No buy or low buy 2023

[TheOGCCL]

Starting a new thread for the new year. I really must do better. Pretty sure I am in need of nothing after my 2022 spending spree.

Ironically I think this board sets me off a bit.

I’m better with a blanket no spend but how dull. Still thinking about my ‘rules’, eg set a budget or an item limit.

I need to avoid the sales as many mistakes happen there.

All welcome who want to cut down for environmental or ethical or financial reasons, or simply the satisfaction of buying second hand, or the ease of getting dressed when you have less stuff.

I can recommend Lauren Bravo’s book How To Break Up With Fast Fashion.

Its a bit like eating meat, if we all collectively did it a bit less, the world would be a better place.

@IndianSummer78 I am not yet 50 so I don't know from experience :) but Floisme here on Style and Beauty wrote about this. In my memory, it might be changes in your colouring (hair but also skin tone; colours that suit you might change), how strongly the hot flushes hit you (you might need silk shirts that dry quickly and cardigans rather than jumpers). I imagine also bodily changes, what kind of waist/width feels comfortable. Bags and whether you want to carry bags anymore - this thing happened to me, I discovered brands and male clothing with internal inside pockets that can free you from a bag. So no need for a forever bag. Equally, it's not all about comfort and certainly not about dullness. One might decide to stop "dressing for their figure" and finally experiment or just wear funky shapes.

I know what hasn't worked for me is the idea of "creating a final version of my wardrobe" and then stopping buying. There is no such thing was the final version and just thinking about this "finality" made buy multiple copies of smth which was silly I am trying to become very very extremely and exceptionally picky. Only buy if I have seen the thing, touched it, tried it on, it's perfect in every aspect. This meant I stopped shopping on eBay and all charity shops.. almost....

apologies for errors

I agree the idea of a forever capsule wardrobe is unrealistic and that I will need to buy more at some point. Maybe what I've done feels more of a shock because in many ways I'm quite frugal. Most of my clothes are 5/6/7 years old and I would generally don't buy that much, although I do tend to buy decent quality things in the sales that I think will last, just not in bulk like I did this time. I realise it was excessive and when I added up the total cost I couldn't believe it.

I also don't spend a lot on other things. I don't buy jewellery or make up, DH trims my hair which is easy since I've grown it. Although I'm 53 I'm fortunate that there's not very much grey so I don't dye it. I don't buy expensive cosmetics and just use argan oil to moisturise. For our simple wedding in October I did my own hair and bought a few make up items which I haven't actually used since.

When I meet friends we go for coffee or walks, I don't go to pubs or restaurants. DH and I tend to watch films at home, go for walks, grow vegetables in the garden, cook and have a bottle of under £10 wine to share at the weekend.

If I want money for a treat that would probably be nice chocolate or wine, which I can buy with our grocery budget anyway.

I don't like going clothes shopping, I never have. I find my tastes are not mainstream enough to be compatible with the high street and prefer to try things on at home together with some of my other clothes rather than in a changing room with other people looking.

I had some impromptu spends in January, as I had an opportunity for a job interview I was clever with my spends and brought stuff I will wear again. I'm back to work soon and to be honest for the last three years haven't brought any office friendly attire really so I need some stuff that fits.

£44 - Clarks Chelsea boots
£18 - two office acceptable dresses
£16 - black jacket from newlook
£24 - cotton dress from Boden
£30 - dress from Joules.
£5 - tights
£12 - new pair of PJS.

Whoops.

I think the body changes post menopausal are changes in shape even without putting on weight, the tummy area seems to increase in size so the shape changes also with aging skin tones and hair tones change meaning all black ( especially near face) slowly seems to make you look ill not smart
There is however no requirement to slip into beige or black elasticated trousers with a short quilted jacket!!!!

I agree that saying you are definitely, 100% not doing something can make you obsess over it a bit, like being on a diet. It’s just getting that balance I think some of us struggle with. Very simplistically, we should be able to identify a (genuine) need in our wardrobe, have a brief look round and buy something, not end up scrolling for hours and tracking down every variation of that item. I think that’s why internet shopping can be so disappointing, it promises you the earth but can’t always deliver.

