Page 2 | Is this suitable?

Percie · 2022-04-10T09:39:06+00:00

It's a loved ones funeral next week and I still have no idea what to wear. I've been looking for something long that keeps my arms covered and came across this. Does the rose gold make it unsuitable? Is there an etiquette beyond black/navy I need to know?

Ratatoo · 10/04/2022 14:01

It's a bit dressy I think. Beautiful but I wouldn't wear it to a funeral if I didn't want to stand out

Gwenhwyfar · 10/04/2022 14:06

"I see people here all the time saying black isn’t worn that much for funerals and I usually wear navy or grey but almost everyone at the funeral I went to recently was in black. "

There may be a trend away from black, but tradition is still black or dark colours so unless told differently I wouldn't stray away from that.

OP's dress is dark enough. I would personally feel it might make me look like I was using the funeral as a fashion show, but that may be because where I come from people wouldn't wear such dresses. OP said the deceased is quite glamorous so maybe appropriate for her.

I remember a Sali Hughes article about dressing up for funeral. It was well written, but I still wasn't totally convinced that a funeral, particularly if religious, is a place for pride or vanity.

ProseccoStorm · 10/04/2022 14:13

I think it's a lovely dress and quite suitable when styled with court shoes and perhaps a cardi or a jacket if you wanted to down play it slightly.

I wouldn't think you overdressed. And if the family member enjoyed dressing smartly it's a lovely way to honour them.

If you wanted alternatives how about some wide legged jersey trousers (Boden have some that are incredibly comfortable, and unrestrictive, and still smart) and then a dark coloured long sleeve top or blouse.

When I die I've said that i'd like people to dress up smartly, if they want to, for my funeral. I enjoy clothes and dressing well. A good friend and I have promised to go full black, and wear a hat to each other's funeral. I not saying this to be frivolous, but rather to support you in your choice as I think it's entirely suitable and stylish, particularly given your description for your relative.

I'm very sorry for your loss

NeverSayNeverAgainMaybe · 10/04/2022 14:19

Funerals have always been something to dress up and make an effort for, in my life. Everyone I knew always wore their best outfit in appropriate colours, high heels, jewellery. Nothing wrong with making an effort- far more important to just feel happy and comfortable so I think having a look at it in person and trying it on is a great idea. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/04/2022 15:20

@NeverSayNeverAgainMaybe

Funerals have always been something to dress up and make an effort for, in my life. Everyone I knew always wore their best outfit in appropriate colours, high heels, jewellery. Nothing wrong with making an effort- far more important to just feel happy and comfortable so I think having a look at it in person and trying it on is a great idea. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Everyone I know wears something like Sunday best or whatever they have in the appropriate colours such as work clothes. I've never seen a floor length dress.

KimikosNightmare · 10/04/2022 15:40

Everyone I know wears something like Sunday best or whatever they have in the appropriate colours such as work clothes. I've never seen a floor length dress

I had a look at various websites and a common theme was "don't draw attention to yourself" . I've never seen a floor length dress at a funeral.

Someone commented at the black leather jacket and houndstooth skirt outfit I posted as being less appropriate than this dress. The deceased at that funeral had known the person since they were children. He wouldn't have noticed the outfit actually worn but would have laughed out loud if he'd been able to see a floor length dress at his funeral.

samsera · 10/04/2022 15:50

@Gwenhwyfar

"I see people here all the time saying black isn’t worn that much for funerals and I usually wear navy or grey but almost everyone at the funeral I went to recently was in black. "

There may be a trend away from black, but tradition is still black or dark colours so unless told differently I wouldn't stray away from that.

OP's dress is dark enough. I would personally feel it might make me look like I was using the funeral as a fashion show, but that may be because where I come from people wouldn't wear such dresses. OP said the deceased is quite glamorous so maybe appropriate for her.

I remember a Sali Hughes article about dressing up for funeral. It was well written, but I still wasn't totally convinced that a funeral, particularly if religious, is a place for pride or vanity.

Agree. I'd be worried about offending wearing anything but mostly black or navy, or another dark colour.

The exception being we were once asked to dress in red, or wear a red item like a scarf, as it was the deceased's favourite colour. It was very fitting, if sad.

I think you could wear the dress if you styled it right, but it doesn't look like daywear to me, unless a special event.

Starbucksbasic123 · 10/04/2022 15:53

I think the dress is lovely and more than appropriate. I don’t think taking photos at a funeral is appropriate for example but lots of people do. Each to their own. Wear the dress, sorry for your loss but you should wear something you feel good in on an already difficult day

Gwenhwyfar · 10/04/2022 16:00

"Someone commented at the black leather jacket and houndstooth skirt outfit I posted as being less appropriate than this dress. The deceased at that funeral had known the person since they were children. He wouldn't have noticed the outfit actually worn but would have laughed out loud if he'd been able to see a floor length dress at his funeral"

The leather jacket looked like the person's normal jacket and the outfit as a whole looked like what a young person might have that was suitable.

tinkywinkyshandbag · 10/04/2022 18:46

I think it's a lovely dress, modest and smart and you'll be comfortable in it too.

(And just wondering who the hell takes photos at funerals)

Blossomtoes · 10/04/2022 18:49

I think it’s perfectly suitable. I’d be delighted if someone wore that to my funeral.

