New wardrobe

[fedupnow2]

Hi Mn, I somehow went from being very trendy and chic to just losing it all to frumpy and really not knowing how to dress anymore. Im just 41, petite size 10, 159cm but have a 'tummy' after 2 babies so trousers and jeans are my biggest problem. I realised that over the last few years my wardrobe is very dark- black, navy, dark grey and just so depressing. I realise it's a reflection of how I feel about bout my body - just want to hide away. I am intending to donate almost my entire wardrobe but I need to replace it ALL. I need to start with basics but what are the basics and what are good brands? I need almost everything so with basics I would prefer to spend less and then spend more on expensive items like coats, shoes, jackets, jumpers. I was gifted a good budget by dh for my 40th and haven't spend it a year later so would like to start now. Please help!

I think firstly you need to say how you want to look. What’s the lifestyle you’re dressing for - SAHM, WFH, commute, “live in my gym kit”, building site, court, international travel???

And do you want fashion or just clothes?

And how much would you anticipate paying for individual items?

Thanks! Good questions.

I'm a sahm but would want something in between casual and smart.

I would like stylish clothes. So the basics but good quality. I feel so overwhelmed looking at capsule wardrobes on Pinterest. I often find something but don't know what stores to look at.

Bump

Quite honestly it probably isn’t worth paying more than Uniqlo prices for absolutely everyday home clothes while looking after small children. But for upgraded casual days you could have a look at Community Clothing which has some remarkably prettily coloured loungewear to get you out of the black/grey/navy rut. Excellent quality and exemplary ethics.

Then you could treat yourself to a wondrous scarf and beanie from Jo Gordon to make everything less workaday.

Perhaps look at the clothes in your wardrobe you reach for time and time again and look at how these can be improved and build up your wardrobe from there. Eg if you love jeans invest in a better pair you absolutely love and if you love T shirts, look for better quality/fit/fabric and then gradually build from there, looking at ways you can elevate the look with shoes/scarves/ jewellery/ outerwear. Then perhaps you may feel you’d like to add in a dress - really concentrate on thinking when and where you’d like wear this dress - can you you dress it up or dress it down for everyday. Do you feel good in it, does it match your lifestyle. Build it up slowly and give thought to every item and you are less likely to make purchasing mistakes . Build up the staple basics then add in the more interesting pieces that reflect your personality. Plan your wardrobe in terms of outfits rather than by individual items. This approach is working for me.

Are there shops you find suit your shape? Eg I was never really able to shop at Oasis because they cut for people more womanly than me. What shape jeans / trousers do you feel good in?

Worth a visit to a personal shopper at, say, John Lewis?

Worth finding the things in your wardrobe that you do love (if there are things?) and focusing on those for now? - why do you love them?

What necklines work best on you? Do you suit warm or cool colours?

What sort of shoes do you like to wear and what goes with those?

Could you set a few less overwhelming style goals to break it down a bit?

Anyone you like to follow on insta for inspo?

Lots of this advice probs v obvious, just my thoughts!

Those Jo Gordon scarves are beautiful!

The fact you used to be trendy and chic means you absolutely will get it back again and I’m sure it will happen quite quickly once you start being able to focus more on you and your needs.

It sounds like you have a really good idea of what you want. I’d book a personal shopping experience with johnlewis as they have so many brands and their stylists don’t run on commission so you don’t feel pressured into buying things. Good luck!x

Have a look at Sam Preston on instagram. She's a stylist and offers great advice on building a solid foundation of wardrobe basics ☺️
I'm personally consider getting my colours done so I know what colours suit me as I'm just as lost as you feel!

Hi Id starting from scratch would start by looking on Social media or even YouTube you will find load of Inspo and can work out what you like/dont like what to put together etc to create your new wardrobe - Enjoy xx

I felt very much as you do. I was brave and booked a personal stylist appointment - completely free, at John Lewis. The stylist I saw was lovely. She gave me lots of advice, and most of all, boosted my confidence. It may work for you too. I also learnt a lot and got some really good insights from the book The Curated Closet.

I’ve been using Stitchfix for some clothes - you answer some questions and then a stylist picks you out five pieces. It’s been great as they send items I might never have picked out for myself and I’ve broadened my style. The pieces they send always get worn a lot.

Isn’t StitchFix closing its UK operation? I’ve never used them but I think I read this on another thread.

It might be worth getting this book -
How to Stop Spending Money You Don't Have on Clothes You Don't Wear https://amzn.eu/d/7yVHRmj

The author also offers personal styling and colour matching.

I used to be really trendy too but when I started breastfeeding I lived in comfy clothes. Now that I’m back to work I try and make more of an effort but mainly work from home.

I would start by thinking of your body shape and what styles would suit you best, colours that you like and be bolder about trying them on. I tend to live in black, grey too but I’m starting to buying more pinks and greens these days.

Am exactly the same age and size as you so following this....

It's a reflection of how you feel about your body or how you felt? If that hasn't changed then it doesn't matter what you wear. At a size 10 you really won't have that much of a tummy problem and perhaps it is coming to terms with the fact that your body does change as you age and after you have children.

What did you used to wear pre-babies, OP? It might give us an idea.

