I used to be wise and avid - now menopausal and lost it

[checkedcloth]

10 years ago I used to be part of the wise and avid threads here so anyone who can remember. I used to have a reasonable sense of style, knew what suited me and could find something on any shopping trip.

fast forward 10 years. I am 45, menopausal and gained weight through HRT all around my middle that I cannot loose.

I am a nurse, the pandemic has absolutely aged me.

I look nothing like my former self. I have no clue what to wear, can’t even be bothered to try stuff on. I look aged, frumpy and very tired.

any help ?

I'm the same , I must have tried on more than 30 dresses before I chose one for an event and even then I wasn't sure about it.
I have since been on Pinterest and searched for casual outfits and think I have found a style that I like and suits me .

Also the menopause is an absolute bastard! I've thickened round the middle too and it won't shift.

Well if you’re still attempting ‘shopping trips’ you’re already going wrong.

But I daresay you do shop online - you’re probably just not spending enough time ‘window-shopping’ websites to have a clear idea of what’s considered stylish this week / month / year.

The good news is that at 45 you have earned the right to indulge your excellent taste and buy some really nice clothes.

Have you looked, recently, at

Raey at Matches Fashion
Community Clothing
Net-a-Porter
La Fetiche
Massimo Dutti
Studio Nicholson
SSense UK
Old Town
Free People
Margaret Howell
Zara

All online. You don’t have to like their particular clothes or price points - but they do give a snapshot of contemporary styling, and if you stare at them often enough you’ll ‘get your eye in’.

I’m slightly 🙄 at your focus on your middle … For heaven’s sake - buy some expensive earrings or a cashmere beanie! Or a wonderful pair of boots. That’s what people will notice - not the bits of you you’re worrying about.

Can you get more sleep? And a weekly veg box? And some facial oil? And cut down on alcohol?

Follow this advice to the letter. By Christmas you’ll be grand!

Thanks both @Vapeyvapevape sorry to hear you are in a similar boat. The menopause has hit me so hard, despite HRT I still feel like it’s not fully under control. My sleep especially is terrible.

@CountryCousin lots of good advice, much of which is based on generally looking after myself more. I am failing in that area - mostly due to a lack of time

I'm in the same boat too OP and feel I've lost my style. I remember the wise and avid threads which I did read from time to time and yes you did all sound like such a stylish bunch! I've bought a couple of dresses from Me and Em which I'm very pleased with recently and they are out of my comfort zone but glad I gave them a punt. Sorry not sure how to link but went for midi length which is more like maxi on my 5'4" frame. I'm also still in skinny jeans but slightly looser fit, wearing 7fam, which feel comfy and I think are quite slimming. I'm looking for a black blazer and trousers but struggling to find anything. Like the cut of Me and Em but their wool blazer has Pearl buttons, which I'm unsure about and the other blazer has no natural fibres and at £300+ would expect some wool in there! I'm a size 10/12 but also feel I'm carrying my weight round my middle.

@checkedcloth are you me? I feel exactly the same - similar age, same profession. I feel like the pandemic has aged me 10 years. I decided recently that I need to focus more on self-care and feeling more healthy in general.

I don't like online shopping as I can't afford to buy a lot (eg: 2 pairs of boots, a load of tops and dresses) and then return things if they aren't right. I need to try things on, feel fabric etc. I also live in NI so sometimes have difficulty getting things delivered/postage can be more expensive.

Anyway, just solidarity really. I'm trying to sort myself out!

Yep, just the same but have realised I have been trying to dress for a lifestyle I just don’t have and social media hasn’t helped that eg. too smart for wfh rural living with lots of dog walking.

Feeling better since I’ve started to dress for the lifestyle I have and am so grateful for.

I also used to be wise and avid. I still have several of the purchases I made 10+ years ago but now I live in blue jeans and t shirts at the weekend and black jeans and slightly smarter t shirts for work.
Following for inspiration and solidarity!

My username was midnightinmoscow then. I joined the thread later - the original group was started by LTEC. Lots of lovely, funny and kind women. I still have some of my purchases from that period, although my Whistles leather biker no longer fits.

