How on earth do I just embrace the inevitable aging process?!

[Lemoncellohello]

Because I'm becoming really self critical and it's seriously getting me down 😑

It's actually turning into a bit of an obsession. I'm late 30's, so am bound to be showing the normal signs of aging, but I keep looking at myself in the mirror, pulling my skin up and then no doubt letting out a big sigh.

I hate my under eyes. I hate how flat my hair has become. I hate my marionette lines and general sagginess.

My goodness, I took for granted my younger years! I used to get loads if compliments, but now I feel completely invisible.

I hope this doesn't make me sound vain. I just really want to stop thinking about it!

How do I??...

Bump

It's not vanity and it can be difficult to come to terms with as many posts here testify. So don't be too hard on yourself.

Some go down the fillers and botox route, that may not be for you, or surgical route. There's plenty of alternatives you can do to feel better about yourself and gradually accept and embrace the ageing process. Take a look at your skincare and makeup routine, and make changes; you could introduce tretinoin (look at Dermatica and skin and me threads for offers ) argireline (cheap from the ordinary). Start another thread about flat hair or do a search for past threads.

If the nicest thing about you is how you look, then I can understand the angst. But honestly, by late 30s, aren't there other things about you, that you see value in?

Focus on those.

And what mint Julia said is important too.

Yes agree Tretionin could be the answer. It's a prescription skincare. I use Dermatica and are pleased with the results. You need to use it for a few months before you see a difference and be prepared to up your skin care regime. I see it as an investment to myself , and the skin care as ' me time ' .
Dermatica & Skin & Me do a refer a friend so I have a code that gives you your first month for £2.90 and ( I think ) 20% off your second . It gives ' the friend ' £5.00 discount for full disclosure.
www.dermatica.co.uk/referrer/V3WPNY

Im 48 and im like this

ve added hyaluronic acid to my regime. And a good moisturiser. I love Clinique

im also looking at more serums/acids

The thing is - everyone ages. You just can't stop the passage of time. The gorgeous young women you see today will be old ladies one day. Looks are only one part of being attractive. When I think of the people I know who are attractive it's usually their inner qualities I'm drawn too - kindness, a sense of fun, a curiosity about the world. These things don't change. In fact the best thing thing avout aging is that often people's personalities develop and improve over time. In terms of looks - I'm late 40s and obviously aging. I just focus on the things I CAN control - staying a healthy weight, eating healthily so I have that healthy glow and good skin, a nice haircut, flattering clothes. These things make me feel good about my appearance but you have to accept your face and body will age, no matter what. I see aging and death as the great leveller really. As women it's important not to see our value and worth as being purely physical.

Thanks for the replies so far.

Thing is, I do look after my skin - serums, SPF, hydrolysed collagen, just started microneedling, gua sha, facial massage - although the last two I'm not religious with.

@SallyWD you're absolutely right! I know how unhealthy it is to worry so much about it and put so much value on my appearance. I think when you have all those second glances, been approached, been told you're beautiful, it's hard not to see it as anything other than a negative when all that seems to stop. The invisibility is really horrible. Don't get me wrong, I'm quite happy the leering and unwanted/uncomfortable chat ups have stopped, but not even getting a second glance (we'll....very rarely) makes you feel very undesirable.

Tretinoin, eating as well you can and excercise. I'm in my 40s now and the fact that I am getting older has really hit me in the last couple of years.

I have decided that I'm not going to worry about every last wrinkle, but I am going to try and get myself in the most healthy place I can be whilst still enjoying my life to the fullest, and looking after myself a bit more.

A) Turn the “make me look human again” button up to the maximum level on Zoom.

B) Lower the wattage where mirrors are.

I swear to God I was not even remotely worried about how much I’d aged until the pandemic came along and I had to stare at my own face for so many hours a day. Which got worse when I bought a high wattage bulb to replace the blown one in the bathroom. So I upped the “plastic face” filter on zoom. Got a new, softer lower light bulb. And act like a Vampire who hates being invisible when new reflective surfaces when out and about. See shiny surface, look away.

That + The Fabulous app (and a dash of The Daily Stoic) helps me keep my focus where it needs to be. Working on my insides, not the outsides I used to have, that has been through the wood hopper of time, hacked at a bit by the perimenopause, and bitchslapped by having totally neglected my diet, being generally not in the mood to do “self care” stuff. Like walking, drinking water regularly throughout the day, treating my body like an antique that has value in being preserved in tiptop condition (rather than a car I’d like to trade in for a newer model like I used to have).

Oh, and rose water toner with a tiny bit of wheatgerm oil gently tapped over my face as a moisturiser. That looks like it has helped. It might just be the new, softer lightbulb. But I think I look better therefore I immagine everybody is seeing the same thing as me 🤣

I like @AlienatedChildGrown approach

Focus on being heathy and strong. Daily yoga helps me more than anything else.

