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Original poster

Black tie - really?

47 replies

MerryMarigold · 27/10/2023 23:10

It's my niece's 16th coming up. The invitation says 'dresscode: black tie'. We are a family of 5 (3 male, 2 female) and precisely zero of us own any black tie attire.

What can we get away with wearing? Boys all have suits. Dd and I don't have anything - summer wedding outfit that's all. I'm not one to buy for one-offs. Oh, the venue is their house. What shall we do?

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 27/10/2023 23:13

Ignore it and come dressed however you like, what are they going to do?

catwithflowers · 27/10/2023 23:16

Gosh, that's a bit OTT, especially given the celebration is at home! I would just wear whatever your nicest outfit is, be that a dress or nice pants and top maybe with some heels. Get the kids to wear their suits, smart trousers, shirt and tie for your husband, nice dress for your daughter?

Could you chat with the hosts about the dress code to clarify as it sounds a little odd for a 16th birthday at their house 😳

abc56 · 27/10/2023 23:17

How old is your DD?

Original poster
MerryMarigold · 27/10/2023 23:19

My DD is 15.

Yes, I think I will just dress 'nicely' (even that will require a purchase but at least more wearable).

Suits for the boys. Thanks for reassurance. I didn't want to put my foot in it.

OP posts:
Original poster
MerryMarigold · 27/10/2023 23:22

Doggymummar · 27/10/2023 23:13

Ignore it and come dressed however you like, what are they going to do?

They can't do anything but I don't want to feel like a melon with everyone swanning about in evening dresses. Why does anyone wear black tie when it's requested?

I think SIL did it on purpose. She hates me! (And knows we would not have these clothes).

OP posts:
abc56 · 27/10/2023 23:23

Maybe buy your DD something that could be used for any of her friends 16th birthdays or Christmas parties.

Agree that the dress code is way ott for in the home unless they live in some sort of country Manor House.

FrozenGhost · 27/10/2023 23:27

I would dress nicely but I wouldn't worry too much about the specifics. I recently went to a black tie wedding, and the guests as a whole didn't look any different to other weddings I've been to that had a "formal" dress code or no dress code specified.

gotomomo · 27/10/2023 23:33

Suit and ties for the males, dresses below the knee for the females, I'd check out your local charity shops, bonus if it works for Christmas dos

overlyinvestedagain · 27/10/2023 23:35

My 17 year old received a party invitation recently that asked her friends to wear floral garden party dresses.

She hasn't got a floral dress so simply wore
a long fitted dress. Nobody else even made the remotest attempt to wear what was asked.

Don't bother buying something especially, it will be a waste of money!

Mariandel · 27/10/2023 23:40

I think SIL did it on purpose. She hates me! (And knows we would not have these clothes).

Maybe your niece just thought it would be fun.

Suits and ties are not black tie. The male members of your family could probably get something from a vintage/charity/second hand shop. Actually so could the female members.

IaltagDhubh · 27/10/2023 23:54

Vinted? Tons of prom dresses on there for a few quid. Could reuse it for prom/Christmas/new year/some other event, or just stick them back on Vinted and sell them on again afterwards. For the boys, just get bow ties to go with their suits they already have.

Spirallingdownwards · 27/10/2023 23:58

I suspect your niece chose black tie as it is often thr choice of youngsters these days.

Suits aren't black tie unless they happen to have black suits and can wear them with a bow tie. H&M do tux jackets cheaply if they already have black trousers

friendlycat · 28/10/2023 00:35

How about just buying some black bow ties for the men/boys to wear with their suits from Amazon. It’s then in keeping with the spirit of the invite without any ridiculous expense. Nice dress for you etc.

That's what lots of the boys do at their year end prom style parties with the girls in nice dresses etc

Ladyaelic · 28/10/2023 00:38

Do they live in a castle or something? Or is your SIL just a bit Hyacinth??

Guavafish1 · 28/10/2023 06:00

if the men have black suits, then that's OK. Ladies cab wear anything.

but as everyone said wear what you'll like.

LovelyGreenCushions · 28/10/2023 06:21

Go on vinted
search evening suits and wedding as well as black tie

LovelyGreenCushions · 28/10/2023 06:23

Black tie is black dinner suits/tuxedos not any suit
Ladies floor length

Mariandel · 28/10/2023 06:26

LovelyGreenCushions · 28/10/2023 06:23

Black tie is black dinner suits/tuxedos not any suit
Ladies floor length

Doesn't have to be floor length.

Mariandel · 28/10/2023 06:29

Guavafish1 · 28/10/2023 06:00

if the men have black suits, then that's OK. Ladies cab wear anything.

but as everyone said wear what you'll like.

Not everyone. There's some mean spirited posts on here. I don't think this is anything more than the OP 's niece thinking it would be fun. Why not make an attempt to play along?

CurlewKate · 28/10/2023 06:33

It does seem ridiculously over the top for a 16th at home. But technically black tie means dinner jackets for the men. I assume most people are not going to buy/hire one for occasion!

Papillon23 · 28/10/2023 06:34

LovelyGreenCushions · 28/10/2023 06:23

Black tie is black dinner suits/tuxedos not any suit
Ladies floor length

Technically, yes

In reality (and I've been to a lot of black tie dinners, though not military black tie), I've never seen there be a problem with any black suit + a bow tie.

Re bow ties - last time I checked m and s had self tie bow ties with a catch at the back.

I.e. https://www.marksandspencer.com/pure-silk-bow-tie/p/clp60591401#intid=pidpg1pip5g2r2c1

You can therefore do up the back, tie them round your own thigh and then undo the back catch and put them round your neck.

Facilitates having an undone bow tie at the end of the night while also meaning you don't have to faff trying to do them up.

M&S

Pure Silk Bow Tie | M&S Collection | M&S

This self-tie bow tie is made from pure silk, making it a luxurious choice for formal events. M&S Collection: easy-to-wear wardrobe staples that combine classic and contemporary styles.

https://www.marksandspencer.com/pure-silk-bow-tie/p/clp60591401#intid=pid_pg1pip5g2r2c1

RantyAnty · 28/10/2023 06:54

Do they actually know what black tie means?

Gingercreams · 28/10/2023 06:55

Have you thought of hiring - could hire dresses for you and your daughter too?

That's what most men I know do for black tie. I agree that black tie for a teenager's birthday at home sounds over the top. Are we to assume that her father will wearing black tie? In fact the whole thing sounds so pretentious I probably wouldn't go.

Gingercreams · 28/10/2023 06:57

For what it's worth, tying a bow tie is not easy, go for the elasticated version.

Housewife2010 · 28/10/2023 07:17

I would check with the parents. I think it will be a huge imposition and expense for many of the guests. It is ok for people to say to check charity shops & Vinted. It still takes time and can be a hassle if items don't fit.