What to wear to not feel frumpy when...

[batmanladybird]

I feel a bit lost

1 I am overweight (joining boot camp
To fiz this)

2 I wfh so have little need for smart

3 I live in the country so smart shoes etc and suede don't really as it's muddy

4 my social life is basically dead

5 finances pretty dire too

I am 44, perimenopausal and feeling like I am about to turn completely invisible

Jackets/coats. Getting a couple of reasonably up to date jackets will help if you’re a bit overweight and want to look more pulled together when you’re going out. There are some decent supermarkets offerings around.

Or is this about clothes for Wfh?

I think you might have to steer us a little here. What outfit currently makes you feel the best about yourself?

@Donotgogentle

Jackets/coats. Getting a couple of reasonably up to date jackets will help if you’re a bit overweight and want to look more pulled together when you’re going out. There are some decent supermarkets offerings around.

Or is this about clothes for Wfh?

Helpful. Thank you. Where do I look for "up to date" though?

@Divebar2021

I think you might have to steer us a little here. What outfit currently makes you feel the best about yourself?

Crikey. Haven't felt good in a long while

I like dresses actually, but tend to live in jeans as warmer

Depends on your style/budget?

H&M has a reasonable range of options:-

www2.hm.com/en_gb/ladies/shop-by-product/jackets-and-coats.html

www2.hm.com/en_gb/productpage.0992994001.html

I am you, though I also do go out to work in a local school very part time. Most days is housework, walking the dogs/dog training/school runs.

I always wear a good pair of black sports leggings which work with wellies and walking boots, plus white trainers for school runs etc.

I have several very good wool jumpers - J Crew etc plus cashmere that I buy from ebay. If I'm just in the local rural village I'll wear this with wellies and a didriksons coat. If I'm on school run I have a navy wool pea coat that smartens it all up.

I appreciate that this isn't necessarily stylish in the extreme, but it is smart enough, forgiving of mud, practical for walking, keeps me warm in the house during the daytime and makes me look presentable to local people and other mums.

I should add that a lot of the mums wear a similar get up - sometimes a barbour jacket, sometimes skinny jeans (because mom jeans don't work in wellies!).

If Im going out I have some whistles blouses that I bought on ebay that I wear with grey marks and Spencer jeans and white trainers or a pair of ballet shoes. Or I buy whistles/cos dresses on ebay as I know the sizing suits me. I rarely pay more than £15 an item and I have a wardrobe full of gorgeous dresses (mainly summer ones as I can wear dresses to walk the dogs in the summer).

Does this help at all?

I do find a vast amount of my wardrobe on ebay so that might work for you.

I think there’s a good selection of comfy and practical clothes out there - probably more than ever before because of the pandemic and changes in how people live.

I live in the city but a lot of my weekdays are working from home and walking the dogs. I tend to wear leggings/casual trousers/jeans and jumpers in winter - but I get the best quality ones I can and I enjoy wearing them. I have a bit of a knitwear obsession and have loads of great clothes.

For outerwear I’m wearing a puffer this week - it’s cold - and boots for my dog walks.

I think the key to not feeling crap in casual clothes is find ones you like, feel good on (nice materials) and are a nod to fashion if you want to feel more up to date. Something interesting (shape/colour/texture) is always appealing to me as I don’t want to blend in.

There’s a world of difference between wearing old baggy leggings, a crap sweatshirt and big clumpy wellies and wearing nice leggings/knitwear/cool puffer.

Personally this is the sort of casual stuff I wear day to day:

A puffer or raincoat:

www.sweatybetty.com/shop/tops/coats-and-jackets/excursion-waterproof-parka-SB6622_DoveBeige.html

www.sweatybetty.com/shop/tops/coats-and-jackets/aspen-down-jacket-SB6723_Black.html

Boots - a hiker style or nice wellie:

www.asos.com/grenson/grenson-nanette-vegan-hiker-boot-in-black/prd/20329121

www.hunterboots.com/gb/en_gb/womens-wellington-boots/womens-refined-stitch-detail-short-wellington-boots/black/7227

Leggings:

www.selfridges.com/GB/en/cat/spanx-high-rise-faux-leather-leggings_121-3004166-2437/

Knitwear:

cinta-the-label.com/products/the-rosie-cardigan-pre-order-only

I know these aren’t cheap and they’re not to everyone’s taste or style but just some of the things I have as examples - they suit me and I enjoy wearing them. I’m just saying you can get something somewhat stylish and practical. A nice jumper that suits you in your budget, some leather look leggings or nice jeans, and some short wellies plus a puffer will be comfortable but also hopefully make you feel good.

