Awful looking - what can help?

[Simplyuglyineveryway]

Hi,
I'm a really unattractive person, always have been. My face is awful and I cannot stand to look in the mirror unless necessary.
A couple of years ago I stopped colouring my hair or doing much with it as I didn't see the point. I'm in my late thirties and am wondering if anything can distract attention away from my face. I've thought about wearing glasses but I just feel more self conscious.

Thinking about booking in for a cut and colour. Do you think a good haircut makes a difference or am I just wasting money because I'll just look like crap whatever?

Also considering getting my eyebrows done (possibly microblading) as I don't do anything with them currently, they are just there.

Sorry for the waffley post but I guess I'm asking what makes you look better and makes the most difference for you? Any suggestions to detract people's attention from my face?

Thanks

Sorry to read this op.

I'm sure good grooming will make you feel a lot better. I don't know what micro blading is, but I get my eyebrows threaded and it definitely makes an improvement.

I also use dr hauschka products so my skin is nice.

Yes a cut and colour is a good idea. Maybe your hair doesn't need coloured though if you're in your 30s. I colour mine to hide the grey but you might not need it.

Also the main point is please try not to feel bad about how you look. In your 30s you have youth on your side no matter what.

And perceptions of ugliness or not have no bearing on how good a life you can have.

I would definitely suggest changing your profile name to something positive no matter what.

Good luck with it all

Are you sure you're that unattractive? Even if you are, which I doubt, has no one ever told you that personality is more important? Someone who's chatty, cheerful and makes people laugh will always win over the Beauty. I should know, I'm pretty, always manage to get the man, but fairly quiet. I wish I was more outgoing but we get what we're given, don't we?

Having said that, I would say speak to the hairdresser and get advice on the best hairstyle for you, a little light makeup, a big smile and off you go. Good luck.

Work on how you feel. Enjoying life and engaging with people, having fun, being interested - this is what makes people attractive. Keep yourself healthy and smile a lot.

Otherwise - a decent haircut and a bit of lipstick helps me feel presentable 😀

Make up can do wonders! Why don't you get your makeup done professionally and see if that makes a difference with how you feel?
And if you like it learn how to do it your self.
If you don't like the way you look getting your eyebrows done and hair changed can help. I always feel better about myself when I've had mine done.
I know plenty of girls that have work done to make themselves look better, fake tans, fake lips and fillers. There's all sorts you can try - but it's what's underneath it all that matters.

I think it depends on what you think is making you look 'awful' and how much you're willing to do, eg hair cut, make up, fillers & botox etc.

Have you watched 10 years younger? That might give you some ideas on what you can do to feel more confident about your appearance

A new hair do isn't a waste of money if it makes you feel good!

Thanks for your replies. I've arranged an appointment for a consultation at a salon.

My skin isn't bad and my teeth are ok. I think it's my bone structure; my jaw is weird and quite wide and from the side on my face looks odd and quite flat! Annoying, as I can't change my bones 🤣

@Dillydollydingdong yes I've had comments throughout my life from various people so I know it's true.

I would bet significant amounts of money that you are not unattractive, certainly not to the extent you say.

For one thing, I've never ever walked past a person and thought "hideous!". Definitely never thought "hideous, what an unfortunate bone structure!"

Care to post a photo so we can help?

Microblading and a good haircut make the biggest difference to me. I’d overplucked my brows since my teens and they were thin, straggly and I didn’t even know what their natural shape used to be. It definitely changed how I looked once they’d been returned to their original and correct shape. My hair is brittle, thin and fine and my hairdresser is a miracle camouflage artist that knows how to conceal the thin areas on my crown and above my forehead. I have a nose and jaw that veer off to one side a bit, my eyes are small, hooded and deep set and I’m prone to looking like a benign hobbit. I’ve never been conventional looking but make the best of what genetics have set me up with. DP thinks I’m lovely and as I’ve got older I’ve been able to accept myself far more than I ever did. We aren’t always fair judges of how we look because society holds us up to unachievably ridiculous standards where only a relatively small range of looks are seen as acceptable.

I think there is some truth in the old adage 'Look good, feel good'. If you are feeling a bit down in the dumps about how you look it might be worth having a spruce up in all areas. Cut and colour, bit of new makeup, well fitting clothes.

It makes me go from a bit plain to reasonably nice looking, and I get a bit of a lift from it.

I tint my eyebrows and it makes a massive difference to my face.

Although I agree about your username, and it does suggest you might be being too hard on yourself.

Yes! A good and colour make a huge difference, and good eyebrows can alter the look of your face, and give structure. I like an eyelash lift too: just makes you look more awake and brighter.

A good skincare regime will also help, and some makeup- I wouldn’t be without it!

Watch Ten Years Younger in Ten Days for some inspiration.

I would definitely suggest changing your profile name to something positive no matter what. I would 100% agree with this. We are often our worst critics, I'm sure you're not nearly as hideous as you say!

And whilst I agree that it's what's inside that counts, I do also believe that making the most of what you've got can really lift your spirits. And there's so much you can do nowadays to look your best. As others have said, a good haircut can really make a difference, your stylist should be able to suggest styles that will suit your hair type and face shape. You might not need to have much done with your brows other than a shape. If you don't usually wear makeup or aren't great with applying it then treat yourself to a session at a makeup counter (Bobby Brown is great for this) and get some tips.

But don't forget to get outdoors, get moving a bit and do something that will put a smile on your face - it's the smile in peoples' eyes that we notice the most and is what makes people attractive to us.

