Page 3 | I'm so ugly - please help!

Roundandback · 2024-03-16T12:26:03+00:00

About 10 years ago I was probably considered relatively attractive. 5 years ago I was ok. Now - I just am horrific. I have aged dramatically (I'm 43) and have put on weight - although am losing it now but can't seem to make any other improvements with my appearance. I can barely even be bothered to wash let alone look after my skin or hair. I've got no clothes - literally just two old sport bras, a couple of pairs of jeans that don't fit well and some horrible tops. When I go outside I literally just dress to make sure I'm not naked - I know I look awful but don't know how to change! Help me please! I know I could improve how I look and that would massively help my confidence but I just don't know where to start.

CactusMactus · 25/03/2024 14:22

I don't actually think buying more clothes, creams, make-up etc is always the answer.
I honestly think beauty comes from within...
The absolute last thing I want to do when I feel like crap is stand in a brightly lit changing room in my pants trying on clothes designed for a 20 something anorexic.
You need to fix whatever is upsetting you on the inside and then you will be able to see yourself in a better light.
Go for a walk, laugh with friends, bake a cake for someone else... as we say to the kids "fill up your happy jar".

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 25/03/2024 14:27

canyouletthedogoutplease · 25/03/2024 13:49

Take a friend who looks like she has her shit together on a shopping trip. Try on loads of different things and get her to take photographs, and make a note of the sizing. You can then hunt for similar on vinted if money is tight, and you'll know what size you are in the main brands.

You don't need a wide and varied imaginitive on trend wardrobe to look good or well put together, especially if it's not something you enjoy. I find a pair of jeans that I like, and I buy three or four pairs and I repeat that when they wear out. I do the same with t-shirts, and I buy decent plain knitwear and replace when needed. Couple of knee length dresses for summer. Everything in neutral colours so I can chuck any of it on, and I don't have to work out if it "goes". Decent pair of boots for winter, decent pair of sandals for summer, decent pair of heels. If I then see something I like that can be added in fair enough, but the basics stay the same and I've always got something to wear, a bit like a "uniform". I like medium sized hoop earring, a chunky ring or two and plain chain. Bit of mascara, blusher and lipstick and I'm ready, although often a clean bare face I'm fine with as my brows and lashes are tinted.

Well done on the hair and the brows, keep going. You're not horrendous, but anyone is going to feel rubbish if you haven't had a wash whatever you wear, so a commitment to shower daily and always have clean hair would be a great start.

I agree with this and it's more what I should do.

Have a few really 'nice' quality pieces which flatter you. That you know you can dress up and down on a daily basis. Then you can add the odd unusual/quirky top/dress to the mix but the basics are crucial in my opinion. I always feel much better when I've got a nice pair of jeggings/trousers on and with a nice shirt/top and then coat.

Thefutureisourownpath · 25/03/2024 14:27

I wonder if you have been through a trauma or are depressed or menopausal.

I was like you a few years ago - put on 5 stone and was attractive and actually I was self sabotaging and any proving why I had no friends.

recently I’m shocked in my change. Low sugar diet, hrt and thyroid meds and the weight is coming off. I’m invested on decent shoes and bag but as the weight is finally dropping off I’m not buying new clothes. But I’ve binned all my grey pants.

Go to M and S and buy 3 decent bras and buy 15 pairs of new pants and 10 pairs of socks and tights etc and new PJ and slippers - start small. Skin care, multivitamins. There is a thread on here - one new thing a week type thing / why don’t you join it? Small and steady

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 25/03/2024 15:46

Thefutureisourownpath · 25/03/2024 14:27

I wonder if you have been through a trauma or are depressed or menopausal.

I was like you a few years ago - put on 5 stone and was attractive and actually I was self sabotaging and any proving why I had no friends.

recently I’m shocked in my change. Low sugar diet, hrt and thyroid meds and the weight is coming off. I’m invested on decent shoes and bag but as the weight is finally dropping off I’m not buying new clothes. But I’ve binned all my grey pants.

Go to M and S and buy 3 decent bras and buy 15 pairs of new pants and 10 pairs of socks and tights etc and new PJ and slippers - start small. Skin care, multivitamins. There is a thread on here - one new thing a week type thing / why don’t you join it? Small and steady

Could well be re menopausal or peri menopausal.

I actually got some new knickers the other week as was in M&S, but didn't buy from there as didn't really like theirs, went to Accessorize and got a three pack of knickers, nude black and white but they feel so much better so am ditching the old ones but also got some nice bright full ones from Tu Sainsburys.

suki1964 · 25/03/2024 17:14

CactusMactus · 25/03/2024 14:22

I don't actually think buying more clothes, creams, make-up etc is always the answer.
I honestly think beauty comes from within...
The absolute last thing I want to do when I feel like crap is stand in a brightly lit changing room in my pants trying on clothes designed for a 20 something anorexic.
You need to fix whatever is upsetting you on the inside and then you will be able to see yourself in a better light.
Go for a walk, laugh with friends, bake a cake for someone else... as we say to the kids "fill up your happy jar".

Totally get that ( Im not the OP but have been making the same changes ) and yep depression was a huge factor , but it was reactive depression, not clinical and the small changes - a skin care regime, a hair cut, eyebrows etc were the kick start to where I am now. Im not perfect, my life still has its ups and downs but Im nore capable and able to deal with it all because I now have things in my life that feed me, and seriously for me, it started by walking into a slimming club.

I now walk, I go out for coffee with friends, I do shopping trips, still not really confident there with what suits and might just buy new socks but Im seeing whats out there after living in mens tracksuits for the previous 3 years. I buy myself wee treats, last week it was 1.99 earrings from Amazon, look amazing, I love them, will probably turn green and make my ears drop off but for right now, they bring me joy, I feel a million dollers wearing them , this week a £12 handbag

Working on the inside can only happen when theres good stuff in your life to keep you nourished, I needed to get out from under my rock to go get those things , so whilst it started with the hair and eyebrows, its now much more about making the bigger changes. Biggest change for me so far is my job, back into a customer facing role are being to afraid to go to interviews due to size and looks , and Im now back happy in my work