We should be able to spend some time in a shop, maybe admiring some of the clothes, without wanting to buy them all or buy just something.

It’s hard though. We all have our triggers and reasons. Me I’m a perfectionist so everything has to fit just right, I won’t have anything in my wardrobe I’m not 98% happy with, which means more shopping than average. I also dress to disguise what I perceive as body flaws (but which others probably wouldn’t). And I’m interested in fashion so I don’t want to give it all up. I don’t want to be my DH who never spends any money on clothes.

I know how to spend money (including having a lot of it refunded) but until now I’ve not really known how not to. So I want to focus on that with the hope I can reach that balance in the long term. I’m quite enjoying the challenge to spend as little as possible but in the longer run I don’t want to be obsessively frugal OR obsessively shopping. Everything in moderation.

I have been thinking, I don't actually like the shopping part of it at all. My pleasure is in being able to select something really nice to wear from my wardrobe, exactly what I feel like wearing, the sensation of the fabrics against my skin. And feeling like I can do that every time I put some clothes on. And that I can feel happy and comfortable in those clothes with the look I want at that moment.

I'm not really bothered about whether I can shop for the next year or even the next five years if my wardrobe offers that. I'm not interested in fashion or for dressing for anyone else, it's about how I feel. So I don't think I will feel deprived if I don't buy any clothes until February 2025, as I have just bought lots of classic items in cashmere, silk and wool that could potentially keep me going for years.

I feel guilty because there is so much sadness and destruction in the world right now and there are people out there who have lost everything. And because I know how much DH wants us to save everything we can so we can retire as early as possible.

But there is nothing from my spending spree so far I regret buying, I'm gradually going through wearing each item and enjoying them all so far. Nothing is stuck in the back of the wardrobe with tags attached, apart from the second wool coat, but only because I'm too embarrassed to admit to DH that I bought 2. It can appear next winter!

So I've decided I'm going to put my personal bank cards away somewhere and just keep out the ones I use for household things and stuff for my teens. And I'm going to stick to my plan of no stuff for me for 2 years. Because I actually want to do it, and focus on other things like growing veg in the garden, seeing friends, cooking nice food and spending quality time with my family. They are the things that really make me happy, not shopping.

But I'll stay here to check in regularly for support, solidarity and encouragement.

Thanks microbious that was really useful.

Cottage cheese that made me laugh. I'm more Vivienne Westwood or Iris Apfel. I will not be doing the elastic and beige thing!

Netcam I totally got what you did! I replied to you in the “Summer Dress” thread. You sound like a very thoughtful and considered dresser.
I actually think £2000.00 is not too bad… especially if beautiful quality. Cashmere is very timeless and will last many years.
Don’t deprive yourself too much… it just leads to more spending.
I am 58 now. I take great joy in dressing.
came from a childhood where there was never enough clothing..I would be very cold in winter. Now I can delight in lovely things.. brings such joy.
( I also feel the same about bed linen.. love great sheets!)
This is an awesome conversation… Thankyou everybody.

Thanks so much for your lovely message. Yes, I realise you are the person with the Icebreaker dress who lives in the Southern Hemisphere. It is true you can't get that much for £2000 if it high quality. I waited until right at the end of the sales for most of it, keeping an eye on things I fancied until they were further reduced. I didn't keep anything I ordered that wasn't exactly what I was looking for and a good fit. I asked DH for a second opinion on most things and they will keep me warm without looking frumpy. Two of the cashmere cardigans are in the same style in different bright colours, sea green and neon orange, reduced from £175 to £70, specifically to go over my Icebreaker tank dresses, they are the perfect fit for them. I always end up wearing a hoodie over them when it cools down and wanted to be able to dress them up sometimes. I realised I didn't actually have a stylish cardigan I could wear over a dress. I only had a few really thick warm cardigans I'd got in the Woolovers sale for £20 each about 7 years ago. My Icebreaker dresses in different colours really are the only summer dresses I have and I have no intention of buying any others as they work perfectly for me, even post menopause, so as long as I take care of the cashmere I will be happy with that combination for a bit of dressing up.