I think that’s half the problem I either hang onto, or still buy clothes from a different era of my life. I just don’t know how to dress anymore

I really need new jeans. Skinny look really dated, but the other styles look really masculine on me.

OP I hear you.

how about focusing on your hair. I know this sounds strange. But hair you’re really happy with will be an enormous confidence boost for you whilst you sort out the clothes!

I would love to see this.
What did you find on Pinterest?
I feel like a frump but also not even sure I was wise and avid ever

Agree about getting your hair to a place where you feel good about it first.

I follow midlife chic, really enjoy her blog which is all about regaining your style and joy post 40, whatever your shape.

I am really feeling the HRT/peri middle - I’ve always had a small waist but now my tummy feels so bloated. I only started a couple of months ago (I gained 10lb in the first three weeks!) so hoping it will settle, but I bought a couple of new pairs of jeans in a size 12 because I couldn’t stand feeling uncomfortable in my usual 10s. I do have excellent hair though!

@Redleaftea i also follow MLC but her recent post on how she maintains her figure was an eye opener! I am far too greedy for that. I like her writing (not particularly her style) but do find her tone can be quite bossy.

I feel your pain. Menopausal nurse here too. I loathe the extra weight around my middle and it often makes clothes look middle aged/frumpy.
I’ve pretty much given up jeans (and I used to live in them) and wear dresses as they are more flattering around the middle.
How’s your skin? Mine was shot to pieces wearing a mask although I’ve been using cerave for a while and it has settled. I occasionally still react to the masks and they give me dry red eyes which is most unattractive! I find that eye drops and a thick layer of moisturiser helps.

I was one of the original A&W crew, still good friends with some of them. Anyway, I find looking at Instagram helpful. Erica David does a great Sunday Styling in her Stories, with lots of suggestions. Gives good ideas for silhouettes I might not think to try.

I think, given the time of year, start with a pair of ankle boots and eg some wide leg trousers, Or a dress.

Things that have improved my sleep are:
less caffeine throughout the day
minimal sugar/carbs
no faffing on phone in bed before sleeping
window open!

What do you mean you used to be avid?

I really like wears my money blog for inspo - waiting for her autumn capsule wardrobe post to get some ideas/links, even though my budget is much less than hers.

Thanks all.

Intrigued by jeans, in the absence of wearing skinny ones - what on earth do I wear?

I’ve been trying this mum / relaxed fit ones, but look like a cast member of Cocoon or Golden Girls. The word ‘slacks’ comes to mind.

sorry to hear of others in the same boat. Hope any suggestions here are helpful.

Intrigued by jeans, in the absence of wearing skinny ones - what on earth do I wear?

I listed eleven websites that would show you this!

😢😢😢

@CountryCousin thank you, I didn’t discount this at all. I am struggling with jeans for me rather than what I see on a website. In the cold light of day in the changing room they look rather different

@checkedcloth i’ve been out of skinny jeans since about 2015 (early adopter) and I think you just get used to a new shape, but it takes a while. I am pear shaped so skinnies always looked crap on me, whereas a tapered leg and a high waist is much more “me”. Today I am working from home and have Levi’s 80s mom jeans, with a tucked in stripy Arket top. (It’s about adjusting the balance I think - the skinny Jean and floaty top was never good on me because I need a defined waist.)

I’d like a slim leg ideally. I’ve got a thick middle but good legs. I tried on some mom jeans and looked like I had a nappy on.

@QueenCremant sorry to hear you are in a similar boat. I find my mask does sometimes give me some spots across my nose, but overall my skin is better since I am on HRT. My hair though is thinning a fair bit.

I think jeans are so hard once you’ve worn the style the first time round. I’ve tried so many-501s, mom jeans, straight jeans, bootleg jeans, balloon, girlfriend, boyfriend-but they all look wrong and dated. But then so do skinny jeans. Hence why I’ve given up with them.
Not helped that I have a 17yo who looks amazing in jeans. It’s hard not to compare yourself to youth.