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Do you miss the way we used to dress before everything became so informal?

203 replies

strawberrydress · 17/11/2022 20:56

I was at work today and thinking how much dress codes have changed. Even just five years ago I was wearing pencil skirts, blouse and heels to the office and that was a totally normal outfit. I feel like if I wore that now everyone would think it was really weird! Today I saw people wearing trainers, jeans, t-shirts. I don’t remember the last time I saw a man in a tie. Everyone was so casual.

I feel I notice the same thing everywhere - people don’t seem to dress up for things which used to be seen as quite formal events like going to the theatre or out for dinner.

I used to really enjoy clothes and thinking about what to wear but it doesn’t seem to be as much fun anymore and there aren’t many opportunities to wear nice things without looking out of place. Does anyone feel the same or is it just me?

OP posts:
thenightsky · 19/11/2022 22:38

HelloBunny · 19/11/2022 22:35

Saw a young woman in flesh coloured leggings recently (looked like she’s no bottoms on) & I remember thinking how good we used to look in our jeans...

Oh so did I, on our local high street last week. I must have looked shocked and done a double take, coz another woman caught my eye and we both connected and gave a little chuckle.

RosesAndHellebores · 19/11/2022 22:51

@thenightsky @HelloBunny that looked was rocking in SW London about 10 years ago. Where are you both based?

Changingmynameyetagain · 19/11/2022 23:03

I’ve worn a uniform to work for years but it’s got more casual over the years. When I first started it was a blouse and skirt and these days it’s a polo shirt and jeans/leggings.
I much prefer the new uniform, I’m on my feet 9 hours a day and I want to be comfortable.

DH works for a bank, since covid he’s ditched the shirt and tie and he generally wears nice jeans and a polo shirt to the office. He had an event last week and I had to iron a shirt for the 1st time in nearly 3 years, I can’t say I’ve missed it!

itsnotmeitsu · 19/11/2022 23:07

"Why the vehement dislike of a style of shoe? ... I assume that the shoe represents ‘how dare you look glamorous and make me feel bad about myself, you potential husband stealer’."

I don't understand this statement at all. I can't imagine my husband leaving me for someone just because they wear high heels. Particularly as we've been together for 35 years and he's seen many styles of footwear on me. I used to wear high heels all the time; now I wear various footwear which isn't high enough to cause me a problem as I've had a couple of nasty falls. If you can only look glamorous by wearing high heels then it's you who's got the problem.

Iamthewombat · 19/11/2022 23:30

Oh dear. I can see that I’m going to have to spell it out.

Who said that you could only be glamorous whilst wearing high heels? Not me. Are you wilfully misunderstanding because you don’t want to engage with the question

Which is, why do posters feel the need to sneer at high heel wearers? Why the need to describe women choosing to wear that type of shoe as ‘silly’ ‘weird’, or ‘tottering’? Why pretend that the alternative to wearing loose, shapeless clothing is dressing like a sex worker or Mrs Thatcher circa 1987?

You don’t see anyone leaping into threads to describe wearers of black spongy flatform shoes as ‘weird’ or ‘silly’ or ‘stomping’, do you? No, it’s the sexy shoes that attract the spite, or the more dressed up style choices (previous posters’ unusual scarves or coloured boots, for example). Why is that?

Well, the obvious answer is that something about those garments makes their critics feel insecure, or bad about themselves. Bad enough to criticise the wearers, and bad enough not to be able to control your contempt. Because if you truly believed that everyone should wear what they want, you wouldn’t be saying, “I can’t see why anyone would ever want to wear heels, they look silly”, or calling a mum picking up her kid “weird and outdated”, would you?

The ‘potential husband stealer’ thing was a joke hinting at what I think the real reason for the vehemence of the high heel hatred is. You can be reassured that I haven’t been spying on your marriage and thus do not need to be told about which shoes your husband has seen you wearing. That’s not just because this is an anonymous forum.

You must admit that there is more to this than concern about strangers’ future potential bunions though, right? If that were the case then anyone who found high heels uncomfortable would keep their views to themselves and wouldn’t feel the need to call those who do wear them ‘weird’ or ‘silly’ or ‘tottering’.

What tends to provoke this sort of spite and the desire to put other women down? We all know that it’s competition and the sense that other women are somehow making you look bad, for which they must be punished. Either by sneering comments in a forum like this (there are many similar threads, many expressing the view that women in fitted dresses and heels look ‘junior’ and ‘thick’) or by the passive aggressive behaviour described upthread. Why pretend otherwise?

UsingChangeofName · 19/11/2022 23:47

Iamthewombat · 19/11/2022 20:26

I like the fact my dc can go to clubs in their jeans and vans and not have to totter along in stilettos.

And here’s one for my bingo card. Any thread that touches even tangentially on the wearing of high heeled shoes must include a reference to ‘tottering’. Lots of people are capable of walking capably in high heels. That must be disappointing for you.

I don't want to spoil your bingo game, but I didn't say anywhere that nobody should wear high heels.

I love a pair of stillettos. I refuse to give mine away even though I no longer feel comfortable wearing them. I think they can add a real 'lift' to an outfit (no pun intended).

But I still love the fact that, whereas my one adult dd, who loves high heels and can walk confidently in them is still able to choose to wear her choice of footwear, and yet her sister - who doesn't feel comfortable and would 'totter' if made to wear them - is still able to wear what she feels comfortable in on a night out. Unlike when I was young and wouldn't have been allowed in any of the clubs dressed in the way one of my dds chooses to dress.

Appreciating the fact my dds and their friends have choice doesn't mean I hate high heels.

mdinbc · 19/11/2022 23:49

I miss getting a bit dressed up! I am in a very casual industry (transportation), so if I ever wore a dress or skirt it would be very odd. Even though I am office based, the people coming and going are high-vis vest and steel toed boots.
Smart jeans and sweaters for me.

Previously I worked in a government office, so enjoyed dressing in more office attire . I do miss that.

catinboots123 · 19/11/2022 23:53

My (very funny and older mate) blames the obesity crisis on leggings and sportswear 🤣🤪

Tbf if we all were wearing structured clothing daily, there's no way we would all be so fat

backatschool · 20/11/2022 00:02

KikiniBamalamm · 18/11/2022 07:50

I really miss getting dressed up, even nights out no one looks any different to people wandering around Sainsbury doing the weekly shop.

This. Work was always fairly casual but I like dressing up a bit for a meal out/drinks etc.

Recently went to a Michelin restaurant with DH and wore something like the photo (loafers not heels) and felt so out of place because everyone was in rollnecks, hoodies and trainers! I do have heels like that photo but no idea where I’ll ever wear them again!

This thread is so interesting. I live abroad (Asia) and your outfit would look totally normal for a nice restaurant, a lot of people here still get glammed up to go out in the evenings, dresses, heels, nice trainers, sandals, pretty flip flops all work - and fairly smart to work. I was out on Friday to a nice restaurant and wore a silk camisole and wide leg trousers and heels and certainly wasn't the most dressed up person in there by some way.

I never know what to pack for my trips back home to the U.K. or Europe anymore, particularly for work. Totally agree all my old work clothes (the pencil skirts and fitted dresses etc) just don't look right! I was so glad I bought loafers before my last work trip - my heeled boots stayed firmly in my suitcase!

Suemademedoit · 20/11/2022 00:56

It’s an interesting question. I was scrolling through, yes, the sidebar of shame earlier and saw photos of Camilla off to the races (in November? apparently so). She did NOT look like a Queen Consort! Big fluffy hat, oddly mismatched outfit (blouse and coat collars all jumbled up), boots with flat chunky heels, the dullest or colours. Apart from the hat which was utterly monstrous on every level, she was well dressed in that everything fit properly, was ironed and clean, age-appropriate, suited to the occasion, was a good quality garment in and of itself etc. But it was just too casual. In fact, she often looks too casually dressed. Clothes sort of hang off her, as though they’re made with extra give for ease of movement. I bet she’d look amazing in a trouser suit, for this reason. It would all be a bit neater and tailored, as though she fits in her clothes properly.

Then again, I can’t imagine I’ll be giving a flying fuck what I look like if I make it to her age. It’s all about the comfort for me now when I’m half her age!

LadyVictoriaSponge · 20/11/2022 01:18

Very well said @Iamthewombat.

StarlightLady · 20/11/2022 08:17

The choice suits me I tend to live in dresses, I love my dresses, summer dresses and winter weight with long sleeves, rarely wear jeans or leggings and less so formal trousers. I enjoy the fact I can do full on dress up, even with a real lace up corset on occasion (I have 2), I don't do heels though or have the freedom to go casual, almost hippy style.

Floisme · 20/11/2022 08:44

I have to say I've been surprised by the attitude to heels on this board lately. I've worn flats most of my life and I've had lots of conversations with heel wearers over the years, and they always told me they did so because preferred the look. Some tried to convert me to heels, claiming my clothes would look much better. Some even insisted they found heels easier to walk in than flats.

As I said upthread, I'm fully aware of subtle pressures and both written and unwritten dress codes. And I know that certain employers got away with requiring them until relatively recently, But I had always accepted that for most heel wearers on most occasions this was a choice and so, while I'm not going to speculate as to reasons, I'm finding this rejoicing, as if we've all been liberated from a tyrant, slightly bizarre.

