Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Style and beauty

Looking for style advice? Chat all about it here. For the latest discounts on fashion and beauty, sign up for Mumsnet Moneysaver emails.

Original poster

"Cocktail Attire"

50 replies

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 30/07/2023 13:56

We are going to a wedding in a couple of weeks time, with the dress code "cocktail attire".

The wedding is a church blessing in the late morning (they were legally married a few months ago for visa reasons), followed by a potluck lunch and BYOB in the church hall.

DH and DS (15) were planning to wear chinos and a checked shirt, but DH is now thinking that "cocktail attire" means he (and teen DS) needs to dress up, get a blazer etc.

I'm interpreting "cocktail attire" to be "nit suits, not jeans". I think - with the BYOB and potluck good in the village hall - that it's not going to be that formal, and no one will care if he doesn't have a blazer. I've checked with the bride that DS will be ok in trainers as he has size-14-and-still-growing feet, and these are all he has that fit and are cheap enough to replace when he grows out of them every few months.

The groom is my nephew. He normally dresses like Hagrid.

OP posts:
NatashaDancing · 30/07/2023 14:02

I agree with you.

Just an aside but is "cocktail attire" just an even less helpful version of "smart but casual" ?

There was a thread recently by a poster in Australia about a work event where "cocktail" clearly meant "no jeans or trackie bottoms"

Cheeesus · 30/07/2023 14:04

In the U.K. I’d think it means ‘classy eveningwear’.

Catsfrontbum · 30/07/2023 14:06

Seems incongruous attired when you’ve explained the evenings plan of a pot luck at the village hall.

Cocktail is jackets for men and short dresses for ladies.

NatashaDancing · 30/07/2023 14:06

Cheeesus · 30/07/2023 14:04

In the U.K. I’d think it means ‘classy eveningwear’.

I'm in the UK and from what the OP has said about the event it sounds like an unhelpful way of saying "smart but casual"

A potluck, BYOB lunch in a church hall is not a classy evening event.

HundredMilesAnHour · 30/07/2023 14:10

Cocktail attire seems to conflict with church, pot luck and BYOB in a church hall. 🙄

Do you think the bride and groom don't really understand what cocktail attire means in the more conventional sense (i.e. lounge suits for men and dresses for women but not full length)??

No way would I consider chinos and a checked shirt to be cocktail wear. But they do sound appropriate for how you've actually described the wedding which is why I'm wondering if the bride and groom have their own 'unique' interpretation of 'cocktail attire'.

Best just to ask them what they mean / what they want guests to wear.

LaurieFairyCake · 30/07/2023 14:10

Cocktail attire would have me reaching for a knee length sequinned dress

I'd be very out of place in a church hall

NatashaDancing · 30/07/2023 14:12

"Cocktail" has appeared a couple of times recently and it's been clear what was meant was "no jeans".

A BYOB cocktail party would be quite an experience.

Original poster
IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 30/07/2023 14:12

A potluck, BYOB lunch in a church hall is not a classy evening event.

This, exactly! I'm old (50s) and very traditionally brought up. I completely understand dress codes, evening/morning dress, black tie and - I thought - cocktail attire. But all this comes with hotels, champagne and cooked sit down meals provided.

In this situation, I really think it really means "smart casual". I've also just realised - sorry for the massive drip feed - that the bride is American. Which I think gives more weight to my argument.

OP posts:
Cheeesus · 30/07/2023 14:16

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 30/07/2023 14:12

A potluck, BYOB lunch in a church hall is not a classy evening event.

This, exactly! I'm old (50s) and very traditionally brought up. I completely understand dress codes, evening/morning dress, black tie and - I thought - cocktail attire. But all this comes with hotels, champagne and cooked sit down meals provided.

In this situation, I really think it really means "smart casual". I've also just realised - sorry for the massive drip feed - that the bride is American. Which I think gives more weight to my argument.

Ooh they might want to clarify that for everyone then or there will be some people in sequins!

ThatFraggle · 30/07/2023 14:21

See, for that kind of event I could picture myself in a vintage -style tea dress or 50's style full skirt dress, which is not at all 'cocktail', but which is perfect for a village hall pot-luck.

Original poster
IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 30/07/2023 14:23

ThatFraggle · 30/07/2023 14:21

See, for that kind of event I could picture myself in a vintage -style tea dress or 50's style full skirt dress, which is not at all 'cocktail', but which is perfect for a village hall pot-luck.

