Page 2 | "Cocktail Attire"

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 2023-07-30T12:56:12+00:00

We are going to a wedding in a couple of weeks time, with the dress code "cocktail attire". The wedding is a church blessing in the late morning (they were legally married a few months ago for visa reasons), followed by a potluck lunch and BYOB in the church hall. DH and DS (15) were planning to wear chinos and a checked shirt, but DH is now thinking that "cocktail attire" means he (and teen DS) needs to dress up, get a blazer etc. I'm interpreting "cocktail attire" to be "nit suits, not jeans". I think - with the BYOB and potluck good in the village hall - that it's not going to be that formal, and no one will care if he doesn't have a blazer. I've checked with the bride that DS will be ok in trainers as he has size-14-and-still-growing feet, and these are all he has that fit and are cheap enough to replace when he grows out of them every few months. The groom is my nephew. He normally dresses like Hagrid.

HeadacheEarthquake · 30/07/2023 16:49

Can you ask them for an example as you don't want to get it wrong? They would probably oblige as they might be flattered that you care

If it were me and it were a church hall in summer, I'd do maxidress and wedges, or a summer dress and heels. Nice jewelry and laid back hair

Dh some nice chinos and a trendyish not too formal linen or cotton shirt with nice shoes, maybe a casual jacket.

If everyone does more, maybe keep spare accessories in the car? I've been known to bring spare clothes when not sure 🤣🤣🤣

Original poster

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 30/07/2023 16:50

@HeadacheEarthquake

Sorry, my last reply was to the query about whether the b&g were providing anything other than their presence. They're not skint, just tight.

OP posts:

Keykaty · 30/07/2023 16:59

Smart casual. Cocktail attire is not for a BYOB and Food in a church hall.

So no jeans, trackie bottoms, football shirts etc. What you would wear going out for dinner in a restaurant I'd say.

Sounds very hands off anyway. The B+G appear to be only providing the venue!

Gymnopedie · 30/07/2023 17:05

Based on your updates I've changed my mind. Don't bother messaging them, wear whatever you've got in your wardrobe already. If it's not right for them tough. You're spending enough already so don't spend even more buying something.

HundredMilesAnHour · 30/07/2023 17:07

I'm still trying to get over the pot luck. I didn't realise pot luck meant the B&G decide on a list of dishes and people have to sign up to bring them. I assumed (from watching American movies) that it was more casual than that. Given these CFers, I'd love to see the pot luck list. Does it include steak and lobster? 😂

How does that even work if you've also got to travel 300 miles?! You're a better person than me @IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads. I'd be telling them to shove their pot luck up their cocktail attire. 😜

NatashaDancing · 30/07/2023 17:11

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 30/07/2023 16:50

@HeadacheEarthquake

Sorry, my last reply was to the query about whether the b&g were providing anything other than their presence. They're not skint, just tight.

OP, I'd be tempted to wear the glitziest knee length dress I could find and make my husband wear black tie , trawl second hand/ charity shops for the cheapest similar alternatives for the children and brazen it out with wide eyed innocence. Bonus points if you can find Birkenstocks or similar for the children.

NatashaDancing · 30/07/2023 17:14

Gymnopedie · 30/07/2023 17:05

Based on your updates I've changed my mind. Don't bother messaging them, wear whatever you've got in your wardrobe already. If it's not right for them tough. You're spending enough already so don't spend even more buying something.

Agreed - although if I could find something which was simultaneously "cocktail" and wildly inappropriate I'd go for it.

bunnybunnybunnybunny · 30/07/2023 17:19

For women, cocktail attire means dressy but not a full-length dress. For men, it's a suit, albeit not a mouring suit, a tux or a dinner jacket.

bunnybunnybunnybunny · 30/07/2023 17:25

In this situation, I really think it really means "smart casual". I've also just realised - sorry for the massive drip feed - that the bride is American. Which I think gives more weight to my argument.

My US friends all interpret cocktail attire in the same way I do, and not as smart casual. So to be sure, it might just be easier to ask the bride to clarify the dress code.

RuthW · 30/07/2023 17:28

Cheeesus · 30/07/2023 14:04

In the U.K. I’d think it means ‘classy eveningwear’.

Exactly this. Suit at the very least.

Keykaty · 30/07/2023 17:31

So what would happen if you turn up with a basket of food and a crate of drinks in a nice dress, and the men/boys in chinos, shirt and jacket then? Is that a criminal offence at this wedding?

Would security at the door of this marvellous food and drink free venue prevent your entry to said miserable wedding by this pair of CFs?

Just wear something nice, not jeans etc. and go. Or stay at home and send a voucher for MacDonalds instead.

NatashaDancing · 30/07/2023 17:35

I've changed my mind on it meaning "smart casual". After the updates I think they really do mean "cocktail" because it's a cost free way for them (but not their guests) to glam up the wedding photos of their cheapstake reception.

Saschka · 30/07/2023 17:39

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 30/07/2023 16:50

@HeadacheEarthquake

Sorry, my last reply was to the query about whether the b&g were providing anything other than their presence. They're not skint, just tight.

