Plus size wedding guest for January

[Januarcelebration]

Hi all, my auntie (70) has just announced she is finally marrying her dp of 40 years. In January.

Its a small wedding at a registry office with a lunch at a posh restaurant afterwards. My aunty is stunning and very glamorous. As is her daughter in law.

I feel like a bit of a lump. I seem to have lost my style in the last few years. Between the pandemic and my mum (my aunties sister) dying last year, I haven’t been out anywhere in 3 years. I have put 2 stone on which seems to be on my middle and become a bit of a recluse. I have no idea how to dress my body. I have been actively avoiding going anywhere because I hate how I look. I did used to have an hour glass shape, but my waist seems to have, mainly, disappeared

My Auntie wouldn’t actually care if I turned up in a potato sack. But I want to look nice, so that I don’t have the anxiety about going. Or not as much.

I have taken losing my mum really badly and almost 12 months on I am still devastated and my Aunty has been a pillar of strength and support. I really want to go and enjoy and look good.

Can anyone give any tips for my shape or shop recommendations?

You haven’t really said anything about your size, height, even budget. Or age, style. Or even how close you are to the shops. I know people who are 5 foot eight and size 12 who would described themselves as dumpy and bloated. Which in other peoples books would be slim.
Are you able to throw money at the problem?
It sounds like an a line or shift style dress would suit you. There are brands like Klements which have some quite avant-garde but very generous sizes.
You could go onto somewhere like the Outnet and order a whole load of stuff and send it all back if it doesn’t work
Get some amazing shoes. Shoes are always non-judgemental :)
Can you just get out to the shopping Centre for a day and just try on lots of stuff?
It’s not hard to look nice. Rather than formal wedding wear my advice would be aim for one non-black outfit. Nice jewellery / accessories

Whatever happens you know you have an Aunt who loves you very much in the absence of your mother.

God you are right. I am so sorry.

I am 5ft 8 and a size 18. Also 40 years old. I am a double dd bra size. I have a protruding tummy that makes me look like I could possibly be about 6 months pregnant. I’m not.

i used to wear a lot of swing style dresses. When I had a waist. In bright colours. Have dark eyes and dark hair (which is now mainly grey, I don’t dye it). I am mixed race but people usually assume Spanish or Greek as my skin is quite pale, especially in winter.

I could afford a couple of hundred pounds, up to £300 I would guess.

I probably could go shopping. My dad loves shopping. He would come. he wouldn’t probably pay as well 😃. I just always feel awkward. I went into Hobbs last year (size 16) to get a coat for mums funeral and ended up going home after the woman pointed out they didn’t have anything that would fit my body type.

In fact me and dad are meant to be going for lunch in a couple of weeks. We could go shopping then.

@Januarcelebration your OP has made me cry. My condolences on the loss of your mother. It’s lovely to see the strength of your relationship with your aunt. And congratulations to her! Wonderful to have this wedding to look forward to.

Completely understand the enormous effort of dressing up after a long period of not going out. The poster above is right - you’ll be amongst people who love you. And your main job is to celebrate your aunt’s big day - so look for something to wear that makes you feel happy and relaxed.

It doesn’t have to be a dress, of course. If you could find a beautiful trouser suit that would work just as well.

I’ll have a look …

This sounds so lovely.

I'm sorry you have had crap few years and the woman in hobbs needs sacking.

I'm a yoyo 16/18 hourglass. Firstly unlikely to be a dd (I'm a 34 F) I'd you an an hourglass so get yourself in BOB and get a good bra.

Book yourself in for a blow dry on the day and a nails and brows the week before. Find the shoes you are going to wear first. I have some lovely black cone heel boots that I would wear I January. Than a beautiful coat to swish about in in between the ceremony reception and outdoor photos and maybe a nice wam scarf/ gloves. Do you need tights? I'd wear thickish nude ones but I mentioned this before and apparently not the done thing.

Now a dress assuming January is cold get a long sleeved one. I prefer unfitted ones so but with a a defined waist a looser lower half skirt. Some might prefer a fitted "hourglass type". I really like skirts and tops. So I might wear a beautiful sweater and a midi skirt.

Does any of this appeal?

You sound lovely. From experience shopping online is less dispiriting (but I'm much bigger than you).

www.bombshellhq.com/products/wine-velvet-bombshell-3-4-sleeve-stretch-luxe-dress these bombshell dresses are lovely.

This Anna Scholz dress looks good for a winter wedding. I have one in this style but not velvet. It is really flattering because it makes boobs look fab and hides the tummy without being sack like. Size down. www.annascholz.com/online-store/dresses/velvet-shirred-dress.html

Agree with the bra advice. Start with that. Sorry about the stupid cow in Hobbs

@CountryCousin I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to make anyone cry. I do definitely want to be comfortable as well. And you and op are right, I love my aunty very much and we do have a strong relationship. That’s the important bit. Not sure about a trouser suit. I have never, even when smaller found one that I felt suited me. Even for work. But maybe trousers is a good option.

