Any tips on how to not look so knackered and grey all the time?!

[moonfacebaby]

I may be beyond all help….

What I’m working with:

1. Just turned 51, menopausal - but generally get enough sleep
2. Largely eat well - I’d say I’m good at eating a wide range of foods, plenty of veg etc. I don’t low carb, or cut anything out
3. BMI is around 22, so I guess ideal weight (I’d like to shift a few pounds but it’s not an issue really).
4. Blonde hair (only way to deal with so much grey hair), Green/blue eyes, relatively pale
5. I do wear make up - mostly cream stuff, brightening primers, brown mascara, bronzer and blusher
6. skincare is good - always take my make up off, I use retinol and moisturiser at night (with an eye cream), vit c/ebf serum and moisturiser in the morning
7. occasional St Tropez self tanning face mist (but not sure it’s making much of a difference these days).

I look tired and grey. I think I’m probably struggling with seeing the effects of ageing on my face (largely puffy eye bags - this is the big issue).

I feel weird about the idea of Botox or fillers - not sure I can afford it and a big part of me hates the way women feel like they have to do this because ageing is seen as a bad thing (yeah, I get the irony of this as I’m sat here typing this, moaning about my ageing face….the pressure we face to stay looking as young as we can is pervasive and hard to resist!).

Are there any tricks to looking fresher? Disguising eye bags??

I’ve tried rollering with one the jade things, bought a peach shade Pixi under eye thing….I suspect I am beyond all help, other than a good talking to myself to accept where my face is. I’m alive, in good health so really, I should love my face and be happy with it!

Liquid collagen is arriving today (I bought this primarily for some achy joints), I’m having spirulina and maca in some kefir every morning (I am essentially trying all the voodoo out there - I am turning into a marketing persons wet dream).

Has anything worked for you? Happy to hear about Botox/fillers too (if you can include the cost, much appreciated - my face might suddenly look a lot better to me when I see how much money you have to fork out!)

You only speak about beauty and diet … What’s going on in your life? If you look tired - are you sure you’re not actually tired / stressed / in a rut / overstretched?

Presumably you don’t smoke or drink to excess?

What’s your environment like? Pollution can have all sorts of deleterious effects on face and body.

Also - how do you look in comparison to your mother at the same age? (If that’s a possible comparison, obviously.) If much worse, it might be worth medical investigation.

I only ask because you’ve covered all the things I’d usually mention.

Life is generally ok - I’ve come out of a period of stress due to my teenage daughters mental health. I do have two neuro-diverse children - this can be taxing at times - but not horribly stressful (they are independent, capable etc - one has ADD, so it can be exhausting getting her to listen, for example). I was a single parent for years, but I now have a lovely partner who moved in recently.

I work part-time - 3.5 days a week, teaching. I’ve done that for years, it’s FE, so I’m not dealing with school kids (that would totally kill me).

I cut down on drinking in the New Year - try not to drink in the week. Try not to go mad at the weekend too. I do smoke - but only 2 cigarettes a day. Plan is to cut that to 1. Then maybe ditch it. I can’t imagine that small amount will make too much difference?

I live semi-rurally - in a village, quiet cul de sac.

I think I’m maybe ageing a bit better than my mum? She was a heavy smoker! We have totally different face shapes though so the scaffolding is hard to compare. My skin in terms of wrinkles is not too bad.

I did have some blood tests recently - they came back “satisfactory” - that’s all the doctors would tell me! Hardly sounds great though? I’m sure they hit all NHS guidelines for being ok, but I’m aware that this doesn’t always mean they are the best (I know thyroid levels for treatment aren’t brilliant in the uk - other countries would be treating you?)

I move enough - reach between 7000-12000 steps a day, but I don’t properly exercise enough. Maybe more fresh air? Vigorous exercise? Drink gallons of water?

I tried liquid collagen for months, no difference at all. I've just had botox and fillers, wish I'd done it sooner. And if your collagen sachets cost as much as mine did then for me, it's cheaper to go for botox and fillers.
I was very worried I'd look 'odd' but the difference is more subtle to other people, but has made the world of difference to how I feel about my face.

