Help me look more my age (younger)

[Firebrickred]

Hi, I’m only 36 yet often people mistake me for significantly older (like 15 years older). Some people have said as much (blunt talking men usually) and other people accidentally say it, for example by looking surprised when my age is obvious eg being too young to remember something. So it’s definitely true and not just me being paranoid. I don’t wear make up or really do anything to my hair and I don’t want to start wearing make up. On the rare occasion that I do, I don’t think I look better.
the biggest issues are having more grey hairs than is normal for my age. I’ve tried having low lights but the grey hairs grow quickly and stick up in a frizzy way so I don’t think it makes much difference- is there anything I can do to stop that?
The other issue is my skin, I tan easily and don’t burn so I’ve never worn ST lotion much but I work outside so my skin has seen a lot of sun. So I have a lot of wrinkles.
ive got so ashamed of it, the only time I feel comfortable out and about is on a hot day where I can wear big sunglasses. I have obviously started wearing spf now. Any tips really gratefully received as I feel really awful and ashamed.

I suppose age will cure the issue with flyaway greys when your hair greys more fully? Other than that, I suppose you're looking at some form of intervention involving Botox or the like to help with wrinkles, but it's not clear to what extent there's anything you can do with general weather-beatenness, if that's bothering you?

Thank you for replying. Yes I am looking forward to aging and not worrying about the greys! But for now I’m wondering if there’s something i should try other than low lights. Well the wrinkles bother me most I think, I’m pretty nervous to try Botox but I guess it’s probably worth it.

Proper cut and colour at a salon
Try using straighteners and some serum perhaps?
Intensive conditioning treatment

Skin:
SPF 50 daily
Vitamin c serum in the mornings
Hyurolic acid serum on top

Exfoliate at night (glycolic acid) followed by a good peptide serum such as Boots Protect and Perfect, and a night time moisturiser

You could also try retinol or tretinoin but that cannot be used with glycolic acid so maybe start one or twice a week in the evenings. Use a cheap but good moisturiser. Have a look at a Dermatica subscription.

Make up
Try using a bit of BB cream which is lighter than foundation so doesn't feel like make up but would give you skin a nice glow. Try Trinny London or Clarins BB detox

Try one coat of mascara to make your eyes show up, and a tinted lip gloss.

Try threading eyebrows and maybe dyeing them depending on how they are.

It's all investment but it sounds like you haven't invested much in your skin and hair and now you're feeling low. Good luck Op

If you can afford it:

1. Laser treatment on your face
2. Microneedling
3. Regular hair treatments/cut/colour
4. Nourishing moisturiser

1. You've nothing to be ashamed about
2. Ignore rude people
3. Be kind to yourself
4. Wear clothes you enjoy in colours you like and get a haircut that suits you.

Have you tried an all-over colour, or only low-lights? I didn't suggest it because you clearly don't want any major interventions, but I've been greying (following my mum) since my late teens, and have just always dyed my hair 'back' to something approximating its original light brown with lighter strands. My grey has always been very uneven -- mostly along my centre parting and temples.

I know less than nothing about Botox, but others on here are knowledgeable.

My only other suggestion re wrinkles is whether you wear or need glasses? If you are squinting a lot when reading etc, that won't be helping. Obviously, squinting into bright light would be another issue in outdoor work.

Grey hair really does age you, especially in the eyes of a younger crowd. That is easily sorted.

The skin not so much, good advice on here, you're going to have to go for filkers/botox/threads to see a real difference.

Hows your wardrobe? If someone saw you from the back or a distance would they guess your age correctly? I've always been guilty of dressing middle aged and colleagues did always assume I was 10 years older but that's not a bad thing in my field. Now lots marvel at how little I've aged 😆

And watch your weight, thiner = younger at first glance unfortunately.

Do you smoke? Drink regularly and perhaps a little excessively?

Or choose to ignore it and spend your time and money on things that make you happy.

Imo it's a losing battle so I do what I can with the money and effort I'm prepared to put in then try not to think about it. To me that's hair and make up but never any cosmetic procedure.

But if its really getting to you and there are easy ways to improve it it's your body your choice.

So first off before getting into the cosmetics, how is your diet and do you drink enough water?

