Is this how massages are done?

[momneedscoffee]

So, I booked a full body massage with a lady who advertised her new business venture on Facebook.
She was just starting out and offering a full body massage for less than half the price of the going rate plus she came to me.
She got me on her bed and opened a tub of fruity body butter.
I honestly felt like she was just rubbing body lotion into my skin in circular motion. and she talked all the way through it.
I couldn't relax at all and felt like this entirely defeated the purpose.
After she asked if I could leave a review and I agreed.
AIBU to not leave a review stating how great she was when I feel like my 7 year old could have done a better job?

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Sounds shite

‘Less than half the price’ - you got what you paid for.

Nope, never had one like that. Sounds rubbish. They're usually quiet, odourless (unless it's specifically an aromatherapy massage), and they use different tecniques depending on the area they're working on.

Nope
one of neighbours - a not very bright one - tried advertising herself as having a business for massage and manicures. No experience, just thought it would be a way to make money.

That's bad. Did you ask to see her qualifications and insurance? Bet she doesn't have them.

Why was it half price? Surely this was a clue OP!!! I would wait a while then review honestly.

Fruity body butter? Circular motions to no end?
That sounds worst than "amateur", more like a chancer / bluffer.

I’m a massage therapist and have done discounts during quiet times to get people in (in the hope they spread the word!)
I’ve never used body butter, I have a range of oils and always check for allergies etc to make sure I use the correct one for the client’s needs as well as finding out what pressure they prefer and what areas they want focusing on.
I'm sorry you had a negative experience and I hope you will give an honest review to save other people from the same disappointment.
It may also make her think twice about what she is offering.

The bed, the fruity body butter 😂😂😂

A bed??? Surely there's a safeguarding issue here too? Is she insured?

Bet my bottom dollar she's not properly qualified. Maybe did an online 'diploma' if you're lucky. Of course don't leave a review, or leave one that gives a bit of a heads up.

No. She should have a proper table that she can easily move around to access your body. And though my woman does chat as we now know each other well, I wouldn't expect this.
Some of the massage is almost painful as she really gets in to deep tissues/ muscles, and of course different parts of your body are treated differently.
Your description reminds me of a facial I had. Lots of mixing potions and lotions and I kept wondering when she was going to really get going when she announced she was done! I felt all she had done was rub a couple different things in and wipe them off. Useless.

If she came to you how did you end up on her bed?
The bed, the body butter, the technique..it all screams not real masseuse! I don't think she is qualified at all I'm afraid and is probably just after some extra cash!!

People are focusing on the word "bed" but I think the OP just meant that mobile table that they carry. Is that so, OP? Can you clarify?

In any case, she sounds really rubbish and I would not leave a review

She's probably brought with her a foldable massage table, that does look like a kind of "bed" once unfolded and ready to lay down on it.

That's about the only part that sounds even remotely "professional".

There is another thing. People who never had massage before are rarely dissatisfied, it's those who had lots of massage who can be quite fussy / demanding. It if your first dip and you're not impressed, that speaks volumes. You wouldn't be doing a favour to anyone if you abstain from putting an honest review.

All decent beauty therapists I have had have made me fill a health card out. I was refused a massage as I had recently had cancer; I had to be 6 months clear before any type of facial or massage.

I always feel bad when this happens to someone as their first treatment as they probably won't have another as they didn't enjoy the treatment.

Please go and have a proper massage soon.

Nope.

Probably had over 100 massages in my life at 20+ places.

Never experienced anything like that at all. Sounds awful and very unprofessional

By her bed I assume you mean she brought a massage table with her to you?

Nope. I go to a salon so had several masseuses, but all used different techniques on different areas, checked I was happy with the pressure, put relaxing music on and were silent unless they needed to ask me something.

No, its definitely not!

You can look on youtube/google to find the four basic massage techniques, and how to drape someone with towels, but just using the right techniques made such a difference.

Sounds like someones bought a massage table on eBay and is after making some easy money, as even at half price, assuming they're just pocketing the cash, they're quids in!

Sorry but this post made me laugh. Not at you OP, I’m laughing because I had a very similar experience whilst 6 months pregnant.

The lady literally used body butter or something similar. Except it was the other way around, I was trying to make small talk, just to be polite, you know? And all I got were one-word answers. I had to stop myself from laughing and the baby was kicking which didn’t help either. I stopped trying after a while and just stayed completely silent for the remaining hour.

She also asked me to leave her a review. I promised that I would and the minute I got in my car, I left a very detailed review. Was it a nasty review? Of course not. Was it an excellent review? Definitely not.

Whatever happened to customer service? Especially when starting up a new business?

I suppose common sense really is not that common anymore.

Anyone. An set themselves up as a masseuse.

Why were you on her bed if she came to you? Sounds crazy

Not quite.
Legally you can't get insured (massage therapist insurance) if you are not qualified.
Which adds insult to injury - it happens rarely, but a wrong move can cause damage to the client. And it's easy to guess who is likely to do that. It is rare, but happens - I know one case.