AnnaSW1 · 10/04/2022 19:05

I think it's the length that makes me question it. If it was midi length I wouldn't question it

KimikosNightmare · 10/04/2022 19:19

@tinkywinkyshandbag

I think it's a lovely dress, modest and smart and you'll be comfortable in it too.

(And just wondering who the hell takes photos at funerals)

The deceased was 60 the first to die out of a group of friends some who had known each other since school and all since university. Not everyone one , including me, was able to attend, someone took photos.

Seems less odd than wearing a floor length dress, verging on evening dress, to a funeral.

KimikosNightmare · 10/04/2022 19:34

www.phase-eight.com/product/melina-maxi-dress-220129524.html

The website describes it as

one of our hero party styles this season. Designed with details we love: head to toe subtle sparkle, sheer long sleeves and an on-trend 70s inspired pussy bow detail at the neckline. It features a gentle A-line maxi cut to create a modern partywear silhouette

It's a lovely dress but it is not a dress for a funeral. From recent funerals I've been at, the it's been smart but subdued. That dress is not subdued.

ScarlettDarling · 10/04/2022 19:38

@KimikosNightmare

www.phase-eight.com/product/melina-maxi-dress-220129524.html

The website describes it as

one of our hero party styles this season. Designed with details we love: head to toe subtle sparkle, sheer long sleeves and an on-trend 70s inspired pussy bow detail at the neckline. It features a gentle A-line maxi cut to create a modern partywear silhouette

It's a lovely dress but it is not a dress for a funeral. From recent funerals I've been at, the it's been smart but subdued. That dress is not subdued.

I couldn’t disagree more. It’s a beautiful dress and perfectly suitable for a funeral. @KimikosNightmare you seem really invested in this. We get it, you don’t think the dress is right for a funeral.

Blossomtoes · 10/04/2022 19:40

It’s fine. Just because the brand designates it as party wear it doesn’t mean it is. If the deceased was stylish and glamorous, I bet she’d approve.

Greatoutdoors · 10/04/2022 19:48

What about a maxi skirt and top/cardigan/jacket?

corbinrozmus · 10/04/2022 19:50

a very nice dress, I would have ordered it myself for the summer

FleeceNavidadfromtheSheep · 10/04/2022 20:01

I wouldn't have a problem with the style or length, but having looked at the link, it's described at having a subtle sparkle, whatever that is. Order it and see if you think it's appropriate.

ouch12345 · 10/04/2022 20:16

I think it's lovely OP. Absolutely fine for a funeral. Unless you are wearing something insane I genuinely don't think anyone would notice at a funeral anyway, hopefully the people their are there paying their respects not judging others outfits. I'm sorry for your loss.

BusterGonad · 10/04/2022 20:18

Personally, I think the op is the best person to decide, she knew the deceased so she'll be able to gage what they'd be happy with. If I went to someone's funeral in a bright floral dress and I knew that person would love it then I wouldn't care what anyone else thinks. I like the dress op and if you feel it's appropriate then wear it.

Palloom · 10/04/2022 20:23

I think the fact that it is floor length will draw a lot of attention to it. I have never seen long dresses/skirts at a funeral before.

So while the dress itself is nice, I don't think it is subdued and respectful enough for a solemn occasion like a funeral.

For the record, I have a funeral uniform.... tailored black trousers, pale grey shirt/top and either my charcoal cardi or black winter coat, depending on the time of year. Mid high court shoes. I feel neat and tidy in it and I don't stand out in the crowd. Just my 2c.

Original poster

Percie · 10/04/2022 20:25

@Blossomtoes

It’s fine. Just because the brand designates it as party wear it doesn’t mean it is. If the deceased was stylish and glamorous, I bet she’d approve.

She was stylish and glamorous and also newly in her 30s. One thing I've taken from the comments is that age might be a factor in deciding appropriateness, hence mentioning it here.

@FleeceNavidadfromtheSheep the descriptor about subtle sparkle is probably the main thing that made me hesitate. If it had been plain black I would have just gone for it as it looks so comfortable and has the long sleeves, etc, that work for me. I'm going to try it on, along with a similar dress I've found which is midi length and plain. Midi isn't ideal with my sensory issues but I'm hoping it will also feel comfortable enough so there's a choice.

@KimikosNightmare you mention floor length dresses being a cause for laughter - is there a particular reason why? Floor length/maxi is the most comfortable for me so it would be helpful to know. I truly don't want to stand out but I'm finding choosing something comfortable and appropriate quite challenging for various reasons. Not least of which is that style does not come naturally to me and I don't generally notice what I'm wearing beyond comfort.

OP posts:

Blossomtoes · 10/04/2022 20:27

One thing I've taken from the comments is that age might be a factor in deciding appropriateness, hence mentioning it here

I’m 68 and I’d be very happy if it was worn to my funeral.

Original poster

Percie · 10/04/2022 20:52

Sorry @Blossomtoes I wasn't intending to make a sweeping generalisation about style and age. Your earlier comment strikes a chord, though, because it really is her approval that's the most important thing for me in choosing. That's probably why it's so hard - this is the last opportunity to get things 'right' and I desperately don't want to let her down.

OP posts: