Funeral attire

[brainsbrains]

I need a black attire for a funeral

I want to be classy, stylish & dress to the nines yet simple.

Help pls
Where can I get such outfit pls

Silk/satin midi skirt - cashmere sweater - jewellery & a chic wool coat - kitten heels.

Black knee length or longer dress ideally not sleeveless, and a black coat that is at least as long as the dress, alternatively a blazer style jacket that is hip length or shorter, tights, closed toe black shoes, black clutch.

Stick to natural fabrics, stay away from nylon and plastic.

Ditch the fascinator, or you're veering into fancy dress.

Whose funeral is it and why is how you look so important to you? What you're describing would be way OTT for any of the funerals I've been to recently and sadly I've been to quite a few in the last 3 years.

not once have i received an invite to a funeral and thought

"i must dress to the nines"

what an odd dress code to employ

At the last funeral I went to (My friend's), it was interesting to notice that a lot of the older people were not in black! I thought they would be sticklers for that. The crowd were a mix of young and old, mainly Polish (Ukranian) and Irish!

I only wore black because I had a lovely blouse from Hell Bunny which had the Planets and stars on it with black background. She would have loved it!!

Not critisising if you want to dress up though!

If budget really is no issue have a look at The Vsmpire’s Wife. Amazing dresses that will fit your requirements as stated.

@Vistada yes I completely understand you take on the dress code but

1, I love dressing up but don't really get the chance to because I do not go out much

2, I always like dressing to suit the occasion

3, I always want to be different from everyone else- stand out in a crowd not for a bad reason or to show off but I always like to be different.

I don't feel that 2. and 3. from your list are simultaneously achievable unfortnately.

As someone who's been to a shocking number of funerals the past few years (and I'm 37, not elderly), with kindness @brainsbrains, a funeral is not the place to be exercising your desire to want to be different. I understand it's not for a bad reason, but honestly I think it's in bad taste.

The occasion is supporting people in their grief. It's not an 'event' as such. Dressing to draw any attention to yourself, whether intentionally or not, is not in the best of spirit.

If no dress code is issued by the family, I always go wide leg trouser with pockets to stash tissues in, black 'blouse' (currently this one), hair up, minimal make up (always waterproof), flat or chunky heeled shoes as there's always soggy grass to traverse. I'm still 'dressed up' but not in anyway drawing attention or looking in any way like it's an event, because to me, that would feel inappropriate.

A funeral isn't something you're supposed to be excitedly preparing for and it isn't somewhere to want to stand out.

sounds like you have your own style.
what items were you considering?

@pearpporridge I can say it because (if you'd read my earlier post you'd see) I am short so the dress wasn't anywhere near as short as the model makes it look, and I added a cami under so that there was no cleavage on the day. So yes I did look respectable in it even in my clearly ageing years. I wore it for the funeral of one of my own parents (less than 3 weeks ago) who I know would have liked it on me too. I do agree though that the OP seems to be asking to stand out and that seems a little odd to me if I'm honest. The dress I wore definitely didn't stand out and was paired with plain black thick tights and the lowest court heel I could find. I had a very long dark winter coat over it during the service so worth also considering most guest won't really notice what is under the coat anyway. I think you and I are probably more in agreement than it might have seemed. Hope your day is going ok and that I haven't caused any undue grumpiness. It's been one of those Mondays.

I understand and I have lost a lot of loved ones lately but in my culture, when an elderly person passes, we celebrate their lives and it is not crying sorrowful occasion.

Just wanted to go against the grain and support the 'dress to the nines' intent.

I hope people who go to my funeral make an effort in their appearance where and if they can, just as I have always shown up in my best attire and dressed to suit the requested dress code (usually black but not always).

I believe funerals are an event to celebrate and give narrative and meaning to a person's life. For this reason I do think considering what you wear and what it communicates is important.

@pearpporridge thanks for The Fold info, I’m looking for funeral clothes too.

@OatFlatWhiteForMe that is a gorgeous dress.

