Feeling that my face starting to look old already (early 40s)

[GoodTomatoYield]

Hello. I'm not sure what I'm asking, except to convene with others who are really noticing facial changes in their early-mid 40s, and to chat about how - as I know deep down - it doesn't really matter.

I know the rules about SPF, etc (though haven't always been well behaved about them in my youth), so I'm not after advice really. And I don't want to DO anything about it (apart from living well, exercising, sleeping etc) - don't think I'm someone who will do botox or anything (and I may be too late for those things anyway).

So I just wondered whether anyone else in their 40s or earlier is already starting to notice big grooves on their faces, to look grumpier and slacker, etc.? I'm not even menopausal yet so wasn't really expecting it so soon, I suppose. I definitely notice a difference in how men respond to me, although that's not entirely unwelcome (I'm not on the look-out, thankfully). Any psychological tips from others?

I had a feeling like that about my face and body, but I sort of acknowledged it and moved on…

made some changes though

i found that in my 40s my lifestyle ruthlessly showed, so I started drinking a lot less (goodbye puffy eyes in the morning), doing a lot more sport (goodbye random flab) and walking every day (hello nice complexion from fresh air and exercise) and eating a bit more healthily

40s is when you realise all the bad stuff (smoking, drinking, sedentary life, junk food, sugar) affects your look very much

Doing something about it was empowering, actually

That's interesting, @SimonaRazowska . Good for you.

I'm slowly realising similar, and trying to live more "cleanly" as a result, too. I already exercise a decent amount, but need to eat a bit more nutritiously sometimes. Really, I'd rather not think about appearance at all, and live healthily entirely for the sake of feeling better. But it's hard not to be at ALL affected by the change.

My best advice is to accept it. Post menopause the collagen depletes rapidly so enjoy your comparatively young looking face.

Ha, I know - this scares me - what will happen at menopause, if I'm ALREADY looking old now?!

I think no matter what stage you’re at you think you look ropey until you look back at photos and realise you were gorgeous. So try and enjoy the face you have.

Everyone is anti botox, until they're not! It's the easiest way to soften the forehead lines and works like nothing else. Jowls and loss of elasticity etc isn't quite so easy sadly. You just have to hope that your eyesight deteriorates at the same rate ☺

Ah, just need to up the game in other areas to balance it out. Fitness (to the best of your ability) is achievable, as is looking after hair and teeth. So just put on a big pair of sunglasses some clothes you feel good in and smile! (Plus if you are happen to be short sighted your ordinary glasses can hide a lot of wrinkles).

I'm fast approaching 50 and look better than I did a decade ago thanks to eating better and being slimmer and fitter.

Blurring cream is less expensive than Botox but also good. Face exercises can also help.

I’m thinking of telling people I’m 20 years older so they can congratulate me on looking good for my age …except they might not.

40’s is a hard decade for me - between my dc and my dp, I’m run ragged. I can’t take sleep for granted, often eat on the fly, abuse caffeine to get through the day. It’s all showing, but there’s no cavalry coming, just me.

I can’t afford Botox - my SN dc is hoovering up all the spare cash and we’re lucky to be able to afford therapies so I’m not complaining. But life is showing on my face.

I just avoid mirrors.

@SimonaRazowska that was a great, inspiring post.

I'm very active and have used high factor SPF since my teens, but young kids really aged me. I started getting botox at 35 and I love it personally. I feel that I look rested and less angry. I recognise that's not for everyone.

I also started on Dermatica. I've been on Tret for 7 months now. It was tough going to start with and made me look older, but now fine lines and some age spots have gone. My skin glows.

For me, I would like to take active steps to reduce the stress in my life and not rely on alcohol so much. I guess that's more a psychological issue, but it would affect my appearance too. That, and commit to going to bed earlier.

