I have almost nothing to wear - feeling really down

[Littlemiss74]

I’m 48, 5’3”, usually size 12 (but it’s getting tight) & perimenopausal, feeling very self conscious about my changing body. Used to be pear shape but turning more apple.

I have hardly any clothes that fit me well & I have no idea what to buy or where from anymore. I spend hours looking online & everything I order has to be returned.

I’ve always liked skinny jeans but now find them tight & uncomfortable & look dated. I’ve tried baggier styles but they’re too big & swamp me as I am short.
I like leggings for comfort but not exactly stylish & I don’t know what to wear on top.
The maxi look dresses look ridiculous on me so I feel trousers/jeans are my only option but nothing looks nice & I don’t know what style tops to wear.

I work 3 days in office, 2 at home. Work is much more casual these days but I still want to look professional and I’m struggling to. I have nothing to wear for a night out. Recently DH & I went to a concert, we hardly ever go out. I had nothing nice to wear. Everything I tried on was too tight & looked a bit shabby & I got upset. I didn’t have a nice jacket to wear, all my coats are either big winter ones or ones for walking the dog.

It’s getting me down now. I just want a few nice things that fit well and know I can pull out for whatever occasion. This week I ordered some things from the sale at Other Stories & Boden and none of it fitted so now got to spend time packaging up to return. Then the Next order came with loads of jeans to try but again no good, either too big or too small. One thing I did quite like was a pair of mom style just above ankle which felt comfy & looked quite nice, but they were a tiny bit too tight yet if I got a 14 they would be too big, so back they go! It’s so time consuming & depressing when none of it is ever any good. There are hardly any decent shops near me, what there is I feel either too old or too young for.

I’ve looked on pinterest & instagram for ideas & have found things I like but they either don’t say where to buy them or they’re too expensive or they don’t look that the pics on me!

Sorry for the huge rant but I can’t believe how difficult it has become just to dress myself decently. I would like to just start again with a capsule wardrobe but I’m just lost. What does everyone else do, how do you do it? Please send help😩

To save the order , try , return , do you have a decent size town / city that you can go to to try try try on all different things , wear easy clothing to take on / off , schedule a lunch and make a day of it
or try a branch of John Lewis where you can have a personal stylist to advise you , and you only buy what you like , they may gently push you out of your comfort zone
look for a blog of someone who is similarly sized / age to you for inspiration

good luck ! clothes buying should be a pleasure not a chore 🤞

If you can get to an actual New Look try their petite sale rail or even the regular price stuff. They have some nice things and you can find cotton dresses in there if you look hard enough.

I agree with the personal shopper idea. I keep meaning to do this but am always either at work or looking after small children so never had the time.

I'm also between sizes and it can be annoying. Finding jeans which fit is hard at the best of times. I tend to go for looser fits and just wear a belt.

How about shorter dresses? I'd look for some nice midi or mini dresses, boots and a jacket as a starting point. Try and find out what colours suit you too so you know what to look for

For jeans try charity shops, the ones that I look in seem to have plenty of mom jeans.

Wear dresses that suit your shape and height. They save you having to get tops etc as it's a complete outfit. And yes go and try on. Sending stuff back is such a pain. Take some time to do proper fitting in some shops. If you liked the one pair of jeans maybe source ones like that as each stores 12 will be different.

I think you are the ideal candidate for a personal shopper. It sounds like you need some encouragement to try new things and perhaps some help to see yourself from a different and more positive perspective.

I know I keep banging on about it, but buy a copy of the Curated Closet by Anuschka Rees. I don't think I lack style, but I do lack things that mix and match and she's been a revelation.

Also, put some of the things that don't fit on vinted. I've taken great delight in knowing that other people like things that I've finished with.

As for the peri. Have you seen a doctor yet?

I rate M&S for jeans. Can you go to a big store and just try loads of pairs on?

I think you're feeling helpless and looking for a silver bullet. The truth is a reasonable daily calorie limit; I'm same height as you, and was 12st 10lb, now 12 St on a 1400 daily cal limit. It's slow, but sure. Empower yourself and take control. Take care, lovely.

I am in a similar boat, 45 5ft 3 and a fat 12 as have developed a horrid perimenopause belly.

I stick to dresses for work (not maxi-shorter) and girlfriend jeans from Tu (which are worn turned up). I live rurally with no shops, spent a day shopping in a city last week and it was a complete waste of time. Nothing fitted. I have £900 worth of online returns waiting to go back too.

