Thanks, genuinely for the post. It's very lovely of you, and lots of women need to hear this kind of thing - me when I was in my early 20s, for example.
But I'm not suffering a crisis of confidence, being over critical or imagining things, honestly.
I am about 50 years old, and those days of crippling self doubt are long gone. However,
I am size 24, and I hold most of my weight in my stomach.
Most "occasion" dresses are figure hugging and or reveal flesh I don't want to. The fashion industry is the patriarchy writ large. Women are encouraged into body revealing clothes because society values our sex appeal above our intellect. If you don't think this is right, think how ridiculous it'd be if the men in the accounts or IT departments turned up to a professional do showing huge amounts of flesh and with nothing more than a few tiny straps on their feet, plus heels they can barely walk in. It just wouldn't happen. But why not?
I'm not knocking women who do wear revealing clothes, all power to them. But I don't want to and why the fuck should I?
I don't want to reveal my back because I have large crusty moles on it (yes, I've had then checked by the doctor, it's not cancer I'm just older than I used to be and they grew).
I'd rather not show the tops of my arms or my thighs off because they are large and wobbly. I could if I had to, but I'd rather not at a professional event, and why should I?
And, my stomach is so large people think I'm heavily pregnant. I'm not making this up, I get offered seats on public transport. Some clothes are more flattering for this shape, most aren't. Why should I show my stomach off in a work environment?
I quite happily get into a skin tight, revealing swim suit at the beach that leaves practically nothing to the imagination, but I am happy doing that, it's the beach and I'm enjoying it.
But why should I show my body to my colleagues? I don't want to. I don't need up work on my self esteem, I just need a dress that suits.
My problem isn't that I need to convince myself to enjoy wearing dresses that I know don't suit me.
The real problem is not my self esteem, but that I have sized of the clothes shops in my town, there is nowhere I can go to try clothes on, and I am a bit fussy about my style (nothing to do with my shape, just about the clothes I like).
What I used to do when I was a size 20, was to go to Monsoon (before it shut) or Next, or Debenhams (before that shut too), pick up a huge bunch of clothes in my size and try them on till I found something that suits.
When I was much slimmer, I didn't shop like this as most stuff suited. But they mostly don't make clothes for women the shape I am now.
I'm not looking for something impossible, I just want to look nice for a night, and why not? We all feel.good when we're wearing clothes we like.
And yes, most women at work look a lot more "put together than me". They wear make up, get pedicures and manicures, pluck their eyebrows, have skin care routines, blow dry and style or straighten their hair daily and invest a lot of time and money on looking presentable on a daily basis. I do none of these things. Zero. But I do like to scrub up for a party. It's just harder when you're round!