Frumpy

[JaneJeffer]

Can people please stop using this word to insult people who don't want to wear what you would wear. I'm fed up of seeing it.

@Amelion - I think "mum" is used well, it does sum up a mindset that some woman have that once they become a mother, they stop mattering. Clothes are to be practical first and foremost and wanting to look good is frivolous and not needed when your whole identity is "mum". Sensible. Practical. Not wanting to draw attention and not caring what message you send to the world, (which in itself sends a huge message to the world about how you value and view yourself). Woman whos whole personality is based round being someone's mum until they are someones gran.

"Mumsy" and "frumpy" go together because its a very similar mindset thats expressed through clothing.

@pictish

Frumpy to me is not bootcut jeans…but bootcut jeans with mum boots and a nice practical zip up fleece. Mum bob. Radley handbag. Behave yourself clothing.

"Behave yourself clothing" is exactly what it is!

@MrsPsmalls

Frumpy, mumsy, dowdy and plain are all disgusting words used by disgusting misogynists. No one uses them for any reason other than to sneer at women.A man wearing a similar style would be described as wearing garments that were practical, comfortable, or warm.

Don’t they? I’d use the words dowdy and plain as much for men as women.

My experience suggests that it’s an unusual world you live in where someone would comment on peoples clothes in such a way. If I was describing a person to someone (which would be the only time I would comment on their clothes) I would never use the words practical etc. the people I know might say plain, functional etc about anyone if they were describing a particular type of clothes. It’s certainly not gendered.

One frumpy and the other not - same person. It's clothes , the hair and the little extras.

Ditto

Good examples, @DaveGahansRealWife. I will continue to use the word frumpy and other people can tut as they wish.

I've always liked sensible, practical and comfortable clothes, long before I became a mum. Even when I was out dancing with friends in my teens I was often the only one to bring my coat. I just think it looks daft to be running around shivering in a little top or dress in winter, not to mention that it is very uncomfortable. I also only like heels that I can actually walk properly in. That doesn't mean I don't care about my appearance or look after myself. I have always found that if you take care of what's underneath the clothes, the clothes take care of themselves, so to speak.

I think it's disingenuous to say that frumpy can be applied to men and men's clothing. It rarely ever is, no matter what a couple of posters on Mumsnet think inside their own brains. And as for 'mumsy', where's the male equivalent? Dadsy?

@MargosKaftan When men wear practical and sensible clothes, it's not even worthy of comment, but when women do the same, suddenly it's about their self esteem? Glaring double standards. Why on earth is it a 'message to the world'? Seriously?

The argument isn’t that we don’t all understand what frumpy means it’s that some of us think it’s loaded and misogynistic.

Therefore we don’t read ‘Can people please stop using this word’ and think the OP doesn’t want us to use the word frumpy but instead we carry on until we get to the full stop and see that the OP wants us to stop using the word frumpy as an insult.

Is there any other way to use it? I don't think it is ever meant to be a compliment?

[quote MargosKaftan]@Amelion - I think "mum" is used well, it does sum up a mindset that some woman have that once they become a mother, they stop mattering. Clothes are to be practical first and foremost and wanting to look good is frivolous and not needed when your whole identity is "mum". Sensible. Practical. Not wanting to draw attention and not caring what message you send to the world, (which in itself sends a huge message to the world about how you value and view yourself). Woman whos whole personality is based round being someone's mum until they are someones gran.

"Mumsy" and "frumpy" go together because its a very similar mindset thats expressed through clothing. [/quote]
I think what’s not recognised here is that some mothers - who might want to spend more time and money on themselves - find it very hard to, because of the enormous pressure on women (not just mums) to do the bulk of the domestic work. A lot of mums are really just surviving.

I feel like society has created this situation where women are expected to look ‘attractive’ and conform to beauty norms whilst also taking on an unfair amount of domestic and childcare duties, and then we slam them with being ‘frumpy’ or ‘mumsy’ when they either can’t or choose not to conform to those norms.

I think frumpy is fine if you're discussing yourself. If you're calling someone else frumpy, well that's just a bit rude and says more about the person using the term really. All about context really isn't it?

@JaneJeffer

I've seen it too much lately - skinny jeans are frumpy and you obviously have no style, everyone on MN dresses in frumpy Boden , etc. used to be hurtful not helpful.

I don't see those type of comments as being helpful in any way.

but if you ban the word frumpy, people will just use another word to describe it. The concept will always be there.