An empty nest and a crap wardrobe - please help!

[Scatternobrains]

Hi,

both my kids are now at uni and I feel its time to focus on me and I definitely need an overhaul in every sense of the word.

I need to get a life, hobbies, date nights with the hubby and more friends that may also have older children. Many of my closest friends have small children in tow and whilst I love them all, I would love some friends who don't have to bring the kids, plan baby-sitters and could just pack up and go for a cheeky weekend away last minute.

I feel like first step is my wardrobe. My god that needs help and I think I will get a huge confidence boost.

I am 42, 5'3 and about 13.5 stone generally a size 16. I have cracking boobs, big hips, a big bum but I do have a waist. My legs are trying to imitate tree trunks and I defiantly don't have ankles, I rock the cankles kind of look and try to cover these up. As a result I have always been drawn to long dresses and boots (although for the last 10 years have found my self in jeans and a long tops which don't do me justice). With autumn approaching it feels like the perfect time to rock long dresses and skirts with a pair of knee high boots and look like the sexy, confident beast that is in me somewhere.

I have lived in clothes mostly from next, oasis, monsoon and perhaps the supermarkets but now its my time and I really want to spoil my self and build a capsule wardrobe filled with quality items.

This week I searched on mumsnet for old posts about clothing shops for the 40 something and used the answers to check out a few. I have bought a gorgeous long black shirt dress from John Lewis, and a pair of brown knee high boots from Duo, a nice chunky chain link necklace and bracelet from John Lewis. They have arrived today, I have just gotten out of my Pj's and tried them on. I looked great, and felt like me again for the first time in about 10 or 20 years. Thats who I want to see in the mirror.

https://www.johnlewis.com/ro-zo-modal-pocket-detail-shirt-dress-black/p110988305?size=16&s_ppc=2dx_mixed_fashion_BAU&tmad=c&tmcampid=2&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIkeevk5ncgQMVAkJBAh2rNQALEAQYAiABEgLuXfD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

https://duoboots.com/products/harper-black-suedette? I found a new brown pair on eBay for £60

https://www.johnlewis.com/tutti-co-two-tone-chunky-chain-necklace-silver-gold/p5340045

https://www.johnlewis.com/tutti-co-two-tone-oval-link-chain-bracelet-silver-gold/p5309586

and have a skirt and top (which could make me look like I have a shelf) coming any day from Me & Em

https://www.meandem.com/jacobean-cord-tiered-skirt-indigo-yellow-brown

https://www.meandem.com/soft-rib-roll-neck-top-cream

So I am looking for places to shop now, places that do beautiful quality clothes, place that I may not have heard of or looked. I don't have loads of money but will build this slowly over time and I am happy to spend up to £150/200 on a banging dress, £100 on amazing tops, and if I can find trousers to fit me right and flatter my shape then that would be amazing.

Please help me, where else can I shop to build this new wardrobe?

You should post in Style and Beauty/ lots of great advice there. Good luck!

OP, message MNHQ and get your thread moved to the Style and Beauty board, they're a helpful bunch, I'm not sure Women's Health will get you many replies!

Good luck with the transformation!

Brilliant choices . But at 5'3 , like me , do you find dresses swamp you length wise ? I love the JL dress but way too long for me.

I've found some stuff I like in Mint Velvet - similar situation - recently retired and now have the time and money to dress with a bit more care. I find it tricky sometimes to find stuff I actually want to buy, so you've started well!

Well on my one dress experience so far, it was above ankles but below calfs, and my whole leg is hidden with the boots. I am really happy with the length with boots. I would not wear it with shoes as you would see my cankles.

Many of the dresses I have seen see to be midi length and are calf length on the gorgeous slim models. I definitely couldn't wear things that kind of length with my tree trunks and ankles but thinking they may be much closer to my ankles as I am so short and they are likely to be a lot taller than me.

I suspect if I buy some of the long dresses that must be out there, they will be on the floor, but I am happy to get them shortened if they fit else where.

Hello OP - we're moving your thread over to our Style & Beauty topic, as requested.

Yes, it can definitely be hard but hopefully worth it. I have spent hours trawling on line over the last week and go round and round in circles. Hope you have some good successes soon.

I am interested in how are you planning to get new mates? I am 45 and have no idea how to go about it. Didn’t grow up in the UK, so no friends inherited from younger days…

Your guess is as good as mine!

