Handbag for a 21st birthday £100 budget?

[whoseafraidofnaomiwolf]

My son's utterly lovely girlfriend is going to be 21 at the end of the month. I'd love to take her out for a posh(ish) lunch and then handbag shopping. I know my budget isn't the biggest (it's a tough year), but any suggestions/ recommendations for a good bag that will stand the test of time and make her feel special when she uses it?

Kate Spade always have amazing bags in the sale

Hi OP,
I think you come across as a caring warm person, but I haven't actually seen you reference what she wants at all... Has she even said that she wants a new bag?
I get on well with my MiL, but I have to say in the first few years of my relationship with my (now) DH she would often buy me quite extravagant gifts on my birthday or Christmas that were very well-intentioned but 100% not anything I'd have chosen for myself. If she'd have told me we were going shopping to choose me a handbag at 21 years old I'd have died of embarrassment and anxiety. To me it would feel very pressured and also being treated like a child (which I know isn't how this is intended!)
So my questions would be:

• Does she have an interest in handbags?
• Has she said she wants a new one?
• Do you already go shopping with her to buy her things? (As if this is a pre-existing side of your relationship it would feel very different).

As I say, I really do believe you're trying to be very kind, but I'd really think through the "taking her shopping to choose something I've told her she has to choose as a gift" idea. If she truly doesn't want a bag or finds it awkward if she doesn't quickly find one she likes then I don't think it's the lovely idea that it looks like in your head!

The thought of being considered a future daughter in law at 21 would have had me running for the hills too

Same here.

To be fair it isn't the OP who has said "future DIL" but a gesture like this very much implies that you are thinking that way. Which might be fair enough, if they are living together, discussing marriage etc. But equally they may not be, only the OP knows.

I have children and step children in their 20s and Ridley bags would be a massive NO.

What DO 21 year olds use to put their stuff in when they go out? I read upthread someone said their daughter took their phone and lippy and put it in their pockets. This sounds really grunge! When I was 21 I couldn't have imagined going out without a bag, and I had a (dupe) Mulberry Alexa and a Birkin bag. It's not that long ago.

I remember my then boyfriend's mate's girlfriend came out with us and she didn't have a bag, and everyone was aghast?!

Are designer bags still a thing? (Not saying Radley is properly “designer”)
I thought lovely but discreetly unlabelled got you more cool points these days, and I haven’t noticed any of my colleagues with big name bags recently, but I saw a couple of friends at the weekend who both had them.

This was exactly what I was trying to say, though you’ve said it more gently and eloquently than I did!

I'm in the cringe camp too I'm afraid. It's a generous amount of money for a gift but it shouldn't come with the obligation to choose a bag or anything else. If you choose a gift you should absolutely give her a receipt and the option to return or exchange it too. (Unless you know exactly what she likes and wants.) Giving her a budget of £100 may mean she might see something for £150 that she loves but can't have it even if she put her own money towards it through embarrassment, and that would be a shame I think.

I personally don't think it's unkind to bring to the OP's attention that whilst some people may love this idea, others may find it really stress/ anxiety-inducing. I don't think people are judging the OP for the idea, more trying to say it might not go down as well as she thinks it will!

I think what's tricky for us is that OP hasn't said anything yet about what her relationship with her son's girlfriend is like, so it's hard to make judgements as to whether she'd likely appreciate this gesture or not. I didn't use the term cringe in my post, but I can definitely say that this method of present selection would have made me feel thoroughly uncomfortable, as a 21 year old and now in my mid-thirties!

I hate that Chloe bag.

I don’t always agree with @NatashaDancing but I do on lots of the things she’s said on here.

I like this, and it is called Joan!

@ilovemydogmore Stealth boast! If you don't go in all the shops, please do not make comments that you need £2000 to spend on a bag there when you don’t. If you know your brands, it’s possible to know what the price points are.

I think £100 for "Recycled Canvas" is a lot of money. I'd rather have a nice tan leather tote - but I am not 21.

Exactly...a nice leather handbag (or leather anything) isn't always appreciated these days. Some people prefer vegan friendly stuff, others (including the younger generation) now prefer to buy vintage/second hand. £100 is a considered purchase for some and a throw away amount to another...it sounds like the worst case scenario is that it gets wasted on a impulse purchase that isn't really wanted

The Chloe bag is cute I think

I love mine!! Win win that it is called Joan! 😁

In your opinion!! Are you in your 20s?

Crap!! My fashion design graduate loves Steve Madden! She has loved Michael Kors too but they are so ubiquitous and too many fakes!

I assume that as your son has been in a relationship with this girl for some time that you have a pretty good idea what she likes!

I can't see how buying a gift for a son's GF tags them as future DIL either?

I love the See by Chloe bag. I told my daughters what I wanted but they chose it. I think at 24 and 26, their taste is worthy of consideration!!

@whoseafraidofnaomiwolf please ignore the horrible people! You are a very caring person clearly!

I don’t say this to be cruel OP but I do think take some of the suggestions with a pinch of salt. Some of the brands suggested are just not a 21 year olds vibe and you don’t want to end up wasting your money or putting her (and potentially you) in an awkward position.

I still think longchamp is the best option here. It’s so inoffensive and also not a cool brand that will go out of style next week, but also not exclusively a more ‘mature’ brand as some of the PP have suggested (sorry!).

All 21 year olds are different but at that age I would have been a bit embarrassed if I’d been given a Radley bag by my MIL. Of course, I would have appreciated the thought but it would have been a total waste as I’d never have worn it.

if you are absolutely adamant it must be a bag, perhaps she may end up putting some of her own money towards it? I would personally leave options open - maybe she’d like some nice make up or perfume instead.

can you ask your son the sort of thing she’d like also?

I do like the chloe bag but I think it’s going to be tiny in real life.

Here's my two penneth.

Nice idea but also a little bit awks.

Deffo no to Radley.

Does it have to be a bag? Are you close enough to her to take her shopping? Do you know this is something she would enjoy / want ?

Also Ted Baker has had its day

Apologies for the time away from this thread, I had to travel a long distance at relatively short notice so was away from Mumsnet for a while.

Thank you so much to all who have taken the time to reply. Every reply is useful information. To answer some of the questions and assumptions: My plan would be to do exactly as some posters have described - a nice lunch, then a mooch round the shops, letting her know we have a roughly £100 budget to see if she can find a bag she likes well enough. I happen to know that she would really like a bag, and I will be encouraging her to look at the Longchamp collection to see if that fits the bill (unless she has a different one already in mind).

She's an utterly lovely girl - I'd spend more on her if I had it - and she's had a shit year. Those who commented that it's kind of thing you might do with your own Mum - I did actually have this in my mind. Her Mum died rather suddenly the day before her birthday last year, and whilst I'm keen not to overstep the mark, If I had died I would hope some kind other Mum would treat my daughter in a similar way on her 21st birthday. I'm not trying to replace her in any way, shape or form, but she's a young woman under the sphere of my care and I'd like to show her some extra love and care at the start of her special 21st year.