Pale, flabby and a bit Drab, dreading holiday

[BarnabyRocks]

Hi,
I'm going on holiday with my husband and children soon, it will be hot. I'm quite pale and don't tan well. After two kids and minimal exercise for the last 10 years, it's all gone very flabby. I'm about a stone over weight, my thighs are full of cellulite, so are my upper arms and I have a wobbly tummy. I'm quite a low maintenance person, some would say plain/drab/mumsy. I hardly wear any makeup, ears not pierced, I don't even wear nail polish. Mostly because of my thighs, the paleness and the overall weirdness of my body shape, I am stumped about what to wear on hot days and I'm DREADING being seen out with a swimming costume on (although I have just bought a really good tummy control one that drags my tummy in and looks okay). My children love the beach/lakes, so we will definitely be doing lots of that. My husband told me one day on holiday last year that I looked dreadful (or words to that effect) in a vest and shorts so I have vowed never to wear shorts again, and I won't, and have bought better (more floaty) cami type vests, which suit me better and hide my tummy.

What can wear in very hot weather to cover my legs? I just had an idea, fleeting, that I should maybe spend a few days before I go getting a spray tan, nails done etc., but I don;t know where I'll get the time to do that, doesn't it look awful as it fades and I'm not sure it's me? My kids LAUGH when they see me with lipstick on, but I just want to try to feel semi okay about myself. Oh and what's making me more nervous about it is we're holidaying with a lovely couple and she has not got one ounce of fat on her body, is already a lovely golden/light brown colour and always looks fabulous.
Help please.

I know how you feel! A sleeveless or halter neck midi or maxi dress is what I wear and a straw hat. It’s much more flattering than shorts. In cotton or T-shirt material I don’t find them too hot and I do feel a bit more elegant.

Your husbands of bronzed Adonis is he ?

I bet you look perfectly fine and shorts and have a stop and I would imagine you’re quite comfortable as well. Tell him to fuck off.

A side of that the next sale is on which I know everybody here doesn’t approve of that. They have got some lovely holiday stuff in half price.

Long jersey dresses and skirts, not body con, but quite fitted. Black and brown look great against pale skin. White shirt on top. Keep to a limited colour palette and simple shapes. Wear really comfortable sandals/ trainers. Embrace your paleness, but think about self care, sounds like you put everyone else first.

Arket have lovely linen trousers which area lovely fit - probably limited sizes left at this stage, also lovely linen long sleeve linen shirts with the sleeves rolled up. They also have short sleeve linen shirts.

Stick to three or four colours - definitely white, blue, maybe a light tan/cream - or whatever colours suit you. Ignore your dickhead of a DH - try on shorts in different lengths - mid-thigh suits me much better than just above knee length. West with a shirt or with or open with a vest underneath. Linen shirts are great for throwing over a swimsuit or bikini when you’re out of water/want a cover-up.

I’d be telling your children it’s both unkind and hurtful to laugh at you when you wear lipstick. Maybe pick one or two in sheer colours. Get a pedicure before your holidays, eyebrows shaped and trimmed. Lip wax if you need one, etc.

Also, dresses could be your best friend here - don’t know what your budget is but The White Company, Aspiga, M&S, Next will have some. Also white trousers are great for holidays - can be dressed up or down with various tops.

You won’t need a huge amount of clothes, a few items well thought out are better of a mish-mash of styles and colours.

Definitely get a spray tan, get brows and lashes tinted, nails and toenails done.

Always wear the lipstick! Erborian super BB cream is nice as a light foundation and does well in the heat

Buy a nice flattering pair of sandals

All the supermarkets have lots of pretty summer dresses this year, so have a look. Shorts and a floaty cami can look nice too: I also try to hide my belly.

oh, and don’t do linen: makes me look like a burst bag

Finally, maybe some maxi or midi cotton, linen or jersey skirts - body skimming rather than fitted or billowing. Boden will definitely have some and you could wear with fitted white short sleeve T-shirts.

Don’t worry about being pale at all, your natural skin colour is what it is. Just go for a groomed look - pedicure, manicure if it’s your thing, shaped/trimmed eyebrows, shaved or waxed legs (if it’s your thing)m good hair-cut, etc.

Get a nicer husband

Also, where's your swimsuit from?

Your husband has been awful telling you that. And I don’t know how old your kids are but they should be told that they’ve been hurtful laughing at you. I’m sure you probably look lovely but I’m not surprised your confidence is low with this kind of feedback from your loved ones

I second a spray tan, definitely helps!!

