Has anyone "embraced the grey" successfully?

[CaptainOliviaBenson]

I've been dyeing my hair since I was 12. My roots have been fully grey/white since I was in my late twenties. I'm now 46 and the state of my hair after 30 years of (mostly) home dyeing, perms, treatments and heat styling is absolutely awful!

Ever since I had my youngest nearly 18 years ago my hair has been thinning mostly on top. (It used to be really thick and curly). It's that thin on top now that I have to wear it up in a ponytail when I leave the house to cover my baldy patches.

My hair is currently dark brown (natural colour was dark blonde) and my grey roots are coming through so quickly that I'm dyeing them every 2 weeks! I feel like I'm making the condition of my hair so much worse because I'm dyeing it so frequently.

My little sister (41) embraced her grey 6 months ago and it looks fantastic! Although the transition was a lot easier for her as she'd been dyeing her hair light blonde for over a decade so you can't really tell until you get quite close because her hair still looks blonde.

Do I stop dyeing my hair and just let the grey come through? I did try once before around 2 years ago where I didn't dye my roots for around 3 months and it looked bloody awful! 😬 I just don't suit light coloured hair at all! My other dilemma is it's my stepdaughter's wedding in 3 months and I'm (technically) mother of the bride and sitting at the top table. I don't want to look an awful old hag! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Well I gave up dyeing it years ago because it never looked right. I'm naturally very dark. So my hair is now streaks of white and different shades of grey. I think the secret is to have a decent cut, in order to avoid the hag look, although some people can look awesome with long grey hair. Did you watch The Tourist season two? The actress playing his mother has long white/grey hair and had a sassy attitude - she looked amazing. The other option is to go for e.g pale pink.

I think you need a short term solution - so that you look nice at the wedding and a longer term solution.

I think the really dark colour is a problem - i wonder why you think your natural colour looks bad. It’s contributing to your problem .

You need to commit to a short style ( will make the bald patches less noticeable) and lighter colour.

Go and see a hairdresser for advice..

I have blond highlights and have just reached the stage that the strands of silver look similar to the highlights. I haven't been to the hairdresser in a year! ( Bought one of those tools that cuts off your split ends.

I agree with PP that you need the advice of a good hairdresser. Book a consultation and tell them that you want to look good for the wedding and then work towards allowing your hair to go grey naturally. Get advice from more than one hairdresser, then go with the one whose ideas you like best.

You will probably have to embrace having a shorter style for a while to bring your hair back into condition.

I had chemo 3 years ago and didn't bother dying my hair when it grew back. I do sometimes feel strange - at 51 I don't see many women my age also embracing the grey, especially at the school pick up - but my hair is in great condition and I love not having to dye it or spend a fortune at the hairdressers every 5 weeks.

I’m currently moving from permanent darkest brown to semi permanent darkest red. The red fades a little over three weeks and the root line is just slightly less stark. Semi permanent dark browns weren’t semi permanent at all, in my experience. I’m hoping that as the semi permanent takes over, I can then move lighter if i fancy it. Currently I’ve got a bit of a reverse ombré going on, but I’ve actually got a few compliments, so I don’t think it’s completely horrible (it is a bit odd, but I don’t totally mind it). My hair condition is improving. I couldn’t go super short as my hair is also a bit thin and I worry it would be far more noticeable on short hair.

I’d probably wait until after the wedding to make a big change to be honest.

I'm 51 and have been fully grey for about 3 years. I was dark brown but I started dyeing lighter once it became obvious that it was more grey than brown, and the upside of lockdown was that I just stopped dyeing. I did use a toner for a while to help blend but now I just use shampoo for grey hair to stop any brassiness.

I decided to go for it a few months ago. I was using a semi-permanent red which ended up being mostly permanent.

I've worked with the hairdresser and we've been doing pink highlights (to blend the red) and brown highlights. It's working really well.

I think I might continue with the highlights - we're doing them every 8-9 weeks and you don't get the regrowth so badly (I'm not fully white, more salt and pepper but with big chunks of white) and the pink highlights near my face where it's fully white fade as they grow out and break up the white.

My hair is only chin length and it's taken about 5 months so far, probably another 2-3 to go before the red is out (I guess for you the red is the equivalent of your brown). Could you look at brown lowlights to blend the regrowth line, and be low maintenance?

I grew out grey roots to some extent during lockdown, then when I couldn't bear it any more, had a few lowlights on the roots put in to break up the grey, so that the demarcation line wasn't so obvious. And regular cuts helped. I also tried to encourage fading of the very dark dye , Head n Shoulders is good for that.
I think in your position I would brave it out and don't dye it all until a few weeks before the wedding, at which point see a hairdresser who knows what they are doing. Not all do ..I had consultations with 3 different ones until one suggested lowlights. The alternative is fade as much as possible, cut as much as possible, and then ask if they can do a temporary dark blonde.
Don't try to do it yourself if you want look nice for the wedding, there's every chance you'll make it patchy. It's a job for a professional.
Also, you could go for a big cut now, so that you are used to it by the time of the wedding.

