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Original poster

Mid life style crisis - help!

57 replies

Kaisamain · 16/12/2023 10:56

I’m looking for a couple of dresses this season for Christmas drinks/New Year parties and have totally lost confidence in my ability to choose anything stylish.
I’m 41, 173cm (5’8”) tall, size 8-10, good legs, small waist, bigger hips and slightly scrawny chest 😂
I’m single and would like to look really sexy but not desperate or mutton dressed as lamb.
Can anyone help me find my style?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Original poster
Kaisamain · 17/12/2023 13:42

@Floisme
I had a partner up until a couple of years ago who I found out had been cheating on me with several much younger and more beautiful women for almost as long as we were together (9yrs). I had no clue. I think it messed with my confidence.

OP posts:
Floisme · 17/12/2023 14:05

I wondered as much op. I'm very sorry to hear about your experience and I do understand how shattering it can be.

But to sum up what you've said about yourself:
Tall
Slim
Small waist - yes that obviously implies bigger hips
Flat chested - which lots of women envy
Slender ankles

That's a great and extremely enviable list and, at the risk of sounding like some dodgy cod-psychologist, it sounds to me as if all that's stopping you wearing what the hell you like, and looking great, are your own thoughts.

I don't have any links for you - I hardly ever wear dresses so I'm not much help - but I wish you all the best.

ISpyNoPlumPie · 17/12/2023 14:23

Kaisamain · 17/12/2023 11:13

@ISpyNoPlumPie I love thé Réformation dresses, thanks for posting the link. This one particularly stood out………is it too va va voom though? I’m blonde (thought not naturally 😜). Is shiny silk a bit tacky? Aaargh, see this is why I’m screwed, I can’t make a bloody decision.

Edited

No, it’s beautiful. I love that dress. I don’t find the silk tacky - it looks elegant, and not clingy in my experience. It’s ok to wear an amazing dress and stand out, because the alternative (wearing something to blend into the wallpaper because you hate yourself) is so fucking sad. I’m sure we’ve all been there. Try on some dresses and buy one that makes you feel wonderful.

Myfabby · 17/12/2023 14:31

Floisme · 17/12/2023 14:05

I wondered as much op. I'm very sorry to hear about your experience and I do understand how shattering it can be.

But to sum up what you've said about yourself:
Tall
Slim
Small waist - yes that obviously implies bigger hips
Flat chested - which lots of women envy
Slender ankles

That's a great and extremely enviable list and, at the risk of sounding like some dodgy cod-psychologist, it sounds to me as if all that's stopping you wearing what the hell you like, and looking great, are your own thoughts.

I don't have any links for you - I hardly ever wear dresses so I'm not much help - but I wish you all the best.

very lovely post.

OP I get what you say about feet vs angles- bloody size 41.5 here. I defo avoid the clumpier style shoes. You sound like a lovely person, with a great body. Make the best of it! Wearing an amazing and flattering dress is a confidence for me, don't care what others think or if it's deemed out there or not as long as its appropriate for the event and my bits aren't hanging out.

Good luck and enjoy the parties

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 17/12/2023 14:33

Kaisamain · 17/12/2023 11:14

I think that dress would look fabulous on you (from your description of yourself ).

I like the silver grey 'shale' colour, which is on sale, but unfortunately sold out in your size .

ISpyNoPlumPie · 17/12/2023 14:34

I didn’t see your update before I posted @Kaisamain, so I apologise if my reply sounds a little flippant. A new dress can’t always repair the damage to your self esteem that an ex-partner has wrought but it can help you to see yourself how other people see you. All your bits are good bits! How often do you look at other people and break them down and judge them how you judge yourself? Give yourself a day off from it, you’ll look amazing in joggers, you’ll look amazing in a slinky dress because you have inherent value as a human being. If you’re not going to believe it now, when will you?

Myfabby · 17/12/2023 14:44

Myfabby · 17/12/2023 14:31

very lovely post.

