Help needed! Sold all my clothes and no idea what to do now

[WorryMcGee]

I need some help!

After pregnancy, a c-section, a breast cancer diagnosis 16 weeks later, two surgeries, 8 x chemo and the last of 10 radiotherapy sessions tomorrow, I feel like a completely different person to the one I used to be. Before all of this happened I wore bright colours and prints, bold makeup, dyed my hair pink, loved unusual jewellery…not anymore. Part of it is wanting to hide, I think, but anyway, all my old clothes and shoes and accessories just made me feel really sad so I sold pretty much everything I owned on Vinted. All that’s left are jeans, my black leather jacket, a couple of All Saints t shirts I’ve had for years, SB Gary trousers, a pair of black DMs, white Vejas, and my running/cycling kit. I bought a few plain baggy jumpers on Vinted which have got me through treatment/winter but the weather is getting nicer and I’ve also got to try and pick up the pieces of my life, go back to work etc and I can’t do that if I have no clothes! I’m so down about my appearance, the only thing I really liked about myself was my hair and that fell out. It’ll be a long time before it is the length I will be happy with and wigs make me very anxious/too hot so I’m in scarves and hats at the moment. DH and my mum think that if I had some nice new clothes it would help 🤷‍♀️

I’m 37, 5’9, 10 stone, lopsided because I didn’t have much in the boob department anyway so when they were done removing what they needed to remove I’m pretty much flat, and I hate my tummy because that’s where all my weight goes. I wouldn’t want to wear anything fitted because I don’t have the shape for it anymore. I have a 1 year old and when I go back to work it’ll be predominantly WFH so I don’t need lots of very dressy stuff. I find myself drawn to plain stuff in shop windows now - no patterns or prints.

I just feel lost because I only really know brands that made the kind of clothes I used to like! Hoping for some suggestions 🙂

You've been through an unimaginably awful time. I can see how that would completely rattle the foundations of your identity.

I think you should be gentle with yourself, and maybe start reintroducing the things you loved back into your wardrobe...start with the unusual jewellery, or a nice bright scarf. Wear things that you feel comfortable in, while you get used to your body shape. Perhaps some nice quirky shirts to go with your jeans - floaty ones with puffy sleeves, Or slouchy tees....work your way back up to your comfort zone.
See if you can find any bargains on vinted.

What sort of style do you imagine you'd enjoy wearing?

I often think Claudia Winkleman looks nice. I like her blazers or oversized tops with skinny trousers/jeans look. All her clothes in The Traitors were nice. She’s tiny though and I’m not so god knows how that would look on me.

One thing that I’m definitely not drawn to any more is bright colour. It actually makes me feel sad and anxious rather than joyful.

How about focusing on really lovely fabrics, then? I like linen, silk, heavy cotton, silk velvet - things that feel nice. Any of that work for you, or something else?

That's a nice idea @YetAnotherPerspective
That's a lot of decent linen about at the moment in Cos and TK Maxx. A shirt or two to wear oversized over leggings, or less so with jeans.

Thanks @YetAnotherPerspective I’d not even thought about fabrics, I will give that a try.

I’m so sorry that you have had a such terrible time. Big hugs to you x

How about having a look on Pinterest? Start of by searching Claudia Winkleman and that will get the ball rolling. If you don’t feel like wearing bright colours, don’t. How do you feel about neutrals?

How do you feel about getting your nails done? Are you eligible for free wigs? One of my work colleagues gets free wigs and hers look fabulous (although hot and she’ll whip hers off if it’s just us in an online meeting). The shop that she goes to is amazing. I had no idea she wore a wig when I first met her.

good luck!

Have you thought about doing stitchfix? You could basically tell them the story you've said above, fill in all your measurements and they'll post you out a box of 5 things to keep or send back.
I've found that there are brands on there that really suit me that you can't get in shops, but people then often sell on vinted. One called Editors Cut is often soft, plain coloured but not shapeless clothes.
I've been quite unwell recently and lost a lot of weight despite pregnancy. I wanted soft things to make me feel looked after but also to accommodate a future bump, and like you nothing too bright or patterned. They sent stuff I'd never have picked out in a window but has been just right and then I've known what similar stuff to search for on vinted.
I hope you're feeling better soon, that's such a huge amount to go through in a short space of time. You deserve to feel good in what you are wearing x

