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Original poster

Would you expect to be forewarned if you were getting a hands on treatment from a man?

58 replies

GreyBlackBay · 15/09/2023 23:48

Friend's just been to the new salon in the next village. Went for a facial and head/ shoulder massage.

She was greeted and ushered into a room then her beautician came in, a man in his mid 20s.

She said he was friendly, professional, efficient and kept dropping in bits of info about his extensive qualifications. He did absolutely nothing to make her feel uncomfortable and yet she did. And she feels bad about it.

We're both up for men and women having equal opportunities in terms of careers, but neither of us wants a man doing our beauty treatments either.

Are we just old? Is this far more acceptable amongst a younger crowd? Would you at least expect to be warned?

Im sure it was once odd and uncomfortable to have a male hairdresser, maybe this is just a similar issue?

OP posts:
TotalOverhaul · 15/09/2023 23:50

I would. I went to a spa in Sweden once and booked a full body massage. In walked a young man! I felt so embarrassed. He was totally professional but I came out feeling tenser than I'd gone in.

TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth · 15/09/2023 23:53

I wouldn't like that at all. They'll be doing waxing next.
I don't care how old, prude or discriminatory that makes me look.

perfectsoundwhatever · 15/09/2023 23:54

I’m in my twenties and I think this is fine, but each to their own. I wouldn’t necessarily want a man doing my bikini wax, but a facial would be fine. I wouldn’t expect to be forewarned but would just request a female practitioner if that’s what I wanted, which you and your friend would be well within your rights to do.

continentallentil · 15/09/2023 23:55

No, I have massages from blokes.

If it bothers you, the onus is on you yo ask when you book - it’s not a big deal and they don’t need to ‘warn’ you.

NicLondon1 · 15/09/2023 23:55

Not at all personally! I’ve had many massages from male professionals, I like the firm touch, nothing more than that.
There are many famous celebs that go to male hairdressers or make-up artists, why not a masseur?
Perhaps it was just strange if you hadn’t experienced it before.

Precipice · 15/09/2023 23:57

I've only had a massage once (back and shoulders, I think), but it was a case of booking with a specific person, by name. I think that's how it should work.

I wouldn't feel comfortable with a man, both because you have to undress (although if hers was head/shoulder, maybe not?) and because you're being constantly touched. I'm not comfortable with that from a man.

I do go to a male barber, but there I'm fully clothed. I also don't feel the same tension and intimacy to having someone hold my hair a moment to cut it as having someone touch me on the body for a prolonged period.

I'm in my 20s.

Torganer · 16/09/2023 00:02

I’ve had 8 physios and 3 osteos all to do with lower back and leg pain. Only one of the osteos was a female, all the rest were male. I didn’t think anything of it - probably more intimate than a beauty treatment! I’ve had 50/50 male female hairdressers. 80/20 female male beauty salon nail technicians. Not sure what the issue is with someone doing a facial? I’d be impressed with qualifications, have never had a facial with someone who could list their qualifications!!!

namestevalian · 16/09/2023 00:17

I always have my massages from a man as I like strong pressure

Would have no issue with a man doing beauty treatments other than intimate waxing

If you want a female practitioner you need to request that

Original poster
GreyBlackBay · 16/09/2023 00:23

Agreed, I've had extensive gynae treatment and always a man, which is certainly more intimate!

His qualifications were more talking about his training, beauty college and a local posh spa, I think the new salon maybe operates like some hairdressers and the practitioners are self employed so he was selling himself, or maybe just reasurring her he want new to this .

We know now so can look on the site and request someone by name, so as to not have to say 'not the bloke please '. I'm pleased to hear some people wouldn't bat an eyelid, he sounds very committed to his career so will soon build up a client base.

OP posts:
Alloveragain3 · 16/09/2023 00:34

Some of the best massages I've had were from guys, especially when travelling in Asia.

I have no issue but if you prefer a female, all you need to do is specify this when booking. Simple!

SquirrelFan · 16/09/2023 07:56

I've walked out of a massage when the practitioner turned out to be a man. It was full - body and I just wasn't comfortable with it. I was also on my period (can't wear tampons) and was going to explain to the masseuse that I needed to keep my pants on, wearing a pad, etc, but could not face that conversation with a man! Wasn't given the option at booking. The spa let me reschedule, though.