I’ve found stronger looking eyebrows and lashes make a difference to me, but I am a lot older than you and am fighting looking faded.. depends on your colouring but if you are not naturally very dark haired, this can make a difference. Blusher also helps.

if you want to distract from your jawline then you need a hairstyle that works for this, something with movement , but your hairdresser should be able to advise.
Remember that colour needs ongoing maintenance, nothing looks worse than evident roots, so unless you can commit to that, concentrate on condition and shine.

I also find bright lipstick draws the attention away from everything else, coral or a clear red work for most people.

Another mention for the power of eyebrows. I tint my blonde eyebrows. That, a bit of concealer, mascara and doing something with my hair other than scraping it out of the way is the difference between looking like 'beige shrek' as my teen pointed out, and not half bad.

First of all, this sounds like you have a self esteem issue and would benefit from building your confidence .

I am sure you're a great person and are a lot more attractive than you think .

If you want to send some pics here or privately I'm sure we can give some tips for small tweaks to boost yourself !

I always seem to recommend :

Spritz of facial fake tan mist - easy and gives a glow

Good eyebrow shape - professional

Home eyebrow tint

Gentle exfoliation

Hair - semi perm natural gloss colour

Most people don't need anything major to give them a bit of a juzz up 🥰🥰

Also a blow dry works wonders as someone mentioned above !!!

Also work on being attractive in your actions as well. Smile lots! Say hello! If people fell relaxed and happy around you then they perceive you to be more attractive

Um! I can’t help thinking that the most significant part of this issue for you, Op, is the people you’ve been listening to. What were their intentions?!? You had comments undermining your confidence. They might be sabotaging, mean spirited comments. Aggressive comments, cold hearted judgmental,comments.

First step is to realise that what people say to us isn’t always “the truth”.

Tell us more of your good points. Apparently your skin and teeth are “ok”. That’s quite a lot that is ok.

the way you describe your face shape sounds Sophie Ellis Bextor- ish. This might draw attention if you come from a family of Mia Farrow types. There are lots of different face shapes, each with their own beauty.

I think the crux of this matter is a few self sabotaging perceptions.

Good hair definitely makes a difference.

I also think having great style and being quite daring with what you wear makes you look extremely attractive and handsome, even if you aren’t conventionally beautifully. SJP is absolutely gorgeous to me, and she has very strong features. I think her look has a lot to do with it.

For me weight loss is what makes me look more attractive sadly- and not a quick fix. I’m short and predisposed to being really thick legged. A stone extra makes my jaw padded,
my cheeks chubby and my shoulders and back squarish and matronly. I have quite harsh features which become quite lovely with a sharper jaw line and my high cheekbones more pronounced. Could this be something to do with it or are you already slim?

Yy to eyebrows and eyelashes.

Nice eyebrows are cheap to maintain. £10 for a thread near me, once a month. I don’t think you need to laminate them.

If you can afford it, a natural set of eyelash extensions. Do stress natural to the technician. These make me feel so much prettier and makes my eyes pop. I only get them done for special occasions, but I love them.

I have a very round face and no jaw line to speak of, but absolutely the right makeup, eyebrows, hair style/colour and clothing can make all the difference! Also, I am sure you're being very hard on yourself

I agree with pp, I think forget what you can't control and just focus on what you can, with the underlying aim of only doing things that make you feel good and boost your confidence. I'd make your skin shine as you said it is good, likewise nice white teeth if you have good teeth. Experiment with different hair styles, different ways up putting it up that suit you or go shorter etc- find a stylist you trust to help you decide. If things like bold lipstick suits you, you can make the things you wear and do become the distinctive things about you. So people say there's x, she looks great with that hair, or really suits that style of clothing. I recently met someone who had amazing short choppy hairstyle with a pink streak, she was confident and owned her look, that was the lasting impression I got, not whether she was traditionally attractive as such. Good luck

Maybe you're not conventionally attractive, but you might benefit from embracing the jolie laide look - emphasising what makes you different and special. You might be arresting or sexy or magnetic or enchanting!
Also, good teeth and good skin are more than half the battle, I'd say.

Most people's faces are fairly so so. Some attractive features, some less so. Unless you're unfortunate enough that all your facial features are unattractive, I'd imagine you are no worse looking than most in their natural state.
Attractive people are more often than not ordinary looking people who do things to lift their appearance. Facial 'prettiness' is only part of the whole picture.
Hair cut and colour is a major contributor. Having a slim body, dressing in nice clothes and using make up to enhance features also play a big part.
It goes without saying that no one should feel pressure to look attractive. But if you want to, it's fairly achievable for most people.

You sound so like a friend of mine. She hates looking in the mirror. People have done this to her as they have you. She isn't conventionally beautiful but is beautiful. Her face shines when she's passionate about something. Her personality is amazing. She really looks after herself and has a figure to die for

It's words from shitty people that do this. I totally agree with working on your self esteem. And also doing what you can to boost your mood.

I was lucky and am what people would consider good looking physically. My figure isn't amazing but I have a nice face and hair. I'm tall. But I've had people being positive about my looks. Once an ex tried to put me down about my figure as my stomach isn't toned. This was years ago. I said the only fat I'm losing is you now fuck off. He tried his best to say he didn't mean it like that etc. Nope he was binned.
Don't let the bastards win. They spot a weakness and go for the jugular. Hold your head up and smile. Fuck 'em.

I don't agree that you need to be slim to be good looking. I know loads of overweight stunning women.