That's not dissimilar to what I'm wearing, and I am confident in my outfit choice.

For once it's the boys that are scratching their heads.

DD is wearing Bermuda shorts and a striped sleeveless shirt, because she is 11 and has clothing issues.

OP posts:
NatashaDancing · 30/07/2023 14:25

OP there are 2 alternatives.

  1. They have no idea what "cocktail attire" means and they're another example of people finding a really unhelpful way of saying "no jeans" ; or
  1. They mean this literally and they want everyone to turn up in the sort of dressy clothes which everyone in the 1950s or 1960s would have worn as "cocktail attire" without giving a second thought to (because it glams up a very unglam wedding lunch)

The conclusion is that anything smarter than jeans / a football strip and trackie bottoms or less formal than a morning suit falls within their (frankly daft) remit.

ElizabethVonArnim · 30/07/2023 14:29

I went to a wedding years ago that had a 'cocktail dress' dress code and it was quite glam. The groom played for a (very) minor football team and I remember being taken aback by how glam the wives and girlfriends of his team mates were. I wore a normal daytime-wedding frock (I was 28; it was the year of 15 weddings) and felt really dowdy in comparison, despite having worn the same outfit and felt good at other weddings the same year.

Dress up!

Original poster
IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 30/07/2023 15:03

ElizabethVonArnim · 30/07/2023 14:29

I went to a wedding years ago that had a 'cocktail dress' dress code and it was quite glam. The groom played for a (very) minor football team and I remember being taken aback by how glam the wives and girlfriends of his team mates were. I wore a normal daytime-wedding frock (I was 28; it was the year of 15 weddings) and felt really dowdy in comparison, despite having worn the same outfit and felt good at other weddings the same year.

Dress up!

I bet it wasn't a pot luck, byob lunch in a church hall though.

OP posts:
Mercurial123 · 30/07/2023 15:04

Looking at Brides.com an American site, I'd dress up.

"Cocktail Attire"
Mercurial123 · 30/07/2023 15:06

More...

"Cocktail Attire"
NatashaDancing · 30/07/2023 15:06

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 30/07/2023 15:03

I bet it wasn't a pot luck, byob lunch in a church hall though.

Show quote history

The bride and groom at that event used "cocktail" in the expected sense.

nocoolnamesleft · 30/07/2023 15:36

Ooh, this would confuse me. Cocktail attire is smart evening wear, definitely a jacket, but not as smart as black tie. Smart casual is more chinos and shirt. Very different.

Gymnopedie · 30/07/2023 16:19

I think you're going to have to ask them. Phrase it as there's a difference between UK and US cocktail attire and you wouldn't want to get it wrong either way.

Crikeyalmightey · 30/07/2023 16:31

I'd interpret that as smart casual.
It seems like a cheapo picnic type affair, isn't pot luck "bring your own food" really? 🤔

BenjaminDisraeli · 30/07/2023 16:35

I've never actually been to something billed as a cocktail party so I wouldn't know, but to me it calls for something a bit glam and uncomfortable. The event itself sounds the opposite of that!

Plus, you're asking about male cocktail party attire, which is even more of a headscratcher. Impossible to guess what the bride has in mind. I'd ask her straight out!

Original poster
IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 30/07/2023 16:39

Crikeyalmightey · 30/07/2023 16:31

I'd interpret that as smart casual.
It seems like a cheapo picnic type affair, isn't pot luck "bring your own food" really? 🤔

Well, bring your own food, except you sign up to a list of what you're bringing. So the b&g have decided what they want to eat, but other people provide it.

Don't get me started on this. Or the BYOB. Or that it's part of a 3 day event, 300 miles away, or that the "registry" is cash donations in units of £25. Or that the invitation was a link to an app.

It does feel very CF overall, but maybe I'm just an old fashioned girl who sent out card invitations and only invited the number of people I could afford to feed and water.

OP posts:
Crikeyalmightey · 30/07/2023 16:44

It does sound a bit CF, and not at all appealing. Are the B&G on a very tight budget?

HundredMilesAnHour · 30/07/2023 16:45

Are the B&G providing anything at all except their presence and a hired church hall??? Are they very broke or are they CFs?

Original poster
IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 30/07/2023 16:48

HundredMilesAnHour · 30/07/2023 16:45

Are the B&G providing anything at all except their presence and a hired church hall??? Are they very broke or are they CFs?

Not as far as I can see.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread