I have no idea what to wear

[Hello264]

I want to cancel as I feel fat and ugly. Im size 18, huge tummy. Been invited to a night out with the mums at my sons school. He’s in year 6 and it’s to celebrate kids leaving primary. If I’m honest I don’t know the mums very well as he started in year 5 due to the house move. I don’t ever go out, if I’m honest I have no idea what people even wear now on a night out!

It’s in a restarant/bar in our local area never been there before. I was thinking a dress but I feel fatter in a dress (I’ve gone and bought 2 dresses and both look awful sales assistant helped me and I looked okay there). I feel they’re too “dressy”. Im thinking black trousers with a top. Will this be okay? I’ve got one cold shoulder top which doesn’t look bad or a 3/4 sleeve evening top. What would you wear? Please be kind I’m really stressing over this!

Or better still jeans? I feel thinner in jeans if that’s possible!

You're saying that you feel most comfortable in jeans? Wear those. Could you wear them with the cold shoulder top that you like? It's about dressing for yourself, feeling positive and relaxed. What's the evening top like?

You must wear something you feel good in. Why not wear your jeans, if it's not too hot, and buy a new top. What are your best features? Arms? Boobs? Legs? Show off the best bits and wear a top that is floaty and hides the stomach area.

Might vary from area to area but round here the mums don't dress up massively for a night out together. Jeans or linen trousers and a pretty top would fit right in.

@Maireas

thank you. There’s 2 cold shoulder tops - one plain and the other one with embellishments. The 3/4 sleeve top is actually full sleeve now looking at it. It’s got embellishments too. I just feel the cold shoulder with jeans might be too casual?

@SoWhatEh i actually phoned the restaurant up and they said it’s considered fine dining but smart casual will be okay. So I’m not sure if I might look too casual? I’m worried incase the other mums are very dressed up and I’m casual. I can’t ask them as I don’t have that relationship with them.

Can you scope out the restaurant/bar to get a feel of how dressy it is? What are the other mums like on the school run?
Not that you should dress to fit in with them but I get the angst over being over or underdressed. Or even ask a friendly one what they are wearing.
Have you tried a jumpsuit? I find they can be a good all rounder if you aren’t sure. I’m a size 18 too btw, so I get it.

@Findyourneutralspace thank you. I feel like an idiot as I’ve bought 2 dresses new and 3 tops. I don’t even have the money to waste like this!

In that case I’d wear your jeans and whichever top you feel best in. I bet you look lovely you know, you just sound like you’re lacking confidence - don’t forget the power of a great lippy!!

Have you a link to the dresses? If they are not too dressy, they might be better than jeans and a top ?

I think people don't dress up so much nowadays, especially at an ordinary restaurant. The jeans and cold shoulder top sound fine.
Can you show us pictures of the outfits?
If you put them on you could blur your face.

I don't know how practical my advice is for a busy mum, but I always feel better if I've had my hair, make up and nails done, no matter what I'm wearing. Hope you have a lovely time.

In my experience people dress very casually for a night out now. No offence to you or the restaurant but I doubt a group of mums is going for a meal at a place which is really 'fine dining' so I think jeans and a top you feel comfortable in will be fine. Good luck!

Don’t know if it’s your style, but everyone on another thread has been sighing with adoration over Sister Jane clothes. They go up to size 18. I haven’t seen any of the stuff in the flesh, but they do have some lovely looking things for not much money in their sale.

I agree people might take as much notice of your grooming as of your clothes. (If they’re not all too exhausted to notice anything.) If you can make the best of your hair and skin and wear some nice footwear - that will make the biggest difference!

i agree with pp in terms of dressing in what you feel most comfortable in so go with jeans and a top you feel good in. Treat yourself to a new bag or lipstick etc to dress your outfit up.

Have a look at Mollie Campsie, she's a size 18 and always looks lovely.

www.instagram.com/reel/Cuj_01xsmZm/?igshid=NjZiM2M3MzIxNA==

I'd err on side of dressing down rather than up now do jeans and top sounds good. Whack some earrings and make up on and you'll look great. And you won't be alone in dreading this night so try not to worry too much x

I'd go with black trousers and a top. Black trousers take you anywhere.

Like many others have said wear what you feel most confident and most you in. If you could link or post photos of the options you have we could try to help. I’m sure you will look lovely in whatever you wear and remember you are more than the clothes you’re wearing anyway but I do 100% understand the want to feel confident ❤️ I hope you enjoy yourself and have a lovely night and make lasting friendships with these mums x

I would ask them if I were you! You said you don’t know them well but this is probably a nice way to get to know them better.
Maybe I have too much time on my hands but I love chatting to the girls before a night out about what to wear. You may even find some of them are also wondering the same thing

Are you on the WhatsApp group? I think it’s fine to ask something like ‘hi, obviously new to the area. Is this a dress venue or a jeans venue?’

someone will help

Im a size 18 and I have a big tummy. I much prefer wearing dresses that don't show my tummy.

However the M&S Jeggings feel really comfortable and they do some nice coated ones.
this: https://www.marksandspencer.com/coated-high-waisted-jeggings/p/clp60550211?intid=mobileappppdpshare

Thank you so much everyone! I really appreciate all the time you’ve taken to respond and posting up links. I’m very nervous but your suggestions have helped so much x

The dress I was thinking of wearing was this one: it’s too much Isntbit?

No that's lovely. If a dressy venue it will be perfect.

In any mums group there will be a few who will get super dolled up, a few in the middle and the jeans and sparkly top sort in trainers preferably.

I second the message to the WhatsApp group.
Really looking forward to the celebration on Sat night. Haven't been to X before as we're so new to the area - is it jeans and a nice top or an excuse to go shopping for a frock?.

Guarantee that the vast majority will be wondering the same thing and in the nicest possible way will follow the lead of whoever's organising the night.

That's a beautiful dress. Agree with what Tread Softly says about asking the WhatsApp group.