I found such a sharp aceleration of ageing from 40, it's remarkable. I look in the mirror and see my mum and my grandma staring back, so I don't spend too much time looking and that seems to work for me! I think the injectables thing is so tempting, I can totally see how people get there, but it would just be like whack a mole. Once the lines at the eyes have gone, then how about the nose to mouth? The sagging jowls? The eye bags? I'm not sure where it ends and I'm not interested in looking like a boiled egg. My life is on my face, and that's ok, it's been fun! So I'll make peace with it, and wear bright lipstick and big earrings instead!

Same here! As soon as I turned 40 I've started noticing a big difference.

What makes it a bit worse for me is everyone around me - my age or older - seems to look much better.

I think my genes are letting me down a bit.

I sleep, hydrate and don't drink alcohol.
But definitely need to try less caffeine, more healthy eating + exercise.

Everyone is anti botox, until they're not!
I don't care if anyone else gets it but it's not for me. Looks ridiculous to have a big shiny forehead.

I see a lot of bad Botox where the eyebrows are exaggerated upwards at each end. But i also suspect there’s some fabulous subtle Botox and fillers being done, I’m just too tight to pay for it. If I had a friend who did it well and cheaply I’d definitely hand my face over for some work.

And the more women do it, the more normalised it is and everyone feels pressured to follow suit.
I'm definitely against it.

I have had good skin results recently using the Charlotte Tilbury magic serum combined with the Balance Me Waitrose moisturiser. I also use a Waitrose argan oil cleanser and the La Roche Posay face suncream, not sure if they makes a day to day difference. But yes, accepting your skin is going to be differrent now is key.

Thank you all - brilliant, useful responses.

I'm pretty confident that I won't change my mind about botox at this stage, but I suppose you can never predict the future.

The advice about general self-care, big sunglasses and good clothes resonates for me. And not looking in mirrors too much. That seems like durable advice, too - can continue living this way as long as it's possible to make those choices...

Any weird skrinkling around the eyebrows is spocking and a sign of obvious/bad botox.

Botox doesn't change the size of your forehead! Shiny skin yes, if you get frozen all over but mine is just a light touch to soften lines. I can still animate my forehead and frown.

Try Face Yoga, it's worked really well for me, I do twenty minutes of exercises twice a day and it's definitely helped, I'm 50 and noticed saggy neck/ chin, it's really helped to tone it up. Even my husband has noticed a difference.
Search Danielle Collins on YouTube, take a few exercises from her videos that you think you can manage and try to be consistent, even ten minutes before you go to bed each night will do, it aches a bit at first but, like any muscles, after a while it becomes much easier.

@Imabouttoexplode exactly. With botox you get what you pay for.

I'm nearly 44 and there are definitely changes but nothing too dramatic. My chest is the oldest looking part as I have big boobs, sleep on my side and forget to put spf there too much! So there are the 3 deep lines many people get that look like a vulva 😄My neck looks ok until I look in my magnifying mirror and I can see the first signs of crepeyness/turkey neck but only very slightly. My face isn't too bad to be honest but I've always had oily skin which apparently helps and I have never sunbathed really. Couple of slight lines round the eyes and above the eyebrows. My hair is going very grey though!

How about getting your brows done if you haven’t already? It makes a big difference I find

I’m 45 and was definitely not getting Botox a few years ago. And fillers god no.
Until I felt so fed up I sought the best Dr I could and recently have had Botox and filler. Very very subtle but has softened the lines and lifted my face slightly. I feel much more confident.
It cost a lot for very little but I see a lot of bad Botox and fillers which make the face look shiny and inflated. It’s not for everyone but I almost wish I’d done it sooner. Im fine with being 45 but I was looking haggard and tired all the time and it was effecting my mental health. As shallow as that is, it’s how it was for me

Yes I look older. I am older, so it is inevitable.

My feeling about myself is I am a valuable person and my looks are not what makes me valuable. I matter for who I am - ageing is not able to change that.

I do like to look what I consider to be 'nice' - but for me that means approachable and kind. I don't need to look young.