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Original poster

MIL invited to go wedding dress shopping?

30 replies

mdinbc · 10/03/2022 19:01

I'm not sure this is the right spot for this post, but opinions please...

My son is engaged to a lovely young lady, and they will be getting married next year 2023. Yesterday they were over and she invited me to go along for to a larger city to go wedding dress shopping with her mum, sister and grandmother, and I assume maid of honour. She said she would also invite my DD. This won't be until the fall and because of distance would mean a flight and hotel.

While this is lovely, I certainly wasn't expecting to be involved. My DD was married 7 years ago, and it was just her and I plus maid of honour that went shopping with her.

Is bringing an entourage dress shopping a thing now?

If I go with DD, is it a chance for a fun ladies weekend away and chance to bond with her and her family?
Or do I gracefully decline and let it be a more intimate moment with her mother and GM? Do you think her mum might be put off if I am included?

I would definitely smile and nod and not be opinionated.

thoughts?

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 10/03/2022 19:03

She wouldn't have invited you if she didn't want you there. Go with your DD and have fun.

User135792468 · 10/03/2022 19:05

Go! She most definitely wouldn’t have invited you just for the sake of it. It’ll be a nice opportunity for you to get to know her mum. The better you all get along, the more you’ll see them in life as they’re more likely to invite you all to things rather than try and alternate his/ her family. Enjoy it!

Ejk1990 · 10/03/2022 19:07

I went with my mother in law, we are really close. Go and enjoy!

KatieKat88 · 10/03/2022 19:07

My DM and I have been invited to my soon to be DSIL's wedding dress shopping outing - I think it's lovely. She's great and it'll be nice to get to know her family better. She didn't have to invite us and we certainly didn't angle for an invite but it means a lot Smile

SilverHairedCat · 10/03/2022 19:10

Go and enjoy! I invited my DM, MoH, MIL and one of my SILs. DH is one of 5 brothers, so it was great to give MIL a chance to come along to a wedding dress shop with us and have a day out too.

JenniferBarkley · 10/03/2022 19:13

Go! Unless the time and or financial cost are too much. It's lovely of her to invite you, I'd see it as an indication she sees you as family. I went shopping with my mum but asked MIL along for the fitting to keep her involved. We have a great relationship and she loved it as she only has sons and loves shopping. Grin

LifeInAHamsterWheel · 10/03/2022 19:18

Definitely go and enjoy it! I brought my MIL along too (with my mum and my bridesmaids) we had a great time. That was nearly 20 years ago so it's not a new fad or anything! She wouldn't have asked you if she didn't want you there.

Dinoteeth · 10/03/2022 19:19

Op I think it's lovely of her to have invited you.

And I invited my MIL to try and create a bond truthfully in hindsight I wish I hadn't I wish that had been a more intimate time with my Mum and DSis. Its something you only do once.

I think you should suggest they do the shopping and you can meet at some other point. A pre wedding chill out day getting nails done or something.

Original poster
mdinbc · 10/03/2022 19:44

Thanks for all of these positive responses. Made me a little teary! Because they met during covid, we haven't had as much time to really get to know one another as usual, so I can see this as a chance to have fun and get to know her and her family.

Dinoteeth, I appreciate your honesty. It has occurred to me to decline and suggest a spa day instead. I don't need to decide right away, so will ponder on this.

OP posts:
clairethewitch70 · 10/03/2022 19:48

I think it is a lovely thought and would go. I am secretly hoping I get asked by my future DIL. I have 2 DS and otherwise wont get this experience.

DisforDarkChocolate · 10/03/2022 19:51

I would speak to her face to face and check she wasn't asking you because she thought she should.

As a MIL I would have gone if asked but the whole group thing would have been hard work for me.

Original poster
mdinbc · 10/03/2022 20:44

DisforDarkChocolate - she asked me last night while visiting, and seemed excited and sincere. I just don't want to step on her mum's toes, IYKWIM.

I have met her mum, we just haven't had much chance to get to know one another. We live in same town.

OP posts:
KatieKat88 · 11/03/2022 06:59

@mdinbc I'd trust that she knows what she wants- if she seems sincere then it's not out of obligation.

DisforDarkChocolate · 11/03/2022 07:51

I'd go then OP, I'd just be careful on the day to focus on supporting and making sure she gets what she wants and isn't pressured by others.

PatchworkElmer · 11/03/2022 07:58

Oh I’d definitely go. And I’d be so happy if any future DILs invited me along for this kind of thing (I don’t have any daughters).

mdh2020 · 11/03/2022 07:59

Lucky you - I was totally excluded from all my DiLs wedding plans. I wasn’t even allowed to know the colour scheme. DD was bridesmaid and very upset that I wasn’t even allowed to go to the final fitting of her dress (I’m a dressmaker). When people asked me questions about the plans for the wedding I just used to answer ‘I know nothing’.

Talipesmum · 11/03/2022 08:02

Really lovely of her to ask and you to check. I’d chat with her and say you’d love to come and are v touched, but suggest she chats with her mum first to see if she would prefer it to be just them only, and make sure she knows that if her mum would like it more personal, then you’d love to take her out to a spa or something instead.

She’s probably influenced by “say yes to the dress” programs where mums, sisters, MILs, friends, SIL2b’s etc might all be there. Me - I went by myself, hate clothes shopping with other people!!

MaChienEstUnDick · 11/03/2022 08:03

@mdinbc

DisforDarkChocolate - she asked me last night while visiting, and seemed excited and sincere. I just don't want to step on her mum's toes, IYKWIM.

I have met her mum, we just haven't had much chance to get to know one another. We live in same town.

I think you have to take it on face value - she's invited you and she wants you there. PP who said she regretted it - well, that's her story, not necessarily you DIL's and I think it would be very rude to say 'oh no, I know better than you, you really just want your mum there.'

Accept and have a great time.

I've been in a similar situation recently as a SIL and it has really brought everyone much closer together.

Wootothewho · 11/03/2022 08:03

Mdh2020 did you speak to your child about their wedding plans?

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 11/03/2022 08:08

I invited my MIL to see the dress the day I ordered it and have a glass of champagne and go out for dinner, and she said she'd rather get a surprise at the top of the aisle with DH but she'd love to come for dinner and raise a glass to the dress. I adore her. In reality I think I was glad it was just mom, bf and I.

AnnaMagnani · 11/03/2022 08:12

Has she watched a bit too much Say Yes to the Dress and got the idea that everyone pitches up with a massive entourage?

Instead of the message that the entourage are insisted on by the show, purely there to create drama and generally make the bride miserable?

Yes, I have watched too many episodes.

BeaLola · 11/03/2022 08:52

How lovely - hope my future DIL would invite me (way off as my DS is 14 Grin)

I would accept - as pp said bonding experience for all

Zazdar · 11/03/2022 10:38

I went dress shopping with my husband’s mother and his sisters. She spent a week remaking the dress I bought to fit too, so she had quite a heavy involvement in my wedding dress. My own mother and sisters didn’t see it until the wedding.

Original poster
mdinbc · 11/03/2022 18:42

Haha, yes I have watched Say Yes to the Dress, and intend to keep my mouth closed until asked, and then only say nice things! What she chooses is up to her. I'm already a MIL (although my oldest son and wife aren't actually married, they are common law), so have already learned to play a role in the background of decisions.

i had a lovely MIL, and have learned from her when to get involved, and when to keep my opinions to myself!

OP posts:
Pugfostermum · 11/03/2022 18:45

I wouldn’t go because it sounds incredibly dull, but if you want to, she has invited you, so go!

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