@jamontoastaddict Thank you. The Hobbs experience really put me off shopping in person. But then whenever I look to order on line I never know what cuts or detailing I should get to try and hide my tummy. The hair, nails and eyebrows are all a good shout. Will definitely book those. And the accessories. A gorgeous sweater and skirt sounds good. I could wear them after as well. Probably do need a bra fitting actually.

@Mardyface thank you, that’s very kind. That first dress is gorgeous. Would the detail on the tummy hide the tummy or draw attention to it?

You deserve so much more than feeling you are not worthy. I would get a nice flattering dark coloured dress but get hair and make up done / tan and lovely jewellery

also shape wear can make a difference

Between now and jan you could knock a dress size (I’m only saying that as you said it annoys you so much and a small loss you be just the boost you need)
say protein and veg / salad type meals and have weekends more relaxed to enjoy treats

I hope that it’s ok to say that (it’s such a battle the weight) as you can see from my username I am in the same boat

So … This dressis sold out in your size, and black - but I just wanted you to see how gorgeous both models look in it. (If anything it suits the not-thin model better.)

Hi OP. I worse me this to a wedding and it was very flattering. The material is lovely and heavy. Draped over my lumps and bumps very well. Was a bit loose in the boob area (for me 38D), so I put a few stitches in the seam there.

im same size as you, but only 5ft 4. So definitely more dumpy.

dress also has pockets!!

www.phase-eight.com/product/savannah-jacquard-floral-fit-and-flare-dress-221141493.html#q=Savannah%20&is=false&sz=60&start=0&isSecondPage=false&pid=221141493&pos=0

That should read…. I wore this…

@Januarcelebration I don't know but these are expensive dresses and cut well so I would expect it to hide it. I have a bombshell dress - different from this one- and the fabric is good quality and thick so it doesn't cling like cheap fabric does (it's a navy stretch dress and I can wear a white bra under it no problems).

The thing is to try it and remember to send it back if it's no good, and remember it's the dress that is wrong for you, not the other way round!

Sorry, I forgot to say the background colour of dress is actually a really dark navy (not black), and I didn’t realise until day before wedding! I was planning black shoes/bag but went with navy shoes and bronze bag.

Thank you. Yes, I am trying to eat better. I am not happy at the weight I am and do keep trying to do something. Then I get floored over whelmed by how difficult I am finding life.

I have made some changes. I just don’t seem to have the brain power to come up with really health meals. Dd is at Uni and ds is ND and has sensory issues around food. So I have taken to making him a meal and I often have a pre packaged salad from Aldi. Which isn’t ideal but better than before.

One of my main issues is the lack of exercise. Office job, come home (or wfh) sort ds out and then sit in front of the TV and snack. I even have a dog walker in the day I am wfh. I just can’t face going out, even at lunchtime. I feel exhausted all the time.

I am, ideally, hoping this wedding gives me the push I need to be more motivated to going out. I really hate living like this but can’t seem to get over the hurdle of actually starting.

I love that they show the dress on diffident sizes. I wish more places did that! Thank you

That’s gorgeous.

I do love a dress with pockets!

Thank you. I am going to order it and try and see what it’s like. I suppose I won’t know until I try.

Phase 8 sounds a good place for a look, I have 36g top and fitted comfortably into a size 16 jumpsuit of my daughters. I wouldn't have even considered trying it!
The lady in Hobbs might have had a point. I have broad shoulders, back, big boobs and tummy with slim hips and legs. If the general cut of their clothes is for women with narrow backs waists and hips then someone like me hasn't got much chance of finding something that fits or that looks nice on in there.
I'd suggest knowing your measurements and taking a little tape measure with you to check the actual garment sizing will actually fit. Up top depending on the store I can be anything from a 16 to 22 which is crazy.

Or it might be worth trying the personal shopping service at John Lewis?

Scarlett and Jo have some nice and flattering dresses. I like this for a wedding www.scarlettandjo.com/collections/plus-size-midi-dresses/products/sorrento-pink-multi-cold-shoulder-dress?variant=40821789753391

Oh hang on I've just realised it's a January wedding. Maybe something like this then www.scarlettandjo.com/collections/the-red-carpet-collection/products/tuxedo-prom-dress-2?variant=51604561988

I found some very flattering dresses at Pretty Kitty, the designs really work with problem tummy areas!

You’re about the same size as me, give or take. I’d not think you were huge. A few extra pounds but hardly in the morbidly obese category. I suspect you’re quite lovely.

Look at Scarlet and Jo website. Lovely bright, flattering and comfortable dresses. Very wedding like.

A tape measure sounds like a great idea thank you. Yes, I find with big boobs sizes can be all over the place.

I have only done personal shopping at selfridges (maybe about 13 years ago) for a black tie event. They told me on the phone they don’t have much in over a 14. Maybe John Lewis is a big more generous with sizing?

This is beautiful! Thank you. I love the neck line.

Hit Bravissimo and get a moulded bra to uplift your boobs so the material in your top skims over your tummy. Pair with some spanx or other compression.