Readiness to relinquish femininity?

[BettyBottersButter]

I want to get my hair cut short, even though I know I'll be relinquishing any remaining "prettiness" and will probably look much older. I'm in my mid-40s and can see definite ageing now, but this is off-set to some extent with relatively feminine hair and make-up. I've always loved masculine hair styles, but known that I look much better to everyone else when it's softer and longer. Now I have a big urge to get it properly cropped. I know lots of women have short hair and still look pretty and feminine. I will not (and that's not what I'm after). I'm weirdly nervous - will I get a real shock in how people treat me? Any positive experiences?

This is what I want (this isn't me - I found the picture online)

Or this. But I will look quite masculine with these cuts, unlike these ladies. I have quite a square jaw, small eyes, generally small-ish features.

I've had short hair and it was OK. All I would say about it is that it depends on what sort of hair you have, but it's not necessarily lower maintenance having it short (which was the big drawcard for me). The cut you've shared, for example, looks fine when everything is in its place, but might wake up looking a different story.

Gosh, this thread makes me feel sad, @BettyBottersButter.

I absolutely loved having short hair, the only reason I have now grown it long is because it needed such regular trims to keep it looking neat. My hair grows quite fast so a monthly hair cut was needed to keep the style and I just couldn't afford it.

So maintaining the style may be something to think about, but if you have money and are used to regular upkeep it won't be an issue.

I had my hair cropped very short a couple of years ago in my late fifties and love it. The shape of my head is nicer looking than my straggly and nondescript-coloured hair was. My mum declared that she hated it even before she saw it and hasn't wavered from that opinion, but otherwise I've had nothing but compliments. One of my sisters had a old fashioned short back and sides for a while and it looked neat and stylish.

It does need clipping every few weeks, but my DH has been cutting his own hair for years and just does at the same time.

@Dibilnik , @KohlaParasaurus and @TheNameIsDickDarlington - that's all very encouraging - thank you!

@BlossomBlossomBlossom why sad? I promise this isn't some kind of giving up on myself - more that it's what I've always wanted to have but felt the pressure to "stay as pretty as possible" - and the pressure is finally lifting, IYSWIM?

I really like my hair short like that, but I'm lazy and getting it cut frequently is a right pain. I've had it longer more recently because it's easier to deal with.

I love that style of cut, and not that it matters, think the 2nd one in particular is very feminine. Can't beat a cute pixie cut!

If not now, when?

If you wait, what would you be waiting for?

These are quite feminine cuts.

I say that as someone who had buzzcuts for years and now has a slightly-longer-than-an-8 scissor cut.

You say I've always loved masculine hair styles, but known that I look much better to everyone else when it's softer and longer. Yet it doesn't seem from your OP that you have had short cuts in the past. So how do you know? And why the focus on 'better to everyone else', which is both hypothetical and impossible (people's opinions on cuts will vary) rather than a look you like?

I have short hair.

Even if I shaved it leaving nothing but shiny scalp I would not be ‘relinquishing’ one iota of my femininity.

(And anyone who thinks differently should be very scared if they expressed such a view within my hearing.)

The good and bad thing about hair is that it grows.
Therefore if you do get a short cut and decide it's not for you, you are allowed to grow it long again regardless of what age you are.

I was just about to say if you hate it it will grow.

I've always loved masculine hair styles, but known that I look much better to everyone else when it's softer and longer

this is interesting. When you say you “look better to other people” do you mean long hair actually looks better on you, or do you mean that other people perceive long hair as feminine and therefore you believe they’ll judge you as prettier?

does it really matter if some people who buy into stereotypes think women can’t look good with short hair?

