Block on buying better things

[iamthattree]

All the time I see comments about how much better it is to buy good quality/avoid fast fashion etc and I wholeheartedly agree. However, I have a major block and end up buying cheap and not quite right so spend the same over all but on tat. Things that block me are:

It's too expensive - I do have a little disposable income but tend to spend it on too many low quality things.

I am not worth spending more than H&M prices on

It will date or I will go off it

I will change shape (weight on or off, mostly one these days)

I have a really hard figure to dress and I make do a lot of the time

I need too many iterations of things - smart coat for work, practical coat for bad weather, casual coat for day to day, light jacket for mild days, fun jacket I've seen and loved but only goes with 20% of my wardrobe etc

Every autumn I write a list of my capsule wardrobe ideas but I genuinely cannot bring myself to spend anything more than bottom end high street for the reasons above so this never works and the circle begins again.

Any ideas? I've tried vinted, shopping bans, clearing out my wardrobe, writing lists but am stuck with mediocre and scruffy stuff.

You know; I’m kind of the same and there is really no excuse for it as we have plenty money and my husband definitely doesn’t stop himself buying nice stuff.

I was brought up to look well turned out but also love a bargain and I’m afraid the bargain side of me wins every time. Some of that is weight which pings around endlessly so I feel I can never part with anything that I am too fat/thin for.

you don’t need loads of everything, I am currently trying to wear all the stuff I normally keep for special etc because what’s the point?

Why is your figure so hard to dress? Maybe somebody else will have some suggestions ?

Could you compromise somehow? Buy some cheap fun non classic items but also invest wisely in sales in classic items. You’ll build up your wardrobe of coats for each season/occasion that will last that way. The quality in H&M is shocking. I had to return four items the other day for that reason. Maybe part of why you keep buying new clothes is because, after the initial shopping high wears off, you’re disappointed. If you buy good things that you really love you’ll keep loving them and wear them for a lot longer.

I think part of it is never finding things I love tbh. I always have to compromise.

I am short and round - a proper endomorph Hourglass shape but apron belly with an appallingly short waist which is 10 inches smaller than my hips. I am too tall for petite stuff as my limbs are long for my height (am 5ft 3) so whilst a petite jacket may hit right in the body, the arms are too short.

And I really am round - size 18 atm and I go up and down between that and a 14. Tbh I am trying to make peace with my weight but I still need to shift a stone or two for health purposes.

Oh and what suits me isn't my style. I love and suit colour but I want a pared down simple look. I will never not be slightly.scruffy 90s indie kid but I have a 'big' job.I look best in dresses but I can't get the footwear right to look good and be comfortable and I hate tights etc so trousers are more practical - the list goes on.

This is tricky because of the amount of obstacles in your path. I think you need to ease your way in. Start with two concepts, 1) never buy anything ever again that you don't absolutely love, no compromises, you have to love wearing the thing. 2) scope out the better shops to find one whose style really ticks your criteria, then sign up and wait for the next sale. I've done this and have stopped shopping as a regular habit, just 4 sales a year of great quality stuff i really love.

You don’t have a hard figure to dress, you’re just dressing in the wrong things - possibly …

1. I’m a similar height, different shape, but long limbs. If I’d spent my adult life buying from the H&M bargain bin I too would think I’m hard to dress. Cheap fashion stores simply aren’t the place to find well fitting clothes.

2. It’s surprising that you prefer dresses when it sounds as if separates would be much easier to shop for.

3. Thankfully it sounds as if you can afford to have things tailored to fit. This is probably what will make the biggest difference. I’ve no idea if a 10 inch difference between waist and hips is unusual or not, but the important thing would be to buy for your largest measurement and then have each piece altered to fit the rest of your body.

4. When you say you can’t get footwear right … Hmm - are you also attempting to economise needlessly on shoes? Tbh, if you start shopping in better places you’ll soon see how the shops are accessorising their clothes.

Do you have an idea of where you’d like to be shopping - or would you welcome recommendations?

