Let myself go

[bothfrumpyandgrumpy]

Someone I’ve known for a very long time pointed out - no malice - that I’ve let myself go. He’s right. I’ve had a really bad few years and I’ve stopped taking care of myself. I’m still in my 30s - I could look better than this and as I start to get my life back together, looking better would be a mood booster, TBH. He wasn’t being rude, just factual, and I do want to turn things around.

Any advice for how to be less of a frump? I was never that glamorous, but I looked better and was more confident for it.

Some examples of how I’ve let myself go:

I forgot how to wear heels during lockdown. (I think my feet have changed shape from being barefoot for a year!)

I’ve stopped wearing mascara as I keep poking myself in the eye and I was crying a lot anyway, so it seemed pointless.

I’ve been sad about sad things, so I’ve turned to comfort food and ordered far too many takeaways.

I let my hair air dry. No more blow dries or GHDs. And my hair type is not quite straight/not quite curly, so it needs more attention than that.

It goes on.

Please help me come up with a plan to look like a better version of me. I’m back to eating healthier from today, but I need help and suggestions with everything else. Simple routines, good products - what should I do that isn’t completely overwhelming?

Sounds like you've had a tough time OP. And your friend isn't helping.

I honestly think the best thing you can do to improve how you feel about yourself is to do exercise - preferably outdoors - and improve your diet. Whether that means taking long walks in a park or cycling or taking up yoga or swimming. Whatever it is, I guarantee it will make you feel better.

Firstly, you don't need to wear high heels because you are short. (or whatever height!) I am 5'1" and never wear them, never will. It's not a problem being short. They are impractical, old fashioned and uncomfortable.
It's nice to look after yourself and feel good, so focus on that. This person is looking at you in a very superficial way. Try to go out for a walk, watch what you eat, do things you enjoy, and relax. You will look better if you feel better. Some good advice on here, but remember, you don't need to conform to certain expectations.

That makes more sense op - prioritising yourself as oppose to the ‘letting yourself go’ thing. Definitely important to look after yourself and feel important.

OP, Ive just emerged from a long time depression, made worse by the lock downs ( I can see that with hindsight but it it was so slow and gradual at the time ) and of course self care of any description went out the window

It took a good friend committing suicide last year to finally see myself

I am a lot older then you

First thing I did was join up for a weight loss programme , I need structure and accountability as well as the support and 10 months down the line Im 2 stone lighter and off BP medication. I naturally eat much healthier now. Along with changing my diet, my alcohol consumption has also reduced , that really was off the scale tbh. Got into the habit of having drink in the house and if its there, Im drinking it

I took up walking seriously, as in I walk as many days as is possible. If its dry - out I go. At least 5k a day. I also started Park Run - again for the accountability - I walk it, Im usually last in, but its me time and I love going

So weight decreasing, health improving, time to look at me. A good hair cut and style. Ive naturally wavy hair and I have no time or inclination to be messing about with straighteners and products, so I have it cut near enough short back and sides and long on top so I can just finger dry it blasting with the hair drier - shaggy bob ( no idea of how else to describe ) At the moment Im letting it go completely grey so its really a whole host of colours right now but its ok cos its cut nice and I can dry it nice

Then eyebrows, threaded and tinted, straight away I look a million times better , seriously what getting your eyebrows done can do for you - amazing for very little time and money

Skincare - I was wash and go girl. Now I do still use a hot cloth cleanser, but Ive now added moisturiser morning and night and a serum, and Im getting comments about how "well' Im looking, and tbh I have to say my skin is looking a lot brighter and more even toned. Ive also started to use a bit of make up, not much but Ive settled into wearing a wee bit of a serum foundation just on the t-zone and a wee bit of blush for work and going out

Im a wee shortie as well, just over 5ft on a good day. I dont wear heels. I do like a small heel, all my boots are the 2inch mark. I do love my ankle boots :) Im also learning again what suits me. Being tiny with the most skinny of legs I stick to my skinny jeans and fitted tops. All these over size jumpers and tees just drown me. I also prefer skirts to be just above the knee , below knee I feel really shortens me. As I say Im a lot older and following fashion isnt on my radar, its finding clothes that suit me. And wearing clothes that fit properly makes a huge difference

I do my own nails. I keep them filed and the cuticles back. I use cuticle oil a couple of times a day ( I sit it on the coffee table, apply when watching tv or having a coffee ). I did used to just use a polish but now I do my own gels. It doesn't matter to me if they are short or long, they have to look tidy, no chips, no dry skin. Always wear rubber gloves when doing the dishes or cleaning :)