@brainsbrains I’m sorry for your loss. All I can add recommendation wise is Karen Miller. I’m size 14 and 44.

@FKAT thanks

I don't know why there seems to be a problem with dressing well to funeral

My motto is always to dress well & appropriately to any occasion

My last funeral was for my dearest friend who was more like a brother and we were told to come dressed in his favourite colour 🤷🏽‍♀️

When I die, I want everyone to come dressed to the nines.
The last funeral I went to, half the people looked like they'd popped in on their way home from the shops.

I went to a funeral recently and bought a new dress, shoes and coat - I was facing a bunch of people who I find problematic, the event was obviously emotional and being dressed just right helped me feel empowered and manage the day.

I wore a folded neck fitted shift dress with 3/4 sleeves and some black velvet flats. I'd link but I literally can't remember I got them from - I went through so many options!

Hope you get sorted OP.

This is true also, I think it very much depends on the wishes of the deceased/family and the sort of funeral it will be.

I would say all the ones I've been to recently have been for people my age (30s/40s) and a couple were completely unexpected deaths so the funerals were honestly, awful. Rooms full of people just barely holding it together, so dressing 'to the nines' would have been inappropriate. I think if it's an elderly person who's death is less shocking, perhaps it's easier to have a celebration of life and in that case maybe the dress code/atmosphere feels different.

In any case, sorry for your loss @brainsbrains and I always find a trip to John Lewis helpful in these situations as can try multiple brands in one place.

I don't think there's anything odd about dressing up for funerals. I've had a couple of invitations to funerals with the instruction Dress to Impress — and people did. I've also been to a couple of posh ones, with Michelin-starred lunch afterwards, where those of us who weren't family followed a formal dress code (black, sleeves, longer length). Also funerals where we were asked not to wear black or to wear particular colours — orange for one and something purple for another. And of course other funerals where people wore whatever they wanted — everything from jeans to something formal.

OP, I can't believe people taking the line that you'll distract from the deceased by dressing in a classy way. The whole event will be about the deceased person. You'll certainly distract if you wear a short skirt or have cleavage on display, but going smartly dressed is more about paying respect to the dear departed.

1. The hat is OTT

2. A funeral is not a fashion show.

@CurlsnSunshinetime4tea

Yes I have vague idea but not sure because of my body shape these days (big belly which makes it hard to find an outfit that suits one)

All I am 100% sure of is that I follow my motto of dressing to the nines & appropriately for the occasion with a black outfit, fascinator, a lovely shoe (perhaps black with a red sole) nice black bag.

I kind of fancy something with a sharp shoulder pad (I don't know if that's the best way to describe what I have in mind)
Something smart, sharp and formal to make one look very good.

Someone said that fascinators/hats are for the chief mourners. I never knew that. I love hats and I wear it whenever I get the chance to (to appropriate occasions) moreover, I use to be a milliner so 🤷🏽‍♀️

I recall wearing a black dress and a patent navy blue shoe with red sole and dark red heart on the front of the shoe for an elderly man's funeral I went years ago.

I remember when my grandad died my mum sent me to the shops to get her something new as she wanted to look nice as she'd be in her own words "seeing people I haven't seen in years" . Obviously if it's a sudden or tragic death then people will obviously have a whole different mindset.

You seem to be treating this as though it's a fashion catwalk, not a funeral. It's possible to be smart and appropriate (as in below knee, arms covered, no cleavage and black if culturally right) without drawing attention to yourself, which seems to be the goal, as in red soled shoes.

The main mourners won't give a fuck what you're wearing and others will judge if you decide to Mafia widow it up.

Quite distasteful.

@Uricon2 the last time a wore a red soled shoe to a funeral was ages ago and yes I looked nice but I didn't take attention of anyone

I never said I want to draw attention to to myself- I said I want to dress very well and look nice

I do not wear short clothes or cleavage showing outfits anyway so🤷🏽‍♀️

I don't see how dressing well and looking nice and appropriate for the occasion is a mafia widow look