I like that idea @dudsville. The only thing I need atm is a new pair of leather trainers so I can try that approach on those.

I do have a teen dd who is an excellent shopping companion and makes me try on new stuff. I'll rope her in.....

I am not worth spending more than H&M prices on

Yes you are.

Could you maybe start investing in accessories that make you feel amazing and uplift outfits to start with? A bag or shoes can make a huge difference to an outfit. In terms of fitting, usually higher price point items tend to fit better no matter your shape as they aren't as cookie cutter as fast fashion, but it's about finding the brands that suit your shape. Not sure how to describe it but it's taken me years really to find out what suits my body and what I enjoy wearing (also very important)- really a case of trying lots on and some brands I just know won't fit me right or look good.

OP, I get it: i am only an inch taller than you and went on Keto which is particularly effective for apple shapes it seems. I do think it’s worth giving that a go, I lost a whopping 10” off my waist in 3 months. For
me that was only a couple of stone but it made a huge difference.

I also have long legs. So you get high waisted trousers in a Long if needed. I find those the most flattering. if you have shapely legs stick to tighter trousers maybe.

I always buy long sleeves tops - avoid 3/4 length.

if your shoulders are wide like mine then avoid blazers etc and go for drapery tops.

@Aixellency the 10 inch difference isn't unusual but it is curvy so combined with the short waist, it does make it tricky to find things that fit. That's why dresses are good as the tend to be more forgiving in the fit.

And obviously yes on shoes too. I have high arches and wide feet so give up and buy anything I can.

Basically if you picture a hobbit you're on the right track!

I'll happily look at any recommendations if people are kind enough to share. Realistically budget wise it is mid range or places that do good sales.

And obviously yes on shoes too. I have high arches and wide feet so give up and buy anything I can.

Have you tried Vans? My DSis has the same type of feet and she finds the slip ons super comfortable, some of the designs are quite bold but she goes for the plain ones and wears them most days.

No OP! Step away from the sales remember! 😂

I think I've tried VANS in the past but I'll look again thank you.

Hilariously I thought I'd have a look on John Lewis at the trainers and top of the list is a pair of leopard print ones down to 25 quid. Now I do love a bit of leopard but I don't need them. Regardless my first thought was ohhh they're a bargain.

I have leant nothing!

Realistically budget wise it is mid range or places that do good sales.

Or pre-owned.

(As an aside - why isn’t this ‘big job’ of yours paying you enough to be able to dress well? In my previous profession all the men wore handmade Savile Row suits with jaunty silk linings, costing thousands of pounds. I was always determined not to be any less well accoutred.)

Ah it's a big ish job that is corporate, I am quite senior and it expects smartness for clients. However whilst undisputedly well paid, not designer level well paid especially when there is a family to fund from it.

My bosses both male and female tend to dress nicely but again mid to upper high street with designer bags and shoes. Mostly our female partners wear Hobbs tbh!

I don't think men get the same messaging as women re clothes. I doubt many of them worry about whether they 'deserve' the expensive suit - they can either afford it or not. Self worth doesn't enter the equation. I know I tend to think that if my body isn't exactly right then I shouldn't be buying it expensive coats!

It's generalising but many women are conditioned to put everyone else's needs first and think about what else that money could be spent on that's 'more important'.

I'd start with shoes and a beautiful bag. Comfortable shoes are really important and a good bag elevates outfits even if they are cheap. Break yourself in gently and nan yourself from H&M

https://gb.marinarinaldi.com/

https://palava.co/

https://klements.co.uk/

https://www.ganni.com/en-gb/wool-jacket--F7260.html?dwvar_F7260_color=Petrified%20Oak

https://www.americanvintage-store.com/gb/en/

https://www.toa.st/

https://beyondnine.co.uk/

Off the cuff selection of not bog standard online shops that should have things that fit you. Obviously I can’t tell whether any of them would suit your taste in clothes. One thing - more expensive brands are more generous with fabric and cut so you’re likely to find that their size 16 fits better than a cheap size 18. At least give it a try.