Hey that’s an idea! I have a friend who works for Stitchfix, we used to work together but he’s traded cosmetics for clothes 😂 I completely forgot about that as an option. Thanks @Improbablecat and I hope you feel better soon too, pregnancy is hard enough without being ill on top of it x

@Tarragon123 my nails are a total mess still from chemo, I think I’m going to lose a couple. I get awful hot flashes and feel so hot, itchy and uncomfortable in both the wigs I’ve got, they just don’t look or feel right to me, I feel even more self-conscious in them than I do in a scarf. I’ve re-downloaded Pinterest 🙂

You have certainly been through the wars! As another poster suggested I think if you get something in a nice fabric. You say you don't want bright colours but perhaps you can jazz a plain jacket with a brighter scarf, bangles, jewellery etc. At least avoid black as I think this can bring you down (unless you really suit it!)

I think it's difficult when life throws us a curve ball and then we aren't sure who we are, looks-wise. I have been through something similar lately for different reasons to you, and I just didn't feel like me til I managed to sort out a new look ( I couldn't wear my old look any more).

One tip I have for you is to wear soft neutral colours, such as cream, browns, beige, khaki, white, soft grey or soft pink. These are so flattering, especially if your skin/hair has taken a tough time, in a way that black/navy are not. I've bought a few shirts/blouses, jackets and long skirts from Vinted in these colours and most have been very successful, I also put anything I don't want straight back on Vinted so I don't really lose any money! I find trying things on at home better anyway as I can't get around the shops easily, for energy reasons.

I'd also try to solve the hair/wig problem by buying a few different types of soft caps/hats (forget wigs if they are not your thing, I do have a friend who wears a human hair expensive one and it is amazing but I can imagine they are uncomfortable). There are quite a few companies that make these- again I'd choose plain soft colours for now that will flatter the face, and you can build up from there.

I'd write down a plan of what you want, so for hats/face creams or make-up/separates and then you can actually spend time working on each area. I also had to get new footwear but this has been better than I anticipated, again by identifying what I needed and then going to standard brands I know fit me (e.g. Clarks). I find having trendy/great footwear really lifts my ordinary outfits.

Hope some of this helps.

I also love the oversize jacket, skinny trousers look and that's what I would wear if I could! So, work in a couple of slackets/soft jackets or just linen shirts over a cami/bra top (e.g. Urban Outfitters) and then slim leg/skinny on the bottom. My late teens never wear bras but they wear these stretchy crop tops with everything and that might provide a soft/not full on alternative to bras- Urgan Outfitters are the expensive version but you can get dupes in most supermarkets.

@WorryMcGee
You are 5foot 9 and 10 stone
I'm sure you have a great figure and can wear anything .

you have gone through two of the hardest things humanly possible so I definitely think it’s worth investing in a few nice pieces you enjoy pulling on. Second hand cashmere (or new if budget permits) is a real indulgence but feels great. I’ve bought a couple of second hand Brora jumpers that are lightweight and have lasted years. I also like Lavender Hill for simple t shirts in black and white. They wash well and are not too tight around the stomach or chest area (I do size up though).

Do you know what your colours are? There are some online sites that can help, I find that really useful when buying clothes now. I stick to a colour palette that suits me and then it all works together really well. The idea to focus on soft lovely natural fabrics is a great one, nurture and cocoon yourself x

That's been an insanely rough time for you, I just wanted to throw in a couple of ideas that may work.

Uniqlo Airism - they do underwear and loungewear, which is a godsend for my hot flashes. They wear and wash well. Uniqlo also has a lot of neutral-coloured basics, which may help pad things out while you work out what you want to add on. Their legging pants are very soft and don't tend to go at the knees.

Alternatively, Boody for bamboo underwear and lounge, I live in a hot climate, so Uniqlo Airism works best for me, but their stuff is insanely soft and comfortable https://boody.co.uk/collections/all-womens-clothing

A couple of other brands to consider who do soft linen and natural materials are https://flaxandloomuk.com/collections/all (especially for soft jeans) or https://www.eileenfisher.com/shop/the-fabrics/puckered-organic-linen?loc=UK

Hiya! Having come through some medical trauma myself, I understand the need to shift how you look for a while. I went the other way however - from grey and grey to all the colour!

I really rate the brand Aligne, and it could have some pieces that suit your requirements. Trend-led, neutral, grown up but not boring.

