Feeling dowdy and frumpy - help me look good!

[MangyMonkey]

Think this will be a longish one, so apologies in advance and please bear with me!

I'm 43, have a one year old and a sixteen year old and very limited time to do anything with hair and face, plus, whilst I've always worn make up, I don't really have any know-how at all. I haven't had my hair cut, coloured or styled in months, thinking I would just grow the colour out, but I feel dreadful. I don't know how to look stylish, particularly as I'm overweight (working on that, am losing weight albeit slowly. Still got another 3 stone to get off).

I see other women - and mothers (only including this as having a 1yo has such massive impact on my time) my age who seem to have mastered how to make their hair, clothes and make up look "together" and stylish effortlessly and I would so welcome some tips, as I don't seem to have mastered this at all and can't rely on being young anymore to do the job.

Here's me:

43, 5ft 7, 3st overweight, massive boobs. Hair is currently long and not in bad condition but it's annoyingly wavy / curly underneath whilst the top "later" just hangs and I struggle to get any curl from the root, so it just doesn't look good. It isn't dry but looks like it is as it can be frizzy. I end up shoving it in a bun most of the time but even that looks terrible. I don't have time to style it, just to wash and leave with some serum in it. I would love to know how to ask for my hair to be cut at the hairdresser so it looks ok just left after washing. I have asked them but it is just always the case that I'll come out with it straight and styled and looking great and it never looks that way again.

My skin isn't great - I have rosacea, although not terribly, but constantly have rosacea pimples on my cheeks and now they've started to appear on my forehead as well. There is a really obvious colour mismatch on my face where the redness ends at my cheekbone and then my skin around the eye area is just white/grey. The difference is really stark. For years, I've used MaxFactor Facefinity Compact 3-in-1 Foundation but feel it is too powdery now for my skin, now I'm getting fine lines and have issues with dryness around nose and forehead. Skincare is another area of total mystery to me. I use face wipes, which I know is a sin.

I'm loathe to buy new clothes as I know I'm trying to lose weight and tend to wear black leggings or sometimes jeggings with some sort of baggy top. I don't mind looking for second hand stuff to tide me over a bit though.

I know what I'm like and do need tips that don't take lots of time or money but will make a difference to how I feel about myself, which, at the moment, is pretty much at rock bottom.

Please help, Mumsnet.

@something2say I'm not accepting that my weight has changed! But I am accepting that I have changed shape, and the stuff that I go for in my wardrobe (which was bought for a big bum but flat tummy) now just gives me rolls. I need to wer clothes no matter what size I am, even though I need to lose weight, and I'd rather look decent while I do it, not beat myself up that I look fatter than I was.

For clothes, as you already wear leggings and tops, could you begin with upgrading to nicer leggings and tops that you feel good in? There's another thread about style 'uniforms' where quite a few people have leggings and long tops as their uniform, but it's in colours and styles that they feel good in. And then with a jumper or top in flattering colours and a shape that you like. Once you have a set that you like, you can buy it in a few colours and mix and match while you work out your style and gradually build a wardrobe of clothes. Some reasonably priced options - not the cheapest but good quality - might be M+S (I have a pair of M+S goodwear leggings that I think are supportive and flattering, and they've lasted really well). Community Clothing is great for practical and well-cut clothes at a reasonable price. And Uniqlo merino jumpers are one of my staples - available in lots of colours.

For skincare with rosacea , I have had really good results with La Roche Posay - effaclar cleanser and toleraine moisturiser. After a few years I found the moisturiser didn't seem to agree with my skin any more and I bought this set from The Ordinary (only at Boots)www.boots.com/the-ordinary-bright-set-10306749 . My skin looks visibly better now. I also bought The Ordinary primer and liquid foundation and it works very well as a light foundation and doesn't irritate my skin.

Oops - the Ordinary Set I use is actually this one: www.boots.com/the-ordinary-brightening-bundle-10299037

And I also bought the Azelaic acid and Niacinamide to specifically target Rosacea. I tend to use the Niacinamide in the evenings, not every day, and the azaleaic acid once every few days.

A lot of hairdressers don't seem to know how to cut curly hair and lots of people with straight and curly mix, tend to think of their hair as primarily straight, even though it has curl. I think you need to find someone who is experienced in cutting curly hair can give you a good, easily manageable cut and colour. Maybe ask for recommendations on your local fb page.

Re skin, I like the Eucerin anti redness moisturiser - I found LaRochePosay stung a bit. But this is trial and error since everyone responds differently to products. Soolantra was recommended to me and the dr gave me a gel. It's definitely worth seeing the dr about.

fond a hairdresser who understands curly hair and ask to cut some layers into it. You might find the top layer of your hair also curls up if it has less weight to it.

I'm very similar age, figure, hair, just no kids!

I would second the suggestion of curly girl, but don't get too bogged down in product and stuff. There's a sensible curly girl Facebook page which is helpful. I found a benefit in just avoiding silicone containing products but ditching SLS shampoos helped too.

I also suggest getting a style and colour analysis with Emily Innes on Style Me Happy. I spent ages researching and looking at alternatives before deciding who to go with, it isn't too pricey but seems to get good results.

I wouldn't spend much on clothes for now if you are losing weight. Switch your hair products, book the analysis and alter makeup, hair colour and buy a scarf in your recommended colours to start with. Then start going through your wardrobe with a view to a revamp.

Soolantra for the rosacea all the way. Spent years and £££ trying various other things before getting on to my GP for a prescription. Sorted it in a couple of months. Agree with the poster about so much other stuff being snake oil!