I have almost nothing to wear - feeling really down

[Littlemiss74]

I’m 48, 5’3”, usually size 12 (but it’s getting tight) & perimenopausal, feeling very self conscious about my changing body. Used to be pear shape but turning more apple.

I have hardly any clothes that fit me well & I have no idea what to buy or where from anymore. I spend hours looking online & everything I order has to be returned.

I’ve always liked skinny jeans but now find them tight & uncomfortable & look dated. I’ve tried baggier styles but they’re too big & swamp me as I am short.
I like leggings for comfort but not exactly stylish & I don’t know what to wear on top.
The maxi look dresses look ridiculous on me so I feel trousers/jeans are my only option but nothing looks nice & I don’t know what style tops to wear.

I work 3 days in office, 2 at home. Work is much more casual these days but I still want to look professional and I’m struggling to. I have nothing to wear for a night out. Recently DH & I went to a concert, we hardly ever go out. I had nothing nice to wear. Everything I tried on was too tight & looked a bit shabby & I got upset. I didn’t have a nice jacket to wear, all my coats are either big winter ones or ones for walking the dog.

It’s getting me down now. I just want a few nice things that fit well and know I can pull out for whatever occasion. This week I ordered some things from the sale at Other Stories & Boden and none of it fitted so now got to spend time packaging up to return. Then the Next order came with loads of jeans to try but again no good, either too big or too small. One thing I did quite like was a pair of mom style just above ankle which felt comfy & looked quite nice, but they were a tiny bit too tight yet if I got a 14 they would be too big, so back they go! It’s so time consuming & depressing when none of it is ever any good. There are hardly any decent shops near me, what there is I feel either too old or too young for.

I’ve looked on pinterest & instagram for ideas & have found things I like but they either don’t say where to buy them or they’re too expensive or they don’t look that the pics on me!

Sorry for the huge rant but I can’t believe how difficult it has become just to dress myself decently. I would like to just start again with a capsule wardrobe but I’m just lost. What does everyone else do, how do you do it? Please send help😩

@Cyclingmummy1
ive just ordered that book curated closet , thanks for the recommendation

I feel really similar to you OP and wear the same pair of jeans most days I don't feel like there are any nice shops with nice things any more. I dont even know what I want to wear. Following with interest.

Following with interest. I’ve gained weight plus things became outdated and worn so I’m currently in the same position. No maxi dresses for me either, I’m taller than you but still not so tall and don’t wear heels.
I found jeans in Next - it has size 13 in some styles. Currently looking for summer tshirts, white is not good on me which limits my choice significantly.

and there is a tiny issue of budget 😀

Similar situation I'm 5'2 size 12 and 43. I don't know what to wear anymore. I bought a pair of navy wide leg cropped trousers which looked horrendous with a t shirt out but quite nice when I tucked it in with white chunky trainers. I've been wearing Next petite jeans and also tesco jeans slim fit. I've been picking up bits in charity shops, I got a pair of m&s jeggings which I like and if they aren't great it's only a few quid lost.
I'd not bother online shopping for a while have a day out and try on a few styles.

Similar position but fatter. I've been hitting the gym since October and lost a stone so I'm getting close to a 12.

Hobbs works well for me for work. Pricey but constant sales and special offers. The fabrics are usually good quality and they are lined properly. A classic dress and jacket works and I just have about 3/4 things I cycle as I go in about twice a week.
M&S Autograph is good for tailored trousers so I use smart trousers with a blouse for more casual office days. The dress option also means I can wear flat shoes for the commute.

Used to buy from Hush but the fabrics got very cheap and thin. I got nice plain T-shirts from Joules last summer who actually produced something without stripes and flowers for once.

I am pear shaped. Thick thighs, curvy bum and I really fill our my trousers (between size 10 and 12) . Id almost given up on smart work trousers but omg, the M&S short Jersey trousers are a revelations. I bought 3 pairs in different colours.

I love Reiss petite. Try their dresses especially the floaty summer ones because they will be more forgiving.

I would try Vinted - I make sure I buy at a good price so I can resell if necessary. Just bought a couple of pairs of new M&S mom jeans for £3! Once you find something that fits you could buy several in different colours. FWIW I am similar height/age to you. I think you do need to keep trying on lots of things - you will get there. I was amazed when the mom jeans fitted me and looked ok! I never thought they would. Keep at it OP!

I really like M&S's click and collect service. Order for delivery to a store, try everything on and return anything you don't want on the spot for an instant credit back to your card.

If you use a credit card, the returns are processed and credited back immediately.

