Child’s Funeral

[Badgalkiki]

Hi, sorry to ask this and wasn’t sure where to put it…

What should you wear to a toddlers funeral? My sister mentioned that you shouldn’t wear black and cannot find any guidelines online anywhere. I want to be smart and respectful.

I would wear black unless the parents have specified not to

I would wear black too unless the parents have requested that you wear a specific colour.

Gosh how sad. I agree that if I hadn’t been told to wear something else I would wear black.

Is the funeral for your sister's child?

I think dark (black/navy/grey/dark green) sober and smartish is still de rigeur for funerals unless the chief mourners have told you otherwise.

I'm lucky enough not to have had a funeral for a child but if I did I think I'd be pissed off if people couldn't make an effort to dress properly for a couple of hours.

Dark clothes unless the family have specified otherwise

If you wear black or a subdued colour I’m sure you won’t offend. You could wear a tiny touch of colour, scarf, gloves perhaps but in general I’d say black is traditional and not offensive.

Do you know a family member to discretely ask about dress code?

We specified to wear anything but black and ideally light blue, for our son's funeral. I would have assumed to wear black unless the parents said not to. My aunt and uncle still arrived in black to the funeral, I wasn't offended, just realised my Dad hadn't passed on the message of no black.

I'm so sorry.

I think if you are dealing with a child's funeral colour of clothing will be fairly down the list of priorities unless otherwise mentioned.

I would wear black or a very muted darker colour unless otherwise specified. I wore a long sleeved black knee length dress with a formal coat to my 2yo cousin’s funeral this year. I’m sorry for your loss, having call to attend the funeral of a child is always absolutely devastating.

Black unless specified

It’s one area of “manners” I think has woefully slipped. Agree with the poster above, it’s a few hours of dressing decently and respectfully to mark the mourning of one of us.

Colour if asked for - black or dark if not

If they have said no black, then I would wear smart clothes and bright colours if that is what you own.

No black usually doesn't mean 'only pick dark brown or navy' but they want to celebrate the life of the child and children's funerals often are very colourful.

Absolutely black or at a push dark charcoal unless explicitly told otherwise by the parents.

If no guidance is issued I would opt for navy, respectful if everyone is in black, but not black in case nobody family wise is in black. Smart is important though, jacket or structured cardigan rather than soft.

Wear black but put a colourful scarf in your handbag in case?

I'd opt for dark, muted colours if there has been no preference requested.

My SIL took it upon herself to find the gaudiest dress she could find for my child's funeral, she wanted to 'look her best for the occasion'. She was an arsehole then and she's still an arsehole.

It is definitely not respectful to ask whether there is there a specific dress code. If anything, it shows how you respect the family and wish to get it right on this terribly sad day. If you can't approach the parents (understandable), maybe another family member or close friend.
We specified no black when organising a funeral, but it is very common to omit this detail even if that is what you want.
In any case, wear something modest and respectful (you would anyway).
How very sad.

Something smart in a dark colour. Black is appropriate.

People sometimes specify "no black" or "bright colours please" or whatever- that's great but it should come from the family. It's not up to the other mourners. I wouldn't ask- they would have told you if they wanted something other than standard funeral dress.

I'm sorry to hear that someone close to you has suffered such an awful loss.

Is your sister assuming the dress code is not black ?
Unless she's been told this by the family themselves I wouldn't assume this was the case.
Black is respectful and traditional.

Could you ring the funeral directors? They might be able to tell you what the family have requested x

Is your sister arranging the funeral or is it her child who has passed away? Or is she just offering advice?

I'd always wear black unless otherwise specified.

Another suggestion is to contact the funeral directors who may know or could ask. I host many funerals a year and even where it is a "black" funeral dress codes have softened, no need for plain black so a black dress with subtle flowers is a great option. Child funerals are the trickiest by far as so emotional even for us who don't know the family, asking for advice really is respectful

Dark grey or Navy would also be respectful.

I agree with trying to find out whether the parents have made any request - e.g. by asking a family member or friend or the funeral directors as suggested.

When I was in this situation the parents did specifically ask people not to wear black (because there were going to be children there and they didn't want that kind of atmosphere) but the message didn't get to everyone.

When we buried our baby son, what our close family and friends wore was the last thing on my mind. I'd suggest respectfully sombre but not necessarily black.

Agree with a pp. If there is a request, the funeral directors should have it, so ask them.

There has been no mention of dress code from the mum (single parent). She is my cousin but we are not very close and this side of the family are generally a bit “out there”, for example wearing jogging bottoms to our Grandparents funeral. I wouldn’t ever dress inappropriately and I wouldn’t let what they choose to wear affect my decision in wearing something smart and respectful but it was when my sister said that you “shouldn’t” wear black to a child’s funeral, I was thinking I had never heard of this before?! I think I will stick to all black unless told otherwise but maybe take a nice pink scarf or brooch to pop on if appropriate. Thank you all for your help!