Feeling dowdy and frumpy - help me look good!

[MangyMonkey]

Think this will be a longish one, so apologies in advance and please bear with me!

I'm 43, have a one year old and a sixteen year old and very limited time to do anything with hair and face, plus, whilst I've always worn make up, I don't really have any know-how at all. I haven't had my hair cut, coloured or styled in months, thinking I would just grow the colour out, but I feel dreadful. I don't know how to look stylish, particularly as I'm overweight (working on that, am losing weight albeit slowly. Still got another 3 stone to get off).

I see other women - and mothers (only including this as having a 1yo has such massive impact on my time) my age who seem to have mastered how to make their hair, clothes and make up look "together" and stylish effortlessly and I would so welcome some tips, as I don't seem to have mastered this at all and can't rely on being young anymore to do the job.

Here's me:

43, 5ft 7, 3st overweight, massive boobs. Hair is currently long and not in bad condition but it's annoyingly wavy / curly underneath whilst the top "later" just hangs and I struggle to get any curl from the root, so it just doesn't look good. It isn't dry but looks like it is as it can be frizzy. I end up shoving it in a bun most of the time but even that looks terrible. I don't have time to style it, just to wash and leave with some serum in it. I would love to know how to ask for my hair to be cut at the hairdresser so it looks ok just left after washing. I have asked them but it is just always the case that I'll come out with it straight and styled and looking great and it never looks that way again.

My skin isn't great - I have rosacea, although not terribly, but constantly have rosacea pimples on my cheeks and now they've started to appear on my forehead as well. There is a really obvious colour mismatch on my face where the redness ends at my cheekbone and then my skin around the eye area is just white/grey. The difference is really stark. For years, I've used MaxFactor Facefinity Compact 3-in-1 Foundation but feel it is too powdery now for my skin, now I'm getting fine lines and have issues with dryness around nose and forehead. Skincare is another area of total mystery to me. I use face wipes, which I know is a sin.

I'm loathe to buy new clothes as I know I'm trying to lose weight and tend to wear black leggings or sometimes jeggings with some sort of baggy top. I don't mind looking for second hand stuff to tide me over a bit though.

I know what I'm like and do need tips that don't take lots of time or money but will make a difference to how I feel about myself, which, at the moment, is pretty much at rock bottom.

Please help, Mumsnet.

Get your colours and style done, you’ll feel instantly better. Emily is fab
www.stylemehappy.co.uk

Ok. First I would say if you're committed to losing weight, don't make clothes your first priority because in a couple of weeks the ones you have will feel a better fit as your body starts to change.

I know exactly how it feels to be where you are and honestly, all you can do in the short term is just stick at it. Protein, veg, plenty of water, ditch alcohol and as much sugar as you can without wanting to kill someone and get your steps in. And wait. In a couple of weeks I promise that you'll feel better and will be able to look at your clothes choices without the voice of doom in your head.

While you're waiting, you could address skincare by using products specifically for your Roseacea. la Roche Posay Rosaliac line is supposed to be very good - hopefully someone with actual experience of it will be along soon.

Skincare is one of those things where laying down a good routine ( it doesn't have to be complicated or expensive) will pay dividends in the long run. And then once that's done, you'll find your makeup sits so much better on your skin.
So yes, please ditch the wipes. They don't work, and probably aren't helping your roseacea either.

A gentle cream cleanser with no fragrance and a moisturiser suited to your skin type is a good jumping off point.

Hope that helps a bit !

Hi, the biggest impact in makeovers are always clothes and hair.
For casual clothes I would suggest looking at “wearsmymoney” she has a blog and instagram and lots of outfit suggestions, start with a coat, bag, trainers, which will make you look put together now and will still work when you loose weight.
For skin care, look at the Caroline Hirons app Skin Rocks, for foundation try IT cosmetics CC cream, it’s designed for rosacea. I love it and don’t even have rosacea.
For hair, if it’s lovely long hair, just with odd wavy bits underneath, use the Steampod, to straight the underneath layers.

THANK YOU!! Off to check out all these suggestions...

Following! I'm rubbish with clothes and could do with some ideas!

Honestly op, I'm quite well 'put together' generally but I look like shit if I don't do my hair. I'd at least dry or straighten the front/ parting the pop it in a sleek bun.

Dr jart tiger grass serum is great for redness.

I have similar hair and skin! Get to the GP and get some proper prescription treatment for rosacea rather than spending loads on over the counter stuff which won’t work as well. I use Azelaic Acid 20% which is prescription only and it’s made a huge difference. For some people low dose antibiotics work best. I still have a little bit of redness and use Dr Jart Cicapair cream on it to cover it. It’s green and neutralises the redness.

For hair, decide if you want to embrace the wave or not. If so look into lightweight products for curly/wavy hair and look on YouTube for how “waivies” manage their hair.

I also love REN ready steady glow AHA tonic. Everyone says not to use acids on rosacea skin but for me it’s gentle enough and makes a big difference to dullness.

And suncream! Get one of those misty spray suncreams, factor 50, and use it everyday.

Re. hair, tell the hairdresser exactly what you've said here - you want something easy to style without spending ages blow-drying. Ask them if that's something that can do and show you how.

Try Soolantra for the rosacea. It’s been a game changer for me. Could you put a few loose waves through your hair on top, to tie it in with underneath? I do that it takes a couple of minutes.

Thanks everyone so much for all the ideas.

@Iwannabewherethepeopleare what do you use to put the waves in the top layers, please? Will also look up Soolantra!