Well you sound lovely and that’s more beautiful than looks. Saying that I know exactly what you mean. Dresses are the way forward, I have five Grecian style Hush dresses bought from eBay and Vinted. They are cool and loose.
Definitely go for a spray tan 100%. And a pedicure. Then just google cotton summer dresses, or even beach dresses, and see what you like.
Hope you have a great holiday,

Just to add, go get a spray tan where they use the fast development one so you just leave it for a couple of hours.

I had one about 3 weeks ago and it's faded well, about to get another one for holiday

A vest top and shorts are very practical - you're not on a magazine shoot, it's a family holiday so what's your husband talking about? Has he given birth recently?
Anyway, I can understand your anxiety, so find loose, cotton tops, shorts and skirts. M&S have a huge selection of holiday wear at the moment, including some nice loose cover ups.
Make sure you don't burn!

Dove summer skin moisturiser in the light to medium.
Have a shellac pedicure.
Lots of loose and floaty dresses and cover ups. Big hat and nice sunglasses

Christ where to start.

you describe yourself like some sort of oversized, bizarrely proportioned wobble monster and I bet you are an absolutely standard size and shape who looks like a huge proportion of the women on MN. Would you describe them like you describe yourself? Very unlikely. You need to be WAY kinder to yourself. What do you like about yourself, what features and parts are you happy to accentuate?

Your husband was awful to say that to you. Please do not let him get to you. Shorts can come in so many different shapes and styles that you need something that suits you.

Can you get to JL for a personal shopper appt? I agree that you need a capsule holiday wardrobe.

I am also a huge fan of self care - definitely get a spray tan, nails done, brows tinted etc.

But long term - spend some time investing in yourself. If you feel really awful about your appearance, take up sport / exercise, start doing things that make you feel better about yourself. You also need a huge confidence boost and not a husband who makes you feel bad about yourself.

I'm pale ,overweight and low maintenance .
I wear these cuffed joggers from Uniqlo .Silky and cool .Lots of colours .Don't crease .
Uniqlo have a lot of airism stuff that is cool .(temp.wise )
https://www.uniqlo.com/uk/en/product/ultra-stretch-airism-joggers-455942.html

As I read your post I'm imagining a woman I know. Her skin is like porcelain and she is soft and curvy and looks like a painting. Instead of trying to work against that with fake tan and hiding away she has embraced a look that is actually very beautiful. There are loads of lovely dresses that keep you cool and cover your legs, so waft about in those and don't be afraid to show off that pristine undamaged skin.

There's nothing wrong with being pale, I think we should all be proud of our own natural skin colours whatever they are. I think the idea that you have to be tanned to look good is very dated tbh.

Why are the people around you knocking you down instead of building you up?

Your husband sounds like a shit and your children need to be disciplined to not be so unkind. That's the issue here. Maybe not a full spray tan but you could use tanning moisturiser, get your nails painted and brows shaped, and go into dress terrirtory instead of shorts and top (I can't wear things that separate me in the middle as I look like a literal square if I do because my hips are wide; dresses are far more flattering and sexy).

I'm a 20 and have a big tum and recently bought linen blend trousers from next in black and a olive green (were about £24 each). A little long on me, but have taken them up. A couple of pairs of linen blend shorts from them too (about £20 each), and are good as loose on the legs and almost knee length, and some of their cap sleeve t shirts in baby, grey and black. That has been my wardrobe over last few weeks along with a couple of floaty midaxi dresses from M &S bought a couple of years ago. All will be going on holiday with me in a month. Their vests are a bit tight on me, but the t shirts are more forgiving (and cover my upper arms).

I'm guessing you've got at least two weeks before you go if you've got school age children? I'd recommend finding a belly fat workout on YouTube and do it every day, twice if needed. I use Lucy Wyndham Read. Seven to ten minutes a day plus a 30 minute walk has done wonders for my waist and thighs.

What on earth is a belly fat workout?

You cannot spot reduce fat and any fat lost is done so through diet. Walking is good, but “belly fat workouts” are nonsense

I agree, @ShirleyPhallus , and when it doesn't work, she'll just feel worse about herself.
OP, just try the clothing suggestions upthread. I'm sure that you look absolutely fine. No such thing as "holiday perfect". You're going for a break and family time, not to be critically examined.