I think this is why low spend is better than no spend. I've given myself $1200 Aus dollars to spend this year with the stipulation that none of it can be fast fashion.

The more expensive clothes, I've bought since making the switch, have quite simply lasted longer and look better on - thereby getting more wear.

I'm using the delay technique. The longer I go spending *nothing the better.

Then one day in a few months when I want something I can't honestly say that I need, I won't feel bad about it because of all the months of abstinence.

If I saw suitable work trousers or shirts I would buy them, but I'm not really looking. If I catch myself browsing clothes I go to email and hit some more "unsubscribe" buttons.

I do have a list of scruffy things that need replacing or gaps I have identified, but nothing compellingly urgent.

*I bought mascara last month. Mine had dried up, so I unequivocally needed it and I have no issue with that.

Both good plans. Agree fewer more expensive clothes are worthwhile. And I like the delay technique too. And unsubscribing from emails, which I have done. I will keep those in mind for later, but for now I'm going to try for no spend to Feb 2025. But DH can get me a Christmas and birthday present each year and usually we end up choosing what we want and telling each other, so we end up with something we really like. So anything I really feel I want can form part of those. I did a no spend year in 2018, I had a few minor relapses, bought 3 items during the year, but total cost was less than £100. I found it got me out of the habit of ever looking at clothes shops and it stuck for a while, with only occasional purchases. It's only been the past 9 months or so I've been looking again, first wedding dress shopping and then winter jumper shopping and I just went a bit mad!

Loving all these tips!

A key tip is to stay busy/interested in other things. In January, I kept browsing and being tempted, adding things to my Pinterest wish list, delaying… and I was successful but it was hard. However, this month, I’ve had some really interesting work so I’ve spent my evenings on that and haven’t thought about shopping. This month is going by really quickly!

Keep it up everyone

Definitely agree. It will soon be gardening season again and then I will be busy sowing seeds, tending to the seedlings picking the veg we grow. And we have quite a few spring summer trips in away in our micro pop-top caravan planned. On top of that, focusing on supporting DS2 revising for GCSEs and DS1 for A levels, both this summer, will take up emotional energy. Anyway, I had a big chat with DH this morning when he brought the usual weekend cappuccino to bed (he is lovely and I am lucky). I said I felt guilty and asked what he thought about me buying lots of clothes. He said, it's not as if you've bought a load of expensive designer clothes you'll never wear. You've had to rethink what you wear in the winter after we decided to limit how much we put the heating on as you get cold and you got lots of nice jumpers to keep warm and I've seen you wearing them. But we also talked about the fact that we'd spent a lot over the past year - refurbished living room, new garden shed, new car, wedding etc and agreed that now we need to save for retirement.

Well I've managed my first week. 101 more to go. I did buy my teen son some moisturiser he asked for as he was running out, but that is a permitted expense. And regular grocery shopping. And £3 for parking when I took my son out. But nothing else.

I bought 4 pairs of trousers and t-shirts in colours to match a jacket I already have. Maybe I should have got rid of the jacket, but I like it and now I can wear it.

One thing I've noticed, I so far have stopped buying random clothes that don't go with anything in my wardrobe. I'm happy about that, it was one of my worst habits.

