Androgeny in middle age

[WhatAmIAsking]

Help!
I'm mid 40s, and have a few smart, evening type events coming up.
I haven't been OUT out for a few years, for whatever reason, and suddenly find I have no idea what to wear with my new age and "updated" shape...

In my youth, I generally dressed quite androgenously, and to events like these, I'd wear, say, slouchy, wide pinstriped trousers, flat or chunky shoes/trainers, and a tight top or shirt. Of course, back then, I was skinny (and I like to think quite stylish). Although I'm still fairly slim (size 10), I now have quite a bust, a saggier bum, and am a generally thicker set, with, erm, quite mumsy hair.

Now, I feel like the androgenous style I feel best in will just make me look frumpy and shapeless. Do I have to learn to wear dresses? Help?

No, you don't! I love the androgynous look and am mostly in wide leg trousers myself. Am also a size 10 and middle aged.

A smart jumpsuit or velvet blazer? Maybe from Vinted? Have you looked at Cos?

Following with interest.

I love a silk shirt with well cut trousers, and I think it's ageless.

Sounds as if what you want is a new haircut?

And yes, I can’t see why you wouldn’t look excellent in a velvet suit (or just the trousers) and a silk shirt.

My favourite evening look at the moment is silky, slouchy wide legged trousers. You can dress them down with tshirt and trainers, or up with a smarter top and jacket, or anything in between. It’s a great way of looking like you’ve made an effort without sacrificing comfort.

Where do you get slouchy silky wide leg trousers from?

I have a gunmetal colour pair from hush and some bright pink ones from John Lewis.

These aren’t mine, but I like them https://www.hush-uk.com/melanie-satin-trousers-purple/009142-0070.html

Bit of inspiration?

https://www.matchesfashion.com/search?text=Waistcoat&q=l2%3Acatalog01_womensshop_womensclothing#1500275

Androgynous clothes are everywhere rn. Get something in a luxe fabric like silk or velvet that will make you feel good and comfortable. And get your hair cut!

Ooh, thank you all. I wasn't expecting responses to this!

@CharlotteRumpling thank you - I will look at Cos and Vinted. I'm a big fan of the wide trouser and silk shirt look too. I struggle with my boobs, though - I have to get shirts too big for the rest of me, to accommodate them.

@LaviniasBigBloomers and @EdmontinaDonsAutumnalHues you're right - I need a good haircut.... will prioritise that.

@LoobyDop I'm looking into the silky trouser thing... am very interested in these!

I wonder if slouchy, silky combat trousers could be smart in the right context?

Thank you all again - I'm heartened by this, and following all your links. Any more are gratefully received!

Shoes - that's another issue. Models always seem to be wearing heels or trainers with slouchy/wide trousers. Can I wear trainers to smart/"cocktail wear" type things? Definitely not wearing heels...

I like the sound of your style. Get a good bra to give you a bit of 'bounce' back and go for it.

I would. Gives the outfit a bit of edge, not ones you'd wear running or hiking though.

You can definitely wear flats - I go for something slightly pointed with slouchy trousers. You could also look at the thats not my age blog - she is older than you and does wear some dresses but not often and she describes her style as "gentlewoman"

Thank you @Fallingthroughclouds . I wonder if I could get away with my (clean) converse. Only the toes show anyway?

@Brillenbar47 I will look at that blog - thank you!

I'm so grateful for all your lovely posts - thanks again. Much more hopeful now that I don't need to start venturing into dresses, which I've never enjoyed.

I wonder whether waistcoats could solve my boob issue?

I love a waistcoat. Get your shirt that fits the boob's, tailored to be more fitted

That was why I linked a pageful of waistcoats, @WhatAmIAsking - they do make very louche tops for an androgynous going out look.

I'm glad you're heartened by the replies op. I'm your size and about 20 years older and had similar misgivings when I went back to an androgynous look (last worn by me in the 80s). But then I remembered all the out-of-shape men who were twice my size and who were totally transformed by a well fitting suit or dinner jacket.

I've mostly just softened things slightly to accommodate boobs and jowls. So instead of the buttoned up shirts and ties of old, I wear silk shirts and V neck sweaters. As for finding silk shirts that fit boobs - I personally like them loose fitting and technically too big.

Velvet or silky trousers are great but I also like sober, pin-stripe trousers with a glitzy top. Or a tuxedo jacket (although they might not be in the shops for a few more weeks) with as little or as much as you like underneath. And a men's paisley scarf - I adore them.

I don't wear trainers (never liked them) so I normally go for brogues instead.

Don't forget to have your hair done. (And then never call yourself 'mumsy' again!)

I am very much in the market for a waistcoat and I have the same boobs issue you do OP. Though my problem is I hate my arms... and I think they look great with bare arms.

For shirts, I'm planning to do what I did in the summer which was wear a tight, tucked in vest under an open man's cotton shirt. For winter I'm planning to experiment with a silk shirt but feel that if I wear a vest I can have it barely buttoned/half tucked or whatever, but not have any skin on show. Or silk cami or T under a mannish jacket and keep the jacket on (I say that breezily, but 'keeping the jacket on' is a menopause nightmare!)

Thank you for this thread! I have been struggling with the how to wear dresses because bigger boobs and broad shoulders make me look like a sofa in most dresses! And the elegance of androgynous style is on long lines and angles, so hard to achieve when your angles have softened up of disappeared

I have always loved the androgynous look from 70s chic, 80s strong looking models. I still think a beautiful white shirt is one the most flattering items you can get.

I was looking for an outfit too and found white shirt with a mid/maxi circle/full tafetta skirt might be the solution. https://www.boden.co.uk/en-gb/taffeta-pull-on-midi-skirt-black/sty-r0286-blk?code=F7P3&tcch=ps&tccve=goog&tcso=pla&tccme=cr&tcca=drop-offer&tccau=pla-300681553331&tccr=na&tcccampid=UK+-+Shopping+-+WW+-+Brand+Queries&tcadgroupid=Catch+All&tcckwid=PRODUCTGROUP&tccmatchid=&gclid=CjwKCAjwgsqoBhBNEiwAwe5w0yCEN3U36C7-B5ADDFi6BenMy49BznaLPIBFJcDzaaz2977c2unf6hoCuPMQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

As pp have said shirts and trousers are fab atm, but the boobs are an issue. I have been trying nice vests so that i can have more buttons open on a slimmer shaped shirt and am excited by the return of the waistcoat too! I am looking into some if the newer minimiser bras too just to see if they help with shape?

As for shoes I bought a pair of v elegant leather boots- only ankle length but beautiful soft leather and v slim looking. They dress up anything.

I wonder if slouchy, silky combat trousers could be smart in the right context?

Like this?

https://www.net-a-porter.com/en-gb/shop/product/r13/clothing/wide-leg/pleated-wool-satin-wide-leg-cargo-pants/1647597316524518

Yes sorry I forgot to say, I always wear some kind of vest under a shirt, but particularly when it's loose fitting so that I can lean forward and generally move without any worries.
(Incidentally I was in London just for a day last week and on the tube spotted a couple of men wearing a red string vest just visible under a shirt. It looked very striking. Maybe not for an evening do though! But then again....)

I really love this look. (Though I’d want the waistcoat to be actual wool.)

https://www.zara.com/uk/en/zw-collection-oversize-pinstripe-waistcoat-p08239571.html?v1=303037101&v2=2290782