I have their Gabriella dress and it's SO flattering and comfy and hides the tum! x

Thank you so much everyone, I’m taking all these suggestions on board and I already feel a bit more hopeful. I just found a plain khaki shift dress from Arket on Vinted and there are some Brora bits too that I think would be nice. Uniqlo is a good shout, my sister swears by their t shirts and I think there’s one in the town I have radiotherapy in so I can try some on (if I manage to pluck up the courage). I also like the idea of shirts over a soft bra top, I’ve been wearing my yoga bras because normal bras won’t do now for obvious reasons.

@LightlySearedontheRealityGrill I have no idea! Something to Google later 🙂

@LadyEloise1 thanks but I really can’t wear anything, I’ve only got one boob. Even if I felt confident and didn’t care about how that looks, certain things don’t hang right.

https://www.urbanoutfitters.com/en-gb/shop/out-from-under-seamless-stretch-ribbed-cami?inventoryCountry=GB&currency=GBP&color=030&size=M&utm_campaign=PMAX&utm_term=UK_PMAX_ALL&utm_content=CjwKCAjw3ueiBhBmEiwA4BhspO8cs27pjT-8zox3d1l5dRbPFkutKlORGy3QD-rz6dB2KIhEgluDuhoCSrUQAvD_BwE&_cclid=Google_CjwKCAjw3ueiBhBmEiwA4BhspO8cs27pjT-8zox3d1l5dRbPFkutKlORGy3QD-rz6dB2KIhEgluDuhoCSrUQAvD_BwE&gclid=CjwKCAjw3ueiBhBmEiwA4BhspO8cs27pjT-8zox3d1l5dRbPFkutKlORGy3QD-rz6dB2KIhEgluDuhoCSrUQAvD_BwE&type=REGULAR&quantity=1

Sorry about the long link, if you google seamless crop tops M and S also have some. The great thing about these is they go under everything- so you could put a black or white or green one under the khaki dress (I love shirt dresses by the way).

I would order a few things, see how they go, then order some more, so it's not all at once and overwhelming, it will also help you feel out what look suits you as you move forward.

I read mixed views about colour analysis here but if you can stretch to that it's a good way to resolve confusion; it helped me work out that despite my love of a bold look, some brights and prints feel more 'right' than others. I found a whole new area of neutrals and deep colours that make me feel amazing and shopping and packing are much simpler.
Good luck with your recovery!

Hi @WorryMcGee so sorry to hear you have been through such a traumatic period and so glad that you are in recovery. I had cancer in 2018 where I was bedridden for 6 months because it was in my back (I was previously very fit and active). I fully recovered but it took about 3 years, as I had issues with pain that eventually resolved.
I just want to encourage you as having cancer did a number on my confidence and self-esteem. I definitely felt I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted afterwards. Be compassionate and kind to yourself, remember you are in recovery and you will be adjusting after a very shocking and destabilizing experience.
I wanted to mention that skin can be affected by chemo and your illness, so make sure you have a good skin care routine
https://www.vogue.com/article/skin-care-during-cancer-treatment-guide

I would also suggest Pinterest to create boards of ideas and colours and styles that appeal to you. I have found a good piece of advice is to look for well known or famous women who have a similar height and body type as you for inspiration. They may not have exactly the same style but the shapes and cut that look good on them will look good on you.

Someone that comes to mind is the editor of French Vogue Emmanuelle Alt, she has a sophisticated casual style, with a bit of a Rock Chick vibe.
https://www.vogue.fr/fashion/fashion-inspiration/diaporama/emmanuelle-alt-in-10-looks/35676

A very different style (and someone with no tummy to speak off!) is the Princess of Wales. But it’s more to riff off the shapes that look good on her height and smaller bust.
https://katemiddletonstyle.org/

@WorryMcGee BTW I also lost all my hair but it came back as before and is currently very long! Once I had a few inches I started getting it highlighted and styled and went through all the stages of Pixie Cut and beyond as it grew. I actually quite enjoyed it as I would never have cut my hair that short or thought it could look good on me. But I was just glad to have hair! The main thing is to embrace where you are now and look after your hair, skin and style. It’s very important for your morale.

Be proud, you made it through.

I second Uniqlo.

My friend who had a breast removed uses this shaper

https://www.amoena.com/us-en/amoena-life/uneven-breasts-balance-adapt-air-shaper/

What are your existing measurements, bust-waist-hips?

You could put your measurements into bodygallery, and see what other women your shape are wearing, to decide what suits them or not.