish to express care for oneself but not quite sure how. There's nothing wrong with that but I think your instincts are correct of being wary of just equating that wish for care with spending money for money's sake, as it likely isn't going to address that emotional need, especially when it comes up lacking.

But I'd also warn for the opposite of indulging an underlying feeling that you're not worth spending on. There's a healthy middle in there somewhere and it's probably going to take a bit to find out what it is for you. I think for women especially, this whole notion of 'letting oneself go' is very demoralising. You've had to prioritise other things and that's nothing to feel ashamed about. There's very much this idea that for women to be perceived as productive members of society that there's this mold of being put together in a variety of situations and it just isn't true. Your resilience through all these tough times show that, so don't let yourself feel shamed for not doing it while being perfectly styled out.

This is why I love this thread.
And sounds like we have an another potential recruit to chat about trivial stuff 😉welcome andIsaid (if you posted before, forget my forgetfulness).

God this sounds so cliche but all your lovely posts have made me have a little cry. It’s been a difficult decade but I got through it.

And the balance of not spending for spending sake and also acknowledging I am worth spending on really hit home. Feels like a long time since I even thought about being worth spending on.

This morning I emptied my wardrobe of all the tat that I keep ‘just in case’ and never wear and just complicate getting dressed. I have ordered a few bits. Just M&S and Next. I have my outfit planned for tomorrow. A new jumper with a white vest top that should peep out to add some layering. A pair of my tapered ankle grazers that are a little on the long side with some boots. And I have planned Tuesday outfit.

Both outfits even have a bit of colour in them, which is different for me.

I got out some jewellery that I think will finish the outfits off.

I also got myself some more PJs, just at Asda. I tend to sleep in old trackies and a sports bra. But I have spent sometime making my evenings the time that I do things for myself (have a walk, skincare etc) and made my bedroom just how I want it. So going to bed feels a bit elevated and cozy.

I can’t thank you all enough. You have really helped. Helped me feel better about focusing on myself and unpacking what I actually want and am aiming for. I am so glad I found this thread.

I think @botemp has put it really well, having to prioritise other things and then the balance between being worth spending money on and spending for spending's sake. Also, quality and cost are not necessarily the same thing.

Beautifully expressed @botemp .

Nail meets head.

I have posted before @Redandblue11 and actually, took your word of advice on a few things. 😁

@quirkychick - thank you. I love your name and the images it draws for me!

Ahh @Styleislost you sound pretty young but pretty lost. You've had some good advice. @botemp is kind and correct.

I would always say, you cannot take any style advice until you actually like yourself.

Because any way you dress until you really like yourself is just going to be apologetic.

You're just going to be saying sorry to the world.

I'd like to say the World needs to say sorry to you.

But does it fuck.

It owes you nothing.

The fact that the World owes me nothing, makes me smile.

It makes me free.

Eleutheria!

@doublec my husband's mother died from cancer at 34, I know 34 was very hard for him. His Dad at 50. Again 50, hard.

Me? I've got two extant parents and can tell you that no tits is brilliant, no tits makes one's clothes hang best.

So that's something.

That's the same age as my father's sister. It's no age at all. So sorry for his loss, losing parents young is hard.

But yes, for me, the huge silver lining is how beautifully clothes now hang and that I can wear things, especially certain necklines without fear of attracting unwanted attention. It's been so liberating.

@Styleislost its good to hear you've found useful help here. While I don't like the idea of making someone cry, it sounds like it was cathartic for you. I've seen you mention jewellery a few times now, maybe it's an idea to look there first for something special for yourself? Make a day of it with your DC if they're old enough, ice skating, hot chocolate after and a browse of some sparkly things where they help you pick something out for yourself and you'll have something to remind you of good times together?

Tatare, I suspect it's more than just liking yourself, it's probably closer to being egotistical without becoming a complete jackass (although there's plenty of very stylish jackasses, unfortunately). There's a reason the teenage years are so foundational to establishing style, tends to be when we do most of our navel gazing with little if any responsibility for others.

Funnily enough after my troubling times I came out with an attitude of I'm owed the fucking world after all of that, and probably did revert back to some strong teenage emotions. It was right for the moment though, liberating in its own way.