Think about why this is a problem for you. Why does it matter how you look?

What about friends and family. Do you like them less or think differently about them because they look older than they used to?

I'm mid 50s and genuinely don't give a fuck, it's very liberating. I stopped dyeing my hair during lockdown and am now grey. My life is better for it, much less time and money spent at the hairdressers!

It’s a damn sight cheaper than the botox I was seriously contemplating getting.

Fabulous App = 30 odd euros per year (includes the mediations/yoga/exercises/stretching/whatever else is stuffed inside it). Drinking water now has fancy (not tea flavoured) tea bags in it, spent about 20 euros on those, the one that tastes like chocolate has been born in your nose is AMAZING). Walking is free, got almost new trainers on Vinted for about 20 euros. Lightbulb was about 7 euros, bought in a hurry so no time to shop around. Just wanted it right away.

Botox = How much ? HOLY MOTHER OF GOD ! .. every six months ? not just a one off spend ? Do they offer mortgages to renovate faces ? No ? Shit. < sobbed for a while then came up with Cunning Anti Aging Angst Plan 2.0 >

I swear by using facial oils over night. I'm currently using the Q&A Supergreens but I've used a variety over the years and wake up looking glowy.
I'm 50 and embrace my wrinkles, I haven't resorted to Botox yet. I'm quite lucky that the chin I always hated has now become a good jaw line so not too saggy.
Ageing is a gift that not everyone will get so accept it.

I'm in my 30s and still look alright at the moment, but when I don't I'll be getting a facelift

If you have that inner knowledge that you are your very own kind of beautiful, at whatever age, you won't need external validation. Words are cheap, in my job l hear same old men saying same old things day in day out, they know exactly what most women want to hear.

A new hair cut? New clothes?
I'm not even kidding. It's great to focus on other things, but a good hairdresser and a complete overhaul helps a lot. Coming to the end of a decade is always prime time for a makeover.

I'm sorry OP, it must be hard. Maybe you could look into taking up a hobby or exercise that uses your body in a positive way, rather than just for how it looks. Like weight lifting or something, where you will feel strong and capable.
Remember your friends and family love you for who you are not how you look. Spend more time with them and stay off social media.

I do think if you have always been feted as beautiful by others, it is a harder fall when ageing happens. Particularly if it has been part of your identity in some way.
I remember reading an interview with a model who was in her 40's talking about feeling invisible, and realising so much of her interactions with both men and women in her younger years had been shaped by how they treated her because of her looks. She really took the change badly, because it had been part of her identity to be beautiful and she had felt special, but didn't anymore.
And quite honestly, I thought she still looked great, but obviously she felt different.

If it is really bothering you, would you perhaps talk to a counsellor or something, and rediscover your self worth aside from how you look.

What @SallyWD said

There is nothing wrong with making efforts to stay fit and healthy etc and wearing clothes and make up that make you feel good but obsessing about 'looking young' is only likely to make you miserable or send you down the botox/fillers/surgery route which won't make you look any younger it will just make you look like you've had botox/fillers/surgery

Growing old is a privilege and much better than the alternative

This

And when one of my best friends died of breast cancer at 46, and another committed suicide a year later, I realised that how I look is the least important thing about me.

I am pushing fifty and old age hasn't set in, and I am at the in between stage of not being quite granny but going granny in some places.

We are placed under huge pressure these days to look good into older age. My grandparents' generation was given the green light to give up after childbirth, most didn't have the time to even think about anything cosmetic. They would regularly lose children, so a few stray wrinkles and hair thinning out was the least of their worries.

I have stopped trying to look beautiful and now aim for healthy and relaxed, interesting and imaginative. People like Prue Leith manage to look great and she is embracing of herself without resorting to all the fake surgery etc.

Some of my friends are fighting a losing battle with botox and they look even worse. Plastic and weird and older oddly.

I found having a great career, being educated and having a sense of humour is now far more important than it ever was before. The best way you can protect yourself is by becoming important and building up to become a great person in your own right, and just by being you - if you are not already there yet. That will set you apart when you are another twenty years older.

Just decide not to give a fuck. Why should you cover up or disguise your natural state? Doesn't mean you don't look after yourself and look nice - but worrying about ageing is such a massive waste of emotional energy. You could be channeling all that into something that makes you feel good, like a hobby, or a holiday. The way you look is the least interesting thing about you - I read that recently and it really chimed with me.

I get how you feel but don't waste your younger years worrying.

How will you feel when you get into your 50s if you feel like that now?
Nothing is going to stop the aging process.
Its happening to everyone from birth to death. Enjoy your time whilst your here.

Eat healthily, drink plenty of water and exercise and enjoy your life.

Yes, when you're in your 50s, you'll look back and wish that you looked like you do now. Make the most of the present, there's no point in wishing for what was.

30s is still pretty young anyway. Most people only really start to age once they get into their 50s