Un-frump me please! Where to shop??

[UnfrumpMe]

It occurred to me this weekend that both my best friends (both size 6 and one 5’9, the other 4’11) would not be seen DEAD in my go-to jersey dress, legging and white trainer or welly combo. I’m either wearing that or gym gear.

I like this combo for school days as I spend most of them on the floor with the baby then doing the school run and housework, so like to be unrestricted. Realistically I’m not going to get changed into something more presentable for the school run.

I tend to go for block colours, and an alarming amount of my clothes are grey or khaki. I’m scared of patterns as isn’t that the epitome of frump? But I guess more non-floral patterns might help.

But I’m also a singer and an artist and my social life in general is starting to pick up and I feel like a shapeless colourless mass. I actually have a good selection of jeans thanks to Stitchfix, but need nice tops suitable for gig/dinner/theatre type occasions, and some nicer dresses. And some better shoes. I have a few nice things - jumpsuit, long red gingham dress etc - that I will either ‘slim into’ (I won’t), or are too OTT for daily life? Or feel that way. I’d feel like a spectacle at the pub in a flowing red gingham maxi dress with low neckline?

New Look/Lindex budget which I’m sure is probably part of the problem! I do NOT want to be sweaty but don’t know what fabrics to avoid for that?

Stats: 5ft5, size 16 (maybe 18) but finished having babies now so that’s gradually coming down. Have realistically never been under a 14 though and I’m not going to battle for it (I’ve done a lot of work on this, food issues, self acceptance etc so let’s not get into that. Just - size 16).

Age: 32

Skin: happy with for the first time in my life

Hair: been VERY frizzy since having DD a year ago. Tried curly girl a couple of times but I’m more wavy so the products (only curls) weigh me down and I don’t have the capacity to figure it out. Long, brown, thick, cut it myself into a shoulder length bob sometimes. Grey at the temples but would rather not get into dying routines (expensive £ and time) but grey hairs are a different texture so maybe it WILL just age me and I won’t be able to carry off the cool grey look?

Nails: started off the year wanting regular gel nails but they ruined my nails and now they’ve grown you can see healthy nail at the bottom of each nail, and a strong line in the middle where the top half of each nail is noticeably weaker and damaged. So, I dunno.

Need:

coat (just bought a Passenger long gilet in the sale but other than that I have a 7 year old North Face coat and a leopard print coatigan)
Shoes - boots? Heeled ankle boots?

Tops
Dresses

Help!

Charity shops in posh areas close to you are worth a look. Go with no expectations and see what is there. I have found in my experience that there is plenty of things within your size range. Have fun!

Have you looked at fat face for dresses?

I think Bobbies (a French company) do really nice boots. I always get compliments on my two pairs from there.

Watching with interest! I’m also in a Vortex of Jersey although mine are all blue for some reason 🤷‍♀️

I feel the same as you! Size 16/18 5'6
Feel trump and in stylish. My lovely leather per una boots I tried on and they felt past it.

I do love vinted though so get some things of there to try and resell if you can.

Plain is best I agree but I love a floral print.

I need a new coat and some lace up boots.

I swapped my home uniform of nice joggers and Breton for high waist leggings and an over size jumper.

I have sensitive feet as my dh calls them. So I am so limited. I'm going to get some nice trainers maybe Mike Nike waffle or NB?

I spotted a passenger Borg fleece (from the London threat) or the TNF.

I have a lovely down tan Jack but that makes me feel frumpy now I wear it like and invisibility cloak.

Jeans are my nemesis.

Watching with interest.

Just bought a few bits from Thought and Monki. Will definitely have to hunt around the charity shops if I ever get time, and develop a Vinted habit 😄

I had avoided fat face actually but just had a look and seemed rather nice!

Avoid polyester and nylon if you don't want to sweat! I think new look actually has some nice things if you have a discerning eye. Categorise a flattering fit over everything else - I think that helps you look more timeless than fashion victim. Good luck!

I also find it helps if you people watch when you are out and about to see what works and what you like or don't like on other people who are similar to you in age / style, whatever. I'm always doing that - not to see what's fashionable exactly, but just to pick up ideas that I like.