Lots more water. Less alcohol and caffeine.

I really need to take my own advice.

I recently stopped drinking alcohol during the week and my eyes look so much better, unfortunately even two cigs might be having an effect on your face. Stop that before you try anything else.

Tret is usually the answer and you're doing all of that !

Honestly it’ll be the smoking. There’s not much point faffing around with supplements or paying $$$ for Botox etc if you’re smoking regularly.

Give up smoking.

I can tell you my face took a hit when I was dealing with my daughter’s mental health. It literally put years on me. People forget who detrimental stress is on your body.

Drink lots of water, ditch the remaining ciggies, keep alcohol to a couple of units a week.

Maybe try changing the colour/style of your hair slightly or think about a wardrobe overhaul, get a stylist to find a few key pieces that really suit you in the right colours. This can make a huge difference to your face.

I was with you until the smoking

Presumably you haven’t just taken up that habit at 51 so you have many years of smoking behind you.
You can’t fix the damage cigarettes do with a few creams and potions. It’s a toxin.

If you stop now it might help but …

Bluntly, you can fanny about all you like with eye creams and the like, but Botox and/or fillers are more likely to help you look better, quickly.

The only other things that work are Tretinoin, Vitamin C and SPF, and I see you're using those.

It sounds like you have everything else in place in terms of diet and exercise so there's nothing extra that you can do there that's going to magically transform your face. Possibly facial yoga? People swear by it but it's a long old investment if you want swift results.

Do I wish that women weren't under such pressure to look good that they were able to 'age gracefully' ? Yes of course I do.

Am I able to overturn centuries of Patriarchal norms by not wearing make up or having Botox three times a year? Probably not.

Do I feel slightly better when I look in the mirror and see someone less haggard and knackered looking who now doesn't have to stress about how tired they look all the time because that's just one more thing to feel judged about? Definitely.

I'm lucky that I can afford it at the moment; I'm aware that puts me in a privileged position.

So those who’ve had Botox…if it’s three times a year, how much does it cost? (If you don’t mind me asking?) where do you have it? Does if do that weird shiny thing? Or does it just make you appear a bit fresher? Does it work on eye bags?? (I am getting closer to considering this).

I know the smoking thing doesn’t sound great - I’m very good at only smoking half of it, and I’ve never been a heavy smoker. I’m convinced it’s only the same as regularly walking around a city with lots of cars (probably kidding myself here!!). I did briefly give up - around 4 months. Didn’t see a huge difference tbh. I am aware I am making excuses here…..I should knock it on the head, and I think I will give it a go.

Stress has probably battered me a bit (we had 2 suicidal attempts with DD, 3 years of terrible problems with education, other health issues…it’s been a bumpy ride).

I’d definitely ask to see all your blood test results, I can view mine online and the NHS ranges for their blood tests do not mean ‘optimal’

For example my ferritin level came back as normal - the range was something like 30-300 mine was 32… so obviously not optimal at all.

I notice a more tired look if I don’t drink a few litres of water a day.

Might be worth checking out Kettlewell clothes - they’re all about the right colour for the individual. I have a friend that wears this brand and it’s remarkable how her colours lift her face !

I find this time of year hardest to look good

i always look a lot better after I’ve walked the dogs in the morning , the fresh air and exercise, getting my circulation going, makes me look better

I've only had it for the first time about a month ago. It was £200 for 3 areas- btw eyes (which was my biggest problem, years of frowning at kids and DH 😂), frown lines across forehead and sides of my eyes. I don't know yet how often I'll need to get it, and next time I don't think I'd have it by my eyes as I don't see any change. But the lines on my forehead are so much better, still there but no where near as deep. It does feel strange still as movement is obviously restricted by have had assurances from DH and DD that it looks fine, and I'm getting used to it quickly.
I had fillers in the lines that run from nose past my mouth, that cost £150. I am over the moon with results. Again its subtle and the lines are still there but not as deep. Again, I don't know how often I'll need it done but I intend to keep it up.
Have gone from being really unhappy with my appearance and feeling very tired and old looking, to feeling so better. It was affecting me quite a lot so worth every penny.

