How can I look/feel sexy again.

[NeedToGetSexy]

Have name changed because I feel so silly.

I've been a mum for ten years and in that time I've really let myself go. I don't wear nice clothes, I have steadily gained weight, I don't wear make-up.

I was never very confident about my appearance and whilst focussing on being a SAHM it didn't seem important.

Now as I approach 40 I feel unnattractive, frumpy and unsexy and I don't want to feel like this any more.

I really don't know where to start. I feel a bit silly, I'm worried that if I try to make changes everyone will think I'm pathetic.

Can anyone inspire me, or advise me, or should I just get a grip and resign myself to middle age!

Start by taking really good care of your body - long baths with lots of massage/friction mitt, hair removal, body lotion, manicures, pedicures. Dye your eyelashes and get your hair cut (and wash it every day).

The more you take care of yourself, the better you feel about yourself, and the rewards give you the impetus to do the harder things (like eat healthily so you lose the weight you have put on).

Have a makeover at a few counters in a department store and buy products only when you find a look you like and think you can manage on a daily basis.

I agree with Anna, wash your hair everyday, get a good body scrub.Nice shower gel,shampoo that makes your hair smell nice, perfum, wear clothes that you feel comfortable in no jogging bottoms and smile and say to your self in the mirror everyday 'hello gorgeous'

Your not being silly its just confidence & the better you feel about yourself the more you will get.

well i have lost weight, do loads of exercise. eat better change hair wear make up have shower every am

and buy clothes

it jas worked for me and i am 50

and i dye my hair every 6 weeks

After dd1 when I was in a state, i didn't know where to start - I threw out all of my horrid underwear and went to M&S for giant shop. matchy matchy underwear 1 bra with 2 knicks, and it made me feel great. And my dh loved it. Rest took a bit longer, but it was a really nice way to start looking after myself a bit more. Who on earth would think you are pathetic for looking after yourself? Nobody that matters...

You are all so lovely and encouraging - thanks so much.

Fifi - yes I am guilty of wearing jogging bottoms, I need to figure out what to wear instead - I'm short with fat thighs -maybe I should avoid trousers for the time being!

Will be shaving my legs tonight I think!

Zippi - did you get a lot of comments when you made changes and did it make you feel awkward?

Anna - your advice is so sensible, but Im not sure I can face the beauty counters - I have always felt very intimidated by those women (ditto hairdressers but I make myself go a couple of times a year!)

Thanks again

the woman in the newsagents said she couldnt believe how different/youbger i looked

and my dd1 is pleased cos she can wear my clothes so it is all good

and i am goijng out loads when i was noit at all before

Ok - approaching 40 is not middle aged (it can't be, i was 40 last year:-))
I feel/felt a bit like you sound - I've never been a make-up/fashion/hairdo type of girl (frizzy hair doesn't help a well-groomed image anyway) and it's hard to create an alien routine if you've just never been that sort of person. However, it's not an all-or-nothing situation.
The easiest quick changes for me were to colour my hair (get rid of grey bits) - yes an at home semi-permanent colour, about £4 but I felt better after; and to buy a new foundation,lip gloss and mascara and start to use them. Maybe try the Body Shop if poss as they are very friendly staff and do little makeovers for people.
Clothing depends a bit on money but also on attitude - again, I cannot bring myself to spend more than about £20-£25 on anything (no designer wear at our house - it's just beyond my brain cells.)But go through your wardobe and be honest and throw out what doesn't fit or isn't in good condition - that applies to undies too. go somewhere sensible/not intimidating on a weekday if poss (like M&S or a decent department store) and replace a small section of your clothes or one outfit. If you need a tracksuit, get a smart one; same for jeans/T-shirts. It's not possible to do a "What Not To Wear" makeover for a normal person and it would be exhausting, so go for what fits, nothing too "daring" and chip away at it week by week, or whatever is best budget-wise. Just one outfit (and shoes/boots - pref with heels) can cheer you up, and if it's the right thing, you'll smile when you try it on. If you have doubts, it's probably not the right thing to buy at the moment.
If you just do a bit at a time, people will not see a "different person" and they'll think you're just looking well or happy, rather than trying to make a big change. I am still surprised when someone notices/compliments me when I'm wearing makeup, as for me it isn't an issue, but I guess other people are more aware of this sort of thing.
I've gone on a bit I think, but good luck and let us know how it goes.