OP I get what you say about feet vs angles- bloody size 41.5 here. I defo avoid the clumpier style shoes. You sound like a lovely person, with a great body. Make the best of it! Wearing an amazing and flattering dress is a confidence for me, don't care what others think or if it's deemed out there or not as long as its appropriate for the event and my bits aren't hanging out.

Good luck and enjoy the parties

Show quote history

ankles!

Original poster
Kaisamain · 17/12/2023 15:00

Thank you all so much you lovely, lovely people!!

You’ve all boosted my mood massively and I’m going to try to put aside my feelings of inadequacy and stride out with confidence. Why the hell not!

OP posts:
Floisme · 17/12/2023 15:51

Lovely to hear. Also I forgot 'good legs' when I was listing your attributes!

Leaving aside the length (I'm not tall so it would never occur to me that it might be a bit short) think the Reformation dress you singled out looks spot on so trust in your own good instincts.

OP posts:
Janinejones · 17/12/2023 16:47

Please promise us you will never even think 'scrawny' again.
Enjoy trying on a few. Take heels with you, so you stand right and see where the hemlines actually finish.

Glitter and Uggs don't work.

Purplecatshopaholic · 17/12/2023 16:58

Oh wow @Kaisamain, that dress is gorgeous, you will look stunning. Rock it and have a ball!

Lifeomars · 17/12/2023 18:04

Been following this and just wanted to say that the dress you have chosen is divine and I am sure you will look stunning.

Piglet89 · 17/12/2023 18:59

@laclochette are you Bridget Jones’ mum?

tiktokoclock · 17/12/2023 20:29

I strongly suspect you're going to look enviably amazing in that dress!
That post upthread was perfect. Stride out with confidence.

loveyouradvice · 17/12/2023 21:27

Utterly utterly gorgeous - a real wow of a dress, both classy and sexy... you are going to look amazing. Do come and tell us which colour you chose!! And how you feel wearing it...

cowgirl42 · 17/12/2023 21:43

What about a nicely cut jumpsuit.

Myfabby · 17/12/2023 21:48

cowgirl42 · 17/12/2023 21:43

What about a nicely cut jumpsuit.

She's already decided on a stunning dress.😊

Catastrophejane · 18/12/2023 11:19

OP- first of all, take your age out of it. 41 maybe means you’d look ridiculous in cos play outfits, or some of the wilder clubbing outfits of the 90’s, but otherwise it’s a non issue.

It’s a mistake a lot of people make that they should give up stylish shops in favour of Wallis/ M&S/ Next.

the trick is to go to more expensive shops. Look at All Saints/Whistles and The Kooples for starters. Loads of gorgeous party options

Catastrophejane · 18/12/2023 11:22

Just saw your dress choice @Kaisamain

sounds perfect for your figure too!

Myfabby · 18/12/2023 11:30

Wallis still exists? wow...

Ceci03 · 18/12/2023 11:34

Check out Trinny Woodall on YouTube. You sound a similar shape to her and she has some great ideas on how to dress and she has a makeover show I think would
Help you. Once you know what shapes to look for it's a lot easier to shop good luck!! You have a great blank canvas

notwavingbutdrowning1 · 18/12/2023 19:54

OP, in terms of age, believe me, from where I am, 41 is young! There is no possibility of you looking mutton/lamb at that age, and your figure sounds enviable.

I got divorced at your age and thought I was old. I ended up meeting a really lovely man and we have been married for 20 years. I'm certainly not saying you need a man to validate you - just that your best years are probably ahead of you in terms of having a wonderful life and feeling good about yourself. Now I'm in my sixties and I was just thinking earlier that I have much more fun with fashion and style than I used to. Fashion is to be enjoyed, not to make you anxious, so go out and try on loads of dresses that are slightly out of your comfort zone and you will find something you love. Jigsaw and Me and Em have some great dresses for tall women. Cos does too, but they tend to be voluminous and I think with your figure something swishy and maybe bias cut would be best.

Easipeelerie · 18/12/2023 20:48

I put so much worry and thought into my work Christmas Do and shouldn’t have bothered.
The order of the day was sequins- sacks, short skirts etc.

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