I’ve suffered from rosacea for ages and it was really getting me down. I saw people recommended soolantra, which I think is ivermectin under a brand name? I used someone’s referral code from dermatica to try their rosacea treatment and it’s honestly been game changing for me. I’ve only been using it for a couple of weeks and all the little spots have gone and the redness has calmed down massively. I have a referral code if you would like it - just shout x

Ps love your username - my daughter’s favourite toy is called MankyMonkey 🤣

I’m 5ft7 and at least 3 stone overweight. Look at fab fat and forty. I wear 1 colour, or tones Thereof , on top and bottom, but a brighter coat. It really looks better if I don’t break up my line. Stop treating your hair like naughty straight hair . Wash it , use a good conditioner combed through, rinse and then run a tiny squirt of same through , dry upside down with a diffuser, . See your GP re rosacea.

I agree. Just get soolantra. You can buy it from superdrug online. The rest is just snake oil.

Have you considered Curly Girl for your hair?

Basically -
Chuck out your shampoo, which strips your hair, and your products, which likely have serum in them, meaning they need the harsh shampoo to be stripped out.
Instead buy As I Am cows - a conditioner to be used as a shampoo. Your hair will soon start looking soft and lovely.
Follow with a deep conditioner.
Products - if you can afford it, use Abed curl products. BRILLIANT.
Then dry your hair upside down with a diffuser. If you have curls underneath, you may have curls on top too.

For general looks happiness, I reckon - more eyes, black, brown, whatever, just more - and then colour on the face - I have an almost orange pot from Trinny London for cheeks and my face just comes alive with it.

I also fast - I love the feeling of not having eaten and I love the slim wast that results.

Enjoy - don't lose your sexiness x

Blimey - As I Am Co wash!

Aveda

I’ve got hair like you and have had the same experience of hairdressers just cutting it to be blow dried straight (even though I do not have the time for that!) I finally found a hairdresser just weeks ago who cut it to make the best of the wave. She left the bottom layer long and cut quite a lot of layers into the rest of it, so that the top, less wavy bit isn’t as heavy. My hair is looking so, so much better now. Sometimes I add a curling moose or product, but even if I don’t, I can wear it down no problem after just washing it and it looks good (I used to tie it up in a bun all the time). I asked in a local Facebook group for a hairdresser who was used to working with wavy hair and got several suggestions. It might be worth asking if you have local groups too, although I live in an urban area so there’s a lot of choice.

I second the other recommendation to get a good coat (that’ll still fit after losing weight), boots/trainers/shoes and bag or hat. And stick to single colours underneath for now.

and definitely ditch the face wipes. They are terrible!

@something2say thanks for all this - which As I Am conditioner is it, as there seem to be a few! Thank you 😊

@something2say also - no shampoo at all?! How does hair not look greasy and awful? I would like to try this but finding the thought of not shampooing a very big leap 🙈

Thank you so much everyone for the ideas. When you talk about a 'good coat', what sort of thing do you mean? I am no good at knowing what looks stylish and suits my figure. I have several coats and don't really like any of them 🙈...

Oh my word, are you me? I'm a few years younger, but also have a 15 year age gap, (now 19 and 3), rosacea, 3 stone overweight, curly /not curly hair and clothes that didn't fit properly 😂

First up: dermatica. £20, a tube lasts about 6 weeks at first. Didn't fully fix the rosacea, but a million times less red and sore looking in about 4-6 weeks. Can send you a referral link if you like. I changed to neutrogena hydro boost cleansing wash and moisturizer, neither flare my skin up and cost about £15 for both from Amazon. I can instantly feel my skin getting tight after a face wipe.

I bought a tube of erborian red correct, plenty of 20% off codes if you Google. This really does help calm down the red look, but it's not good enough to be used as actual make up. Great buy.

Hair. Boots curl creme in a pink tub, and Umberto Gianni scrunching jelly. Wash your hair like normal, brush soaking wet and put in the curl creme, then wrap it in a t-shirt for 10 minutes or longer- Google plopping. Take it out, scrunch in the jelly, and either leave to dry or use a diffuser. Next day dampen it and scrunch in gel again. Curls started forming better within a couple of weeks of this, but I often pin back my top layer with rubbish curls and leave the rest down.

Weight- can't help you there. Still a problem 3 years in. But what has helped is accepting that my shap has changed, and I now have a tummy, where I didn't before. So I needed to embrace a different cut. I also bought a 'nice coat' but from vinted- I know I like Zara coats, so I bought one that's a straight cut wool one, about knee length, In a big enough size so it doesn't look tight. I also bought a double breasted linen blazer, that looks good in the summer with a pair of jeans and a plain tee.

Good luck for the GCSE period, if that's coming up for you- that was the killer with this age gap for us 🙈

Hiya - ah yes....thing is I didn't get that greasy, but definitely some. My only answer is that the shampoo strips the hair so much, it over compensates later, hence the greasiness and feeling of needing to wash.

I read that when using co-wash, you have to massage it in for a long time. It made sense to me. If there are no suds, then it's all about massaging the root of the hair and the scalp. I found that I need to use quite a lot, like you would conditioner, big all fingered scoops of the stuff, slapped on in three places, and then a lovely long massage top make sure its all covered. It really does not feel unclean, it feels just soft and manageable.

And then with the deep condition afterwards...

I can't say how it will work for you BUT if you think you have curly hair and would like to see more, I definitely recommend it.

I got fed up not long ago and wondered, is it really doing anything better than before? Because before, I used to use wax to hold the curl and that did a great job. Now I can't, as co-wash would not get it out. Hence I use Aveda curl products.

But when I looked at old pics, I can see so clearly that my hair is in much better condition now, and if I use enough product, I don't miss the wax.

As I Am Coconut Cleansing Conditioner - good luck.

I'm going to take a leaf out of your book and have a little body overhaul. I recently moved house and everything has been put on hold.

Re weight, I did not accept that shape change. I fasted and lost it instead. Bollocks to that.