If you havent the confidence to go to those beauty counters go to the body shop or your local beauty salon as that will be less intimidating and they will do your make up for you.Get out walking & that brings a natural glow to you.

You can wear what you want Sexy its just finding the right clothes go to a large store & try on every thing you like even things that you wouldnt normally go for & you will be suprised.

I am sure there is nothing wrong with you at all you just need a boost. You have to remember that you are beautiful.

Get a good hair cut - find somewhere and someone you enjoy going to and do it regularly (i.e. at least every 6 weeks). Ask for something you can easily maintain and reproduce yourself!

The beauty counters are a great resource - don't let them intimidate you - a bit of blusher, mascara and lipgloss everyday makes a big difference.

Find a form of excerise you enjoy - swimming, aerobics even walking around the park - it will help you feel better in so many ways!

i only get my clothes from river island and new look etc

and use bourjeois foundation

and wear perfume

i just look like a better happier slimmer version of myself

and i am much fiter

and i feel sexier because i am seeing someone who makes me feel that way

and maybe start going for a swim once a week/run or aqua or something? it is lovely to put the focus on what your body can do rather than what it looks like, when feeling a bit wobbly. (in all areas!)

x post!

Start looking after yourself a little at a time otherwise it will over whelm you.Fake tan is good as is a good haircut nice perfume and have lots of sex!

Same here Zippi, I lost 2 stone last year. I just shop at new look etc charity shops, wear perfume. And I feel so sexy but it helps when some-one tells you.

Let us know how you get on Sexy.

Thanks all for taking the time to write.

BeckyVicky - you are so right, it is alien to me, I have always been a bit scathing of women who I thought were vain or slavishly following fashion which I guess I could get away with when I was younger - I now need a lot more maintenance. Also I used to make an effort with clothes and make up for work and it felt a relief not to have to do that any more, but I think I went too far the other way!

Heels I would love, but I have never worn them even though I'm only 5 foot! Perhaps that should be my goal for next week!

and if someone does tell you you are sexy then you have to try and believe them and definitely not deny it lolol

I'm ashamed to admit I have a gym membership but have not been for such a long time, didn't really keep it up for long at all.

try again at the gym

and do the things you like doing there

i must admit that my current incentive for keeping up the good work is having to take my clothes off in front of a young bloke

when i am lazing around i think oh shucks i better go and do and a work out

well no its the health benefits really

Well said Zippi if someone says your sexy just smile.

And have sex that always makes you feel good

hi ntgsexy...
i felt just like you, and i'm in my early 30's, lol. age is just a number!!

i joined weight watchers, and lost nearly 3 stone in about 7 months. its soooo changed the way i feel about myself and also how others see me too i think, not about what my figure looks like, but because i'm not constantly fidgeting with myself, or looking down like i used to. my confidence has raised.

i wasn't MASSIVE...but a little overweight, a good size 16.....its actually amazing too for self esteem if you lose even 1 lb, and your ww teacher tells you "well done, you've done a great job this week" as grown women, people rarely give you praise, but it feels good.

how about taking a really good friend shopping...you don't need even to intend on buying. go and try on anything you like the look of...find out what suits you, flatters your shape, and what colours suit your skin. look at celebs you like and see how they put clothes together to look how you would like to....get a few magazines in and ponder over them for ideas.

buy a new mascara,concealer, blusher and sheer lip gloss. it won't looktoo heavy or made up, but will just look a little more polished than having none on at all.

give yourself a manacure....paint your nails with clear varnish or buff them.

get a great haircut....have a really good consultation before hand. say and show pics of what you like and don't like....it must be easy to do yourself with minimum effort....

good luck.
xxxx

I did lose weight (but put it on again, that's another story) using Slimming World Online, which I found very good at the time.
But today I just joined the Times Health Club Online www.timeshealth.co.uk which seems a really good free resource for logging diet, weightloss and exercise, and any other goals you set, and for getting advice from the professionals on this type of thing.
There's no doubt I felt good when I lost weight. But as any self-respecting Gok Wan fan will know, finding a style and some confidence isn't about size. Do you ever watch his programmes? They're repeated on some of the digital channels at the moment. i don' know what his book is like but he's so supportive and in favour of the female race as a whole, which is a nice attitude to have.

Beckyvicky - the Times site looks really good. Do you have enough motivators on there or could we motivate each other?