Im now also off all anti depressants

There is life at the end of the tunnel. Im still a work in progress and its been a long journey so far. Even on my bad days I still manage to shower, do the hair, do the skincare and put on clean well fitting clothes. After 3 years in trackkies and flip flops or slippers ( quite often just my nightie ) it feels good and keeps me lifted

I know this is a "me me me ' post, I'm just sharing my story as I feel I was in a very much similar position as you are right now

Does he wear make up, uncomfortable shoes and spend ages styling his hair? Of course he doesn't. Tell him to fuck off. Saying what he said to you is NEVER kind.

@suki1964 Thank you so much - it's so helpful to hear how someone feeling similar made it through to the other side. I'm in awe at how you turned it around. x

Hi Op, your friend sounds like a friend who wants to see you smile again. How nice. When I read your OP I didn't think your friend was rude etc as other posters have noted. What is wrong with making an effort with our appearance? Some women, myself included, like to look good it can put a bounce in your step. Men like to look good too - I've never dated a man who wasn't health conscious and made effort with his appearance.

I am also trying to 'get back to my usual self' after several deaths in my family. I let myself go. I also recommend what other posters have said - pick a day in the week to exfoliate, moisturise, condition your hair etc etc. Then monthly do a pedicure for yourself and whatever takes your fancy.

I hope you get back to feeling like yourself soon

You haven’t “let yourself go” you’ve been through a rough time and you need to focus and prioritise on your physical and mental well-being. Regular Exercise and healthier eating will work wonders for how you look and feel - no need for makeup and heels!

@bothfrumpyandgrumpy

Have you had a look at the Princessing Threads ? (The original thread was something like prepare like its your own wedding type)
It's not dressing like Kate Middleton it's adding a few easy to adopt habits .

After 21 days these new things become a habit , so just do 2-3 at a time
Have A List and add them.

Mine is always
Drink Water ( i do but noticed I'm slacking at work)
Hair- I had mine cut and as it has got more curly/wavy after I had major hairloss through illness , it's re-growing very wavy but I'm happy to see my hair grow
My eyebrows are rubbish but I bought Revitabrow (££ but it works ) I have good brows again. I need to shape them a bit but much better
I pretty much stopped eating chocolate (it just happened , I only eat it rarely now )

Regular cull of clothes .
I keep a couple of leggings/tops to wear to work ( I then change into uniform so don't need to think there)
Try different colours out , easiest way is a TShirt or scarf . Get out of your comfort zone a bit .

I cannot wear nail polish at work so I keep a buffer handy and give them a shine up
I don't wear make-up unless its a special occasion

If I do buy something I like it's usually after seeing it online and waiting 24 hours or seeing instore , liking the colour and material then buying online .

I love Molton Brown Orange and Bergamot showergel so if it's on QVC on a good price I'll buy a couple . Using something nice every day lifts my spirits . I don't wear perfume (I cannot find one I like) . I use one on those long scrubby cloths , so much easier and exfoliates my skin.

For my hair when it was fragile and cotton-wooly , the Phillip Kingsley Elasticiser was amazing . I alternate PK , Olaplex and GlazePlex (which is much quicker to use)
Aveda Shampure/Conditioner (lasts ages , even with my DS swiping it )

You will get there my lovely.

My friends suicide near on killed me. You couldn't have met a nicer person and it was his death and supporting his wife that made me see, I was only living a half life and as the saying goes, we are only here a short time and we should make the most of it

I was perfectly happy ( or so I thought ) wallowing in sadness and despair and rage and a whole lot more negative emotions.

Then his passing turned the switch, rather like your friends comments - the light bulb moment

Im not perfect, Ive a lot more work on myself to go but Im grateful that I'm now facing life, that Im getting out there and putting the best foot forward. I also have to admit I get a huge buzz out of catching sight of myself in a mirror and see that hell Im looking pretty darn good and I actually have the confidence to go into shops and try on clothes, ask sales assistants for advice and try new things

Sounds all pretty shallow when you have spent so long just struggling to get through a day I know, but they are the wee boosts that keep me going, keep me keep on trying

Get the eyebrows sorted, they will be the first step. Once they are done and you see an instant improvement , they will be the impetus to keep on going :)

The very best of luck xxx

This is great advice.