There’s a long list on another thread of dress shops that cover a wide range of sizes. I’ll try to find it - or the originator might find their way to your thread.

Can I still get T-shirts from H&M though? Pleaseeeeeee

Trainers first as I need them. I will probably need boots this year too. So I'll start there.

And totally yes on the self worth thing. My friend and dh both call me out on it actually and say I put myself at the back of the queue.

Thanks for those @Aixellency

I've had a look and things I like on most of there. Palava especially

Have you looked at the cost per wear of more expensive things?

I've been doing this for a long time now, since I could first afford to, in the mid 1980's. Everything thing I buy is in roughly the same soft, warm colour palette, 99% plain rather than patterned and goes together.

One example is a rain coat https://www.protected-species.com/product/waterproof-city-walker/ It's jacket length (I'm not very tall) and I'm khaki.

Finally (sic) went for it when a voucher for 50% off appeared in my inbox. I can wear it with sporty walking gear as well as with jeans and event a dress. I've had it for easily five years and say I wear it on average at least once a week.

I'm sure I've worn it a lot more than that but let's start there.

Five years of 52 weeks is 260 times. I paid £80 (with the voucher) is 30p per wear. I'm sure I actually wear it more than once a week so it's probably even less per wear and it's beautiful and lovely to wear so lifts my heart every time I reach for it from the hanger.

Start with one good piece and see how it works for you. All the best.

I'm not an expert but have had similar thoughts.

One thing I've done is to only buy what I really love, and some basic essentials. So I bought cropped trousers in Matalan to go with all the gorgeous tops I love.

I also scour charity shops on holiday and have a few lovely items- a jaeger coat, mohair and something, a purple leather blazer...

When I find shoes that work I buy several pairs in several colours.

I mend and adjust things I love, so I can wear them for years. Things I don't love or are too hard to wear go to the charity shop quite quickly.

You say dresses work well except for your shoes- so work on that. Solve the show issue. I wore doc martens for a few years because of shoe inserts. They worked with everything once I'd acclimatised!
Find the shoe that works.

I'm trying very hard to buy fewer items but much better quality.

I'll caveat this by saying it's my solution to everything because I genuinely enjoy it! But what I like and will be doing soon is a personal shopping session at somewhere nice (john Lewis upwards), either a focused session on maybe jeans or dresses etc and then I take the suggestions (shapes, styles and brands) and look around on Vinted etc.

but also no doubt buy some of their recommendations in the session if I truly love them.

I'm very much trying to follow the mantra a pp mentioned above that is only buy things you truly love.

I have a different but awkward shape to dress too so I really sympathise! And finding things I love and shopping around for pre-owned is my way of being a bit more eco minded and bargain loving!

I can relate to this, particularly the thing about going off something. And realising something I thought suited, doesn’t. I think that relates to evidently not being confident enough in my style. Even though I often do it, I agree buying lots of cheaper things to satisfy a shopping craving is like eating junk food. I am doing a low spend year and it’s helping me realise how much money I waste on little purchases and how little I actually need. I think longer term this will help me buy less but better.

High instep, wide feet here. Dune leather trainers work well and last.

Fluctuating weight is tricky when trying to commit to investment / quality pieces. I struggle with this myself and have found it helps to start with items that work regardless of dress size e.g. good quality handbag, scarf, shoes, good haircut. And then when weight stabilizes a bit, stretch pieces so there is still some flexibility e.g. smart trousers with % stretch material, same for tops.

If it were me I’d make a list of what to buy eg for Wouk etc then look online. Keto is good for apple shapes I heard too.

You could always buy larger good quality clothes on eBay/Vinted/Depop for the interim period of weight-loss.

An old female boss of mine got suits either new or in sales at Jigsaw/Hobbs etc, she was a good 14. Another legal boss swore by Tu sainsburys but I think you have to look hard there.