Feeling that my face starting to look old already (early 40s)

[GoodTomatoYield]

Hello. I'm not sure what I'm asking, except to convene with others who are really noticing facial changes in their early-mid 40s, and to chat about how - as I know deep down - it doesn't really matter.

I know the rules about SPF, etc (though haven't always been well behaved about them in my youth), so I'm not after advice really. And I don't want to DO anything about it (apart from living well, exercising, sleeping etc) - don't think I'm someone who will do botox or anything (and I may be too late for those things anyway).

So I just wondered whether anyone else in their 40s or earlier is already starting to notice big grooves on their faces, to look grumpier and slacker, etc.? I'm not even menopausal yet so wasn't really expecting it so soon, I suppose. I definitely notice a difference in how men respond to me, although that's not entirely unwelcome (I'm not on the look-out, thankfully). Any psychological tips from others?

@carefullycourageous - that's the thing that bothers me, actually - I know I look less friendly/kind as I age. I don't think it's age per se that is the issue. Ah well. I do know that none of this is that important. Just have the occasional niggle.

I’m thinking of telling people I’m 20 years older so they can congratulate me on looking good for my age …except they might not.

I'm going to start telling people I actually died four days ago

I am just entering the same phase. I’ll be 42 next month. As PP said, young kids have really aged me. I had mine late and DS is only 9 months old.

I take good care of my skin and it looks pretty decent so that’s something. Unfortunately I have awful bags under my eyes, and they are both very aging and make me look so tired and miserable even when I’m not! I’m going to see what can be done about them cosmetically as soon as I stop breastfeeding.

I have struggled to get back into shape after DS so I’m about to up my game on the fitness and exercise front.

Also planning on getting teeth whitened and address the crowding of my teeth which has made them uneven in the last 5 years.

I don’t want to look young, I just want to look well presented and not totally haggard/knackered!

embrace it. the positive side is people opening doors for you and speaking to you with more respect and care as they now consider you old

this is what i experienced when i hit my 40's

I was totally ok till totally post menopause at 52. I looked really much younger till then and now I just look about my age. But till then I easily looked a decade younger, it was a bit of shock. Menopause will be the biggest change.

Agree that menopause causes the biggest change and going grey...
I'm a bit bewildered about botox making women feel more confident about themselves, that their self esteem is wrapped up with how many fine lines and wrinkles they have. I doubt that most people even notice them and give a damn they are there. Maybe invest the money in gym membership, decent haircut and skincare.

Looking back I’ve aged a lot in my face in the period 42-45 (currently 46). I had a thread here once asking which decade people aged fastest in (partly to see whether it was going to accelerate even more - a lot of people actually said whatever decade they had kids in, and for me it’s definitely been the forties (to date!). My eyes have sunken, and the fat in my cheeks has reduced. I have tech neck and pigmentation. My hair has got really dark (not grey) when I look less pale with it lighter. Lots of crows feet when I smile. Marionette lines developing.

For me it’s about being ‘good for age’ and finding a balance where you take care of yourself and do what makes you feel good without then becoming obsessive or ending up spending all your time and money on maintenance, when ultimately ageing will happen and some kind of acceptance is going to be necessary. Easier said than done, especially in a society which values youth and fertile women. That’s perhaps the most ironic thing in that people worry about ageing but younger people barely look at you anymore. So it’s probably our own generation judging and you get people like Amanda Holden and Tess Daly changing the goalposts for women in their (now) fifties. Some enjoy the cloak of invisibility of ageing.

Oestrogen can start to decline considerably in perimenopause which starts on average from 40ish. This has an effect on skin. I think HRT is helping that for me but that’s not why I’m taking it.

My other tools are Dermatica (0.1 tretinoin) and Botox for my number 11s (as grumpy as well as old is too much) - personally I think this decade is good for judicious Botox since eventually imo the landslide is too big unless you really go for it and then your face doesn’t match your age and is unrealistic.

Light light make up. No heavy foundations settling in fine lines. Cream based potentially. Subtle fake tan - I’ve always been fair but ageing is sucking all the colour and life out. And hair is v important I think. Too long and it can drag you down, too short and you can take on a middle aged aura regardless of what you actually look like up close.

You don't need botox as this is for wrinkles, whereas you're sagging.

You can slow this down by ensuring that you do not gain excess weight; when you lose it again, you face will look like a deflated balloon. You should also avoid the lifestyle triggers that deplete collagen - sugar and sun.

Face yoga and electrical devices like the foreo are very successful for some. As you are still young, these could be very good as a preventative measure.

Then there's a face lift. A poster on here recently had a lower face lift. She posted a lot of pictures on this forum. The results were really natural. She had it done under a local anaesthetic. I would actually consider having one myself.