It’s easy to think you have to change style when you’re a mum or hit 40 but I don’t really see why.

Yes they are closing down at the end of October. You can still get deliveries between now and then though and they’re offering a 70% discount if you buy all 5 items they send you.

It would be worth to get a personal shopper to help you out and get you started. You should ask around in your area and choose someone who does not work on commissions. JL has some but there are independent ones who are great and they select from more shops, even on line.

Its really important to buy outfits rather than pieces I think so you don’t end up with lots of wardrobe orphans you never wear because you have nothing that goes with them. I did an overhaul last year (I’m late 30s) and it’s cliche on here but I did have my colours done and it made such a difference. I’m really strict with it now and everything goes and I find I can make outfits really easily so actually end up wearing everything. I keep a list of colours and styles I know suit me and I never ever deviate, even for a bargain. Sounds dull but it works!

You can definitely get your style back!
Some things that cone to mind:

1. I'd be careful about buying an entire new wardrobe at once. It'll take a bit of time to realise what you feel good in, what works with other clothes you like wearing and what your personal style is.

1. Don't rush to throw out your "boring" clothes. It's very useful to have a base of neutral coloured clothing in black, grey, navy, white. These are the glue of your wardrobe & provide you with a base for clothing that expresses your personality more, allowing you to put together outfits.

1. It's useful to have a strategy for building your wardrobe. Some strategies that work for me:

Choose a few colors that work with your skin tone I.e
A dark neutral + a light neutral + two "accent colors" that are more fun

Think about the cuts you feel & look good in and compliment your shape

Think about the purpose of your wardrobe - no use having a closet full of cocktail dresses if you rarely have occasions requiring it! There's nothing wrong with having a wardrobe that largely consists of "elevated basics" - ie good quality lounge wear, well cut tshirts, a good pair of jeans

Have a declutter & get rid of anything that doesn't fit, you don't wear, you don't feel good in

Think about the gaps in your wardrobe - a nice long coat, a decent handbag, tailored trousers, accessories....

When you buy "Think outfits" - my own rule is "can I make 3 outfits with this?" If not I don't buy it. Ultimately you want to get to a point where you can open your wardrobe & easily find "something to wear". I've fallen into the trap of only buying items of clothing I "love" without thinking how I can use it in OUTFITS I'll love. So I had a lot of individual items I liked that weren't cohesive, didn't suit my lifestyle, or I had no idea how to style. My wardrobe is more "boring" now but I feel far more inspired by it and never feel I have nothing to wear.

1. Get some inspiration! Follow instagrammers or tiktokers with a style you aspire to. I've learnt so much about styling outfits, accessorising, the importance of proportions etc by doing this

1. If you want to feel more polished and put together, you don't need super fancy clothes. The little things make a difference.

A basic t-shirt and trouser combination looks boring & unstylish alone. But you can elevate this into a polished look by: * coordinating colours (I find this hard so stick to a rule of not wearing more than 2 colors. I recognise this isn't for everyone, if you're a super colorful person then go for it, but still try to use colour in a complementary and purposeful way) * adding a good quality belt (I match colors with shoes or bag) * adding an interesting or classic coat * jewellery - I like a pair of chunky hoops or pearl earrings & a few bracelets * adding a trendier element (Mary Jane shoes, a boxy cropped jacket, a slightly oversize blazer) * mixing formal with informal elements- eg a pair of white trainers with tailored trousers and a white t-shirt * good skincare & grooming

1. Brands & shopping: I buy almost everything off Vinted & Thrift plus. I always choose stuff in new or nearly new condition and I've got some incredible bargains.

Brands I like for high quality basics:

COS, Arket, Everlane, BA&SH, &Other Stories, ACNE Studios for jeans, Sandro, Toteme (well out of my price range new but got some bargains pre-loved)

at a more affordable price point, Zara & Mango have some decent stuff. I love Zara's loungewear co-ords.

These are just some thoughts but obviously based on my own style & experiences..its important to think about the kind of clothing and styles that make YOU feel good! I've made the mistake before of trying to suddenly adopt a totally different style identity. But the clothing and style didn't feel like me and didn't make me feel good. I feel a lot more stylish now because I feel I've found a more elevated and polished version of a style & aesthetic that is very "me". Good luck! X

Really good advice totally second the thing about buying outfits!! This is such a game changer
Colours can also be super useful - fortunately as a dark winter & a bit of a goth, I suit the colours I've always been drawn to buying so it didn't make a huge difference to my shopping habits although it has stopped me impulse buying anything in earthy shades/yellows/terracotta which I look like a liver transplant patient in...

Ha! Im an autumn and live for terracotta and mustard, there should be a swap site for clothes post colour “diagnosis” 😁

My body changed enormously after having children and whilst I’m incredibly proud of it for growing two babies against all the odds, I was left unable to know how to wear anything other than leggings. Returning to work felt overwhelming. I invested in a day with a stylist (not tied to any particular shop) and it was great. I bought a few expensive key pieces and lots of basics from the high street. The whole experience better too because someone who knows what they are doing is doing the choosing so you don’t end up dragging around trying on lots of unsuitable clothes and feeling exhausted and awful!