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Original poster

Can we stop commenting on peoples figures please ( unless they ask)

123 replies

Sidebeforeself · 21/09/2023 21:55

I see so many threads on here when people post a picture of an outfit and then other posters respond with comments like “You have a fab figure”. I know people are just being nice, but thats not what people are asking . It’s so reductive - we should be able to say “ooh I prefer the green dress” and leave it at that . It’s different if someone is asking for comments about their figure, but if its a general question about the clothes that are wearing , it’s so unnecessary.

OP posts:
FiveShelties · 22/09/2023 08:53

I love telling people they look great and cannot see anything wrong with telling someone they have a fantastic figure.

Is there anything else you would look to ban as well OP, perhaps passing comment on other threads such as

I really like her look today .Smart and autumnal. She is very very slim or is OK if it is you passing comment?

clowniform · 22/09/2023 08:54

@NatashaDancing YY I think there are two mutually incomprehensible tribes on here, one that sees the body as a canvas for clothes and one that sees clothes as functional tool for showing off/flattering/what-have-you the body.

NatashaDancing · 22/09/2023 08:56

MorrisZapp · 22/09/2023 08:42

I've fired out compliments in every direction all my life. I love it, others love receiving it, and I'll carry on ta.

I give compliments about clothes, not about "fab figures" or how the person looks. I do that regularly and I regularly get compliments about my clothes.

Original poster
Sidebeforeself · 22/09/2023 08:56

My point is more about dont we get enough unsolicited comments on our bodies? I think it’s different if someone is saying “ Do these shoes make my ankles look fat?” ..But no , in general Im not a misery guts and , of course compliments aren’t rude. But Im just saying I find it uncomfortable when a discussion about fashion becomes strangers commenting on someone’s body when they haven’t asked for it.

OP posts:
pictoosh · 22/09/2023 08:56

I lost a TON of weight a few years ago and have kept it off. Have never got over the delight of being told I look good and/or slim. I worked hard for it (and still do).

Gnomegarden32 · 22/09/2023 08:57

There’s so much vileness online in general, we can’t ban nice comments!

Original poster
Sidebeforeself · 22/09/2023 08:57

And yes I’ve done it myself @FiveShelties which is why I said “we”.

OP posts:
NatashaDancing · 22/09/2023 08:58

clowniform · 22/09/2023 08:54

@NatashaDancing YY I think there are two mutually incomprehensible tribes on here, one that sees the body as a canvas for clothes and one that sees clothes as functional tool for showing off/flattering/what-have-you the body.

Good point. Asolutely spot on. I'm firmly in the first camp, both for my own look and on what I give compliments to.

TheChosenTwo · 22/09/2023 08:59

I absolutely hate anyone commenting on my figure, whether I’ve gained OR lost weight, it makes me feel so excruciatingly self conscious. I don’t comment on anyone else’s weight either (unless they specially ask I suppose). My body is not a topic of discussion.

FiveShelties · 22/09/2023 09:01

Sidebeforeself · 22/09/2023 08:57

And yes I’ve done it myself @FiveShelties which is why I said “we”.

What has changed for you since last week?

I feel it is good to tell people they look good and cannot see anything wrong with it at all.

Pinkflamingopants · 22/09/2023 09:01

Stop giving compliments? Oh come on. Have we become such a weak society that we can’t even say something positive about the way someone looks without people getting offended?!

NatashaDancing · 22/09/2023 09:03

TheChosenTwo · 22/09/2023 08:59

I absolutely hate anyone commenting on my figure, whether I’ve gained OR lost weight, it makes me feel so excruciatingly self conscious. I don’t comment on anyone else’s weight either (unless they specially ask I suppose). My body is not a topic of discussion.

I can understand that. I used to be very very slim- now not so. Neither had very much to do with effort on my part. On the other hand making a conscious effort to buy the sort of clothes I buy is entirely in my control. I like compliments about my clothes

Original poster
Sidebeforeself · 22/09/2023 09:29

Nothing . I have thought this for a long time but I have caught myself doing it too

OP posts:
Floisme · 22/09/2023 09:56

NatashaDancing · 22/09/2023 08:58

Good point. Asolutely spot on. I'm firmly in the first camp, both for my own look and on what I give compliments to.