I went to a Camera club in my local town. I love taking photos and it was always the kids playing rugby. Now I don't have that subject matter, I thought a camera club would inspire me give me a reason to get out the house more and maybe make some new friends. I put my big girl knickers on (under my horrible jeans and frumpy top) and went on my own. Unfortunately every body was so much older than me, and I am talking the majority in their 70's. They were lovely enough and clealry we have the common interets of photography, but they were not the age group or life stage of the people I am hoping to have in my life over the coming years.

So I am back to the drawing board.

Have you considered

Wyse London https://www.wyselondon.com/collections/dresses?page=1
Albaray https://www.albaray.co.uk/
I like Whistles for knits and coats https://www.whistles.com/

I stumbled on Wyse last night and def saw a few bits on there, hadn't looked at Whistles so will check that out and had not heard of albaray so will take a look proper look there too (first glance looks good) . Thankyou

Think I am about to place an order with Phase Eight. Does anybody shop there, if so you can refer a friend (me) and you get 15% of you next order and I get that off my first order. Anybody?

I'm a similar shape to you and love Hobbs (via Vinted) and PrettyKitty for nice dresses that work well on curvy shapes. I've also been eyeing up Bombshell and Nancy Mac for more luxury stuff...
What sort of colours work well for you/what is your colouring? And what kind of life do you lead, day to day? I'll find you some links :)

PS - also a similar age and recently moved to a new area. Local craft morning on a Saturday has turned up two new friends. Am trying a pilates class next :) The school gates have been fairly useless now the kids are older.

Hi, some of those I have never herd of so will check them out shortly.

I am a psychotherapist working from home 2 days a week so like to be comfy and appear relaxed and informal. Three days a week I deliver therapy in a prison where all my clients are males convicted of sexual offences. I have to consider how I look there, ie no low tops, short skirts, no denim or toes showing, I guess a relaxed professional look is ideal.

With lots of spare time on my hands weekends may now consist of being out with my camera, the odd lunch or meal out with hubby or friends, little weekends away perhaps walking at National Trust type places or just mooching around locally to where ever we are visiting.

I am quite girly, live in the country rather than city, fairly low maintenance in my appearance, although as I get more confident I suspect I will take a lot more pride in how I look.

I had my colours done last year (cant find them right now) but I have always been drawn to reds, burgundies, mustards, greens, brighter pinks and camel and they were definitely in amongst the colours on my chart, pale colours did not suit me. I was a dyed red head then, and after an allergic reaction to hair dye where my whole face ballooned (and then a sudden realisation my face always went bumpy about 10 days after having my hair dyed for years) I can no longer be a red head and cover my two stripes of grey at the front. So I am now very light blonde and wondering how much my colours would change as a result.

On the making friends front, I’m 42 and still find it easy to make friends - though I am also eclectic about the ages I hang out with. Some of my favourite people are in their 70s/80s. I find sports are good places to make friends (though I would run a mile from any organised team sports 😬) as the changing/getting sorted/finding equipment has lots of opportunities for chat and generally bonding over the pain that you cause yourself by doing bungee jumping or sand sailing or whatever it is now you aren’t in your 20s.

On the wardrobe revamp, how would
a personal shopping session work -quite a few people seem to have tried John Lewis with success. Other things that might help get an idea of the look you want are the book the curated closet (which is about planning your wardrobe to fit the life you actually have) and the thread on here by Lavender Hills called something like thanks to s and b I am now achieving the pursuit
of elegance. It’s in mumsnet classics.

Good luck! Sounds like an exciting place to be!

I like phase 8, hobbs, next, hush, seasalt. But I'm a bit older. Build it up gradually, invest in a going out outfit and get booking.

I could have written your post OP! Even down to a similar job.
I've joined a sailing class and DH and I have started a line dancing class which is actually hilarious as it involves a lot of alcohol.
Love the skirt you linked to.

Maybe start your own club? Good Luck😆

If you can sing (or even hold a tune), a choir can be a good way to meet new people.

Or a ladies golf lesson.

That was a very helpful post o thanks for mentioning it. Its given me some focus, a tan bag I want and the made to measure t shirts too. Thanks

Wow, 42 and your children have flown the nest! I’m three years younger and my child is still a baby (due to infertility). I feel tired about thinking how old I’ll be when mine is at university!

No advice but enjoy the new you!

That’s good to hear verasrainciat I had mine at 41 and 42, now I’m free, I’m 60! And reinventing life and wardrobe. Very very odd to be so ancient.

Just thinking about more casual/comfy looks for WFH and prison, those heeled boots are lovely but I'm guessing you don't want to wear them everywhere!

You could try drapey wide leg pants which are long enough to pool a bit at your feet, can be worn with trainers or flat boots like Docs and conceal your legs/ankles. Worn with something tucked in or tailored at the waist to show off your shape.