I say go for it. See how feminine/pretty you feel with short hair. Sod what everyone else might think, if you like what you see in the mirror own it and stick a metaphorical finger up at judgemental twats.

if you don’t like it, grow it :)

I always had long hair, but not very nice hair, pale, fine and not very thick. When I finally took the plunge, and went from bra length to pixie I looked so much younger! DH really likes my hair short too, he is always encouraging me to keep it short. I also now don't highlight it either...... So in received wisdom of feminity have entirely let myself go, no make up either. It's very liberating, not remotely masculine, I still look like a woman, and yes, I still wear dresses 😂

So have I (shorter than the OP's pic). It's been that way for years. I've never regarded it as 'masculine' and no-one's implied that's what it is.

And 💯to the rest of your comment.

If you want to crop your hair, do it. It's your hair!

And it's not masculine, or aging at all. I have a friend who always had a buzz cut (just very short all over, no "styling" whatsoever) and then for a decade grew it long (40s/50s). She went back to the buzz cut and it took years off her! She's into her 60s now and still rocking it.

I have a similar haircut to the first pic. And I look masculine. People call me mate and a mum told her small child to get out of that Mr's way so it's not in my imagination. But I will keep getting it cut because it looks better. It takes years off me as my hair was in poor condition and looked awful, limp and lifeless. And the greatest blessing of peri menopause is that I'm no longer as bothered what people think. You can always regrow it if you try and hate it.

Do it. It's hair and you'll either love it and go even shorter or you won't, and in 6 months you'll have a bob .
I had a pixie cut end of August... and it was utterly wrong for me. Weirdly other people DID like it, but I didn't. But now it is short bob level ..by next August it will be close to my shoulders. Hair grows!

The year before I had hair nearly to my waist and I didn't feel any more feminine!

I had the same reaction as @BlossomBlossomBlossom when I read this post.

I feel like we have gone backwards, that women feel so much pressure to look a certain way.

My hair is cut in the same style as your photos. I wash it, comb it into place and let it dry naturally, shaking my head a couple of times to lift it a bit. I have a dry trim every 6 weeks, takes 30 minutes and costs £12.50. Its naturally creamy silver at the front and darker at the back. I wouldn't go back to longer hair with highlights if you paid me. BUT I do have the sort of face that suits a pixie.
I don't bother with makeup anymore, but have plenty of interesting earrings.

As pps say if you don't like it, just grow it out.

My hair is around that length, but looks a bit different as it is thicker and curly. I've never had one negative comment, and it honestly looks a million times better than any other length does on me. All I do is wash and condition it, and have it cut every eight weeks. I find it liberating to not have to fuss with it. I don't believe I have relinquished my femininity and it makes me look younger.

Hair is an important part of our feelings of self and femininity. That said…

If you relinquish “prettiness” you might find you are still attractive but have also become striking or stunning? Prettiness mostly makes me think of little girls or flower arrangements or kittens - (it’s not exactly redolent of sexual charisma!). It sounds like you really want to try short hair, so go for it, the worst that can happen is you decide it’s not for you and you have to grow it out. I’ve currently got bra strap length hair but I have cut my hair very short indeed in the past (I tried a crew cut but sadly didn’t look like Sinead O’connor - but years later I cut it short in a different style and it looked fantastic). And I really do get it, I don’t have a particularly feminine face, so some short cuts are more flattering than others. It’s definitely worth giving it a try until you find the one that suits you.

Sorry I didn’t answer your question. You are worried how people will perceive you.

With my crewcut: some people loved it, some said I looked a bit butch (not my intention) - I don’t have a pretty face. Years later when I cut it short virtually everyone loved it, I think my features had softened by my late forties/early fifties.

(Occasionally the hairdresser would go too short (for my taste) and I started to prefer it when it was growing out a bit. So that’s why I grew it long again.)

I’m with you there. I’ve been bald (like shiny head bald apart from a few piebald patches) most of my adult life and I find comments that link hair with femininity quite upsetting. Honestly,OP, if you want to try it uber short, then I’d say go for it. Fortunately for you, your will grow again if you feel it was a mistake and you may find you love it. There is certainly something very liberating about not having hair to fuss with.