I wear skinny jeans with knee length country boots, t shirt, a fleece or jumper, gilet. I have several of each in different colours and mix it up a bit, I can't be faffed with spending hours deciding what to wear in the morning. Equidry dry robe on top when it's cold/raining. Most women of similar age in my area seem to wear the same kind of thing. I always used to scoff at this, but wearing a bit of lipstick and mascara always seems to make me feel a bit more positive.

Yes to what @CrotchetyQuaver says... A bit of makeup is necessary.

If I do a dog walk or run errands or even work from home it's almost always makeup that makes me feel better. Mascara, brow pencil, blusher and a base.

I hate walking past a mirror at home and seeing my crappy looking face - nothing makes me feel grumpier!

Or frumpier!

Have you thought about heat tech tights and undergarments so you can wear the dresses that you actually like?

Heat tech from uniqlo, their ultra chaud base layers are seriously good.

This is all helpful thank you
I think it's that I don't even know where to go for inspiration - where is the search time I am looking for ? "not a millennial but not washed up quite yet"

I do buy a lot on eBay - again it's about search terms

And yes that's a good point about heated tights and nice fabrics

I use Instagram and blogs to get ideas. I also look at my favourite shops not just for things to buy but ideas of what looks good/what’s current. If you post a request for blogs to follow/social media accounts to follow with some info about your lifestyle/budget etc then others might have ideas.

honestly blazers are your friend. updates anything you wear instantly

Jean's and blazer, dress and blazer, shorts and blazer, you get the picture.

if I want to add something to an outfit that feels a bit meh I put a blazer on. instantly more put together and chic.

OP I’m 52 and love midi length dresses, I have 5 wintery ones and rotate them. I wear opaque tights and a couple of different jackets. Sometimes I add a jumper and have the collar, if there is one showing and a bit of the dress sleeve. Thanks I buy them in Next, M&S, Peacocks so they aren’t expensive.

I'm 57 and sometimes feel I look like my gran, an amazingly lovely person, who dressed to be comfortable.

Today I'm going out for drinks and I'm wearing this dress www.peacocks.co.uk/4801385-D01.html you can't see the texture but is like brushed cotton and the print is muted as it looks on screen. I'm wearing it with black leggings and boots like these but tan and with a lower heel www.pavers.co.uk/products/lace-up-ankle-boots-wbins34111-320-460?variant=39766236659797

I feel good so really not minding if other people don't like it.

Yes I think I need more inspiration for what others wear

You should get on Instagram and find people to follow who's style you like and who maybe have a similar shape/lifestyle. You can save their posts of outfits that appeal to you and use them as inspiration for shopping

Don't underestimate the small things as well. I got out of the habit of showering in the mornings I did wash just in the evening
Because of my shift patterns and then kids came along and I started to have to rush those showers and skip putting body cream on afterwards, and it made me feel rubbish.

In the last couple of years I've started to go back to showering in the morning I have curly hair so don't wash it every day. I put body lotion on after I get out, and then some perfume. There's something about wafting round smelling good with soft skin that sets me up for the day and feels good.

Try Pinterest. Search for midi dresses.
Also ASOS curve,
Mango have a good sale.
My friend is a curvy girl, looks great in dark coloured jeans(straight), boots worn underneath (lengthen s legs).
Long quilted coats or puffas are available in sale. Keep your coats same length or longer than your dress.
Hope this helps.

Try this link, and watch few more of her videos. She does H and M hauls etc.

I'd focus on skincare and hair care. Also, I bet you do look better than you think! When you can afford it, decent jeans, flattering coat and nice boots. I wouldn't invest in dresses if you don't wear them.

There's sometimes something a bit pejorative about wearing what you just reach for most days for practical reasons, but actually, if you reach for jeans all the time, invest in good jeans! I'm similar to you BTW and wear jeans almost every day, even at work. I used to try and drag myself out of supposed jeans rut by buying skirts and dresses, but then realised I simply didn't enjoy wearing them. Obviously if you genuinely do like wearing them, that's quite different, but the principle is the same. Invest in what you will really want to wear, not what you think you should, if that isn't massively patronising!

What I did when I wanted to mix things up was had a look here and online for boots/skirts which looked good.

I found a pair of nice but smarter biker lace up boots at Matalan and then a long ditsy red, black and white floral skirt also at Matalan. They were actually styled together but with a cream jumper.

When SIL saw me at Christmas she said 'oh those look nice!' and my mum said I looked boho.

But I think I actually suit boho. So for me it'd be floral dresses or skirts worn with some nice boots you don't mind getting muddy and then add thick opaque tights and a nice semi fitted jumper or a wrap cardigan (& other stories have some nice ones).

And to be honest I'd also do things - like country pub lunch, nearest town afternoon tea or something where you'd wear these new items.