Depends where you live though! When I work in London everyone looks wonderful but most of the places I spend time in everyone looks as bad as me if not worse. (That's not a criticism just with limited shops people inevitably end up looking similar e.g. blue jeans + giant cardi)

Finding nice tops when you are a size 16 is the holy grail. I tend to stick to jumper dresses over leggings, plain but in nice colours.
I'd avoid patterns tbh - they are hard to get right on a small budget - manufacturers don't align the pattern properly and they look cheap.
I was posting mainly to say that with your hair I think it would be worth looking for a hairdresser who is experienced in cutting wavy hair. Most are good at straight hair or blow drying it straight, but if you could find someone to give you a really good haircut, that helps all the other things to look better.

Ok but where do you get any nice tops to wear over jeans? At any size?

Simply Be online is good. Easy returns and wearable fashion.

@ImAvingOops I too love a jumper dress, I wear mine with opaque tights and coloured boots. Jeans I'm not so good at. I'm so bored of my skinny jeans and haven't found any others in a different style that are long enough (5ft 10in). I know what you're saying op about being happy as a size 16. I have struggled for the past few years attempting to get back into a perfect size 14 and I've given up (in a positive way). It makes me so unhappy to keep battling on and hating my body. I'm 44 now, menopausal apparently and I need to give myself a break and be kind to myself.

OP you could be me.
I've decided to do something about my wavyish hair and have a hair appointment this week.
When I've lost a bit of weight I could do with some nice work clothes, there don't seem to be much around these days.
I have a pair of jeans from m+s that I love and I have spent winter living in them and sweaty Betty fleece joggers.

I would go to the hairdressers but am embarrassed as 1) have been chopping my own for years and I think they’ll hate me and 2) I have loads of cysts on my scalp which I don’t want anyone to know about! Is that stupid or will they vomit on me?

I've got a flakey scalp. I'm sure they've seen it all.

One of the more glamorous but also real people I know wears Wolf and Badger a fair bit. Worth a look?

Ah the budget at W&B probably an issue (would be for me) but maybe occasionally or off ebay? I like this top black shirred top

I have a slight yen for anthropologie and I think they make me look more pulled together - again worth trying off ebay etc? Unfortunately as an 18 i am currently beyond the size they recognise...

animal print top

Oh yeah really like that! Haven’t heard of that brand, thanks

Hairdressers won’t judge you OP and most will enjoy the challenge of a new customer who very much wants to sort out their hair. All of them will be familiar with common scalp problems.

@UnfrumpMe check out Pinterest too for ideas that you can try and copy!

I buy a lot from Roman, I always get compliments when I wear their clothing. I have been a size 24 - 12 and always found something stylish and not too overpriced, this was my more recent purchase.

www.roman.co.uk/angel-sleeve-cropped-wrap-jumpsuit-14255034

Also have lovely dresses and jackets too.

Monki seem to sell the same clothes as H&M not sure if they are connected but have recently bought clothes from H&M and wasn't disappointed.

Hairdressers won't judge you.

There's nothing wrong with jersey dresses.

On your feet, Doc Marten boots (if you can wear them. I never broke mine in) are as near to being timeless, incapable of being called "frumpy", suitable for all ages and sizes and most weather conditions as any piece of clothing in existence. They will "unfrump" other clothes.

If you can't tolerate Docs (and not everyone can) Solvair, Lanx, Joseph Cheaney and no doubt others do traditional lace-up , flat ankle boots. Try to avoid fake "lace up" boots with a side zip.

I'm on mat leave. I feel fairly confident in how I dress but it is hard to make an effort when you're with a baby all day. I have stuck to a uniform of straight leg jeans, plain ribbed tops and Adidas gazelles. On days I want to feel more put together I wear gold hoops and some subtle makeup. Hair usually left to dry naturally and worn in a messy but crafted ponytail.

That said, I don't claim to be a fashionista and unless there are some personal stylists on this thread you'll just get a load of people (who may also be frumpy) telling you what to wear/where to shop based on their own style.

My advice would be to find a celeb whose style you admire and write a list of some key purchases. If money is tight, try ebay or vinted. I use ebay and have found some real bargains.

WhoWhatWear is a good website for style inspiration too.