I'm not sure this is all that helpful? She didn't mention her weight at all and she is a size 12. Probably nowhere near 12 stone. She just said her shape has changed due to menopause not that she has gained lots of weight.

Sorry if I'm speaking for you a bit op! It is a bit of a pet peeve of mine when the S&B boards start to resemble the pro ana weight loss boards!

I'm in a similar boat. Like the dress idea, but what shoes to wear with them?

Can you get to a big M&S, John Lewis, H&M, Harvey Nichols (delete as applicable to your budget)? When you've got plenty of time, factor in lunch. Take it slowly, don't worry about the number on the label, just try things on that for you well instead of trying to get into old clothes. Online shopping only works for me if I really know what I want and am reasonable confident about a brand's sizing.

*fit

My local shopping centre has a stylist. It's free, you just book an appointment and she goes round the shops with you. She's incredibly good at what she does, has a really good eye, and knows where to find things, which stops all the trailing around that I hate! Feel free to message me if you'd like to know where I am.

Or if course John Lewis's service which I've not used but heard good things about.

I have recently been looking a lot at the capsule wardrobe suggestions on onthespike.com which while written a few years ago seem relatively timeless ones.

I find this time of the year tricky to feel stylish in, and am also on the look out for some better jeans and trainers etc.

Book John Lewis. Free. I used to use Debenhams, Shame - I miss them.

Those mom style jeans... if they were only a tiny bit too tight when you tried them on they'll probably be ok once you've had them on a while, they'll give a bit. I anyways think jeans should feel slightly tight when you first try them on if you want them to fit well.

Leggings are stylish again, with oversized sweatshirts, crew socks pulled up over them and trainers 🙌🏼
Have a look for 'slim fit straight jeans', I have to go with these and anything more oversized looks awful on me, but skinny jeans look dated.

I think menopause really affects your sense of self. You body changes subtly and clothes that once fitted no longer do.
Ive moved to dresses as like you have ordered and sent back so many pairs of jeans.
Im a couple of inches taller than you but a lot of maxi dresses can be too long still.
I get dresses from hush, Albaray, Fatface and sugar hill boutique mainly. John Lewis, next and M&S all have a different load of brands. In winter I tend to wear short dresses and tights/boots, in spring, maxi/midi with trainers and in summer short of long with sandals.

You can't go wrong with a dress, tights and ankle boots no matter what shape or size.
Fatface, Roman, Apricot,Jo Brown, vintage shops, even Etsy do some nice things.
Amazon also good for smart soft comfy yoga trousers, bootcut and butter soft that can be dressed up or down. They have them in lovely colours, wine, teal, coffee,.just throw on a black top, ready to go.

This might sound a bit mad, given your need to return items, so keep with me...

I have bought loads on Vinted, bargains that I see that I like, can pay not much for and try out new styles and ideas.

I love it. I try out lots of different things by having the items at home. In a couple of ‘wears’ I will know if I like the style. If I do, I look for more on Vinted, if I don't I sell it on.
I also buy accessories and shoes.

Seems less pressured as even with postage I spend less than £10.00 per item.

I'm your height and shape. I definitely wouldn't wear a maxi dress, they are far too long and drown me. Short dresses which are fitted under the boob rather than at the waist. I like the 'amelie' style from Boden.

Also I have a couple of jumpsuits (although you have to try a few one, they can look awful if they don't fit properly).

Or an A line skirt with a more fitted top.

I have tu 'girlfriend' style jeans, the sizing is quite generous and they have a bit of stretch. They aren't as tight as skinnies but don't drown you either.

I am a similar size/height as you and refreshed my wardrobe last year. Surprisingly I bought a number of things from M&S. I have their mom jeans, elasticated wide leg trousers, denim jacket, a couple of shirts.

I quite like wearing dresses and have had success in M&S, Sainsburys Tu, Monki (for funky patterned ones). Look for midi length and often there are petite options.

I quite a conservative dresser and buy a lot of things from Uniqlo too. Cotton trousers for summer, t shirts, fine knit jumpers, short sleeve work shirts etc.

Agree with others if you are able to get to a big M&S store. Manchester is a very good one if you are this way.

What style do you like?

classic? Sporty? Trendy? Boho?

I have really embraced boho clothes in middle age, as it’s comfy and fun and a bit different. Love brands like Free People , Forgotten Tribes , some Hush and that sort of style

I used to like Gap, Next, MS, Fatface etc but needed a change and no longer like the jeans and a top look on me.