To be fair to them, you said the bride was not from the UK and they got married a few months ago for visa reasons - are they considering this the “party” part of “elope and throw a big party for all your friends when you get back”? Are they also throwing a party for her family and friends in the US later?

Sounds very casual, which is fine if it isn’t pretending to be anything else.

NatashaDancing · 30/07/2023 17:43

Saschka · 30/07/2023 17:39

To be fair to them, you said the bride was not from the UK and they got married a few months ago for visa reasons - are they considering this the “party” part of “elope and throw a big party for all your friends when you get back”? Are they also throwing a party for her family and friends in the US later?

Sounds very casual, which is fine if it isn’t pretending to be anything else.

Show quote history

Except the bride and groom aren't throwing a big party - they're providing a ( probably very cheap) venue and the guests are providing the food and drinks. OP has said the bride and groom aren't hard up.

I'd channel this sort of look.

NatashaDancing · 30/07/2023 17:44

NatashaDancing · 30/07/2023 17:35

I've changed my mind on it meaning "smart casual". After the updates I think they really do mean "cocktail" because it's a cost free way for them (but not their guests) to glam up the wedding photos of their cheapstake reception.

Cheapskate...

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 30/07/2023 17:46

I'm pretty sure cocktail means not long evening gown.

I think they're trying to be posh and failing. Wear what you like OP,it's a church hall!

newfloorplease · 30/07/2023 17:48

I agree that cocktail attire conflicts with a potluck BYOB in the village hall.

Gymnopedie · 30/07/2023 17:54

Gymnopedie · 30/07/2023 17:05

Based on your updates I've changed my mind. Don't bother messaging them, wear whatever you've got in your wardrobe already. If it's not right for them tough. You're spending enough already so don't spend even more buying something.

PS And don't buy them an expensive present either.

Purely because I'm mean I'd love to know what was on the not-really-a-potluck food list and what was on their gift list.

GarlicGrace · 30/07/2023 18:12

The only wedding I've been to like this, everyone did dress up. The venue was bland, the food in tupperware: glamour was provided by the humans. Caribbean family, if that helps at all!

There was one old fella in a Savile-esque red satin tracksuit. We were told to compliment his outfit, no idea why!

Original poster

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 30/07/2023 21:26

HundredMilesAnHour · 30/07/2023 17:07

I'm still trying to get over the pot luck. I didn't realise pot luck meant the B&G decide on a list of dishes and people have to sign up to bring them. I assumed (from watching American movies) that it was more casual than that. Given these CFers, I'd love to see the pot luck list. Does it include steak and lobster? 😂

How does that even work if you've also got to travel 300 miles?! You're a better person than me @IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads. I'd be telling them to shove their pot luck up their cocktail attire. 😜

Family politics is why I am going.
Or why not going isn't worth it.
Large, complicated family, with grudges held and axes ground all over the place.

I'm quite looking forward to seeing some folk, but yes, it's not how I'd chose to spend my time and money normally.

The not-pot-luck food list is normal buffet stuff like bread, butter, cheese, salad, quiche, puddings etc and a cheerful note that there is an Asda nearby. I suppose it's better that leaving it completely to chance and ending up with 700 sausage rolls.

The b&g live in the UK, and have done for 18 months or so. Both have professional roles. They got married last year so she could stay in the uk and take up her job offer.

The gift list has 2 items: Cash for wedding, and Cash for Honeymoon!

I have spoken to another guest/rellie. He's also doing the chino/shirt thing.

OP posts:

ColouringPencils · 30/07/2023 21:57

Am I alone in thinking pot luck BYOB in a church hall sounds fun? Obviously the fact that it is 300 miles away is a shame, but hardly their fault if that's where they live. You will still save a fortune on drinks compared to a fancy venue, even if you do have to bring a plate of sausage rolls. I'd think maybe men in suit jacket but no tie? It does sound fairly casual though, so I think you can all save on outfits too and just wear something nice that you already own.

HundredMilesAnHour · 30/07/2023 22:04

Personally if I was travelling 300 miles to a wedding reception, I'd be pretty pissed off to then be expected to stop at Asda on my way to the venue to buy my own drinks and food, and be given the gift option of donating cash for the wedding or cash for the honeymoon.

HeadacheEarthquake · 30/07/2023 22:53

HundredMilesAnHour · 30/07/2023 22:04

Personally if I was travelling 300 miles to a wedding reception, I'd be pretty pissed off to then be expected to stop at Asda on my way to the venue to buy my own drinks and food, and be given the gift option of donating cash for the wedding or cash for the honeymoon.

100% agree

Stravaig · 30/07/2023 23:54

It sounds like the bridal couple want their guests to look fabulous and glossy for the Instagram photos, yet they won't pay for a venue, catering or ambience worthy of cocktail attire. The discerning guest will decline.

NatashaDancing · 30/07/2023 23:59

Stravaig · 30/07/2023 23:54

It sounds like the bridal couple want their guests to look fabulous and glossy for the Instagram photos, yet they won't pay for a venue, catering or ambience worthy of cocktail attire. The discerning guest will decline.

I agree. I first thought they simply didn't understand what "cocktail attire" was but after the updates, I'm sure they do.