This week I've been sorting through my wardrobe finding some shorter tops that go with my new eBay button fly straight jeans. So far I've rediscovered my Wrap Cashmere jumpers ( I restretched earlier last year ) in pink & navy. Plus matching lace edged camisoles from Wrap that were still packaged up, from several years ago. The jumpers are cocoon shape & annoyingly tend to ride up, so the camisoles underneath render them much more wearable. Plus I've re-found some Stefanel Cashmere very lightweight jumpers in Green & Merlot that were Tk Maxx buys about 8 years ago. I was too fat for them for years so they just haven't been worn.
I seem to have bought multiples of everything in the past! The admissions of a serial shopper 😳
Now I'm hunting through my wardrobe for any denim, chambray or blue blouses, to go with the current vintage washed denim trend.
My girls now take me charity shopping and have managed to pick up some wonderful things for themselves. It's a good way of having fun watching other people shop, without spending any money. DD1 went to a uni ball the other day in a heavily beaded vintage lacy midi dress from a local charity shop & looked stunning. The dress cost £10.00, but the custom fit alterations then cost £30.00. Dd2 is going to share it with her to allay the cost. Another red lace dress dd1 bought for a party recently was only £5.00 & fitted her perfectly.
I've come to the conclusion I should have set up a business years ago shopping for other people. I would have been incredible at it ...

Checking in! How’s everyone getting on? It’s mid month and I’ve not bought anything this month. I do think I need to get a couple of things for a holiday next month (skiing so need some quite specific clothes) but I’m ok with that.

I’ve listed and sold lots on eBay so much wardrobe is feeling a lot more manageable. I’ve currently got quite a bit listed, if it’s not sold by end of next month I’m going to bag it up and send it to Thrift +. Overall feeling a bit of a weight off from having a good clear out.

Checking in too, managed to stick to my plan and not bought anything. We did have to pay £342 for car service/MOT and I gave DS1 £70 to travel by train to a uni offer day that is just too far to drive to for a day. Other than that only bought groceries. Resisted temptation yesterday to buy a second pair of gloves I already have in the John Lewis sale to keep as a spare! Also been putting my whole Wardrobe on the Whering App. Every time I get tempted to look at clothes shops online I can look on there instead and build outfits. Not put everything on yet, it is a rather nerdy work in progress, a bit like DH's digital collection of all his CDs and Vinyl!

Checking in. Not doing too badly so far. I need to get some perfume as I'm getting low but as it's an Avon one and inexpensive I'm relaxed about that. I did get a basic stripey top in Zara last week but that is to replace my existing one which has seen better days. Ooh and I got some Converse socks in TK Maxx, again to replace existing ones. All in all feeling very happy about how this month is going.

@Netcam well done! I’ve got the style book app but haven’t got round to putting anything on it yet…. Interested to hear that it’s helping you resist temptation!

I bought a top from Arket, long sleeved as I don’t have any and it was really cold and wanted something for layering. I didn’t feel too bad about breaking my three month ban (going back to everything in moderation, and compared to my normal shopping) but realised it wasn’t perfect and I didn’t need it (especially with spring hopefully on the horizon) so back it went. I still would like a long sleeve top but have added it to my wish list.

I’m impressed with myself in that I feel my mindset is genuinely changing, six weeks in. Yes I could carry on buying and justifying all manner of things but often I don’t end up with much to show for it. And I’ve got so many nice things already (as you’d imagine from years of over shopping), and want to be more mindful, so anything new needs to be really convincing. This way my spending is right down too (so my banking app keeps telling me), and it’s so unfamiliar not to have lots of clothes purchases (I record everything I buy on a spreadsheet including where from).

It will be interesting to see what happens in April. April/May are months I tend to spend a lot in, with the weather warming up and lots of new stuff around and I prefer warmer weather dressing. I think one thing I’ve noticed is that fashion trends, unless they are very small micro trends, tend to stick around a while, for example I bought some straight jeans before the pandemic and they still feel fresh now. Same with oversized shirts. I think if I bought more wisely I wouldn’t need that much to feel current. The shops effectively sell a lot of the same stuff year on year.

@Netcam id love to hear updates as to how useful you find the Whering app. I like the sound of the outfit combination ideas but do they work when you try them on ? Proportions etc have to work

I’ve bought a striped cotton jumper to replace one that was very old. I’m also still looking for a couple more items on my list but will only buy them if they’re pretty much perfect.