Show quote history

I think this nails it. I'm a defector from the second camp and the day I twigged that wearing what flatters doesn't have to be the sole point of getting dressed was a game changer.

I love compliments. I don't see the op (the whole op, not just the thread title) as being about that at all. For me it's more about the widespread assumption by so many posters that we should only wear what suits us and that anyone who doesn't go along with that must be some kind of fashion addled dimwit.

I can't see us ever reaching an understanding. I don't even know why I'm bothering to post. We really are two nations divided by a common language.

NatashaDancing · 22/09/2023 09:59

There's a current thread where a poster asked if a dress was suitable for a work do. (Answer - yes it's fine)

It's being swamped with the "it doesn't show off your fab figure" comments, which aren't what they poster asked about (and are illogical because clearly it must or it wouldn't be commented on)

Lentilweaver · 22/09/2023 10:47

Oh I have definitely complimented someone's figure. Though I don't think I have done it often..Hmmm...this gives me pause for thought.

IRL I like being complimented for my figure. I an quite basic.

shoeawsome · 22/09/2023 12:12

NatashaDancing · 22/09/2023 09:59

There's a current thread where a poster asked if a dress was suitable for a work do. (Answer - yes it's fine)

It's being swamped with the "it doesn't show off your fab figure" comments, which aren't what they poster asked about (and are illogical because clearly it must or it wouldn't be commented on)

That's the thread that prompted my post really.
Lovely dress, current, fashionable , OP looked great!

shoeawsome · 22/09/2023 12:14

Posted too soon sorry - she's on a work night out, maybe she doesn't want to be 'showing off her amazing figure' .

If she's anything like me she wants a fashionable dress, pleasant evening with colleagues & a nice dinner! 🤣

MorrisZapp · 22/09/2023 12:15

Oh come off it.

'Is this dress suitable for a work do?

Yes, that dress is suitable for a work do'

Hardly makes for a riveting, chatty thread. If we were only allowed to answer the specific question asked in the op mumsnet would close within a week.

TheChosenTwo · 22/09/2023 12:19

NatashaDancing · 22/09/2023 09:59

There's a current thread where a poster asked if a dress was suitable for a work do. (Answer - yes it's fine)

It's being swamped with the "it doesn't show off your fab figure" comments, which aren't what they poster asked about (and are illogical because clearly it must or it wouldn't be commented on)

I saw that thread too, think I commented that it was lovely and yes people went straight in talking about her body. SHE WAS NOT ASKING FOR COMMENTS ABOUT HER FUCKING BODY.
If you can’t tell, I was really pissed off on her behalf! I find it such a gross invasion when anyone talks about my body, keep your thoughts and opinions where they belong, in your head.

ThursdayLastWeek · 22/09/2023 12:20

Agreed. There are so many things to compliment a person for that aren’t their body.

Lentilweaver · 22/09/2023 12:33

May I just say that if I ever post any pictures on here- I doubt I will- please feel free to compliment me on my figure, which I work hard for. I don't find it a gross invasion. No one need be pissed off on my behalf.

I am also incredibly intelligent, charismatic, kind, sincere and fun, but I wouldn't expect you to know that by looking at my photo!😁

NatashaDancing · 22/09/2023 13:59

MorrisZapp · 22/09/2023 12:15

Oh come off it.

'Is this dress suitable for a work do?

Yes, that dress is suitable for a work do'

Hardly makes for a riveting, chatty thread. If we were only allowed to answer the specific question asked in the op mumsnet would close within a week.

Yes I take your point but on the other hand the "show your fab figure" replies might just be a tad irrelevant if that is the style of dress the OP picked and unhelpful to her question?

smallshinybutton · 22/09/2023 14:46

Ok

Leggytigberk · 22/09/2023 15:08

Do you seriously believe that I choose a dress because of its colour or fabric texture only. I think I have a good shape for my age and height, even if it is a case of "nice tits shame about the face" please notice the skill in my choice. It is part of the reasons we like being female. I do not want to be a non male.

ps are you sure you don't want to police the thread.