NeedWineNow · 20/11/2022 10:16

Pourmeanotherwine · 17/11/2022 22:15

Im not sure its changed for me. I always wore "smart but comfortable" clothes for work, so flat shoes with trousers or dresses but no jeans and trainers. The dress code hasnt changed.

Seconding this. I retired earlier this year from a City Law firm, but this was always my dress style. I also loved wearing a smart coat, toning scarf, good shoes and handbag (God, I sound like my mother!). Our firm's dress code changed to Smart Casual a few years ago, but lawyers were expected to have a suit or business wear in the office for client meetings etc. It was a bit more relaxed for us PA's as we weren't client facing, but we all still leant towards the smarter end of Smart Casual. It was interesting to see the younger PA's/Team Assistants who usually were very smart - think skirts, heels, blouses. They looked fabulous although I definitely couldn't cope with the heels that some of them wore!

I still dress up to go to the theatre or nice restaurant. We also do cruise holidays, so I like to dress properly for dinner there. The cruise line we choose still has formal nights so I get good wear out of my evening stuff as well.

Coffeepot72 · 20/11/2022 10:28

I don’t hate heels, but heels seem to hate me! I have never been able to walk confidently in them, and have never found them comfortable (with the exception of block heels, but that’s only at a push). Sadly they improve many outfits.

But pre COVID I spent 5 days per week in the office with colleagues who totally rocked heels. For some reason this made me feel inferior in some way.

Zipps · 20/11/2022 10:36

I'm still wearing heels, although I don't and never have worn skyscrapers. Up to three inches and mainly on chunky boots. I'm not a trainers fan and can't believe they are so popular especially for going out out. I only wear them for exercise.

RosesAndHellebores · 20/11/2022 10:40

On the shoe front my local shopping ce tre has just a Clarks and a Jones. It is almost impossible to find a pair of nice one inch heel, smartish pair of shoes at the moment. Jones say they have stopped stocking them since Covid because the demand isn't there any more.

Zipps · 20/11/2022 10:41

queenofthewild
If that was you going into the theatre, I have to say you looked very classy 😉

LuciferRising · 20/11/2022 10:56

People do patronise other women for wearing high heels. And it isn't the only thing that contributes to shitty feet. I had my first bunion cut off as a teen; it wasn't from a life time of wearing heels.

Pigeon31 · 20/11/2022 11:03

Also glad heels feel less required now. I like being able to run for the bus

Bestcatmum · 20/11/2022 11:11

No. I hate dressing up. I love the vibe here in Glastonbury, you can go out in new age clothing, a monks robe or anything else you find comfortable and nobody turns a hair.
I cannot imagine having to put on a corset, stockings and suspenders and be trapped in smart clothing all day. I'd hate every minute.
At work I wear scrubs which are basically pyjamas.

Coffeepot72 · 20/11/2022 11:14

I cannot imagine having to put on a corset, stockings and suspenders and be trapped in smart clothing all day. I'd hate every minute.

I think corsets have been out of favour for a while now?! Unless you’re a lady of the night! 😃

HepzibahGreen · 20/11/2022 11:25

I miss the rules of dressing yes. I like having work clothes and non work clothes. I also watch film from the 40s, 50s, 70s even and think how nice people looked in wool jackets and tailored skirts and proper shoes. I don to want to feel at work like I am totally relaxed and comfy. I'm not relaxed, often I'm stressed and under seige, and I have definitely found that the more I blur the boundaries between home and work the less well I sleep and the more stressed I feel.
It would be nice to wear heels again as I have loads of lovely, not too high, chunky leather shoes and boots but I feel so tall and conspicuous in them now, and like I'm purposely trying to get attention. Actually, one of the things I used to like about heels is that they added stature and make me the same height as most of the men, so I think there has been a decline in confidence somehow since the pandemic (or perimenopause maybe).Also agree about the ever expanding waistline in leggings.

ArmyofMunn · 20/11/2022 11:54

Yes I've definitely noticed it with junior school parents.

We now have teens but still often use the park opposite my DC's old junior school for sports etc in spring and summer.

After 3pm in term time it's full of families from the school and I've noticed over the past few years how scruffy everyone looks - like a bunch of hippies sometimes!

When our two were there I remember constantly getting style inspiration from so many of the mums at the time - a lot of them were beautifully groomed and really pulled together.

It makes me wonder if lockdown has just changed people's values in many ways.

ArmyofMunn · 20/11/2022 11:59

Also our GPs!

The two men look pretty much the same - smart casual etc, but I was often asking the two women over the years where they'd bought a particular item of clothing as they were very well dressed.

I had a doctors appointment last week and the female doctor looked like she was wearing pyjamas with a hoodie!!

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