I'm the same size & shape as you and have been living in I have been browsing at M&S and found this: www.marksandspencer.com/leather-look-high-waisted-leggings/p/clp60505311?intid=mobileapppdp_share leather look high waisted leggings

Now I'm looking out for something for the summer months.

Agree re Vinted, and M & S, particularly for jeans, they have a great selection.

I was just going to say Vinted too!
You could look for Mom jeans there for a couple of £

Wow that's a really good idea, click and collect, try on and return on the spot! Genius! I'm going to try that as I live quite a bit away from nearest good shopping town and could do a few shops this way

Meet your sister. I’m 51 and lived in jeans.
I picked a dress off the rack for a laugh. It was something that looked nice but I knew would look stupid on me.
Guess what!! Both myself and my (always honest) sister were amazed by how well it suited me.
Take the most honest person you know with you and step outside your comfort zone, experiment and have fun.

I'm your height and size and 40. I really rate M&S for jeans, the short leg is just right for me. I recently got some of their Eva bootcut jeans after wearing skinnies for years and really love these.

White Company have some great trousers. Really well made and super comfortable. Do you have John Lewis near you? You could get the help of an in store stylist.

I think cut yourself some slack.
It's perfectly normal to feel like this at this stage of your life. It happens to most of us. Try a personal stylist, a colour assessment. Or some relaxing facial/message/reflexology treatments.
Or possibly go see your GP with regards to Hrt. Don't buy loads of clothes until things settle down. Maybe find a temporary 'uniform' you feel happy with for the time being. In time you will find out what suits you again.

OP, there is a great stylist called @frillseeking who had a long thread on Mumsnet recently. I know she said she did consultations over Zoom or similar - have a look for her and see what you think of the advice she's given people.

If your bodys changed /changing forget about online - that’s only when you know your exact size and what suits. You need to either spend hours trying on loads (preferably after doing some insta influencer research) or get a stylist session. You can actually save money by using a stylist (and I def amnt one😂) as generally what you buy you love - rather than buying more crap that you always get that isn’t really working so you have to go again (if that makes sense?!)

@Mercedesbenz2022 let me know what you think. I'm only at the taking photos stage but have read ahead and really like her approach.

So true about spending time trying things on. I forced myself to go to a shopping centre for new jeans recently and had to try on literally 35+ pairs to find a pair that work for me now. My back was a mess the next day! I'd recommend trying on more expensive ones than you'd normally go for too - it's worth it if you're looking for a 'uniform' to give you breathing space.

I am a big convert to m and s Mom jeans. I have five pairs including a pale green pair that cost 3.99 in the sale. I wear them with high top converse and they are so comfy.

I'ma bit younger than you but similar dimensions. In the last few years have developed a tum which is quite obvious on my apple shape. Firstly, I've found this board great for ideas for dressing my shape. I now focus on accentuating my legs and boobs which are nice which gives me confidence.
I think you'd definitely benefits from a personal shopping session or at least a few hours in person shopping. I often have to return due to just not fitting in 12, it's awful.
I've found a few things I really like though. As others have said M&S jeans are great. I've given up on mom jeans for now as they just swamp me but they have lots of nice cuts if you can get in there. They really last too. M&S in general have good stuff for petites.
For work I generally wear dresses that don't skim my waist or paper bag style trousers. New Look do nice ones for petites. Recently I've been wearing different shirts or blouses which work for going out too.
I try to update my look with fashionable coats, shoes and accessories to keep things a bit more trendy. It's taken me awhile to build my new wardrobe but definitely getting there.

Seconded - came here to say this! If I buy jeans that fit when I try them on I ALWAYS regret it as they always bag slightly - it drives me mad.

OP it can be very frustrating trying to find something to go out in when you don't go out very often, I sympathise. I find it much easier to put together going-out outfits in the summer for some reason. A good jacket is a great place to start - have you thought about a leather biker style? I used to get a lot of wear out of an All Saints one - there are loads on Vinted. Or maybe a soft blazer, or a utility style jacket? I have a great khaki one from Vinted (I think it's Next).

To go back to jeans, I generally rate M&S for high-waisted skinny jeans with enough stretch to be flattering, and weirdly I've found a great pair of mom jeans in River Island recently - would recommend!

Absolutely feeling your pain OP, same size here only a little shorter and older. Absolutely sick of online shopping
Like you, work at home and have lots of dog walking outfits. i refused to go out this weekend as I had nothing to wear
I think the whole shopping experience at the moment is just awful, even the shop manikins look drab
Sorry, no help from me but keep positive and youre definitely not alone