I'd recommend eating lots of veg as it helps skin glow, and taking a vitamin supplement like Perfectil which is good for hair skin and nails. My flyaways have improved since I started taking it. You will probably get less greys with better diet, I know I do.

Spf 50 every day. Its hard to know where to start with skin, I have always moisturised but last year I went to Greece and I definitely aged my skin...I am 43 so your age is a good time to start prevention as you lose collagen and elasticity in your 40s. I was worried about crows feet and started Elemis Pro Collagen, literally just a drop around each eyes so while it is £35 it lasts forever. I have definitely seen improvement after 6 weeks. You need to try anything for 6 weeks really so it is best only introducing one thing at a time.

I personally would also look at face yoga if you are not keen on botox, lots of you tube vids.

Other people will have better recommendations on skincare.

Essentially though if you do nothing and expose yourself to elements it is ageing, so better to try and protect it going forward.

If you don't like makeup I definitely recommend looking at eyebrow waxing and tinting, it really shapes and uplifts a face. I had my eyelashes lifted which looks like I am permanently wearing mascara and like I curled them, so could be worth considering but not cheap at about £40 every couple of months. Mascara and eyelash curlers cost v little.

You could consider a fringe as a n alternative to botox as a way of hiding crows feet, lots of celebs like Davina Mccall have one. I am gradually introducing one!

I know someone who is around your age but looks about 15-20 years younger. So will describe her look-
Ask the hairdresser for a stylish look, layers, hair dye.
Slogan style jumpers, converse, skinny jeans, basically 'young' sort of clothes.
Make up minimal
Nail polish in a bright colour
Trendy jewellery

Oh I also had my colours done, makes such a difference as I feel much less invisible and like I am fading into the background. I no longer dress like I am trying to have a minimal parisian wardrobe of neutrals which is actually really boring and does nothing for me. I do dress in a sort of minimal way but I use colour much more effectively.

she's 36 but looks 16? right

Thank you so much for your kind and helpful responses! To answer a few questions: I’ve tried not to care, I will keep focusing on this but if there’s some small changes I can make I think I’ll feel better. I have good diet/ exercise etc and an ok figure. I never buy new clothes because I hate thinking about my looks and I don’t wear jewellery or nail varnish. I’m starting to see that maybe making a small amount extra effort could help. I will also really take on board the suggestions for extra skincare I can do and maybe invest in eyebrow shaping and better haircuts. Thank you all again!

so no smoking op?

lots of fresh air?

No smoking or drinking. I work outside so lots of fresh air but also sun exposure!

I just had botox for the first time at the age of 40, I'm floored by the difference its made. Best £120 I've ever spent! Didn't hurt much, just had a headache for a few hours after.

In uk?

As above Botox and Micro needling could help with skin. Not sure what your natural colour is but maybe a lighter colour all over will help you go longer between colouring.

Not much you can do about historically not wearing SPF but wear every day from now (and anyone reading who doesn't wear it, start doing so, everyone needs it, even if you don't burn)

And watch your weight, thiner = younger at first glance unfortunately.

There's a really thin line (excuse my pun) for weight. Too slim and you look gaunt and aged in the face. The right amount of chub can make you look younger !

I feel as if you've described me!

I have been going increasingly grey for 10 years and don't like the way it ages me, but also not willing to go back to dying it blonde every 4 weeks, which trashed the condition.

I have recently started using a brown colour depositing shampoo (Plantur39 Brown, but there are others). It has tinted my white hairs a honey blond, and my steely grey hairs have gone darker brown. It has helped my overall look and it washes out if you stop using it (pretty much gone in a week - 10 days of not using it).

Getting my eyebrows threaded, (and dyed because mine are half dark grey and half so light they're invisible, so it looks like I only have eyebrows from nose to mid-eyes) has made an enormous difference. I can have this done for £6 in my local shopping centre, and the Turkish ladies there understand that I just want them tidied and not made super thin!

I hate straightening my hair, but it does make a big difference. I straighten it with a bit of curl which then drops out to leave a "bouncy blow dry" effect!

Lipsalve and good teeth.

Thank you. So much knowledge on here. I’ve just calculated my bmi at 24. I am definitely gaunt around the face but carry weight under my chin so I think I need a redistribution!!

Highlights are better for greys as you want lighter, not darker. Blonde will hide the grey.

Depends on the face. Many people just look matronly with extra facial fat.