That sounds lovely, any chance you could post a photo?

I've just had my hair cut short in the hope that I can start from scratch with it and it's condition. I'm planning to leave it short until all the dye has been trimmed away, see how I feel about the grey and then decide whether to dye it again and grow it again or stick with it shorter.

I stopped dying mine at 46 :) Mine was coloured a mid brown, but most of the grey was at the front so the roots showed quickly, and my hair was so dry.

I stuck it out for 5 months then got my hair cut into a bob, and trimmed til the colour was all gone.

It's now salt and pepper... parting and front has white, then grey streaks throughout the rest, dark underneath. It is SO much healthier now . I grew it nearly to my waist during the lockdowns, then had a mad moment, had a pixie cut of regret last August and am now growing it back. I can't see myself ever dying it again... a good cut and good condition hair looks and feels better than coloured hair in bad condition IMO!

In your position I'd see a hairdresser to make it look great for the wedding, then go for it!

I'm 58 and took the plunge 2 years ago, and grew out my light blond dyed hair, however the natural grey hair looked flat and made me look washed out so I recently had some highlights, that's lifted the colour and looks much better and will blend naturally when it starts to grow out.

I'm 45, and had naturally dark brown hair. I started going grey at 21, and had caramel highlights for years, which covered it well enough. At about 32, I had so much grey that I had to have an all-over colour. Over the years I went from my natural colour to a much lighter brown, as that helped with regrowth.

About a year ago, I just decided I'd had enough of it. Like you, my hair is thin and getting thinner, and I didn't think dying the hell out of it every four weeks was helping at all. I had my hairdresser dye it the colour she thought it was - very grey at the front, and somewhat darker at the back. That way, I did it all in one go, and, although you could see it grow out, it was much less obvious than if I'd kept it brown.

Most people have been really positive, some have said it ages me. It does, a bit, I think, as most people in their mid 40s aren't as grey as me. However, I do feel like once the shock has passed people don't really care. And I get lots more compliments on my figure now, because the contrast between my very aging hair, and my still quite youthful physique is very marked now. People probably think my body looks quite good for someone in their late 50s. 🤣

It has saved me a lot of time and money at Boots/the hairdresser too.

All of this.

I took the plunge during covid, when no-one could get to a hairdresser anyway.

Grew out the colour and haven't looked back. I like the grey.

I think it's only possible really if you're mostly - or all grey. It would be quite hard to 'embrace the grey' if you're only half or a third grey. Many women dye it mousy, brown, or blonde, because they only have strips and streaks of grey.

If you have full grey roots but are dying it brown when you're naturally dark blond, it's very unlikely the colour will suit your skin tone. You're going to have to be brave and go grey. It will look fabulous- it's getting there that's the hard bit.

There are several Instagrammers who have gone grey and documented it to give you ideas.

Personally I'd probably strip as much colour as you can, then have highlights before letting the grey grow out. You'll probably have to suffer a few months of blorange, but personally I think it's the easiest transition.

https://www.instagram.com/embracingmygray_2021?igsh=MXIwYW9qazNscnBzMw==]]

Have a look at this IG account.

Thant should be: embracingmygrey_2021

I don't this that link worked, sorry!

I did in my early to mid '40s and completely grew my grey out but then after a while I felt it made me look really old and I went back to dying it which I still do. When I look back on photos of me then I do think I made myself look unnecessarily old and to be honest I'm just going to keep dying it until I am much older like probably in my 70s before I grow my grey out again.

This was my experience. I had a mixture of dark and grey hair. I think it looks fantastic when people are completely properly silver, but based on my mum that isn't going to happen until I'm in my '70s. So until then I'm carrying on with the highlights.

Keep on doing what you are doing until the wedding.

After the wedding, make a new plan for your hair.

I've only got such awful photos (I have a natural skill to take rubbish photos of myself!) but you might get an idea here......

Pics are at the hairdresser before the first session, and then 2 from later that evening after

And one from yesterday, which is about 4 months into the growing out process

(that last photo from yesterday, I hadn't styled it or anything- just let it air dry so it's a bit of a mess - I think it looks better when it's styled and in real life!)

No. I have that annoying thing where I’m completely grey at the temples but have very little anywhere else. I’ve been trying to embrace it for the last few months, but I think I need to admit that it’s not good and start getting those bits painted in again.