LastHives · 16/09/2023 08:24

I would expect to be told. I have had massages all over the world and have never had a man do them. A gynae is completely different. TBH I don't even like a male doing a pedicure for me.

blobby10 · 16/09/2023 08:27

Wouldn't bother me but I have regular sports/deep tissue massages from a man. Strip down to knickers whilst he holds a massive sheet up then get settled and he covers me up. Would it be different if he wasn't gay? I don't know but he's so bloody good at his job that I don't care. My parents go to him too and mum is the biggest prude on the planet!

cruffinsmuffin · 16/09/2023 08:29

I wouldn't expect to be told in a salon where I hadn't requested a specific person - I'd expect to be told if I'd booked someone and they weren't available so someone else needed to step in.

Anickasmidden · 16/09/2023 08:31

I was getting laser hair removal and when I went to my appointment it was a trans man who was the practitioner. I was getting full bikini line done. I was ok and just got on with it but felt I would be difficult for anyone who wasn’t comfortable to speak out in this climate.

Usernamen · 16/09/2023 08:36

This wouldn’t bother me at all, and I’m not that young (mid-thirties).

The only thing I would prefer a female beautician for is a bikini wax/laser of bikini line.

ginislife · 16/09/2023 08:40

My child is transgender (boy to girl) and is a qualified beauty therapist. Gay so is completely not interested in anything women may or may not have ( in fact, I think is fairly asexual but hasn't realised yet) Her massages are amazing as she has strength in her hands. She's totally professional ensuring you're covered at all times if not being worked on. Doesn't do intimate waxing as "why would I want to be up close with some persons bits" 😀😂 Sorry but not every man is some some of pervert/rapist/sex offender, most are professional people doing a job and completely uninterested in your body/you on a personal level.
(And yes, I also agree she is a boy not a girl....)

Usernamen · 16/09/2023 08:41

GreyBlackBay · 16/09/2023 00:23

Agreed, I've had extensive gynae treatment and always a man, which is certainly more intimate!

His qualifications were more talking about his training, beauty college and a local posh spa, I think the new salon maybe operates like some hairdressers and the practitioners are self employed so he was selling himself, or maybe just reasurring her he want new to this .

We know now so can look on the site and request someone by name, so as to not have to say 'not the bloke please '. I'm pleased to hear some people wouldn't bat an eyelid, he sounds very committed to his career so will soon build up a client base.

Funny you mention gynaecology because I have never had a male gynaecologist thankfully. I think I would be embarrassed and feel awkward requesting a female when it comes to clinicians. More so than with aestheticians. Not sure why.

Almost all the GPs at my local surgery are women which meant DP had a hard time getting an appointment with a male GP for an intimate appointment. So it’s not just women who get embarrassed about these things.

Usernamen · 16/09/2023 08:43

Just to add, the guy who does my sports massage is so good at what he does that I genuinely forget that I’m lying on a table in just my knickers with only me and him in the room. I get lost in the massage, which is exquisite.

namestevalian · 16/09/2023 10:27

SquirrelFan · 16/09/2023 07:56

I've walked out of a massage when the practitioner turned out to be a man. It was full - body and I just wasn't comfortable with it. I was also on my period (can't wear tampons) and was going to explain to the masseuse that I needed to keep my pants on, wearing a pad, etc, but could not face that conversation with a man! Wasn't given the option at booking. The spa let me reschedule, though.

What massage do you go to where they aren't having recipients keeping underwear on ?

SquirrelFan · 16/09/2023 10:47

@namestevalian just a full - body one - they provide you with paper pants! Also the pad was bulky and could have been noticed, like when they push aside the pants to work on your glutes. Was prepared to speak to a woman about it, but not a man!

Floisme · 16/09/2023 11:06

My hairdresser is a man. We're in a public salon - no issue.

My dentist is a man. We're in a room behind a closed door but there's always a female assistant present - no issue.

I often see a male doctor. Again we're behind a closed door but if he needs to examine me in any way he will offer to fetch a chaperone - no issue.

If the massage is also behind a closed door with nobody else present then yes, as a minimum, I would expect to be told in advance if he were male.

TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth · 16/09/2023 11:15

Sorry but not every man is some some of pervert/rapist/sex offender, most are professional people doing a job and completely uninterested in your body/you on a personal level

Yes, we know, and no one's saying they are, but that doesn't mean we're not uncomfortable or embarrassed with a male therapist.
Women - people - have a choice over who they have touching them, and I and many others would sooner have a woman.

AprQ · 16/09/2023 11:20

So how would you feel if a man was giving you a pedicure then?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 16/09/2023 11:20

I had a full body massage recently by a man. I didn’t know until the time came and didn’t object. However had I been younger I would have hated it, felt very very embarrassed. He was good actually, but I would much rather have had a woman, and will check in future.