I find botox and getting my brows laminated makes my face look so much better!

Right - I’m going to find out my blood test results to rule out anything.

Clothes/hair etc - wardrobe is pretty good, I think (I teach fashion, so I love clothes/styling etc - quite young/sometimes edgy? I just wear what I like and I’m not afraid to take risks - maybe too much black sometimes?). I will look at Kettlewell.

Hair - Im a bit bored of that but it’s a style that works well for me. French bob - I’m taking it a bit shorter next week. No fringe, can’t have one as it will look crap…Colour might need some adjusting but I can’t go darker as I am 70% grey and it’s the only colour that does t have terrible re-growth.

Definitely more exercise required.

Botox/fillers - I’m surprisingly line free across my forehead - some 11s but not deep? It’s really just the puffy under eyes - they are dark in colour and one eye is worse than the other. Not too many lines though? Nasal Labial folds - this is getting droopy. Probably contributes to looking a bit knackered too? I just want to look fresher and less tired! I don’t mind a wrinkle or two

I'm in London and go to a place that isn't the cheapest, but is very good. I pay £265 for between my brows, which is all I need, as my Tret and Vit C use has dealt with the wrinkles.

I don't look shiny because I still have movement in my forehead. My 11s were very entrenched, and are still visible, but softened so much, which reduces my Resting Bitch Face.

Fillers/ botox won't help with puffy eyes unfortunately. Do you mean puffy or do you mean eye bags?
Puffy - caffeine eye cream, cold roller for lymphatic draining
Eye bags - you could go to a consultation with a good aesthetic doctor. Tell them what bothers you and they can advise and give you costs. Make sure it's a doctor

I don’t wear it as it doesn’t seem to stay on me very long but do you wear lipstick? I think in bright pink or red that gives a lot of impact to pale faces with greying hair.

I get botox on my 11s. It made a huge diff to my angry looking face. I pay 150 and got twice a year
It won't stop the grey look though.
Maybe try a good vit c serum in the morning and regular facials if yiy can stretch to those. Like a hydrating brightening one.

Can you tell me more about tret? How do you get it? Where from? How much? Apply each evening, build up? I’m so confused - I hear this magical thing mentioned, but not clear how to get it! And have sone notion that using it is terribly risky and can damage your skin if incorrrectly used. Not sure why though. Thanks so much for any steer!

Also @LadyOfTheCanyon is the vitamin c a supplement or a face product? Thanks!!

Have you tried not using your eye cream for a few days and stopping your face cream at the orbital bone? I find lots of eye creams and face creams exasperate my eye puffiness, especially the hyaluronic ones, which are created to hold and attract water to the area and in doing so create puffiness.

@Itci

I have a Dermatica prescription and I use it about 3 times a week - apply to clean dry skin before bed and sometimes use a moisturiser afterwards if my skin feels particularly dry.

Lots of people swear by Skin and Me which is the same principle - you answer a questionnaire and upload some photos of your face and they send you a tube of Tret with added ingredients that address whichever issues you'd like targeted such as hyperpigmentation etc.

They normally start you on a small % of active product as you do need to build up a tolerance to it. Your skin can peel quite aggressively at first, although I should say that whilst I've had peeling, which is to be expected, I've had no adverse reaction to it at all.

In the morning I wash my face, then apply a Vit C serum. It doesnt matter what brand you use but it should have at least 10-20% of L- Ascorbic acid as its active ingredient or you won't see any benefits.

I follow with a moisturiser then spf

I've been following this routine for about 3 years now and my skin is in excellent nick. I'm nearly 53 so no spring chicken but I now only wear foundation if I'm going Out Out as I've no blemishes, hyperpigmentation or dry patches.