Trying to accept not looking like myself - please be kind

[relyingonthekindnessofstrangers]

Hi there

I've name changed- been on Mumsnet right from the start. I found this wonderful website when I was in my early 30s with young babies and toddlers.

My children are all grown up now and have fled the nest. They are working in the UK, 7,000 miles away. I'm fine with this -they have their lives and are visiting again after bloody covid kept us apart for 2 years. I have a full time job which is demanding and keeps me busy and I am proud of what I do. I like to dress nicely and try to make the best of myself. I don't have a perfect figure but have found my style.

So what's the problem? It's my fucking face. When I wake up in the morning and look at how it's changing, it makes me feel like shit. It's just collapsing. I wear foundation, blush, mascara and lipstick - not a lot - but increasingly I just feel like I'm wasting my time as I don't really look much better afterwards. Plus I'm pissed off that my natural self is deteriorating so quickly.

I think I'm just struggling with the massive changes that I'm seeing in the mirror. Turkey neck, wrinkles, bags etc. Does anyone have any advice to help me accept this. I know I sound shallow but I'm not.

Thank you for listening and helping.

At a certain point I think we need to learn to embrace the crone. Every dog has it's day as my coffee cup tells me. Alternatively we can choose to not go gently into that good night and rage against the stiffness, wrinkles and greyness.

Zoom meetings are what tipped me over the edge. I went from barely throwing a glance at myself in the mirror to having to look at my image for 5/6 hours every day. I now get Botox, have lost weight. Still don't wear make up or spend too much time on grooming other than good skincare regime and regular brow tints and shaping. I do an hour yoga every morning and walk dogs up the mountains so I feel good which can be half the battle. Although I did change my profile pic on FB yesterday to one I thought I looked pretty in and my 15 year old dd told me it looked like "my 10 year sober picture" which didn't sound very complimentary as she had seen me pissed the week before at her sisters hen night.

Go gently into that good night? Hell, no! That's not me. But neither will I rage against myself and my body. It may no longer look as I think it should, and it may no longer work as well as it used to, and, frankly, yes, I'm pissed off at its increasing decrepitude, but it's still me and it's still mine. I shan't rage at it and allow such negativity to occupy so much space in my head.

I shall wear purple 
with a red hat which doesn't go. And I'm already practicing now, so people who know me are not too shocked and surprised 
when suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

I am 51, and very happy with my skin after using Tret for a while. I will never do Botox or cheek fillers, so it's just as well I am happy.

Not so happy with my body, so try to keep my weight down and have started lifting weights.

It's hard and I struggle, especially as I used to be an effortless size 8 while eating everything I could lay my hands on.

Having said all that, I am still far more confident than I was at 25. I have survived some terrible things, kept going in the face of adversity, had my heart broken, and now feel invincible in a way. It doesn't matter if I have saggy jowls. I have also achieved all my professional success after 40.

I am not yet in that territory, but I empathise OP and will not doubt feel very similar. What I can say now is that the way people perceive you is very different to the way you perceive yourself. People look at the whole of you, in movement and conversation, and not fixate on an element of the face in weird fixed light in the mirror. So I think women who look fabulous are those who move well (hence exercise but also maybe dance or something similar is important). We become stiff with age, and only do a small range of movements - this is easy to see if you compare to how a young child moves. We don't suddenly jump or skip or wave our hands in the air. A older woman who moves well and has a good vibe is what I aim for. There is ageing but then there is also another kind of ageing - self-imposed or maybe not enough reflected sour demeanour (thinking about my dear relatives), self-limitations that are totally arbitrary, etc.

Me too.

Botox
Prescription strength retinol
SPF 50
Threads

cheers me up no end ;-)

Zoom meetings are what tipped me over the edge

@MysweetAudrina

Do you have soft focus and the studio effects set ? I look way better on video with the filters set.

If all else fails just use this, tis witchcraft!

Wow!! 😂